But Wait, There's More
There are some great infomercial products out there that truly solve a problem. Then there are these products that either solve a problem no one has or don't actually solve the problem they claim to—unless that problem is not being able to laugh. Because it's pretty much impossible not to LOL when you see some of these things.
Potty Putter
"I wish I could practice my putting while sitting on the toilet,"—said no one ever.
Slobstopper
To quote the Slobstopper website, "An adult bib for the busy, commuter lifestyle". How about we just keep a clean shirt in the car in case we spill?
Hawaii Chair
We're not saying that hula dancing isn't a good workout. But sitting in a chair while a motor moves your seat in a hula-like motion—that doesn't just "take the work out of your workout," it takes the "workout" out of your "workout".
Warner Bros., The Ellen DeGeneres Show (2003-2022)
Tiddy Bear
This is literally a small teddy bear that you strap to your seatbelt to make it more comfortable against your chest. Or at least against a woman's chest—because that's all they focus on in the infomercial. They also make sure to emphasize the product's spelling: "That's T-i-d-d-y Bear". Which only makes it more creepy that they picked that name in the first place.
Better Marriage Blanket
Would a $120 blanket that eliminated flatulent odors make your marriage better?
Eggstractor
You know how annoying and time consuming it is to peel a hard boiled egg? Yeah, neither do we. It would seem more time consuming to get this rather large two-piece plastic device than to just peel the egg by hand.
UroClub
Is that a golf club or a toilet? UroClub looks like a regular golf club, but twist off the top and it's a hollow reservoir for when you're on the course and really have to go. It also comes with a towel to hang over your belt while you do your business. Maybe it's just us, but isn't it less awkward to just go pee in the woods, than to stand there with a gold club and a towel over your privates?
Citikitty
We get it. Maintaining and cleaning a cat's litter box isn't the most fun thing to do. So, we understand that the idea of training a cat to use the toilet is appealing—and that is what Citikitty claims to be able to do. Except, according to user reviews, it doesn't always work—and if the cat isn't a purely indoor cat, their stuff can be toxic and shouldn't be flushed. Also, some vets argue that using the toilet isn't great for the cat's natural way of being.
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Music Vest
Seriously. This was a full on wearable vest with built-in speakers. It was also 1985.
Head On
When the FDA didn't approve the company's homeopathic headache relief product, they created commercials that showed a woman holding the Head On stick to her forehead while a voiceover kept repeating, "Head On, Apply directly to forehead". In order to stay legal, no other information was provided—leaving viewers with all kinds of questions as to what they'd just witnessed.
Vibro-Belt
The idea that you can tighten and tone through vibration has been around forever—and we keep falling for it.
Skinnies Instant Lifts
This "body shaping tape" allows you to lift and pull some of the more, shall we say, gravity-affected parts of your body. And hey, it's "A Shark Tank Success Story". Don't like the tape idea?...
Booty Pop
It's like a padded bra for your rear end.
Bear Scratch
Wanna attach a two-foot long, three-inch wide log to your wall so you can rub up against it like a bear when your back itches?
Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask
Put on the mask and watch all 12 of your "facial zones" get the workout they need while looking like Freddy Krueger's long lost cousin.
Cami Secret
This mock camisole is like a dickie for the ladies. Because why wear an actual camisole when you can attach what amounts to a lacy napkin across your chest to hide the cleavage of a low-cut top.
GLH-9
If you watched television in the 90s, you are most likely aware of spray-on hair—particularly the GLH-9 product hyped by infomercial master, Ron Popeil. He sold over 500,000 cans of the stuff.
Talking TP
How much fun would it be to record a message onto your toilet paper roll that played whenever someone grabbed some TP? Our favorite is the example message on the packaging: "Susan, will you marry me? Flush once for yes".
PooTrap
Why use a bag to pick up after your dog when you can just have your pooch poo directly into the bag (which is kept in place via a harness strapped to your dog's backside). We aren't sure if we are more embarrassed for the dog or the owner with this one.
Flowbee
How could we not have the vacuum haircut on this list?
Shake Weight
Even if it worked, we're not sure it would be worth it given how ridiculous one looks using it.
Herrea, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons
TV Hat
The poor man's VR. Made from a hat with an extra long brim and a pouch that holds your phone in landscape mode in front of your eyes, there's even a "built-in magnification system with adjustable focal length" which "customizes your viewing for amazing home theater quality". Thankfully, it comes with "Privacy-Plus panels" to block out everything around you—that way you can't see everyone laughing at you.
Krakenimages.com, Shutterstock
Wearable Towel
You can wear it like a tunic or a toga. Or you can just dry off and put some clothes on.
Cheers To You!
Feeling down? Need a lift? Well, just pop in this CD of crowd cheering sounds and some dude yelling words of encouragement, and feel the positivity course through your veins.
Sauna Pants
Why sit in a sauna when you can have the sauna sit on you—or at least on your "abdomen, waist, back, and hips," which are (at least according to the product description) "the areas where you need it most".
Showtime Rotisserie
We don't know if this at home rotisserie oven was any good. We just wanted an excuse to say "Set it, and forget it!". IYKYK
Dump Dinners
A cookbook with quick and easy recipes where all the ingredients just get dumped into one pot actually sounds pretty good. However, Dump Dinners—that doesn't sound good.
EZ Butter
Put a stick of butter in, then click away as slice after slice of butter is spit up. You know what else does this? A knife.
Press 2 Paste
This hands-free toothpaste dispenser works by pushing the head of your toothbrush against a lever that then dispenses the toothpaste on to your brush. You know what works just as well...YOUR HANDS! Not everything is better hands-free.
Brush Buddies One Direction Singing Toothbrush
It's the concert in your mouth you never wanted. If you have to listen to One Direction while you brush your teeth...play it on your phone.
Comfort Wipe
A 15-inch extension arm with a grip on one end to hold toilet paper, making it easier to wipe yourself without having to touch the TP. Does this sound like comfortable wiping to you?
Happy Hot Dog Man
This product slices legs, arms, and a face into a hot dog to make them more fun. Because if there's one food that is the hardest to get kids to eat, it has to be hot dogs.
