Gray Divorce
It's called "gray divorce" and it's slowly becoming a phenomenon as more and more older couples over 65—who've been together for decades—call it quits and call a divorce lawyer. So, why is this happening?
Financial Independence
As women have continued to gain place and prominence in the workforce, they have also managed to gain an economic independence that was almost unthinkable just 40 years ago. Which also means they aren't as financially tied and reliant on their husbands. So, if they are in an unhappy marriage, they now feel more confident that they can manage fine on their own with their own assets, retirement funds, and income streams.
Infidelity
While more women are having affairs than ever these days, it is still men who lead the way on this front. And, as anyone who has ever been cheated on can tell you—forgiving and moving on from such a betrayal isn't easy.
Infidelity
Like we said, women cheat also—and sometimes that infidelity leads to a woman deciding that the issues that lead her into the arms of another man are issues that she can no longer live with.
Winning The Lottery
Sure, it's probably one of the least common reasons why a woman would leave their marriage—but, winning the lottery has preceded the ending of long-term marriages before.
Social Media
Social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram have enabled people everywhere to find communities and support outside of their small social circles and surrounding geographic area. This has had wide-reaching applications for older women in long-term marriages...
Social Media
One way it has affected them is by giving them a window into what other women have and what other marriages look like. This can mean finally seeing that the unhappy relationship they have isn't all that there is out there. It's a window to happier possibilities.
Social Media
We mentioned communities before and that can play a part as well in that women can find other women and groups of women going through the same things they are. Knowing they are not alone can be a powerful thing—as can the community's support for them as they consider taking that step and leaving the relationship.
Dating Sites/Apps
The dating site/app revolution has made it easier for everyone to swipe, chat, and meet people—making being single for women in their 60s less scary.
Changing Priorities
Many women find their life priorities changing as they enter the second half of their lives—and, unfortunately, their marriage and partnership may no longer fit with those priorities.
Emotional Disconnection
While an emotional connection is important at any age and at any point in a relationship, the lack of such a connection—if not addressed—can multiply over time, leading to a breaking point. After decades of marriage, that breaking point tends to come when couples are in their 60s.
Emotional Disconnection
It's a bit of a stereotype that women might need for a deeper emotional connection than men—but while men desire said connection, it would seem that the lack of it isn't as big a deal breaker as it is for women who—once in their 60s—have decided they've put up with it long enough. And it isn't just a lack of an emotional connection that is often a catalyst to divorce...
Physical Disconnection
It's pretty normal for physical closeness and intimacy to decrease in marriages over time. Well, by the time a couple is in their 60s and have been married for decades, that continued decrease of closeness can reach a point where women have had enough (or not enough as the case may be).
Health And Longevity
Women live longer than men in general—but with advancements in health and longevity, those longer years are being lived healthier and with more vigor and potential than ever before. Knowing they have many good years ahead of them, women in their 60s don't want to waste any more time in an unhappy marriage than they already have.
Empty Nest
For some couples, once the kids leave home, it's a rejuvenating time for their relationship as they get to rediscover and reconnect with each other. For others...
Empty Nest
That rediscovery and reconnection leads to the realization that they aren't the same people they once were and without the kids to distract from that, women in their 60s are saying "sayonara".
Married Too Young
You might think that a couple in their 60s that have been married for 40 years would have an unbreakable bond. But if they've been married for that long—or even longer—it also means they've probably not known many, if any, other relationships prior to their marriage.
Married Too Young
And while, in theory, that can sound like a very sweet and idyllic concept—it can also lead people to wonder what they missed out on and what they never tried. Eventually, this can lead to the realization that if they are going to find out what they missed, they only have so much time to do so.
Divorce Destigmatized
It used to be a really big deal if you got divorced—especially for women, who would almost be branded with a big "D" on their chest and looked down on by society and even their peers. But these days, while we don't want to say divorce is commonplace, we all know the stats about how many marriages end that way. With that fear of being branded a divorcee all but gone in most corners of society, women in unhappy marriages are much more likely to take that plunge.
Personal Growth
Life doesn't end in your 60s—for many it's just the beginning of, well...whatever they want it to be. And for some women, their journey of personal growth has taken them to new places of self-discovery—sometimes those are places that their husbands don't belong.
Health Scare
While women are living longer and healthier than ever, issues and health scares are always a possibility. They can also be a catalyst for change. Surviving a health scare can put the mantra "live life to the fullest" front and center. And if their marriage isn't part of that "fullest"-ness, then it's time to leave.
Adventure
This ties back into a few items we've already talked about, but the desire for adventure is one many women feel—and it's also one that many women have had to put on the back burner for years as they took care of their family and raised their kids.
Adventure
But no more! You only live once and women in their 60s want to start living the life they've put aside for others over all those years. That can mean getting out of a marriage that doesn't fit the life they want to live anymore.
Spiritual
We've talked about mental and physical awakenings–well, how about spiritual? It can be religious or more ethereal, but following a new spiritual awakening, many women can decide to leave a relationship that no longer matches that spiritual belief and desire.
LGBTQ+
Many women have spent their lives repressing their true desires and, by the time they hit 60, they don't want to anymore. In this case, it is less a rejection of their husband and more a desire to live their true self with another woman.
Peer Pressure
Normally, we talk about peer pressure as a bad thing, but in this case it can lead to a woman doing something she has been too scared to do for years. As her friends and peers leave unhappy marriages and/or convince her that she deserves a happiness she isn't getting, this can give a woman the push she needs to do what she's been thinking about for a while.
See Loneliness Coming
As the disconnection between a woman and her husband grows, she can often project into the future and see a life of loneliness within the relationship. And rather than being alone with someone, being alone without someone can seem like the best option.
Therapy
We aren't saying therapists are out there telling older women to leave their husbands. But often, what women learn about themselves in therapy can also lead to a reconsideration of their marriage. And if their husband isn't also willing to put in the work, then why should she stay?