Born To Break The Mold
Despite early success, Zoe Lund’s career in front of the camera couldn’t quite get off the ground. Behind the camera, she made an impression with unique and controversial takes on the society that shaped her into who she was. Zoe had the potential to become one of the powerhouses of the 80s and 90s indie film scene. Unfortunately, she couldn’t break free of her vices, and at the young age of 37, Zoe died of what reports claimed to be drug-related heart failure. However, sources close to her say the truth is much more tragic.
1. She Was Destined For Greatness
From the moment she was born, it was clear that Zoe Lund was made for greater things. Born Zoe Tamerlis on February 9, 1962, Zoe was the daughter of Victor Tamerlis, a rare-book seller, and Barbara Lekberg, a sculptor with modest fame. Zoe’s unique New York upbringing shaped her view of the world.
2. She Was A Musical Prodigy
While some stars live perfectly ordinary lives before their launch to stardom, Zoe Lund was not one of those people. No one could contain her creative talent. She began studying music at an early age. At only nine years old, she won first place for piano in a state audition. The awards kept coming and by the age of 13, she'd won her first award for composing her piece. Zoe could have been a musical sensation if life had not had a different plan for her.
3. She Wanted Something Different
Despite obvious talent for playing and writing music, it just wasn’t where Zoe’s passion was. She wanted a deeper connection with her audience. In her words, “I could write a concerto with 17 violins that could be very powerful, but film works on a more visceral level where I can go into the collective audience and make sure my point gets across”. Zoe was always driven by where she could make the most impact—but her next move was more spontaneous than anything.
Larco Productions, Special Effects (1984)
4. She Gave Into Her Whims
Although Zoe was more interested in films than music, she’d have never found film if it hadn’t been for music. As part of her former music career, Zoe had been at an avant-garde music concert in New York, when someone handed her a card to audition for a film. She thought ‘Why not’, and pursued the opportunity without taking it very seriously. After all, she wasn’t an actress. She didn’t even have headshots.
5. She Got A Surprising Call
Zoe didn’t think much about her first audition. She went on a whim; she pulled together her headshots in a day, she sent them in for the role and moved on with her life. Zoe figured it was all forgotten, but then she got a call for a second audition, a third, and a fourth. What started as harmless fun began to look serious.
6. She Was Rejected
However, despite being called back for several auditions, Zoe didn't get the part. Years later, she remembers this with a laugh. The film, Times Square, was a big film at the time that has now been forgotten entirely, much like Zoe thought her small foray into acting was. Yet, those headshots she took still existed, waiting for someone else to find them.
7. She Stood Out
At the same time that Times Square was putting together its production, Abel Ferrara, an indie filmmaker, was looking to cast his latest project: Ms 45. He found the photos of the girls that had auditioned for Times Square, and among them, he noticed Zoe’s small strip of photos—immediately, he knew she was the one.
Sannita, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons
8. She Had A Natural Talent
At the time, Zoe was only 17 years old and knew nothing about acting. She had been a musician up until now. Given that she didn't even know how to do an audition, she had a group of friends join her to meet Ferrera. However, Zoe must have known something, because after her auditions, Ferrara still wanted her in his film. But whether Zoe wanted to be part of the film was the bigger question.
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9. She Played Hard To Get
Ferrara may have wanted Zoe for the role, however, Zoe wasn't sure if she even wanted the role—or at least, that is what she let Ferrara think. Her flawless audition, along with the obvious liking the director had for Zoe, convinced her friends that she had it in the bag, but Zoe wasn't so sure. Either way, she knew she wanted it. But when the offer finally came, her response was shockingly unexpected.
10. Her First Role Was Dark
When the offer arrived, Zoe felt confident enough to let Ferrera stew for a bit. She waited close to three weeks before she accepted, with Ferrera begging for an answer the entire time. But when she finally learned about the role, she suddenly became less sure of what she was getting herself into. While there was an edge that obviously appealed to her, there was a certain level of corruption she may never come back from.
11. She Had A Face For Drama
Zoe played Thana, a young mute seamstress struggling in the rough city of New York. Not long into the film, a man surprises Thana and forces himself on her. What follows is Thana’s revenge after she gets her hands on a pistol and uses it to assert her voice on the men of New York who try to take advantage of women like her. As gritty and emotional as this was for a first-time film role, Zoe thrived—and it brought out a darkness in her that would follow her forever.
12. She Craved Darkness
Although Zoe was only 17 when she filmed Ms 45, she did not hold back from the darker aspects of the film. When she signed, there was very little description written—leaving character development wide open for Zoe. When asked just how much involvement she had in the iconic role, she said: “Being that my face is on camera, without dialogue, for something like 98% of the time, I was involved very much”. Zoe dove right into the darkness—and she made it personal.
13. She Spoke Her Mind
Rather than being frightened by the darker aspect of the film, Zoe drew closer to it. In conversation about the film, she remarked, “Ultimately, if one is not willing to be responsible for justice, or do justice, one cannot live honestly in daily life”. While some viewers may have found Thana’s justice grotesque, it spoke to Zoe. It powered Zoe’s creativity and made the film what it was—and it stirred up some controversy, too.
14. She Had A Unique Perspective
Given the material of Ms 45, it had often been considered a feminist film. When asked about working on a “pro-woman” film with male writers and directors, Zoe had an interesting take: “As to the film being pro-woman, I go beyond that by saying that the film is as much pro-woman as it is pro-garment worker, whatever”. Zoe was not someone who saw things in one dimension and this would soon become a blessing—and a curse.
15. She Was Introduced To The Devil
Whether she wanted to be or not, Zoe was now a star. And stardom comes with a dark price. At some point during this phase of her life, Zoe was introduced to some pretty harsh substances, specifically the "Big H". But while some people turn to substances to escape their lives, it seemed Zoe was chasing what she thought they could give her. She craved the release. Strangely enough, it was a rather traumatizing experience that actually instigated Zoe's dangerous new habit.
16. She Witnessed Something Horrific
The story goes that she was in her teens when she walked into an apartment to find another person struggling on the floor while experiencing an intense withdrawal. Some may have found this frightening, but not Zoe. Instead, Zoe supposedly thought, “Anything whose absence causes such suffering in someone must be truly wonderful”. Zoe was seemingly drawn to things that hurt her—a disturbing pattern that would only continue.
17. Her Circle Grew
As is often the case, Zoe’s social circle grew now that she was fully involved in the film industry. It was as the production for Ms 45 was coming to an end that she met Edouard de Laurot, a filmmaker of French and Polish nationality. Zoe and Eduoard had an instant connection and began writing together immediately. Soon, their relationship began to grow to something more.
18. She Fell In Love With An Older Man
When they met, Zoe, who was still not quite 18 years old, was 40 years younger than de Laurot. Despite this, the two began an affair that would last for the next seven years. Zoe reflected on this time fondly, “We made films, novels, scripts, life was indeed better than in the movies or novels, an extraordinary life, which was bizarre but also important”. Zoe’s time with de Laurot shaped much of her creative vision as she grew. Though, this was only the beginning.
19. She Made A Lasting Impression
Ms 45 was a low-budget indie film that did not have as large of a reach as a blockbuster film might have. In fact, at the time of its release, critics detested it. Luckily, those who did enjoy it started talking about it, and through word of mouth alone, the film became a "cult classic", making an impression on viewers everywhere—with Zoe being of particular interest.
20. She Never Wanted To Be A Movie Star
As more and more people started talking about Zoe, she quickly became a public figure—something she didn't exactly want. Zoe was never interested in becoming a movie star, telling The Daily Times, “I want to express by whatever means I can—acting, or writing, or in music—the ideas that I passionately believe in”. This is the philosophy that continued to drive Zoe’s career—but it also caused some trouble.
21. She Could Be Difficult
After Ms 45 wrapped up, Zoe distanced herself from Ferrara for over a decade. The reason for this differs, depending on who you ask. According to Ferrara, Zoe had been difficult to work with, and he initiated the separation—but the truth is actually much darker.
22. She Set Herself Apart
Most sources that write on Zoe’s life prefer to quote Zoe herself when it comes to her decision to move on from Abel Ferrara. Apparently, Zoe did not want to be part of what she called “Abel’s stable”. She wanted to do more things that she was passionate about. Therefore, she left Ferrera and went off on her own not knowing what was next—but also not caring.
23. She Made Careful Choices
Since she had no real desire to be a star, Zoe didn’t feel the need to rush into a new project. Instead, she waited until something came across her “desk” that spoke to her in the same way that Ms 45 did. This would come three years later, in the form of Special Effects. Another indie film written and directed by Larry Cohen—and another dark choice for Zoe.
24. She Expanded Her Talent
Special Effects truly challenged Zoe’s acting range. She was cast to play two separate roles. First, Andrea Wilcox, an aspiring actress who is, unfortunately, killed by a film director. Moreover, the director accidentally films the entire incident. Zoe also played Elaine Bernstein, the look-alike the director hired to cover up his crime. This set up made a quirky fact in Zoe’s career.
Larco Productions, Special Effects (1984)
25. She Was A Known Unknown
Oddly enough, in Ms 45, Zoe’s character was mute, uttering one single word in the entirety of the film. In Special Effects, they dubbed over Zoe’s voice when she played Wilcox. Audiences did not truly hear Zoe speak until halfway through Special Effects, when she returns as Bernstein. Her undeniable talent to portray such strong characters without the use of her voice didn't go unnoticed—but it wasn't enough.
Larco Productions, Special Effects (1984)
26. Her Star Began To Fade
Unfortunately, while Ms 45 managed to grow a small following even at its time of release, despite its panning by the critics, Special Effects could not say the same. And sadly, after the film plummeted, so did Zoe’s acting career. But this didn't bother her one bit. Aside from avoiding the limelight, Zoe was already completely absorbed in something else.
27. She Learned From The Best
During her seven year love affair with Eduoard de Laurot, Zoe spent much of her time learning what she could from the man. “You know that Edouard taught me how to direct,” Zoe recalled, “how to shoot a film, how to edit. Of course, he also taught me a lot about writing and acting”. While she did not star in large productions after Special Effects, Zoe spent much of the early 80s creating with her lover—a dream world she would soon wake up from.
Larco Productions, Special Effects (1984)
28. She Lost Her Love
While Zoe never forgot her years with de Laurot, considering them her creative foundation, they would not last forever. Somewhere around 1985 or 1986, her seven-year-long affair with de Laurot would come to an end. But fear not, Zoe would not be lonely—or single—for long. Her next great love was around the corner.
29. She Found Love Again
After having a love like Edouard, it's possible Zoe couldn't go without a fairy tale romance for long. And so, not long after splitting from de Laurot, Zoe met Robert Lund—and had an instant connection. So instant, actually, that shortly after meeting they were already living together in Zoe’s 10 Street apartment in Manhattan. And while it was certainly an affair of passion—the couple shared in a dark secret together.
30. Her Romance Was A Whirlwind
The romance between Zoe and Robert Lund was a whirlwind. Not only did they move in together right away, within that same year, in 1986, they tied the knot—on Halloween, I might add. The couple married at the NYC Municipal building, witnessed only by their friend Lenny Ferrari.
A shared darkness between the two may have been what powered this fast moving romance.
31. He Matched Her Freak
As we know, Zoe always leaned toward the shadows, taking on dark and disturbing roles, and having a rather intriguing perspective on life. And now, she met the man who matched her energy. They were a unique couple, with one friend recalling them owning dozens of pet rats that freely roamed their apartment. In this relationship, Zoe flourished—but her downfall was closer than she expected.
32. Her Vices Grew
Zoe’s marriage to Robert marked a growth of her dependency on substances that had not previously been seen. During her years with de Laurot, her slips into dreamy escapes were more sporadic. Robert Lund’s income, however, meant that Zoe could indulge in her cravings daily—and she pulled Robert along with her.
33. She Valued Creative Freedom
At no point during her life did Zoe ever see a problem with her dependency on substances. She was quite vocal about the freedom that her habit gave her, and the way that it enhanced her creative process. In fact, even Robert agreed, and later told interviewers, "She used in a very controlled, disciplined way. No binging, no playing with risks." Zoe had chased that elusive high from the moment she’d heard about it—and she was now building her life around it.
34. Her Creativity Blossomed
The period following her marriage with Robert Lund was one of great creativity for Zoe. Whether her excessive substance use at the time helped her creativity is a matter that is up for debate, with Zoe falling on the side of yes. In particular, she wrote during this time, creating poems, short stories, and a 400-page novel that was, sadly, never published. She also spoke passionately about causes that affected her—including advocating for the very thing that was killing her.
35. She Wanted To Live
Because Zoe's habit was so severe—and the fact that she fiercely defended it—people often made comments that she had no desire to live. This was something that Zoe took particular offense to in all forms, whether it was about herself, or others who depended on their habits as well. And she was not afraid to stand by it publicly.
36. She Spoke Up
In 1991, AIDS was rampant and many of the people suffering included substance users. There was much discussion on how to help, though often that discussion appeared to be less about help and more about public image. When Zoe read an op-ed in the New York Times in which someone disparaged a clean needles act, stating it wouldn’t help, Zoe took her pen and crafted up a very well spoken, but dangerous response.
37. She Defended Others
In response to the original opinion piece, Zoe sent in her own under an alias. It is an intelligent and passionate piece where she admits to regularly using as a way to boost her career, and urges society to view it differently. Most notably she writes, “Contrary to a romantic stereotype that may ease the conscience of society at large, we do not, I repeat, do not want to die”. She further states, "Being alive is more important than being clean". She then took this passion back to her career—and made a move so bold it shocked Hollywood.
38. She Returned To Her Roots
Around this same time, Zoe Lund started working on the film that would become her most recognized work. Although she had not worked with Abel Ferrara since she was a teenager, they had remained in contact over the years, occasionally discussing projects. None of them panned out, not until Bad Lieutenant came along—an "edgy" film with a whole slew of controversial components that would put Zoe's name in the books.
39. She Took Control
Although Zoe and Ferrara share the writing credit for this film, Zoe, and later Robert, both claim that Ferrara had little to do with the process. Zoe told one interviewer that Ferrara pitched the idea after reading a piece in the news; however, she wrote the entire screenplay in two and a half weeks with little input from Ferrara at all. And while the freedom allowed her to create something powerful, to do so, Zoe had to take a huge risk.
40. Her Life Wore Her Down
Not only did Zoe write Bad Lieutenant, she acted in it too. But by 1992, close to a decade had passed since she was last on screen, and she had drastically changed. While her expressive beauty was still there, it was now made fragile by her extended substance use. She was both skinny and frail, and it was certainly noticeable. But Zoe was aware, and rather than try to hide her feeble new look, she wrote it into her screenplay.
Bad Lt. Productions, Bad Lieutenant (1992)
41. She Wrote What She Knew
In Bad Lieutenant, Zoe plays a fairly small though, in her view, not minor role. She plays the title lieutenant’s mistress, who appears only to get the lieutenant high and send him on his way. When speaking of her role in the film, Zoe said, “She shoots him up, sends him off, knowing of his passion, she lets him go”. This marks the gritty nature of the entire film.
42. Her Work Was Intense
This scene was just one small part of an otherwise intense and often uncomfortable film. Zoe was confident in her film, and pleased with it. In her words, “it was what it was to be”. It was her intention to make the harsh reality of the film impossible to avoid; it was a take Zoe was proud of but audiences had mixed responses to.
Bad Lt. Productions, Bad Lieutenant (1992)
43. She Took A Stand
Not everyone can stomach Bad Lieutenant, and Zoe was fine with that. When asked about it pushing audiences away, Zoe replied, “If you leave halfway through, fine, you shouldn't be there anyway”. Though, she went on to say she told the audience at one film festival to not leave until the end, making a religious allusion to state they needed to see it to its end. She remarked, “If you buy a ticket for the ride, you might as well see it through to the end”. A philosophy she applied to her own life as well.
44. She Threw It All Away
In 1997, Zoe’s life as she knew it took a dramatic, and costly turn. Despite seemingly living a contented life of creativity and freedom with Robert Lund, Zoe left him for another man. The name of this “boyfriend” has been lost to time. However, Zoe packed up her life in New York and moved to Paris for him—a decision that would have devastating consequences.
45. He Didn't See It Coming
Despite the dramatic nature in which Zoe left him, Zoe and Robert never divorced, and they attempted to remain friends during this period of Zoe’s life. She would occasionally return to New York and have visits with Robert. However, they were strained and painful ones. Because of this, Robert was oblivious to the effects Zoe’s dramatic life change had on her—something he would come to regret.
46. She Was An Idealist
Zoe was an idealist. She believed strongly in the world that could be, or she felt should be, rather than the world that was. A favorite quote of hers was, “That which is not yet, but ought to be, is more real than that which merely is”. While there is beauty to be had in possibility, it also blinded Zoe to the reality of what was—and her delusions led to her tragic downfall.
47. She Ignored Reality
Zoe held onto the belief that there was a future with her French paramour. She built dreams with him. When she and Robert spoke, Zoe would tell him that she and her new lover were planning to move to the French countryside, that they were planning on having children, a life. This was a beautiful dream that hid a bleak reality.
48. Her Habits Changed
By 1997, Zoe was 35 years old and had already been a longtime user of the "Big H". When she moved to Paris, her habits did not leave her, but they shifted. Instead of the “Big H”, she had now become dependent on a powdery substance that often went up her nose instead. Not only that, she was possibly even selling it. Zoe's life was deteriorating—and fast.
49. She Lost Herself
All of the wondrous creativity that Zoe had become known for had dried up. She lost her drive, and her passion. Most important, Zoe no longer wrote. Apparently, her new beau would say, “She no longer needs to write—when she was with Robert, she was unhappy and needed to write, but now we just have a good time”. Perhaps her new substance of choice had clouded her visions, or maybe it completely killed her passion—either way, ambition wasn't the only thing Zoe lost.
50. She Succumbed To Her Vices
Living in squaller in Paris with a man who did not have her best interests at heart, Zoe was destined for tragedy. That tragedy found her on April 16, 1999, at the young age of 37. Official reports claim that her heart failed due to extended substance use—but the truth is much more tragic.
Larco Productions, Special Effects (1984)
51. She Could Have Been Saved
According to Robert Lund, who remained Zoe’s widower despite their three years of separation, Zoe’s loss could have been avoidable. He suggests that she had a staph infection caused by a chest ailment that was treatable. However, her substance-dealing boyfriend stopped her from seeking medical help out of fear of them being identified by authorities. By the time she finally sought help, it was too late.
Regardless of the story, the loss of her unique spark remains a tragedy.
52. She Made A Lasting Impression
Zoe Lund’s passing may have been an avoidable tragedy. However, her life and the creative work that outlives her is a testament to the power of creativity, to tell your story in unique ways. Her early films have become cult classics, and her memory lives on in those who carry her spirit. They continue her work in changing the world, one avant-garde film at a time.
