The Countess of Bessborough was born into the illustrious Spencer family. But the only thing she inherited in life was a predisposition to heartbreak and a penchant for scandal. Despite a long list of lovers (and we mean, long), Harriet never actually found love...not until the very end.
1. She Fell Far From The Tree
Henrietta Ponsonby, Countess of Bessborough—or just “Harriet” as her friends and family liked to call her—was born in June 1761. She was the youngest surviving child of John Spencer, 1st Earl Spencer, and Margaret Georgiana Poyntz. Unlike her parents, however, Harriet would not have a storybook romance. Far from it.
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2. She Wasn’t Loved
Harriet’s parents had a loving and lasting marriage. Her mother thought that her father was “handsomer than an angel,” and even wrote to her friend, “I will own it, and never deny it that I do love Spencer above all men on Earth”. But despite all the love in the house, Harriet received very little of it. In fact, she received basically none of it.
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3. She Wasn’t The Favorite
Even before she was born, Harriet’s mother confessed that her heart was full of love for her eldest daughter Georgiana, who she affectionately called "little Gee". But because her mother had already found her golden child, there was very little room in her heart for poor baby Harriet. In fact, the way she treated her youngest daughter was downright shocking.
4. Her Mother Called Her Ugly
Harriet’s own mother mistreated her from the time she was a baby. She even called her a “little ugly girl” who had “no beauty to brag of but an abundance of fine brown hair”. The favoritism within the Spencer family was brutal—and it didn't stop there.
If Harriet thought that she could find comfort from her father, she was so wrong.
5. Her Father Was Loaded (With Rage)
Harriet’s father was the great-grandson and principal inheritor of the fabulously wealthy Duchess of Marlborough, Sarah Churchill. Allegedly, he inherited by far and away the largest fortune in all of England along with a terrible and unpredictable temper. Not that Harriet spent too much time around him anyway to experience it first-hand.
6. She Was Home Alone
In addition to his incalculable fortune, Harriet’s father inherited poor health. Oftentimes, he would have to seek medical help on the European mainland and uproot the entire family. Well, that is, the entire family except for Harriet, who they'd leave behind all on her own because she was the runt of the litter. She undoubtedly suffered for it.
7. She Spied On Her Parents
Despite their outward appearance of strict morals, piety, and stiff-lipped conservatism, Harriet’s parents were, in fact, notorious gamblers.
Harriet witnessed her otherwise perfect parents indulging in their vice. But that wasn't the worst part. Her father even hired people to teach him how to cheat at gambling. The Spencer family had an undeniable dark side—and Harriet had a front-row seat.
8. She Was Lovesick
Much like her father, as a young child, Harriet was always “frail and sickly”. It might have had something to do with the fact that she was starved of love.
Harriet’s mother eventually grew tired of her youngest daughter’s sad disposition and thought that “foreign air” might cure her. The consequences were stunning.
9. She Blossomed Into A Beauty
The “foreign air” had its intended effect as, upon her return, Harriet had blossomed into a beautiful young woman. And, unlike her older sister, she had the brains to back up her looks.
Sources described her as being tall and thin “with dark eyebrows and pale skin," not to mention, she was “quieter, more analytical and less prone to flights of fancy”. Oh, but her attraction went so much deeper than her sweet appearance.
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10. She Had A Way With Words
Harriet’s friends described her as passionate, funny, and intuitive with a “well-read wit”. She'd certainly grown out of her childhood woes, boasting a proficiency in languages and letter writing. Now, she just had to find a man who could appreciate all of her many talents.
11. She Misjudged Her Match
Harriet chose to give her hand in marriage to Frederick Ponsonby, 3rd Earl of Bessborough (or simply, the Viscount Duncannon). The decision baffled many but she explained to her friends that “he was very sensible and good tempered”.
Sadly, she had completely and gravely misjudged the man—and she would learn this the hard way.
12. She Married Into The Family
Harriet’s adoration for her sister might have been another reason why she overlooked Duncannon’s many shortcomings.
He was the first cousin of her sister’s husband, William Cavendish, 5th Duke of Devonshire. By Harriet's reasoning, she'd share the same connections as her sister. But even Georgiana had her qualms about her sister's choice of husband.
13. She Married A Pauper
As happy as Georgiana was to have Harriet around, she found her sister's decision baffling. Georgiana didn’t consider Duncannon to be Harriet’s type as he was quiet and “not particularly good looking”.
Additionally, everyone knew that Duncannon’s branch of the Cavendish family was heavily indebted—and this kind of poverty was contagious.
14. She Wanted To Make Her Parents Proud
As surprised as everyone else was by Harriet’s decision, none were perhaps as surprised as she was herself. After Duncannon proposed, she confessed that she hadn't had any clue that he'd been the least bit interested in her, at least not until her own father had told her. The proposal came as a total shock.
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15. She Knew It Was Wrong
Even before she walked down the aisle, Harriet knew that she may have been making a mistake. “I wish I could have known him a little better first,” she lamented, “but my dear Papa and Mama say that it will make them the happiest of creatures, and what would I not do to see them happy, to be sure the connections are the pleasantest…”
From the sounds of it, Harriet's marriage seemed doomed before it even began—and it gets worse.
16. She Looked Past Appearances
Apparently, Harriet thought that Duncannon wasn't much of a looker. In a letter to her cousin, she confessed that she selected her beau because she prioritized a man's inner qualities over his outer qualities. This sounds quite moral and sound, but her letter also revealed a huge red flag.
17. She Knew He Was No Good
In the same letter to her cousin, Harriet also expressed her doubts: “But there are some things which frighten me sadly, he is so grave and I am so very giddy”. She would have been right to listen to her spiraling inner thoughts, but instead, Harriet decided to take the biggest risk imaginable.
18. Her Marriage Was Hot And Cold
Despite her many reservations and concerns, Harriet married Duncannon in November 1780. Right from the beginning, however, the marriage was a total nightmare.
Duncannon vacillated between showering Harriet with “obsessive attentiveness” and utter neglect. There was no in-between and the two extremes took their toll on her.
19. Her Husband Gambled Their Money Away
Much like Harriet's parents, Duncannon had a bad gambling habit that he couldn’t control. He only seemed to love Harriet when the cards were running in his favor—but, when they weren’t, Harriet suffered the worst of his maltreatment.
In fact, it’s fair to say that she was the real loser when Duncannon didn’t get his way.
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20. Her Husband Wanted Her Money
On a bitter February morning in 1782, Duncannon returned home in an apoplectic rage. He informed Harriet that he had lost a massive amount of money in a bad game of faro.
Figuring that Harriet could dip into her substantial dowry, he ordered her to come up with the money—and warned her that if she failed, she'd surely have regrets.
21. She Was Trembling With Fear
After he stormed out, Harriet’s brother, George, just so happened to pass by. He found Harriet in a mess, weeping in utter fear.
Unsure of what to do, he wrote to their mother saying, “Harriet was quite at a loss, as well she might, and was very apprehensive of the consequences of his disappointment”. Her mother, however, was less concerned.
22. Her Mother Didn’t Care
Harriet’s mother's response was completely cold-hearted. Instead of rushing to protect her daughter, she advised George against giving her the money to pay off her husband’s gambling debt. Fortunately for Harriet, her brother had a softer heart than her unforgiving mother.
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23. Her Brother Saved Her Life
In the end, Harriet’s brother gave her the money to pay off Duncannon’s gambling debt. Nevertheless, they kept the sources of the funds a secret from their in-laws in case they started to think that Harriet was some kind of bottomless ATM. But they couldn’t keep everything a secret—their marital problems were too big to hide.
24. She Went Looking For Love
Harriet and Duncannon’s marital problems were common knowledge in the upper-crust circles that they moved in. In fact, both Harriet’s and Duncannon’s parents tried in vain to constrain Duncannon’s outbursts. Sadly, however, Harriet continued to suffer, trapped in her husband's vicious web.
Desperate, she looked for love anywhere she could find it.
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25. She Was Lonely
Within a year of saying their “I dos," Harriet’s and Duncannon’s marriage was all anyone could talk about—and not in a good way. The Duchess of Portland, for example, commented that Harriet “leads a melancholy life, at home always, and literally alone”. But she did, eventually, find some company. Heck, she found a lot of company.
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26. She Made A Splash
Just as Duncannon had taken to publicly embarrassing his wife, Harriet got a little naughty herself. She began indulging in some pretty public affairs.
One of her earliest trysts even landed in the pages of the press. Lady Mary Coke even wrote about it in a private letter saying, “I am sorry to say Lady Duncannon [Harriet] and Charles Wydham seem to be good friends”. Well, they were far more than friends.
27. She Had Forbidden Love
At the time, the press erroneously claimed that Harriet and Wyndham had eloped. Afraid of the scandal, Harriet’s brother, George, and her mother intervened and whisked her off to St Albans.
In addition, they forbade her from ever seeing Wyndham again before sending her back to London under her in-laws’ strict supervision.
28. Her Husband Went After Her
By 1791, Duncannon’s mistreatment of Harriet had gotten so bad that people began to suspect the worst.
Their friends and peers began to believe that Duncannon was actively poisoning Harriet—presumably in an attempt to get at her family’s vast fortune. But even so, Harriet wasn't doing too badly. Not too badly at all.
29. She Had The Luck Of The Irish
Even though she did, at times, look haggard because of Duncannon’s treatment, Harriet was still beautiful. And she had no trouble finding other men who would treat her far better than he did.
Her second biggest—and by far her most ruinous—affair was with the Irish writer, charmer and theater owner, Richard Brinsley Sheridan.
30. Her Lover Was A Tease
Even though Sheridan was Harriet’s main affair, she carried on multiple romantic relationships with other men. And everyone except for Duncannon seemed to know it. Sheridan, for example, teased Harriet about her other affairs, writing, “Do not listen to Jack’s elegies or smile at F’s epigrams or tremble at CW’s frowns”.
31. Her Husband Walked In On Her
At first, Harriet and Sheridan managed to carry on their affair in secret. But it became public knowledge in the most dramatic (but simultaneously predictable) way imaginable.
During one of their many “encounters," Duncannon actually walked in on the adulterous couple. And that’s when the drama and scandal really erupted.
32. She Faced Ruin
In a fit of rage, Duncannon threatened to divorce Harriet. Despite the fact that he had been a bad husband (maybe the worst ever), the divorce would have ruined Harriet and she would have become a social pariah.
In an act of desperation, she vowed never to see Sheridan again if he promised to stay with her. But the heart wants what it wants.
33. She Covered Her Tracks
To preserve her marriage, Harriet and Sheridan agreed to end their affair. They even tricked Sheridan’s sister who commented at a dinner party that she observed Harriet “casting many tender looks across the table [at Sheridan] which to my great joy did not seem much attended to”. Of course, it was all an elaborate cover.
34. She Kept The Affair Going
Before long, Sheridan’s wife and sister figured out that Harriet still had the Irishman wrapped around her finger—and legs. Shortly after that, Duncannon found out and immediately began divorce proceedings.
In all likelihood, Sheridan’s sister was the one who tattled on Harriet. But, frighteningly, Sheridan wasn’t out of her life quite yet.
35. Her Brother-In-Law Took Her Side
Harriet pleaded with Duncannon not to go through with the divorce but he was determined. Still, fate granted her a stroke of luck. Her brother-in-law, the Duke of Devonshire and Duncannon’s cousin, returned to England.
He sided with Harriet and convinced Duncannon to stop the proceedings, or else face social ruin himself.
36. She Was A Homewrecker
In the end, Harriet’s affair with Sheridan fizzled out—perhaps because she realized that she had become a homewrecker. Sheridan’s wife wrote about the damage that Harriet had caused, saying, “I don’t know in my [life] that ever I [passed] so many [miserable hours]”. Or, even more likely, Harriet simply found a new flame.
37. She Found A Boy Toy
Following her affair with Sheridan, Harriet found a new love interest. But this wasn't just any new fling; this was the man who would become the love of her life. Behind Duncannon’s back, she started having a torrid affair with Granville Leveson-Gower, 1st Earl Granville.
If it seems like Harriet moved on from Sheridan too quickly, it’s easy to understand given Granville’s reputation.
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38. Her Lover Was An Adonis
Even into her middle age and older years, Harriet was celebrated for her beauty, and so was Granville—12 years Harriet’s junior. In a reference to one of history’s most beautiful men, Granville’s contemporaries described him as “Hadrian’s Antinous”. And Harriet had clearly fallen under his spell and into his bed.
39. She Hid Her Pregnancies
During her affair with Granville, Harriet gave birth to two illegitimate children. Despite her massive baby bumps, she managed to keep Duncannon in the dark about the whole affair.
Whenever she became pregnant, she would simply escape to a friend’s country home for months at a time. Duncannon probably never even noticed she was gone.
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40. Her Lover Didn’t Love Her
For a while, Harriet and Granville enjoyed their little side romance. But, before long, it became apparent to Harriet that the affair meant more to her than it did to him.
Even though she once thought that Granville shared her strong affection, she soon realized that out of all the men in her life, he loved her the least. It was a recipe for heartbreak.
41. She Knew It Was Coming To An End
Despite the fact that they had two children together, Harriet knew that her affair with Granville couldn’t go on forever. She knew that, eventually, Granville would have to marry for the sake of his reputation and career—and he couldn’t very well marry her. She just didn’t think that he would marry the younger version of her.
42. She Helped Her Lover Marry Her Niece
When the time came for Granville to get married, he could have chosen anyone. So, it was awkward for Harriet when he opted to marry her niece and namesake, Lady Harriet Cavendish. Nevertheless, Harriet put on a brave face and even helped to make the marriage arrangements to secure the match...even if it shattered her heart.
43. She Idolized Her Lover
Harriet knew that Granville didn’t feel for her as she felt for him. Years later, she lamented that she had “loved [Granville] to idolatry for seventeen years”. Funny enough, though, the awkward love triangle between herself, Granville, and her niece wasn’t the most awkward love triangle of her life.
44. Her Daughter Married Her Lover
As a beauty, Harriet attracted many young suitors and admirers—not just Granville. One of her younger admirers, William Lamb, for example, was hungry for some Harriet, that is, until he met and fell in love with Harriet’s daughter, Caroline.
Out of fondness for Lamb, she agreed to give him her daughter’s hand in marriage.
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45. She Had A Stalker
Unexpectedly, one of Harriet Spencer's former flames reappeared in her life—and turned it upside down. Sheridan, perhaps emboldened by his old age and driven mad by love, began stalking and harassing Harriet.
The Irish writer sent her anonymous letters with an ominous tone. Of course, Harriet immediately recognized the handwriting behind these passionate threats.
46. She Was Forgiving
In public places wherever she went, Sheridan would follow her and confront her. On several occasions, he made public scenes, admonishing her for not reciprocating his adoration and making declarations of his fervent love for her.
Ever tender-hearted, however, Harriet managed to forgive Sheridan for his threatening behavior. But this was a mistake.
47. She Was Haunted
Harriet visited Sheridan in his final days. After she forgave him he “grasped her hand hard and told her he intended to haunt her after his death”. Mortified, Harriet asked why he would say something like that, to which he replied, “Because I am resolved you shall remember me”. In a fit of terror, Harriet fled the room and never saw him again.
At least, not alive.
48. She Finally Found Love
Miraculously, in 1820 and after 40 years of marriage, Duncannon rounded the corner. Without explanation, he began treating Harriet with the love and respect that she had never received from anyone else. But it was too little, too late.
Harriet passed the very next year. Despite her life of turbulence and scandal, the Countess had no regrets when she came to breathe her final breath.
49. She Loved Too Much
The historian Lord David Cecil called Harriet Spencer a woman of "indescribable distinction”. She was also a woman of indescribable hardship. In the end, Harriet likely suffered so much at the hands of her family and flings because she loved them so much. In her own tragic words, she said, “I can never love anyone just a little”.
