Sweet, Sweet Revenge Stories
They say revenge is a dish best served cold—but no matter how you plate it up, petty or brutal, one thing is for sure...it always tastes sweet. These Redditors came together to share their best stories of revenge, and just one word comes to mind when reading them: glorious.
1. You Had One Job
My ex of two years cheated on me, and when I kicked him out he forgot to take tons of administration papers from his job that he was responsible for. The papers contained the private information of hundreds of people, as he worked in healthcare. I gave him a month to pick it up. He didn’t.
So then I took photos of all those documents and sent them to his boss, getting him fired and seriously hampering any future employment capabilities.
2. Feeling Hot Hot Hot
When I was 11 years old, I was bullied by a 12-year-old boy. He would take things from my lunch every day. I got sick of it—and I decided to do something about it. One day, I brought a super-hot pepper in my lunch and pretended to be really excited about it. Sure enough, the boy comes over, snatches it from my hand, and pops it into his mouth. His reaction was priceless.
He practically exploded in pain. Writhing around the floor, unable to handle the heat. But I wasn’t done yet. I calmly looked at him and told him that drinking a nice glass of cold water would help immensely. He did so. This promptly magnified the pain 100x. He never took food from me again. I regret nothing.
3. Grounds For Revenge
About 15 years ago, I used to go to a Starbucks around the corner from my then-boyfriend’s house. I always went in grudgingly because it was very busy and touristy, and there was this one particular “barista” who freaking enraged me. He was the most self-righteous, put-out, indignant, huffy little jerk to ever stand behind a coffee machine.
Boston is lousy with philosophy-spewing undergrads, and he was their self-appointed king. So one morning, I walked into this Starbucks in a particularly bad mood. As I was waiting for my tea, the little dolt launched into some overwrought drama with one of his coworkers, so I just said, “Listen, dude, can I have my drink before this goes any further”? I regretted it instantly.
He completely lost it on me: yelling, blaming, using big words...the whole victim shebang. In the end, he 86’d me and told me that I was never to step foot inside his castle of coffee again. Fast forward a few weeks, and I was in a different Starbucks. I noticed that they’d begun to use stamp cards (10 stamps and the next coffee is free). I came up with a genius plan.
As I was leaving, I swiped the official Starbucks stamp from the counter. I then proceeded to stamp HUNDREDS of cards that summer. I was the summer intern for a company, and I made sure that not one person in that office ever paid for coffee while I worked there. I stamped so much that I had to purchase a green stamp pad expressly for the Starbucks stamp.
Treat me badly, and I’ll take your freaking stamp. It’s really the little victories in this life.
4. While You Were Away
I was living with a friend of mine, and this girl who I didn’t know that well. We became friends and started hanging out. I ended up getting into a car accident on the freeway and had to move home. It took me a few days to get back to pack, and when I did, most of my stuff was missing. I was furious and upset about it. The girl told me my friend had people over who'd maybe taken things.
While she was gone, I stopped packing to go into her room and snoop. I couldn't believe my eyes. This girl had taken over half of what was in my closet and hidden it in her room. She had everything from my CDs, antique perfume bottles from my grandmother, down to socks and bras. I was livid and packed the stuff that she was trying to take from me.
With more garbage bags, I grabbed all of the clothes she had hanging up and anything else I could find. I lit it all on fire. She called me franticly and said her things were missing. So, I told her the people who'd taken my stuff must be responsible. Once she knew she'd been caught, she threatened me and told me she was going to call the authorities.
I told her to go ahead because they wouldn’t have found anything.
5. Cutting Corners
My ex cheated on me and moved out. However, she moved out slowly over time, which meant I still lived with a lot of her stuff. Some of her clothes were left in the closet. I cut teeny tiny corners off of every sleeve, but barely enough to be noticeable. You'd have to think you were going insane to notice it...but then again, over time, each sleeve did look...somewhat off. She eventually asked me about it months later. I denied everything. I regret nothing.
6. Comfort Food
When I was in high school, I went on vacation with my family and I bought my then-girlfriend earrings to surprise her when I got back from my trip. But upon my return, she introduced me to her new boyfriend and subsequently kicked me to the curb. Then two years later, she and I started talking over Facebook, and I initiated a booty call.
Afterward, she told me she had feelings for me again, and I responded with, “Cool, I’m late for dinner. Talk to you later”. I HAD THE BEST MASHED POTATOES EVER.
7. You Sly Dog
I hated my old roommate with a passion. She used to think her 10-week-old puppy was peeing on her pile of clean clothes. It wasn’t the puppy.
8. Dirty Play
My babysitter was the sweetest until she waved bye to my parents and shut the door. It was summer and hot with Georgia humidity being what it is. I was stuck for a weekend with her and her bratty daughter, Tracy. She was slapper always going for my face with either a clawed hand or a mouthful of saliva.
She was a year older than me and had the benefit of mommy always taking her side and then punishing me for fighting back. I finally decided after being spat on all morning that I couldn't take it anymore. So, I spat back inducing a scream from the mean girl that would make one believe I’d slashed her face. Her mother came rushing out from the rear bedroom where she usually read romance novels and didn't actually babysit.
Her daughter spun a tale about how I just “out of nowhere” spat on her. And she obviously didn’t spit on me! I’d just done it without provocation! Having heard enough, her mom yelled at me to go outside. So, I did as I was told. The babysitter said that she was going to let us watch a movie, but since I “wanted to act ugly,” it was going to be just the two of them.
They were going to sit in the back room with the AC on blast watching a movie while I sat outside alone in the hot backyard. I could see through the window. I saw them cuddled up while the movie played. I strained to hear the music and the dialogue but couldn't make out much. The window was filthy. After about 20 sweaty minutes, I couldn't fight the thirst anymore.
I rapped on the window lightly, and they both jumped. Angrily turning to me, Tracy stood close to the window. I mimicked drinking something and asked if I could come in and have some water. "I'll bring you some in a little bit!" the mom shouted and closed the curtains so that I could only make out blocky shapes and the dim, blinking light that was the TV.
And they turned the volume up really loud in case I'd wanted to protest. I hopped off the trash can and turned my attention to the old dog that really didn't like people anymore. I stared at her sniffing around and watched her take a watery poop in the grass. Then it struck me. I plucked some big leaves from a tree and picked it up. I walked carefully and quietly to the back of the AC unit.
I smeared that poop all over the grates that I assumed air filtered through to get into the room. I was right. It didn't take too long for them to notice. Tracy got up and looked over the bed as though she might find a fresh pile on the floor. Seeing nothing, she laid back down, only to get up again a little later. She gave the floor a more thorough look.
I could hardly contain my glee, and I really didn't have to since the volume was up so high. They stood and hit pause while I ran to the broken swing set as if I'd been there since the curtains had shut. The babysitter called for me and, for a moment, I thought I was in trouble. Instead, a fat hand with a cup of ice water poked out of a sliding glass door, and I drank it with an unusual amount of satisfaction.
She let me come back in not too long after that. I asked if we could watch the movie. She bitterly said, "no." She had to bring her pillows and stuff to read her book in the living room.
9. Ice Cold Revenge
My friend was savagely egged by a bunch of teenagers one Halloween while riding his bike. My car, traveling at 60, was also egged from an overpass around the same time and same suburb. My bruised and egg-soaked friend managed to catch the license plate of the offending car and commit it to memory.
We were determined to find the offender, and months later we came across the same car parked outside a house one suburb over. We started planning our long revenge. We bought a dozen eggs and let them sit outside for a couple of months in the summer. Late one night, we stealthily and strategically egged the heck out of the car. Revenge is a dish best served cold. And eggy.
10. She Got Her ComeupPens
I worked with one of those “story toppers” at my previous job. You know the type: This woman always did everything way better, cooler, and sooner than everyone else. She even started using my stories. I was very irritated. So, I started taking a pen or two a week from her desk. Sometimes it was some little doodad. Either way, I would casually snatch an item.
Then I would take it to the men’s bathroom and put it into a hole near the sink pipes. It sounds stupid, but it made me feel like a rebel. I wish I could be there when they eventually repair that sink and find all her supplies in that wall.
11. Sense My Wrath
In high school, a guy in my grade always went out of his way to annoy me, even hooking up with my girlfriend. Wanting revenge, I decided to poop in a bottle and then let it fester for a month. It got so bad that when I unscrewed the cap, it fizzed. I poured that into his car’s air conditioner filter on a hot summer day. I watched him get into his car and turn it on.
As soon as he did, he turned up his AC and threw up all over himself and the car.
12. There Is Crying In Baseball
When I was 12 years old, a kid beat me up at a birthday party for reasons unknown. Four years later, the kid was a pitcher (and a very good one at that) for his school in the playoffs. I was playing for the other team. After going 0-3 to start the game, I did the unthinkable—I hit a walk-off home run off of him to advance to the next round. The kid actually started crying on the mound. I don't think I've ever had a bigger smile than I did at that moment. I still have the ball in my apartment at college.
13. I See You
My high school counselor told me I was too dumb to graduate from college and too bad to serve in the forces. Years later, after serving in the Marine Corps infantry and obtaining a BS and MS in plant science, I was asked to be the keynote speaker for the graduation ceremony at my old high school. The counselor was in her last few years before retirement.
I worked that personal story into my talk and watched her face drop. I didn’t mention her by name, but we both knew.
14. He Got Plucked Over
When I was 18, I went out with a guy who was 10 years older than me. He was still living with his parents and feeding off their estate, but ah well, I fell in love with his eyes. Unfortunately, I got stuck with the whole, horrible package. To begin with, he was unbelievably controlling and over-the-top jealous almost the minute we got serious.
He also kept invading my every moment. For example, he found out where I was having dinner with some friends, showed up by “coincidence” to check if there were guys in our company, and then stayed without being invited. At some point, I found out from his friends how he’d bragged that “Hey, an 18-year-old is screwing me”. As in how cool am I?
But I let it all slide because…Well, he was pretty good in bed. This came back to bite me. My interest levels were getting lower and lower by the day, then one night, while in the act, he accidentally slipped and went into the "wrong" place. Full throttle. It was the scream heard around the world. But somehow, it only got worse.
After asking if I was okay (I said, “no”) and waiting 30 seconds, he just kept going. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I spent the next weekend alone with him at his place, and his parents wouldn’t be back until around Sunday afternoon. I knew this was my chance for revenge. After breakfast and some relaxing time on Sunday morning, I put on a suggestive smile.
I asked, “So, do you want to see how it feels to sleep with an 18-year-old”? I then led him to his parent’s bedroom and pushed him onto their bed. I gave him my naughtiest look, and he put up little resistance as I tied his legs to the bed; handcuffing him to the railing was even easier. But then I suddenly stopped, got out of bed, and reached into my overnight bag.
Then I grabbed my eyebrow tweezers and got to work down there. He wasn’t a particularly hairy guy, but there was still quite a lot to work with. For every hair I plucked, I gave him a reason why. It took him a while to realize that the more he swore and cursed at me, the slower I’d pull the hairs out. But by the final few hairs, he was suffering quietly, so I knew he got the point.
Afterward, I got dressed, looked at him lovingly, and told him, “THAT’S how it feels". Then I left him there for his parents to find.
15. Fine And Sandy
In 1992, I was in second grade. Every day at recess, my friends and I built these intricate sandcastles. When recess ended, the fourth graders came running outside after finishing their lunch. And every single day, one of them came flying into the sandbox with the only goal of kicking down our feat of sand engineering. This happened for weeks.
So, my group of second graders and I found cinder blocks near the woods close to the playground. We stacked two and covered them with sand. After, we took the time to make the structure look like any one of our usual sandcastles. It was pretty demented—and so were the consequences. The fourth graders came out, and one ended up with a broken foot.
16. Outing Performance
In college, I lived in “The Gay House” with five other guys in a six-bedroom house. One fall afternoon, I came home from class to find my favorite roommate Josh crying in the kitchen. He had just found out something earth-shattering: His boyfriend Kevin was living a double life. They’d been dating for three months. Kevin was a nice, cute guy.
He came to our house parties and movie nights, and we all liked him enough. He told us he was closeted because his filthy rich parents would cut him off if he came out like his older brother. Even though most of the house was fully out, we respected him and were sympathetic to his situation. We lived in the Bible Belt.
“Kevin” wasn’t even his real name. It was Brad. He was engaged to a cheerleader, and his best friends were a group of jerks who had no idea he was queer. Usually, I could have forgiven him as I’d forgiven worse, but he was needlessly cruel to Josh when he decided to break up with him. He laughed at Josh the whole time.
He said he was only using him for his body and he couldn’t stand being with his gay friends and to never call him again. That lying jerk preyed on my friend and actually enjoyed using and hurting him. I decided then that he needed to be confronted. As a tall guy at 6’6 and 220 pounds, I always took my size for granted.
People never tried me when I was in drag despite living in the Bible belt. I went with Josh to confront “Kevin,” but as we walked up to his apartment, it was clear that he was hosting a party, which wouldn’t have been the best time for us to confront him. But that was the moment when my stroke of evil genius kicked in.
We went back home and came up with a plan. Josh had several of “Kevin’s” naughty pictures as well as his clothes. While one roommate was photocopying the pictures, another was creating a website with a giant humiliating picture of him and was printing out “invitations” to the site. I was dressing in drag and got ready.
I wore an old prom dress with blue sequins that were falling off. It cut off right below my underwear, making the whole outfit especially naughty. The ratty blonde wig was from an old costume, and I had six-inch heels size 16 that I found at a sketchy-looking store a few weeks before. I painted myself with way too much makeup but kept my stubble and my leg hair.
We stuffed his clothes, the invitations, and the printed pictures into a large purse, and I went off for the party. But I made one stop at the store to buy a $20 fake engagement ring. I think I deserve an Oscar for my performance that night. His face looked priceless as a seven-foot drag queen barged into his apartment screaming and crying.
The whole place froze as I stormed past everyone into the kitchen to find him and his fiancé. They were by the back door staring in utter shock. I was sure he didn’t recognize me. I sobbed and begged him to come back to me. I described everything I loved about him including all his marks near his junk. My make-up smeared tears turned angry as I started detailing all his secret kinks.
Then finally, his fiancé started questioning me. At that point, I pulled his clothes out of the purse and threw them at him. She immediately recognized them. Then I pulled out the pictures and handed them to her before I burst into uncontrollable sobbing and stormed out of the kitchen and through the living room partiers and toward the front door.
At the door, I stopped, took a long swig from the bottle I brought, and threw a giant stack of "party" invitations all over the place. They had the worst picture of all—him making the "sexy face," wearing the most scandalous undergarments. The invitation was to some weird website my roommate created to out "Kevin." The site included a forum for other people to share ways he lied to them and discuss how much they hated him. Before I left, I did a dramatic final spin.
I then removed and held up the fake ring for everyone to see. I pointed to the other side of the apartment at his fiancé and said, “I see he gave you one of these too!” I threw it on the yard, stormed out, and went home. Later, the roommates made sure to put a website invitation on every car in his apartment complex. Nobody in the gay community saw or heard from that guy again.
Though there were several rumors including one that said he transferred to a cruddier school far away.
17. Maid For Revenge
I was roommates with a guy who had his dad living with us. His dad treated me like his personal maid, making me do his washing, ironing, and cooking for him. Every time I refused, he would threaten to have me kicked out. Well, I wasn't having any of that, and I knew I had to put him in his place. So I used his toothbrush as a toilet brush and I scrubbed his clean shirts under my armpits after a long day of sweating.
I also added his bedroom floor crumbs to his bowl of dinner. When I left, I took his favorite AC/DC CD (he played almost every day on max volume) and scratched it up.
18. He Had His Number
I was driving to drop someone off when my internal detector went off. I saw an officer sitting in a parking lot. I dropped off my friend and headed back. As I was driving, I noticed some jerk tailgating me. The speed limit was 40, and I was doing 45. He was so close to me that I couldn't even see his headlights. He thought he was smart, but he had no idea what I had in mind.
We came up to a traffic circle and he tried to pass me on the right. I sped up, but he kept trying. We hit about 80-90 with him on the shoulder. At some point, we came up to the crest of a hill and I knew the officer was right on the other side. I hit the brakes and he flew up over the hill...he had to be doing at least 90 in a 40. I even stopped to let the officer out of the parking lot. MOST. SATISFYING. THING. EVER.
19. If She Sprays Her Washer Fluid, She’ll Have Wet Wipes…
When my daughter was about five months old, I made an excursion to the pharmacy to get necessities. I was tired and had my baby with me. I patiently waited for one of those “parents with child” parking spaces and acknowledged the mom loading up with a tired smile and wave. But after she pulled her minivan out of the spot, this OLD lady in a jaguar suddenly whipped around me.
She went into the very spot I was obviously waiting for. But she had no idea who she was messing with. I was beyond infuriated; I just sat there shocked. At first, that is. Eventually, I pulled into another spot and waited…for my daughter to fill up her diaper. You better believe I left that witch a dirty diaper under her windshield wiper.
20. Touchy Subject
I grew up in a suburb where I was the only minority at school. One girl in my class always made rude comments about me like how I wasn’t as pretty because I was brown. But it really hurt me when we were playing tag and she insisted that I had to be “it” because I looked “dirty” with my skin color. She’d crossed a line. I overheard her bragging about getting straight A’s and instantly had a stroke of genius.
For the rest of the year, I would hand in my homework right after her to take hers and throw it away in the washroom. I never got caught, and she ended up getting a D. I smirked when she didn’t get a ribbon at the end of the year.
21. Eyeing The Prize
On April fool's day when I was seven and my sister was five, I had a master plan that involved Legos. We played with those tiny bricks for hours. Sometimes we built things. Sometimes we destroyed things. Sometimes our arguments dissolved into us throwing Legos at each other. We’d already been in trouble the day before for it.
My mom told us that we could take an eye out. So, since my little sister could scream or cry in an instant, I took a long brick, slid it between my fingers, then covered my eye with my hand. My sister said it looked like it was really in my eye, so she screamed for our mom. Then I started screaming. My mom rushed over. She tried pulling my hand away to check on it, but I kept my hand on my eye a few seconds longer.
I caught my sister’s eye, and after she nodded, I whipped my hand away, and we both yelled, “April Fool’s Day!” Before we could finish saying “day,” my mom smacked us both with one hand across the cheek with just one move.
22. Acing The Serve
My first "real" boyfriend kissed another girl and dumped me for her when I was a freshman in high school. She had actively pursued him although she knew he had a girlfriend, so I blamed her rather than him. (I know, I know).
Fast forward four years: I was a volleyball player throughout college. In the off-season, I played in a city women's league and a co-ed league as an outside hitter. My team played a new team–when I walked in, I nearly gasped. Well, well, well, there was her familiar face. She didn't recognize me, but I immediately recognized her.
My team's setter kept giving me amazing sets and I kept slamming the ball over the net, just waiting for my shot. Finally, she was in the back row and my setter set me up. I hit the ball and the boyfriend stealer stepped into the hit. It bounced off her foot and went straight up into her face... and broke her nose.
23. Don’t Bite The Hand That Feeds You
A few years back, my 15-year-old cousin was staying over at my place, which I shared with my boyfriend at the time. Her parents were on vacation in Cuba for a few weeks. While she was with us, we had to make ALL of her food. She couldn't cook and waited for me or my boyfriend to come home, otherwise, she would only eat chips or popcorn. She wouldn't even make a sandwich.
One day, she updated her Facebook status to a whiny complaint about how bored she was (she had free rein to go out) and how weird I was. I guess she forgot I had her as a friend on Facebook. It really ticked me off since I made all of her meals and tried my best to keep her company.
That night, when I was making her a turkey sandwich, I took my sweet revenge. I used the end slices of the bread loaf to build the sandwich and the bitter white part of a romaine lettuce leaf. I also put too much mayo on it. She ate that sandwich. And she had a look of annoyance on her face. But there was nothing she could do.
24. That Boy Scout Was Not Prepared
One time at a Boy Scout meeting (I was probably 10 at the time), my sister tagged along because my mom was really involved in the group. We were all playing a game together when some kid implied that my sister was inferior because she was a girl. I was patient before I got vengeance. Later on, while that kid was playing foosball, I rammed one of the rods into his stomach as hard as I could from the other side of the table.
25. Chilly Comeback
I was sharing a dorm in college with two of my best friends from high school. I love them like brothers, but we could be jerks to one another. Unfortunately, Chris crossed a line and unleashed the fury within me when he popped the washroom lock then snapped a polaroid picture of me while I was using the john one night. He then tossed the picture out the window of our 13th-floor form for anybody to find.
In the days that followed, I’d learned to pop the lock on our shower door and also set about getting several pitchers of water to nearly freezing temperatures, just cold enough that ice started to form on the surface. I bided my time. I was gonna get him back, and it was gonna be glorious. Eventually, Chris went to take one of his weekly "spa showers" where he would crank the hot water on full and just sit under it for an hour.
I waited for him to hit the hottest temperature then rallied the rest of my dormmates, handed out pitchers of ice water, quietly popped the lock, and opened the door to the shower. In hindsight, we probably could have caused serious harm by dumping ice water on him when he was as hot as he was, but at the time, hearing him scream like a little girl and fall in the shower was well worth it.
26. Lap It Up
When I was in high school, I always had a soda with me in my physics class. And every day, the kid behind me waited for me to stand so he could grab and chug half of it as fast as possible. I came up with perfect revenge. One day, I filled my empty bottle with white vinegar. Then, I put it in my backpack so I could bring it to class the next day.
As usual, I wandered off when I knew he was watching. And he grabbed it and started to chug it. As soon as he did, he ran to the sink and threw up. I laughed so hard, especially when he had to explain why he threw up to the teacher. And my soda stayed untouched for the rest of the semester.
27. I’ll Have My Day In Court
When I used to be a cheerleader, we were organizing a trip to Florida (from the UK) to do some training and to have an awesome holiday. I took charge of organizing the flights and asked everyone if they were OK paying me back if I bought all the flights together. As you might guess, this turned into a horrific idea. One girl changed her mind about going because she was starting a new job, and just before we were due to go I got a handwritten note in the post from her mother (we were in our twenties).
It said that she never agreed to me booking a flight on her behalf and that she wasn't liable to pay me because she had decided not to go. I was in a bit of a panic because I didn't have her home address, and she just ignored all my calls and emails. I wanted to take her to court, but to do that, I had to have her address in order to serve the papers. Little did she know I wouldn't stop until I got it.
After spending ages trying to ask around if people knew her address, and even trying to get her friends to give it to me without success, I stayed up all night figuring out a way to see where she lived. It literally took me all night, but I managed to hack into her Hotmail account and then her PayPal account, which lead me to her home address.
I could have just taken the money from her account, but I did want to do this as by-the-book as possible. She turned up in court accompanied by her mother, and they tried to use Facebook photos to prove that I had used her ticket to take someone else in her place. I came armed with a printout of the airline terms, which clearly stated that the tickets were non-transferable.
The judgment was swift. The victory was mine.
28. Don’t Treat On Me
Long story short, a kid I was friends with hit me in the junk three times in one night. He then called me a "wee baby" and got in my face. He tried to make me flinch by half-swinging at me. I didn't flinch—I got him back big time. Instead, I headbutted him with everything I had. Crushed his nose, blood pouring out of his face. I had a tiny cut in the center of my forehead, with one line of blood running down my face. I looked psychotic but tough as heck.
29. He Was A Deter-Gent
I went to the laundromat, and an older lady was there washing her sheets. There were only three triple-load washers in the whole place, and this lady felt the need to dry each individual sheet in each triple-load dryer for an entire 60 minutes. There were other people there with at least two weeks’ worth of laundry that could have utilized the space station-sized dryers, too, but she acted totally oblivious to all of them.
So to get her back, I waited for the perfect moment. When she looked in my direction, I bent over to pull my clothes out of the washer and then flashed a FULL MOON about five feet from where she was standing. I know she saw it because she rushed out quickly afterward. I just pulled up my jeans like it wasn’t a big deal and continued doing my laundry.
God dang, it was satisfying to put that inconsiderate old witch in her place.
30. The Smell Of The Ball
In high school, my friend David’s girlfriend cheated on him. But she scratched the car he worked hard for and broke his laptop after he found out. A week later, she threw a big raging party that got a bit out of control. Earlier that day, David and I were with four of our friends eating at Taco Bell and began scheming. We discussed holding in our bowels until the party and releasing them all over her house.
At first, it was all a joke, but the more we talked, the more serious we were about going through with it. David didn't join us as that would've risked us from getting into the party. He did contribute his bowels in a plastic bag. I hid the bag under my shirt and put it behind the fridge. Brett and I upper decked, went in the tank, the two toilets on the main floor. It was nasty.
Matt brought pliers to pull up a corner of the carpet in a bedroom and went there. We're not sure whose bedroom it was. Justin was more adventurous than the rest of us. He hopped into the small utility closet with the central air conditioner and went in there. He told us that he was able to squirt his fudge onto the air filter. The effect of wafting poop was instant and moved the party to the backyard.
I'm not sure our plan was genius, but it was evil and for our friend. It felt good.
31. Sweet Release
I lived in a former frat house mansion turned boarding house. So, the kitchen, bathrooms, and entertainment rooms are shared between 20 people. Everyone in the house knew who was eating everyone else's food, but we couldn't prove it. So, we baked brownies with a chocolate laxative after work one Friday and left a note. After putting it in the fridge, we left for the weekend.
On Sunday night, we found a third of our brownies eaten and no toilet paper in sight. Everyone thought it was hilarious. Everyone but the person eating all our food. He left a passive-aggressive note that said he was sick of people taking other people’s food too.
32. Double Trouble
When I was a kid, probably five years old, I was watching Dumbo with my neighbor. The "elephants on parade part" were scary as all heck to me back then, and the worst happened: I peed my pants. My neighbor told everyone in my Pre-K class and would not stop calling me the "pants peer" for weeks. Finally, one day I slept over at her house, and I executed my petty plan—I took a pair of her pants out of her closet, put them on, and peed in them. I woke her up to show her, and that's the story of how I became the two-time pants-peer.
33. Blood Isn’t Always Thicker Than Water
I have two older brothers. The eldest is a good person. The middle is a monster. He has tormented my family for 20 years and I have taken the brunt of the assault as the only person willing to openly challenge him. He took my mother's wedding rings, my grandmother's car, and my television, just to name a few things. My family decided to try again to welcome him back into their lives, so I followed suit.
It's Christmas 201, the best holiday celebration I could ever imagine. All is well. Then it all goes wrong. My middle brother walks in the door to collect presents two days after celebrations—strike one. This brother then drops a baggie of substances when he walks in the door—that was strike two. My middle brother criticizes my eldest brother's renovations and tells my grandmother she spent money for nothing—strike three.
So now we’re in the car on the way home. We had decided it’s best to go back into town together so it saves someone a trip. My middle brother asks me for my passport. I say, "No I can't do that". My middle brother concocts a magical story where I borrowed his ID to get into clubs when I was a teenager. Lies. I did not and would not. He says he needs it to get into a party. He's 300 lbs and 35 and would never be carded under any circumstances.
Middle brother now goes to his standard method of persuasion and starts yelling and is getting increasingly loud and argumentative. There's a line somewhere between asking and demanding something of someone. He crosses it. My heart races like it used to when I was a boy when he used to follow my friends and me and beat the heck out of us with his friends. Much earlier in my life, I remember him pulling me out of a lake where I almost drowned. But it's not him anymore. The brother I knew is gone and there's a total stranger directly behind me demanding my passport.
I tell him that if he mentions my passport again on the ride home, I will crane the steering wheel into a snowbank and beat him to within an inch of his life. I hear “Give me your passport” in the voice of a man I don't know, from a face I don't recognize. Blood and adrenaline surge from my heart faster and more rapidly than I have ever felt. We pull into a parking lot, I open my door and wait patiently until that jerk works up the courage to fight me.
He steps out and yells something I don't hear. I tell him that I'll give him one more chance to get back in the car without saying a word about my passport ever again. He says “passport” with a wily grin and expects me to be the same cowering boy that I used to be. The same kid who loved him and adored him and wanted nothing else but to be just like him. He had made a grave mistake.
I connect the quickest and hardest fist I've ever thrown against another person directly onto his chin. Blood spurts out of his mouth with the second hit. He hits me twice, above and below my right eye. I completely lose it and wail on the left side of his face until it is a broken and bloody ruin. If you're reading this, middle brother: screw you.
34. Dun, Dun, Dooong!
I used to go to a public high school where the majority of students were low to middle-class Italian-origin kids of immigrants. I was not. It was tough going, to say the least, and I used to get bullied by a guy called Renaldo. Over the years, we had a few scraps, either verbally or fisticuffs. I was always the type of guy who wouldn’t take other people’s shenanigans.
Regardless, even though others balked at giving me a hard time—particularly when I went through puberty and became one of the tallest, largest guys in school—Renaldo somehow always managed to give me a hard time. But I paid my dues early and learned from a stern father that if people punch you, you punch back harder, and then you’ll know if they are men or not. Then came the twist of fate.
As luck would have it, Renaldo and I went to the same college, and he always managed to still be a little jerk to me. But what made things worse was that we both fell for the same girl, Andrea, who eventually became my girlfriend for over four years. Everyone knew Renaldo had feelings for her, and it shook him to his core that she was with me and not him.
As the son of a wealthy father who owned his own construction company, Renaldo had nice cars, lots of money, and a bunch of things that I didn’t have…things that I—coming from a low-income family that had problems making ends meet—had to work hard to earn over the years. So, he’d always try to “seduce” Andrea with random calls and emails.
Renaldo was a constant issue, and we had several conflicts during the first year of my relationship with Andrea. Then years later, after college and shortly after I broke up with Andrea, I received an e-mail that shocked me. It was from him and it was out of the blue. It was weird because I’d never corresponded with him before online.
In an epic letter that droned on for far too long and using terrible English (no wonder he never finished college and dropped out to work with daddy), he swore at me in excess and basically just told me, “No one liked you in college, so screw off”. I hadn’t seen him in well over two years, nor did we have any real friends in common.
I didn’t want him to have the satisfaction of getting me mad, so to keep my cool, I never responded to his emails (he sent several). But I also couldn’t let his taunting go without any consequences. So, I went online and Googled his name, and after searching around for a bit, I found just what I needed to exact my revenge.
I easily found a complete profile of Renaldo regarding his career, where he worked, and what type of work it was. His father recently passed, and Renaldo now owned his father’s business and had a team of employees working for him. I spied a bit more and hung onto the address of his place of employment for several weeks while I plotted. Then an idea came to me.
One day, I went into a local adult shop and purchased the largest "toy" I could find. Then I went home, wrote a special note for him, and packaged it all together in a standard box that couldn’t be traced back to me. I then sent it to Renaldo’s workplace via priority mail, which would require him specifically to sign for it. The note's message was incredible.
The message read, “Since you have so much time to search out people who never cared about you to begin with, I figured you’d have enough time to go screw yourself with this”! A few days later, a mutual acquaintance who worked for Renaldo during his “internship” dropped me an email detailing what happened after my package arrived.
Apparently, the package arrived while Renaldo and his staff were preparing to head out for a team lunch on a Friday. He was very excited to open the box because he was expecting that it was something he’d ordered online that would “make it a good weekend”. Then, he opened the box and pulled out...a giant toy. He’d opened it in front of a number of his co-workers. Priceless…
35. Ordered Up
I was working at a pizza place with a worthless, useless, good-for-nothing manager. We did not get along with each other well. He was a jerk and probably didn't like me because everyone else loved me. Well, his biggest peeve was when we left pizza boxes opened on the cutting table before the pizza came out of the oven.
Instead, he wanted us to wait until the pizza was finished, taken out, cut, and then put into the box, which took much longer. One busy night, it was me, another co-worker, and the delivery driver. We were going crazy keeping up with all of the orders happening at once. We had to answer phones while we made the pizzas. The jerk manager sat in the office for the whole rush.
There was a one-way mirror with a full view of the pizza-cutting area. So, to get his attention, I started pulling down and opening boxes on the cutting table. I wanted him to come out running and yelling so the owner would hopefully notice. It worked like a charm. He came out shouting about how I wasn’t doing my job right and whatever else made him mad.
Already frustrated and busy, I started yelling back at him. The owner came out from the back and brought us to his office. I explained how the manager hadn’t been helping and I’d worked there long enough to know what I was doing. The owner looked at the manager and told him that if I quit, he was fired. But that wasn't the best part.
Then he asked me when I was turning 18. I asked him why, and he told me that was when he wanted to promote me to assistant manager. The jerk manager switched stores shortly after.
36. Clean Game
We had a teacher in grade school that was germophobic. We didn't really like her, so I came up with a plan. She was always taking things away from us if we played with them in class. I found a bouncy ball and rubbed it in the bottom of the urinal. I brought it to class, wrapped in a piece of paper, and played with it on my desk. Just as I’d thought, she came over and took the ball.
I almost broke into laughter but held it in. Knowing that she also read all the notes people passed in class, I wrote a note and blatantly passed it to someone in front of her. She picked it up and read, “the ball you just took was in the urinal.” She left the room.
37. Don’t Touch
I ground up laxatives and tainted all my kitchen fridge food to figure out which of my seven roommates was eating all my food. Meanwhile, I survived off a secret stash in my mini-fridge. I found out who did it. Very, very quickly.
38. Spelling It Out For Her
When I was nine (I'm 26 now) my parents went through a really rough divorce. Long story short, my dad had a very public and long-term affair with a prominent public figure in our area, we'll call her Debbie. Naturally, my mother was humiliated, but back then she was quite meek, unassuming, and not at all vindictive. She only did one thing to the woman that broke up my family…
My mom is a nurse and about six months after the divorce she was attending a medical conference in our area. As she walks into the room, she saw that one of the panelists was the woman who slept with her husband. Shocked, but always in control, my mother calmly walked to the very front of the room and sat down silently in front of Debbie.
Now, Debbie had been a family friend for over a decade, so my mom was intimately familiar with her upbringing and unfortunate issues. Remembering that she was an English Lit major in undergrad, my mom took out a red sharpie and drew a very large “A” (like in The Scarlet Letter) on the notebook that she brought to the conference. She turned it around and faced it directly at Debbie, never saying a word.
Debbie was visibly agitated. When it came time for her to speak, something amazing happened. She started ticking. You see, my mother also knew that Debbie had a condition that when under immense stress, despite significant speech therapy and experience in public speaking, she began to twitch and stutter. She twitched so much it impaired her speech, and she had to rush through her portion.
When she ended, my mother calmly shut her notebook, smiled at the woman, and walked out of the room. She never spoke a word. That was the last they saw of each other.
39. You May Have Boozed His Ego
This one guy and I got into an argument: He was being a real jerk and pretending to be more intelligent than he really was. So, I signed into an alternate account of mine and went into his post history. I found a comment a few days old from a small thread in which he said something along the lines of: “It would take a lot of booze for me to sleep with a girl like that".
I replied, “Meanwhile, she’d have to take a fatal dose before she ever got inebriated enough to sleep with you”. Victory.
40. Look At This Photograph
My co-worker and I took on a new guy in our office and trained him. He’d only been with us for two months and got approved for vacation while my co-worker and I hadn’t had one in over a year. We’d been there for several years and felt a bit bitter. He already knew about it when he booked his vacation and did it anyway. He couldn't be alone to do the job and needed us there.
Our vacation now has been pushed back even further due to him taking time off rather than continuing his training. We then sought vengeance and told the office that he’d rented an RV to follow Nickelback on tour. We even posted pictures of the band in his cubicle. We photoshopped him into a picture with the band as if he met them at a fan event.
When he came back, he’d taken the pictures and everything well. But when he received customer solutions call with the client asking when what tour he followed, he started getting irritated. But it wasn't over yet. He forwarded a file that he thought was a file. In reality, we’d changed the label and printed the lyrics to one of Nickelback’s songs. He’d forwarded it to the boss…
I can’t wait until he finds all the other pictures we hid throughout his cubicle.
41. Bonus Level Achieved
In high school, this kid was always mean to one of my good friends. He’d go out of his way to bother her. So, I made a fake social account and added him. He took the bait, and I acted interested in him and down to sleep with him when we chatted. I even bought a disposable cell phone to have long conversations with him. While we flirted, he got a girlfriend.
She was in the group that had been mean to my friend. We continued flirting because this kid was a jerk. I had just been planning on wrecking his emotions and making him feel bad, but something much better happened. He was with his girlfriend one day and called me in the bathroom. She overheard him talking to me and calling me "boo" and "baby girl.”
She got very upset but immediately left to go home. She had his password for his socials and signed into his account. She read through all of his messages and saw what he had been saying to this fake girl. There was quite the spectacle the next day. They had a massive screaming match, and no girls would date him for the rest of the school year. Nobody knew I did it, but my friend was so very happy about it.
42. Do Unto Other As You Would Have Them Do Unto You
This was the most satisfying thing I have ever done. When I was in the seventh grade, I sat behind a jerk who hated me and enjoyed being annoying. Every single day, he would lean back in his chair and hit the front of my desk, over and over again. If I was trying to write something, he would do it even harder. One day, I decided enough was enough—and in the middle of a lesson, he started again.
I waited, and right as he was leaning his chair back fast, trying to knock my desk hard, I pulled it back. Without my desk behind him, his chair tipped right over and he hit the ground hard. I can still clearly remember him whispering "You witch” beneath the laughter of the whole class and the teacher yelling at him to get up. The look on his face was a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and pure rage as he looked up at me from the floor. He never messed with me again.
43. It’s All Breaking Down
A bad repair shop in Utah messed up our car, which left us stranded in a nearby National Park. We called and demanded they tow the vehicle in, and while they said they'd come to get us, they never did. When we talked with park rangers, they made a chilling revelation. They were quite familiar with the shop. It was the biggest in town and had a terrible reputation.
We were on our honeymoon and had more time on our hands than I imagine most travelers do. We went to the shop, demanded a full refund, and when they refused, we sat out front on the curb in our camp chairs for two days with homemade protest signs. I was overwhelmed by the support we got from locals, who honked and waved, stopped and chatted with us, and shared their own stories of horror.
The owner called the authorities on us, but the joke was on him! We'd already notified them that we’d be protesting, and were well within our rights in doing so. In the end, the shop owner refunded all our money and left visibly distressed when we told him that even with the refund, we weren't sure we were ready to leave town. Eventually, we did, but not before filing complaints with the Better Business Bureau and every review site we could find. They'd already been booted from the Chamber of Commerce.
We ended up becoming friends with an awesome local mechanic and having a great story to tell. Justice was served! And without a tinge of guilt.
44. Anger Management
I had a work colleague who management brought in. She was effectively given the green light to do whatever she wanted for a large-scale project. It turned into a total nightmare. This chick grew tyrannical from her small bit of authority, and she made people’s lives miserable. Now, I was effectively the go-to guy for quite a few aspects around the office, so I knew I was safe.
However, she absolutely hated my boss, and she tried every trick in the book to make his life awful; she was determined to either get my boss to quit or get me to leave his team. What she didn’t know, however, was that my partner had recently moved home to Australia, and I had kept it a secret that I was planning to follow after a few months.
Life was ticking by, and this freaking she-beast pig dog was driving me up the wall. My hours were increasing, and the workload was phenomenal. I asked her to bring someone else in for me to train as I needed to take some time off every once in a while, but she always refused my requests in the most passive-aggressive way imaginable.
Anyway, my exit date was set. In the meantime, our projects were starting to come to a head, which would have seen my workload increase to even newer, worse levels. Like, I was pulling 14-hour days already. I pulled the trigger on my plan. I went up to my head boss and informed him of my decision to leave and all my reasons for doing so.
He offered to get me a visa for my partner and her old job back if I stayed. This helped my ego as I wondered if I was terrible at my job since I was getting so much hate from that woman. But I refused, saying I’d need to leave in a month and needed two weeks off. He wished me well and understood my reasons. So, I sorted my references and wrapped everything up.
The beauty of this was that my other managers involved in the project hated this witch as well, so when I told them my plan, they were all more than happy to go along with it and play dumb. The payoff was amazing. A big meeting took place later that day, and as usual, she went off delegating like a champ to everyone, bossing them around and pushing people’s buttons.
Then it came to my turn. I made a point of asking her if there was any scope to get someone in to help since I was slammed. She gave the usual, dull-toned response of “Go screw yourself”, basically. Okay, no problem. Then she started to outline everything that was going on and all the stuff I’d have to do. The expectations were crazy, and her last sentence was, “So, you’ll have to do all that”.
“No, I don’t think I will”. Her face twisted, and she snarled at me, “What do you mean you won’t do it”? I replied, “As I said. I don’t want to do it, so I won’t. In fact, I quit. I’m moving to Australia in four weeks, and I’m taking two weeks’ holiday before I go. So, screw you”. Her face dropped. She started scrambling, saying I’d have to train someone. But I had the perfect answer.
I took out a copy of my contract and said my responsibilities were clearly defined, and I would honor them. But because she hadn’t updated my contract and responsibilities, I wasn’t obligated to help her with the rest. I also showed her the copy of the email I’d just sent to HR showing her responses to my objections to the hours I was working and her refusal to train anyone else.
My bosses at the table were losing it, trying not to laugh in her face. I walked out with one manager getting up to pat my back and possibly tell her to screw herself once or twice more, as this was what she had coming to her. The ending was just as satisfying. All of her projects got ruined, so the other managers were able to crucify her.
She also got hauled up for overworking us and refusing help. But here's the best part. When the head honcho heard what happened, he came down to actually say to me, “Well played on telling her to screw herself”. She walked by at that moment and heard him say it to me. The whole office knew what I did, and everyone was delighted someone screwed her over.
I went back to visit at Christmas, and people still came up and said how happy they were I did it.
45. Small Fury
I was in first grade, and we were in an assembly. I had to pee so I asked the teacher nearest us if I could go. She promptly told me to sit down and wait. Ten minutes later, I asked to go again, and she told me to be quiet. So, I sat back down. I still had to go and was just about to flood the room. I needed relief soon. I went to the teacher and told her that I was going to the washroom right then.
She said, “Fine, if your little baby bladder can't hold it, go.” It was a low blow because I’ve been short all my life, and my classmates called me a “baby” or “shrimp” often. Upset and about to burst, I went straight to her classroom door. And I unleashed myself all over her carpet. It was summer, so the heat made the smell even worse.
My mom also taught at my school, so I found out years later that all the teachers knew that it was me who’d done it. Mom was so angry at the teacher for making me wait after I asked three times that I never got in trouble.
46. Getting Handsy
I worked in a factory where my boss was a jerk. And he was untouchable since his uncle owned the company. He always came down to the floor while we were on break to check our work and used my gloves to do it. This was particularly irritating because the company made us buy our own gloves, and I bought really nice ones.
As it was the middle of summer, I thought it was gross having his sweaty hands in my gloves and asked him to stop. He just shrugged me off. By the third time, I got a completely twisted idea. I put a poison ivy leaf in an old pair of gloves and pounded away with a hammer. I put it in a plastic bag hidden in my lunchbox for the next day.
Sure enough, I came back from lunch, and he had used them. A couple of hours later, he walked over to my machine and had red bumps all over his hands that he was itching like crazy. He told me to show him my hands. So, I did and compared mine to his. Playing dumb, I asked if he used my gloves because I’d gotten a rash. The rash was from my “trip to the club” after tipping a girl.
Without another word, he left and went to the doctor. I hope he told him that exact story.
47. Money Matters
My college roommate had a sketchy friend he would invite over. My textbook was taken the weekend before my final. I went to the bookstore and found the book. I had notecards that I used as bookmarks still in the book. I texted my roommate's friend and made up a story that the bookstore was going to press charges unless he gave the money back. He confessed over the phone and told me to meet him at his place to get the money.
After taking the money, I poured a drink over his head and told him to never come to my place ever again.
48. Only One Thing To Do
Back in the summer of 2009, my girlfriend and I were going pretty strong when I found out she was sleeping with this guy on the side. She admitted it and said she was sorry, then I dumped her. I didn't know the guy but I remembered his name. Then, one night at a party a few months later, I got introduced to a guy I thought was him. Throughout the course of the night, I slyly worked out it was him.
I'm not a guy to hold a grudge generally, but this was something else. I didn't want to do anything to him, but then I walked into a bedroom to take a phone call and there he was passed out on the bed. I didn't know what to do, but I knew I had too good an opportunity to pass it up. So...I had the brilliant idea to take a dump on him.
I left the party just after and I haven't seen or heard from him since. Not a day goes by I don't think about it. Needless to say, I haven't told anyone about this in real life.
49. What’s In Store
When I was working part-time at a grocery store, the people there really cheesed me off. Six months after I stopped work there, I was thinking about my treatment during my time at the store and decided to report them for multiple health code and building violations. Bear in mind that these were not made-up allegations, but I am sure they were shut down for a while because of them.
50. Take A Note
I lost my full-time schedule to another part-timer after she told my superiors that I wasn’t good at my job. So, I went from over 35 hours to 15 a week. She took my responsibilities and got a pay raise with her promotion. But after I asked for a raise for the same job, they told me they couldn’t because of the economy. I saw red.
One of the job’s responsibilities was to update both training notebooks, put them back together, and then mass-print them twice a year. On training days, the new hires kept them. This task had proven difficult as it took some people two weeks to make them and there would still be mistakes. But I did them in three days. When I handed in my notice, I had mixed up and removed some pages from the original notebooks.
My boss had told me to remove the headers and pages numbers that I added, but I didn’t. This helped my evil scheme become even more diabolical. My original hope was just to make the new person’s life a little more difficult. But I heard that training was chaotic because no one had noticed. This meant that she didn’t check and update the notebooks.
So, she mass-printed a useless 300+ notebook and was fired immediately.
51. Methods Of A Monster
In sixth grade, I was shy. This loud semi-popular kid always, for whatever reason, took my mechanical pencils, removed the erasers, and then ate them all the while laughing like a crazy person. I never understood it. I think she thought it was cute. My meek protestations made no difference—she just laughed even more. I was running out of pencils with erasers. It enraged me.
Without fail, if I had a new pencil, the eraser was gone right after I entered that class. So, I asked my mom for an eraser pen over Christmas break. After I got it, I dropped it in the toilet, peed on it, used tongs to take it out, then put it in a plastic bag. When I saw her after the break, I greeted her and handed her the bag as a “Christmas” present.
Exactly as I’d expected, she took it out and started chewing on it laughing. I just smiled quietly and got back to my work.
52. The Revenger’s Book Club
There was a guy in high school who was a complete jerk to me for a couple of years. I decided to exact revenge in a rather unique way—via magazine. I went to the school library and pulled subscription cards out of every women’s magazine I could get my hands on, and a few strange ones like Psychology Today and Architectural Digest, and filled out cards in his name, with his address, and checked "bill me later".
I overheard him complaining a few months later about how he kept getting all these magazines he never ordered and it was getting irritating. Score.
53. My Super Sad Sixteen
In high school, one of my best friends started dating my ex-boyfriend the day after we broke up...which happened to be my 16th birthday. So then and there I decided to ruin her sweet sixteen. I just wasn't sure how at first. Fast forward three months. She planned an extravagant birthday party and played hooky from school the Friday before the big party to prepare. This was my opportunity.
I told everyone at school that she had gotten the flu and was postponing the party (hence why she wasn't in school). We were neighbors so everyone bought it. The next day she got all dolled up, and arrived at her sweet 16 in a large rented ballroom, only to spend the entire party with her mom and little sister. Not one person showed up.
Looking back it was terrible and mean, but to a 16-year-old girl I felt she broke the sacred girl code, and that's never okay.
54. The Customer Isn’t Always Right
I work in retail because I need the health insurance, but a LOT of customers seem to believe I work where I do because I’m an idiot. So, the second something like that comes out of their mouths (“Could you actually learn how to do your job CORRECTLY!? Some of us have places to be, y’know, jobs that actually matter…”), I become the stupidest cashier you will EVER have.
My idiocy knows no bounds. What’s that? You’re the dummy who brought in an expired coupon, and when I scan it and tell you it’s not valid, I’m the stupid one? Huh. Okay then. I guess I need to call over a manager to okay every single one of your coupons, you snotty twit. Good thing you weren’t in a rush—Oh wait, you’re gonna be late to your doctor’s appointment?
That’s too bad because I accidentally just deleted everything I rang up! Gotta start over! Note: I only do this to customers that insult me first. It’s never unprovoked stupidity, and I don’t do it if there’s a line behind them. It wouldn’t be right to mess with innocent shoppers. But otherwise, believe me, it's game on for me. And I will win.
55. No Take Backs
My parents are friends with this couple whose son is mean, but when they’d come over, we were expected to play nicely together. Luckily for me, this wasn't that often because he was horrible, but being three years younger and a girl made it worse. I remember once when I was six years old, we were playing in the garden. He grabbed me by my ankles and held me upside down over the garden waste pile behind our fence telling me there were spiders in my hair.
I’ve never been one for screaming and crying but that was terrible. He was always a jerk, but I never told on him. It’s partly because I was scared and I didn't want to be the victim. One evening, he and his parents were over, and we were getting on well enough for once, playing Pokemon Red upstairs in my room on our respective GameBoys.
Not content with being equals, he started boasting about how good his team was compared to mine, had better Pokemon than me, and beat the Elite 4 hundreds of times. But that wasn’t all. He had a Mew. He spun a tale about how he got it from his friend who went to Japan to visit an old man who was the only person in the world who could get you a Mew officially.
Truth or not, he did indeed have a Mew. He told me he got it when his friend did a difficult trading cheat to duplicate it. Eventually, I managed to convince him to do the cheat with me. We went over and over the rules. The trade began, and when it’s nearly complete, he switched his off, and I awaited the trade to finish. Then it happened—a stroke of genius.
I switched mine off, and when we restarted, I had his Mew, and he had a Caterpie. He looked at the GameBoy and then looked at me. I thought he might hit me. Suddenly, the gravity of the situation hit him, and then he launched himself out of my room, screaming, crying, and rolling around in the hall. Our parents rushed upstairs to see what was going on.
"She did it wrong," he cried. "She took my Mew!" Naturally, none of them understood Pokemon, so when they looked at me with my lip quivering and tears in my eyes, the conclusion was obvious. “Oh, stop crying,” they said, “she's just a wee girl. I'm sure she didn't mean it!” Still crying, the brat screamed at them to make me do the trade again but got in more trouble.
Everyone comforted me, especially my new Mew and that sweet taste of victory.
56. Do You One Better
I was in high school in the 90s. My computer science teacher assigned a project to my brother and me to make a program for teaching and measuring typing speed. The teacher used the program we were made to teach typing in all of his classes as if it was his. So, my brother and I hatched a brilliant plan. We'd make a new one.
The new software was better with improvements based on the original program’s use as well as additional features that the teacher couldn’t be able to pass up. We gave it to him with no incentive other than mere extra credit. But our program had a “bonus” feature. The teacher took care of all of the computers at school. What he didn’t know about our hidden feature was that it took over the machine’s operating system randomly.
It made the machine load a shell operating system and a prompt that read the machine’s contents had been wiped. We made it so that the feature intercepted all commands and only output what we’d wanted him to see. He had to reformat and reinstall the OS on all of the machines at least once a week for the rest of the year. And the best part of all?
Because it happened at random, there was never any pattern that suggested my brother and I had anything to do with it. And the first thing he would re-install when he was done was always the typing program.
57. I Did What I Had To
I was the new kid at my middle school. I knew a handful of kids there but not everyone. The first month or so, I mainly talked to my friends and was pretty quiet otherwise. This one annoying kid, Andrew, took that as his cue to try to start tormenting me. He would do and say super disrespectful stuff about me out of nowhere and shoulder-check me in the hallways.
After like a week of that, I asked him if he wanted to play basketball after school, and he agreed. He had no idea what was coming. We went to the court behind the school, and I basically just beat the heck out of him when no one was looking. I never even told anyone.
I'm not saying that was cool or anything, but I wasn't going to spend my next two years hating my life because of this guy. And the harassment immediately stopped after that.
58. Worth It
There was the kid in Junior High who was always in my face. Not exactly a bully, just two parts jerk and one part idiot. Constantly following me around. I tried turning the other cheek, being nice, and stuff like that, but it just was not working.
Fast forward to high school, and we are both on the wrestling team. I'm like one weight class above him, so we have lots and lots of close contact and he was still being a jerk. When we faced each other, I took my chance to show him who was boss. In a split second, boom—double leg takedown. I scooped that idiot up in the air and dented the mat with him. The coach got angry and made me do extra cardio after practice. It felt really good anyway.
59. Mr. Clean
I used to work at Best Buy in Geek Squad. Usually, the people working the closing shifts had to clean up their departments and such. We had just gotten a new manager who was an outside hire from Circuit City. He was trying to be a tough guy and flex his management powers by being a meticulous jerk about cleaning during closing duties,
He was asking things like, “Did you clean UNDER the registers and Windex and dust, etc.” about every freaking little thing. I was working with a buddy of mine when he and I started our closing duties a little early. The store was pretty empty that night, and we wanted to be able to leave at a reasonable hour. We pretty much wrapped up 15 minutes after the store closed.
After that, we called the manager over to do a walkthrough so we could leave. His response infuriated me. He looked around, and everything seemed in order until he looked behind some signage on a shelf and ran his finger through, picking up some dust. Then he got this malicious grin on his face and let out a little weasely laugh.
He said, “Looks like you guys still have some work to do”. My buddy and I looked at each other, and we both just knew what had to be done. We cleaned the entire department from top to bottom, inside and out: Every drawer was emptied, dusted, and wiped down; we organized the brochures; we moved every computer in the back and dusted and wiped the shelves.
The floors got vacuumed twice; we neatly arranged the top stock…Every inch of the department was gone over with a fine-tooth comb, twice in some spots, just to take longer. 10 PM turned into midnight, and everyone else was long gone except for us three. The manager was looking weary and tired. Then midnight turned into 2 AM, and we were still going at it.
Then he finally came out of the office red-eyed and exhausted and said, “Guys, let’s go”. “But we still haven’t dusted under the counters and...” “It’s fine, let’s go”. We still weren't done, though. My buddy and I took our sweet time gathering our things and clocking out. We both were off the next day, but the jerk manager had to be in early for a conference call, which made it much better.
Every time he was the closing manager after that night, he never gave us trouble again. Instead, he’d simply ask us if we were ready to go when the store closed. Justice prevailed.
60. Take That Spritz
In grade seven, we had a class right after football practice. We were always in a hurry to get there and didn't have time to put our things in our lockers. So, we left our bags at the side of our big classroom. Well, Sonny always used my cologne while I was somewhere else in the classroom. It doesn’t sound like a big deal. But I had told him to stop before, so now he was doing it just to bother me.
Well, I had the great idea to put my cologne in a new container and pee in the old bottle. I will never forget watching this jerk spray my pee all over himself or the look on his face when he realized that he had doused himself in human urine.
61. Total Lock Out
There was a kid in middle school who made my life miserable. Once, I stayed after school to do a test I’d missed, and I saw that the kid’s locker was wide open with his phone for anyone to take. I thought about destroying it but decided instead, I’d set a passcode. In the morning, I watched him try to unlock his phone. His phone stayed locked every time he tried. Then, the most amazing thing happened.
He became so frustrated that he threw his phone at the wall breaking it. He deserved it.
62. In The Deep End
I was living in a Middle Eastern country a few years back. Nice place, but because 50% of the population in the region is under the age of 20, the roads are simply overrun by teenage and early-20s jerks. The culture's fatalism makes young guys even more reckless and irresponsible than their hormones already program them to be.
So, after a rare rain shower, the highway is flooded up ahead. 18 inches deep. Traffic is backed up for at least a mile, and it takes us 15 minutes to get to the flooded patch. Everyone is annoyed...and then it happens. I see two cars full of teenage jerks passing people on the shoulder on the right from way behind me. Now, there's just no excuse for that.
Eventually, they get to where I am, and they pass me just as we're reaching the 50-yard stretch where the flooding is crossing the road. And wouldn't you know it? One of them crosses into the far left lane, and one stays in the right lane to avoid the deep water...in the middle lane...
And wouldn't you know it? Their windows are rolled down...
I'm in a Toyota Land Cruiser, a nice big four-wheel drive. So while they're crawling through a foot of water in their little action-boy Hondas, I decide “screw it” and rush up between them through the deep stuff in the middle lane.
The wave from my front wheels was about six feet high, and it had to have put 20 gallons of water through the windows of both cars. Completely drenched. All of them...with nasty urban stormwater runoff. Bwahaha!
Of course, they chased up after me once they cleared the water, screaming and cursing, but I just pretended to be on my phone and ignored them. Eventually, they gave up and (I hope) figured I had just been as impatient and selfish as them and had hosed them by accident.
Most satisfying revenge of my life.
63. A Grave Miscalculation
This one comes to mind because I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was out snow-blowing the driveway one day. Some dude who is a friend of my sister's walks up to me and throws a snowball at me. He then gave that look like "What are you gonna do about it, man?" He then laughed, putting his hands up as if to go "Ohhh!!"
Dude? Do you not see this sizeable snow-moving device I am pushing around? It only took several seconds to completely coat him in snow, and the look of defeat on his face was glorious.
64. Bar None
There’s a bar at the end of my street, and my mom liked to go there to watch people play pool. She didn’t drink; she would just sit there and watch and sip Diet Coke. Apparently, she struck up a conversation with one of the guys one day, and he kissed her on the cheek and then played a great game of pool. So after that, he’d always kiss her on the cheek before playing pool.
For some reason, the guy who ran the bar accused my mom of some unsavory things because of this and banned her from the bar. Mind you: My mom was a sweet, 300 lb, 50-year-old lady who worked as an engineer and dressed like she was going to work. There was nothing about her that would make you think anything untoward.
So, I got revenge there several times. My main go-to was placing big pizza orders and then never going to pick them up. One time, my friends and I went to that bar, and my friend peed all over their bar and floor—on a Friday night when the place was nearly packed. My favorite revenge, though, happened this one Saturday night.
On Saturdays, they had biker night. The place was packed, and they always had the jukebox blaring. So, I put a $10 bill in the jukebox and played the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way”. I played it 40 times in a row. Then when I was in college, I went on a road trip, and I saw a Canadian bar chain with the same name and logo as that bar.
I looked it up when I got home, and sure enough, that bar chain had been in business for longer than the bar had been using that name and logo in the US. So, I emailed the Canadian chain with pictures of the US bar and all the info for the bar. They emailed me back to thank me and forwarded it to their legal department.
Six months later, the bar that banned my mom had a new owner and a new name.
65. Heavy On The Sauce
In middle school, there were these two kids who always got into trouble and messed with me a lot. At lunch, one of them started throwing ketchup packets at me. First, I ignored it because they did this to people all the time and the teachers never did anything about it if they stopped in time. Well, he wasn’t stopping. He probably grabbed a whole handful of packets just to toss them at me.
After the fifth one, I took one, opened it, and sprayed ketchup all over his face and shirt. He stood as if to hit me, so I backed away slowly. We both looked for the lunch attendant. We both spotted her, and she was trying not to laugh. So, I won.
66. Fool’s Goal
When I was growing up, I had a best friend, Chris, who would come stay over for a week or so at a time. I rarely saw him, and we lived very far apart, so the extended visits were the only time I spent with him. I lived in a very rural area so reaching my house was difficult. During one of these visits, we were both 11.
I learned that two other boys, our "closest" neighbors, from twenty minutes up the road and sons of a good friend of my mother would be joining us for lunch. With a few days to plan, hundreds of acres of forest, a treehouse, and 11-year-old imagination at our disposal, we hatched our evil plot. These boys were trouble. They were spoiled brats and were the most entitled individuals I had ever met.
The older one, 13, considered himself a "rapper," and went so far as to have his daddy keep his precious "lyrics" in a safe because he was convinced that he would be famous one day. This was the kind of kid who’d take things from other kids. He’d taken my favorite world industries tech deck just because he thought he was a little “thug,” and I’ll never forget that.
The younger one was not nearly as bad but tried to emulate his brother and thus could also be a nuisance of incredible magnitude. Chris and I decided to send them on a "scavenger hunt" of sorts. Their goal was to find us. We hid clues to our location all over the property. We lured them to my treehouse right by the driveway where we’d put a walkie-talkie.
So, as they got out of their car, they heard our voices coming from the treehouse. We weren’t there but watching from a vantage point high in a redwood tree. From there, we explained to them that if they wanted us to come down, they’d have to play our game. They bought it, then went on to fight their way through thick brush to the remote locations where we had hidden clues.
They were covered in pointy thorns and sticks obediently looking for dozens of clues we left for them. Over the next couple of hours, we fought back laughter from our vantage point as we watched them become increasingly frustrated with our antics. They regularly went to the treehouse to plead for us to come down but always begrudgingly went back to the hunt.
By the time they found all of the clues, it was time to leave. We never actually had to interact with them. We watched them climb back into their pristine BMW 5 series covered in thorns, red in the face with frustration, and utterly exhausted.
67. What A Girl Wants
In fourth grade gym, I discovered heartbreak, revenge, and victory all in one class period. Moments before class had started, my "boyfriend" dumped me because I was too weird. There I sat in disbelief and sadness, and he just ran around as if nothing had happened. We were put on opposite teams, only making the chasm between us greater.
Now, I am possibly the worst person at sports, wiffleball being no exception, which we were playing at the time. I stepped up to the orange rubber plate, the bat heavy in my hands. The Ex was pitching and called out to everyone in the outfield "Don't worry about this one, she can't hit anything”. That's when I got angry.
I said nothing, watching as he casually cocked back his arm. His eyes gleamed as the ball flew from his grip, careening towards me. I raised my bat and swung with all of my measly strength. The Wiffle ball met my bat with a dull, plastic WHACK. Next, the Wiffle ball met The Ex's balls, square on. I watched as he crumpled to the floor, a wailing heap. My team cheered for me as I ran around the bases, greeting me with high fives as I cleared home.
It was beautiful.
68. The Tables Have Turned
In elementary school, I was bullied by this girl. I was tiny, red-haired, had braces and glasses along with low self-esteem, so of course, I was a target. She was just fat and entitled. She gave me numerous concussions and loose teeth and some emotional scars which made me apply for a secondary school in another district—my parents were a bit surprised when they got the letter about my being admitted, but that's another story.
I went on to be accepted into one of the more prestigious public high schools in my area. I met her one day at the end of the second year. She had put on so much weight and was on her way home, four takeaway bags in hand, to her parent's place. I lived on my own and was out jogging, at my skinniest, that day.
My revenge was simple—I just decided to be nice to her. She had failed everything and could only get into the lowest-priority high school. I was the highest priority. She had gained so much weight, and I was skinny and felt beautiful. She bought kilos of take-away, and I was out running. And I was so nice and compassionate. All those years of tormenting me…I just felt sorry for her.
69. When Life Won’t Give You Lemons…
I work at a bar. For any customer who is a jerk to me, I either fill their glass with ice so they get less of the actual drink they paid for, or I give them a small, small piece of lemon. Inside I feel like I’ve given them a massive “Screw you”. Conversely, anyone who is nice to me gets doubles for the price of singles and the largest lemon slices.
70. Connecting The Box
I was sick of my roommate using my Xbox 360. He would play it for hours on end and leave it on overnight. Then he got mad at me for shutting it off when I got up in the morning because he hadn't "saved his game." I tried reasoning with him and said to take it easy on such a delicate console as a first edition Xbox 360. He wasn’t as tech-savvy as I, so I tricked him in the best way possible.
I went into the settings and blocked all the ports that the Xbox needed to access the internet. So, when he tried using it, he became frustrated and couldn't figure out why the Xbox wasn't working. He couldn't get it to work, and none of his friends could either. I told him he broke it.
71. Streak Of Genius
When I was a freshman in high school, my friends and I found a big unopened bottle that people had left behind the bleachers after drinking. This was around the time when the grades pulled pranks on the others for homecoming week. On Friday, we had an assembly in the gym to conclude spirit week. The seniors always won. On the day of the assembly, we found some guy off the street who was eager to do whatever for the bottle we’d found.
So, our principal stood at the center of the gym discussing the senior class’s high spirits and participation when a hairy dude wearing only a cape reading ’09 ran past him. The principal wasn’t pleased.
72. Eat You To It
My cousin’s friend was always really mean to me and picking on me. My mom told me how she’d gotten back at the girl who had been mean to her when she was younger. So, one day when she was being her usual mean self, my mother’s story inspired me. I picked up a leaf on the ground and walked over to the rude girl with it.
I told her to hide it somewhere on her body. Then I took a dandelion with the seeds to “find” the leaf. As I “scanned” her body to find it, I worked up to her mouth. I held the dandelion in front of her mouth and told her to open it. With a smug smile, she opened her mouth thinking I was dumb for thinking it was there. As soon as she did, I jammed it down her throat—white dandelion seeds, stem and all.
She almost threw up. My aunt, uncle, and cousin were all upset with me, but my mom thought it was hilarious because she knew how mean this girl was.
73. The Bling Ring Goes To College
I'm a professor. Many years ago, I had a small cluster of students in one course that I strongly suspected was cheating. Scattered evidence suggested that they had knowledge of my test content ahead of time. I don't let my students keep their test copies, and I re-write my tests every semester, so this was puzzling. I determined that the most likely way they were cheating was during the photocopying process, so I set out to test that possibility first.
When the next test in the course was getting close, I left the previous semester's version of the test in the photocopy room as bait. I then rewrote the new version of the test, keeping page 1 the same to avoid raising suspicions on test day but otherwise completely revising the questions. I made the new copies on another department's copier the morning of the test.
Sure enough, when I graded the test, I made a disturbing discovery. I found that my cheaters all had perfect scores on the page 1 questions, but then screwed up subsequent questions to varying degrees. They all went from "A"s on the first two tests to "D"s and "F"s on the test in question.
Those patterns alone probably wouldn't be enough evidence for an airtight academic integrity charge, but one of them gave up the whole group and the plan when I called her in to confront her with the test copies. Turns out they had access to my department's copy room from a former student worker and would routinely pop in and take exams from the to-be-copied pile after hours.
In the end, it caused a big disciplinary fuss in the administration with "F" grades, multiple suspensions, and one expulsion, which is a true rarity given how universities are about kicking out students. The cheaters were hoisted by their own petard and I got what passes for professor street cred among my peers for catching a well-organized group that many others had missed.
74. How The Mighty Fall
When I was in fourth grade, I was pushed around a lot by a kid who thought he was hot stuff. I told my parents, I told my teacher, they told the teacher and the principal…to no avail. So, one day on the stairs he kicks the back of my shoe, making it pop off and fall. But I got my payback in an instant—in a jerk reaction, I turned and punched him in the stomach. He keeled over and rolled down a flight of stairs to the next landing. I didn't even get in trouble, and even though he is still a jerk, he never dared to touch me again.
75. Road Warriors
I was driving on a side street with a speed limit of 40 miles per hour, but there are a lot of school zones in the area, so it frequently changed to 25. This crazy driver was coming up behind me. He was weaving through traffic, speeding, ignoring school zones, and just being a terrible driver, all in all. Making everyone else worried.
I was driving next to a truck at the time, and when I looked over at the truck driver, he nodded his head at me, and I did the same. We knew what we had to do. When the jerk driver came up behind us, the truck driver and I synced to the speed limit until we hit the highway. The jerk behind us started raging in the mirror and weaving back and forth.
Looking back, I feel kinda bad, but we have had a lot of accidents lately because of people ignoring the school zones, and kids have gotten hit crossing the street. So, I don’t feel that bad.
76. Popping Bottles
I was 16 and had grown up together with my friend. We had always been close, but as we got older, he got more involved in heavier stuff and slowly transformed into Pat the Punk. He started selling, dropped out of school, and became your run-of-the-mill degenerate. One day, his neighbor agreed to buy drinks for a party. I was very excited about it because I wanted to impress a girl I liked from school.
So, we both chipped in $50 for the biggest bottle. The neighbor delivered it to my friend’s place, and we left it on the coffee table while we played video games with his brother. When I came back from the washroom, the bottle was gone. I just laughed and asked where it was. Both avoided eye contact and shrugged. Irritated, I told them that bottles didn’t just get up and leave.
I asked them again where it was. They still claimed ignorance and kept their eyes glued to the TV. By then, I was livid and finally understood the phrase “blood-boiling anger.” But I kept my cool as best as I could then questioned them for another 15 minutes trying to make them tell me it was a joke or what’d happened. With no response, I told them that I could take the hint that they disrespected me that much and left.
So, I decided to learn everything I could about making fake dollar bills. My old printer provided three subpar twenty-dollar bills. I waited a week to let things smooth over before asking Pat the Punk for $60 of bud. He didn’t notice a thing because he was always drinking or on something. I left feeling like I’d put the universe in balance by getting even, and I considered our friendship over.
A few weeks later, I heard that Pat gave his dealer the fake bills who then tried to use them at a convenience store. The bills were so bad that the clerk immediately knew and called for officers. His dealer denied vehemently he didn’t know the bills were fake. But the officers still decided to search his car for more. Instead, they found little baggies of white powder and took him in.
His dealer knew exactly who’d given him the fake bills. But my friend had no idea they were fake or who’d given it to him. I never meant it to go this far...Unfortunately, a few nights after his dealer’s bust, two masked men broke into Pat’s house, beat him badly, and looted his house.
77. Rising Above
When I was in high school, I had a friend who was a grade above me, and we lived down the block from each other. One day at school, I saw him in the hallway and asked him a question about soccer. He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?" and walked off. I blew it off and went over to his house to talk to him about it.
He said, "Sorry, but you’re a junior and I’m a Senior. I have standards." I hated him for this comment. So, I spent a good two months hashing out my plan for revenge. I figured out that his mom and dad loved their manicuring their lawn every couple of days. Then I learned about his most dreaded chore. It was lawn work. One Friday night, I found a deli that made fresh dough for bagels.
I grabbed a trash bag of the dough that they’d thrown out at the end of the day. At midnight, I brought the dough over to my “friend’s” house and threw little chunks of the dough all over their perfect lawn. It was the middle of the summer in the south. So, when the sun rose, those little pieces of dough started to rise like hybrid mushrooms and stuck to the lawn like concrete.
His mother and father came out to go to work and were horrified. They blamed their son and his senior classmates for playing a prank, and he spent the entire weekend scraping all that dough up.
78. Just Deserts
My grandfather was driving when an obviously not-sober man threw a rock and shattered his windshield. My grandfather talked to him and told him 'If you give me your real number, I'll only have you pay for half of the windshield or we can figure something out”. The guy turned out to give him a fake number.
A year later, my grandfather picks up a guy from Park & Ride (carpooling), and he happens to be the man who shattered his windshield. They're driving on the freeway and the guy doesn't recognize him. He's being rude and talking on his phone. My grandpa asks to see his phone—his next actions brought his jaws to the floor. He throws it out the window.
The guy freaks out and my grandpa goes “Remember me?'” He then made him get out of the car.
79. Chew On That
I was in the Canadian air cadets at summer camp. We got picked on and had things stolen from us by one other cadet with issues for the duration of the camp. We were allowed to go buy sundries at a local pharmacy once a week. On the final day of camp, we did precision parade drills for friends, family, dignitaries, etc. Sort of like graduating from boot camp.
It was a formal event where we were expected to be at our best. Well, we had taken the awful cadet’s regular gum and swapped it for laxative gum. A while later, we are called up for a drill. Since it was hot and we were in full uniform, if we experienced exhaustion or were about to faint, we were supposed to drop to one knee and wait until we got taken out of formation.
He dropped to one knee partway through. I don't know for sure if he pooped himself but I like to think he did.
80. Keeping Karens In Check
I was working in the customer service booth at my local grocery store. It was my second day on the job alone, and I had JUST opened the booth. One guy came up, and I started helping him put his Western Union order through. It usually takes five minutes. About 45 seconds after I began helping this guy, a woman came up and IMMEDIATELY started tapping her foot in impatience.
She also had arms crossed and was huffing, sighing, the whole deal. I just glanced at her and kept doing my thing. I wasn’t going to mess up my order just because she was being an impatient witch. But then she upped the ante. She started being vocal about it. She glanced at her watch and said to no one in particular, “I’m REALLY in a hurry. Ugh”.
Then she addressed me, “Is there SERIOUSLY NO ONE ELSE TO HELP YOU”? I explained that no, it was just me. Mind you, it was still just those two in line. She asked the customer that I was already helping if she could just get her business taken care of so she could leave. He just kinda said, “Okay, whatever”. So the woman pushed her way in front of him and thrust her bill in my face.
I took it, set it down, and told her she could wait until I finished helping the customer in front of her. Then she rambled to no one in particular, “I have to be in Parowan by 10! It takes at LEAST an hour! I’m going to be late! Ugh”! I finished with my customer (taking my sweet time) before starting her transaction. It turned out she wanted to pay a bill by check, and I had never done it before, so I had to call someone over to help me.
She continued to huff and puff while I took as much time as possible. I could have finished her transaction in less than five minutes, but it took me at least eight or nine. I hope she was late.
81. That’s Not Okay
When I was in second grade, I got placed in this small advanced class called “Discovery”, which consisted of just seven smart kids. We did cool stuff like make rockets and raise ducks. It was awesome. But come fifth grade, we got this young new teacher fresh out of college. She was openly Jewish and decided to spend the whole freaking year teaching us about the Holocaust.
Now, as a 10-year-old, I was noticeably upset about going from learning about bacteria to spending two months looking at pictures of Auschwitz. Not that it wasn’t valuable information to learn, I was just irritated that the program was no longer fun and sciency. That stuff got depressing. I was no longer gruntled.
When I voiced my displeasure, she tried to have me removed from the program...Tried. Bear in mind that this was the late 90s, and this lady was completely computer illiterate. So one day before she came in the room, I put a couple of dozen photos of Adolph H that I’d downloaded for a report on her computer, like paintings that made him look heroic and glorious.
I then made it the default folder for her screensaver, and then I unplugged the keyboard and mouse. For the rest of that semester, she had to look at that slideshow whenever she stepped away from her computer. Fifth grade me did not mess around.
82. Test Of The Senses
Between college and law school, I lived in a three-bedroom house with two sorority girls. In December, I told them that I was taking my LSAT a few weeks in advance and reminded them a few times. Still, they went ahead and completely disrespected me. They decided to invite all of their friends over the night before my test. There’s a lot of drinking, and it got really loud.
I'd asked them to keep it down because I just wanted to sleep. But by four in the morning, I was furious. The party was coming to an end, and I heard some of the guys say that they didn't need a blanket while they stayed for the night in the living room. So, I went down the hall and turned the thermostat all the way down. But I wasn’t finished yet.
I pulled the knob off, threw it on the yard, and went back to sleep. When I was walking out the door a few hours later, all of the guys were huddled in the living room. One of them asked me why it was so cold, and I just laughed and left to take my test. I didn’t feel bad for a single second.
83. Can’t Even Say
While working at my serving job, a little girl asked for a Sprite. I told her, "sure thing." On my walk back to the kitchen, I remembered then that we only sold Pepsi products and used Sierra Mist instead of Sprite. I brought her the Sierra Mist without saying anything because she's just a kid. She won't notice, right? I came back later to check up on them and asked if she'd like a refill.
She said yes. I laughed devilishly in my head knowing she had no idea she didn't get a Sprite. The fool. She had no idea. I get a rush just thinking about it.
84. Friendly Neighborhood Repairman
Dad ended up in a one-room apartment downtown after the divorce. The location was close to the arts district, so visits during the day were nice. But nights got pretty loud. Rent was cheap, so they were favored by the local undocumented workers who’d stay in groups in one apartment and liked punching holes in the wall. Dad liked the area and the rent. But he got into it with his neighbors.
At night, they liked to drink and have loud parties showing off their strength by punching the walls. To cope with the sound, he boarded his window with plywood and hung heavy quilts over the door. My sister and I didn’t see him do that very often. I kept my pet corn snake there. When his neighbors saw me carry it in, it got Dad a lot of respect.
No one ever tried to break into his apartment. But Dad couldn't stand the holes in the apartment walls. They took a long time for the apartment manager to repair. So, Dad had to fix the holes himself and keep them fixed. He filled a board full of long nails. When there was a new hole in the wall, my dad made a whole production out of putting the board of nails into the wall then patching it up while his neighbors watched.
My dad told them that each time someone punched a hole, he’d add a new board of nails. The holes stopped appearing!
85. Meaningful Exit
Before officially submitting my resignation, I wrote a code in the program that in three weeks after my final day would mess with parts of the system. After compiling and integrating it into the network, I removed the code from the source then gave everything to them. I didn’t create the program. I merely took it over. My replacement would need at least a couple of months to figure out how the whole program works just as I did.
In the meantime, they were using a broken program with no way to figure out the source of the problem.
86. Give And Take
My friend Roman had just bought a brand-new, shiny bike. We were taking it for a spin around the neighborhood and stopped off at my girlfriend’s house. We left the bikes on her big porch and went inside. Not five minutes later, we went outside—what I saw made my blood boil. My friend’s new bike was missing. We promptly hop in my car and start to search for the bike.
After about an hour we were giving up and thought we'd better check the central bus station one last time. Sure enough, there was a 16-year-old boy with my friend’s bike and the stickers had already been removed. We pulled over and confronted him. He said he found the bike in a ditch and promptly handed it back.
I was putting the bike in the car while my friend fumed and looked up this kid up and down. Right as we're about to head out he yells "Give me your jacket!” Yep, he made the kid give him the jacket he was wearing off his back as punishment for taking the bike. It was a nice rugged Carhartt jacket, and to this day my friend still uses it.
87. Sorry Not Sorry
I walked away from a relationship and told her to keep the ring. I literally left her standing there in a mall and I swear I could feel her watching me walk away. I'm pretty sure it broke her because after a little Facebook stalking, she hasn't had an actually serious relationship since, and now she's a single mom.
She’s also occasionally posted one of those cryptic "The one that got away" memes and I'm 90% sure she's talking about me. Maybe don't cheat next time dummy.
88. Insider’s Only
When she was five and I was three, my sister was the evil genius. She caught me praying for my stuffed animals to come to life. So, she took it upon herself to position my toys frozen in the middle of various activities whenever I was asleep or not in my room. For days, I caught my stuffed animals doing fun things without me.
It not only made me believe that my prayers were answered and stuffed animals were given the gift of life. But now with the power to think, they decided that they disliked me so much that they would rather freeze and waste this magnificent gift than to have to suffer through even one minute talking and playing with me. She just watched and laughed as I cried and pleaded to my toys to be my friends and to just give me a chance.
89. In Your Face
I had a nasty roommate in college who used my things and ruined them like my nice frying pan, dishes, and some towels. My hand towel was the tip of the iceberg for me because she used it to smear her gobs of makeup off thus leaving me with a pitifully stained towel that angered me to the core. In comes the dirty towel. My boyfriend and I used that towel after doing the nasty.
I wasn't expecting this to work, but after replacing my towel with this dirty towel, which didn’t look it, I came back to find the next day there were gobby makeup stains all over the towel!
90. My Friends Over You
My friend’s ex was horrible and deserved to be dumped. She treated my friend like garbage and saw him as nothing more than a pair of lips. After they broke up, she refused to talk to us. Fast forward two months and she's still a bit bitter with most of our friend group with the exception of me. See, she wanted me.
So she asked me out. That's when we came up with a brilliant plan. We decided that everyone would just so conveniently be at the movie theater when we were on our date, including her ex and his current girlfriend. The look on her face when she was essentially flash-mobbed and completely ignored for the night was priceless.
91. Getting Schooled
There was a teacher that I hated in middle school and he hated me just as much. One day I noticed that one of the magazines in our classroom had his address on it. I wrote it down and waited until summer vacation, so it would be less suspicious. I went to Borders and got a bunch of magazine subscription inserts and had a close friend who went to another school fill them out with his information.
I checked the bill later and sent them out. When I got back to school the next year, I could tell he suspected me but couldn't prove it and I was happy because I didn't have any classes with him anymore.
92. Working Overtime On Revenge
About a month ago I found out my co-worker, a good friend of mine, was cheating with my girlfriend at the time. I teamed up with a few other work buddies and we decided to teach him a lesson. We went to a Korean mart and bought two frozen raw fish. With the help of one of my buddies, I was able to get a hold of his car keys.
We hid one of those two fish we bought earlier in a place that would be pretty obvious and easy to notice, but we didn’t stop there. We duct-taped the other fish underneath his passenger side seat. He did find one of the fish and was pretty mad with us. Here’s the sweet revenge, though.
He kept complaining that he just couldn’t get rid of the fish smell from his car even though he cleaned his car with shampoo and used all kinds of car scents. I quit that work a few days after, so I don’t know if he found the other fish yet. We don’t talk anymore.
93. It Was All Ingest
At my old workplace, there was a woman who would regularly eat other people’s food without their consent. The food was stored in the company refrigerator, and when I caught her eating mine, I got angry. But I wasn’t the only one: My co-workers were equally furious when they found out she was also eating their food. Cue to our petty revenge.
Every day after I caught her, some of my co-workers and I would buy a dozen donuts in the morning, and we would always make sure to offer her a donut first. We’d tell her, “Sure, take two. Three. There’s plenty”, and she would always take two or three. We also brought candy and left them close to her desk in a bowl.
Naturally, she could not help herself: Her weight ballooned to unhealthy proportions. Last I heard, she now has health issues related to bariatrics.
94. Trouble Spot
Back when I was little, we lived across from a popular public pool on a tiny street, so parking was premium. We had issues with people parking across our driveway, but we were close with the pool owner and would get him to ask over the loudspeakers, and whoever parked the car would come over, apologize to us, and move.
But one day after coming home from school, I saw somebody had the audacity to not park in our driveway but inside our garage. My dad was dumbfounded. We went over to make the usual announcement. Then this woman in her 30s came stomping over in a huff and said she would fix it when she had finished her exercise routine. So, my dad just parked behind her, and we went out for dinner for a few hours.
She was mad, but she didn't learn her lesson and kept doing it two to four times a month! Eventually, my dad stopped caring about parking her in and let her out at his leisure. It wasn't our problem just hers. She even called officers on us. They just told her not to park on private property and then wrote her a citation. Then one morning, she had the gall to park us in our own driveway. Dad had had enough.
He made sure she was doing her laps, grabbed a coat hanger, jimmied the door open, dismantled the passenger seat, and left it on the curb by the pool exit. He then waited on our front deck, sipping his tea as she came out of the pool to get her car. She walked by the passenger seat without a second glance. Scowling at him as she got in her car, she did a double-take as she went to put her bag down.
She freaked out, realizing that my dad had had access to her car the whole time. She ran over, grabbed her seat, put it in the trunk, and drove off. We never heard from her again.
95. Keep Your Friends Close…
I suspected that my wife was cheating on me with a co-worker. I confronted both who responded by calling me a jealous husband. They were just best friends and I needed to understand that. So, I befriended him, became his workout partner, and learned everything I could about him. I’d even invited him to my dinner table.
Physical revenge was often considered, but neither he nor she was worth me spending a life sentence in prison for. I played dumb. He was a bodybuilder and taking steroids. He wasn't incredibly smart and had just barely gotten through college. And he was working minimum pay jobs while he worked towards his true desire.
He was applying for the firefighter school in our major metro city. If accepted, it would be a lifetime job for him and a career he’d wanted since he was young. He talked often during our workout sessions about how much it meant to him. I have had countless EMS and fire department contacts through my healthcare career.
He also knew I was knowledgeable about medicine. After he started to ask questions about steroids, I made sure to give him just enough info to have him want to ask me more. I then made sure he started emailing me his steroid questions. Ironically, he used an account that even had his full name in the address.
After a private investigator confirmed the affair, I moved my plan into action. So, when I was ready to leave my wife, I contacted several of the FD officers who sat on the review board. I gave them the emails from one of their candidates admitting he was using substances and lied about it during the interview process. He was slated to be a part of the incoming class as he’d done quite well. But he was rejected.
I used my contacts in the EMS community to make sure that he’d never be accepted to a major fire department within a 200-mile radius. He and my wife took my dream marriage, so I took something that had just a profound effect.
96. Rinse And Repeat
My stepmom was evil. She put two young girls, my sister and me, on diets because we were "fat." I tolerated her because my mom was out on the road working and really needed a place for us to stay and had to leave us with my sister's father. And one day, I snapped. At 12-years-old, I had an idea to mess with my stepmom. Once a week, my stepmom used an expensive conditioning treatment on her hair.
She was 56-years-old and used anything to preserve her youth. I was at my mom’s for the weekend and snatched a bottle of liquid hair remover. When I got back, I dumped out half of her fancy conditioner and then filled the bottle with remover. After giving it a good shake, I put it back. Then I waited. She would use the treatment at the same time each week and soak in the bath for about 30 minutes.
The bottle only called for 15 minutes. She got out of the tub to take a shower. When she stepped out, almost all of her fancy permed hair was falling off her head.
97. What A Beautiful Sight
Over the course of six months, through countless phone calls to different union offices and the department of labor, I eventually got my boss fired for changing people's time-keeping information to steal overtime from them. During those months I was treated like dirt by this guy, but I never actually did anything wrong so I couldn't be punished.
At one point, management—against contract rules—denied my time off request to be at my best friend’s wedding and my boss brought me into his office and threatened to fire me. At this point, I had called the northeast district business associate on him, and I will never forget the look on my boss’s face when he realized I knew he couldn't do anything to me.
98. Leave It Well Enough Alone
For the past few months, I've suspected that my upstairs neighbor has been taking some of my mail. I buy a lot of things online like books and craft supplies and every now and then there's been small things that were meant to arrive on a certain day that never did. One day, I caught her wandering around my front door. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Oh, I was looking for something I think I dropped into your yard”.
I got surveillance cameras installed a while ago, which were not noticeable to my neighbors. The camera that's pointed at my front door isn't visible from the driveway. So here comes the trap. I purchased a few postage boxes to set up for her. The first one was a glitter bomb. I set up the box to make sure she would get glitter to the face as soon as she opened it.
I packed it to make it look like a postage parcel, then sat it at my front door. 20 minutes later I saw her walking to my front door. She looked around then picked up the box and walked away. My only regret is that I didn't get to see her reaction when she got a face full of glitter. I haven't noticed any other mail going missing after that, but she will regret it if she does it again.
99. The Magic Formula
I used to have to report website usage, ROI, and all sort of statistics for a bunch of different sites. I built a cool mother of a spreadsheet in which you only input a few numbers and it would calculate just about everything the company would need. It was a bit too complicated for my boss to understand, yet he would take it to clients and brag that he made it.
That ticked me off. Then, after a while, he realized that the spreadsheet was all he needed, and he could use my paycheck to buy a new house. He laid me off. I told him he might need help with the spreadsheet, but he said he was smart enough. So before I left, I made sure to make him eat his words—I changed a single formula in the spreadsheet and had a good laugh about the reports it spat out. They made no sense at all anymore.
100. The Short Rent Of The Stick
In my junior year of college, four of my very best friends—who were like family to me—invited me to come to live with them in a sweet house. The rent was a little high, but I had a decent income and could afford my share. I also figured it would be nice to get out of the dorms. Our first month in, one guy couldn’t make the rent. I thought, “Sure, I'll loan it to him this month, no big deal”.
During the second month, another friend was short. I was the only one with savings. I still hadn’t gotten paid back from the first guy, but it was either to lend the money or sleep in my truck, so I paid it. In the third month, the friend in charge of the heating never set it up, and the gas ran out. This was in Alaska, so no gas meant frozen pipes.
I had to throw down $500 to get an emergency truck to come out that day, and nobody could chip in. The other two roommates were again short, and I STILL hadn't been paid back from the previous loans. By the fourth month, my savings—that were supposed to last the year—were gone. The power, internet, and water were shut off because the friend in charge of those "forgot" to pay them, even though I had been paying my portion the entire time.
I moved out and spent Christmas vacation huddled in my truck in the 40° below weather. One month later, they tried to sue me for the utilities, saying that I skipped out on them and left them penniless. I showed up to court with a full copy of state tenant laws, check receipts, and payment history and got the case thrown out.
101. This Waitress Was Cooked
I was in Kansas City at this too-hip restaurant that consisted of little more than a bar, a stage for the jazz band, and a few tables. I was in from out of town visiting friends from college and was sitting at the bar with them for about an hour, waiting for a table to open up. When one finally did, the waitress came over to get us more drinks and talk about the menu, which was all prix fixe.
All of the items were based around meat, and I was a fairly strict vegetarian. I had reservations about going to the restaurant in the first place. I told the waitress very politely that I was a vegetarian and asked if they could make me anything. If not, I was perfectly happy just to nurse my martini for the rest of the night. About 15 minutes later, one of the chefs came out and sat at the table.
The first words out of her mouth were, "So one of the waitresses came in to tell me that some dorky-looking [f-word] wanted us to make him a vegetarian meal". Well, there was something that the waitress didn’t know. I replied, "And what did you say to her"? The chef said, "Well, first I told her not to call my best friend that name".
Yeah, my best friend from college was one of the chefs, and the waitress unknowingly had talked trash about me to her.
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