Reading or listening to the word’s of mankind’s great intellectuals can be a thrilling experience--but so can reading or listening to the opposite!
As long as no one is getting hurt by it, laughing at the stupid, silly, and ridiculous things that we humans say and do from time to time can make for a hilarious way to spend a bit of your day. And people, let’s be honest, who among us hasn’t had at least one or two moments where we’ve looked or sounded as ridiculous as the poor souls in the stories below?
So please, indulge yourself in the following 42 stories about the stupidest people that some of our friends from Reddit have ever encountered.
1. It Sounds Like They Were the Ones Who Got Him…
An old co-worker named James. We worked at McDonald's and were both 16. One time, while mopping the lobby, he for some unknown reason decided to chase a number of customers around with the mop yelling "I'm gonna getcha". He was fired on the spot.
2. Hammering it Home
A girl from my elementary school believed that outer space isn't real, that Benjamin Franklin invented the time machine, and she was unaware of hammers.
3. Second, Third, and Fourth Chances Squandered
I work at a country club. He started out working in the kitchen. Every day when he arrived he would walk around with his German style motorcycle helmet on his head for at least an hour.
He constantly worked in the kitchen without gloves and showed a clear lack of respect for sanitary standards by often having a burning stick between his lips. If not actively engaged, he would let a half-burned stick dangle from his mouth. Manager was nice so just moved him to the snack bar at the pool. Outside, away from a lot of people, less food handling, maybe more his speed.
Nope, he was reported for telling a woman she shouldn't get a hamburger because she was too fat. So manager still doesn't fire him, moves him to doing light maintenance work. The guy spent 4 days painting the inside of a small closet this bright blue color. No clue where he got this color of paint because there is no place at this club or any place in which I have seen this color.
Lots of other stuff that I can't recall at the moment but he was eventually let go for harassing a 16-year-old.
4. Well, as Long as He Has a Sense of Humor About It, Right?
This one guy was a real blast to work with, although he always managed to find a way to screw things up. He once put about 16 pies in the oven and managed to not set the timer. He constantly burnt stuff in the toaster, which is pretty idiot proof. And has served sausage that was cooked on the regular meat time and setting, and then laughed about it—regular meat spends roughly 40 seconds while the sausage spends 90 seconds on the grill.
Pinterest
5. Hey, Don’t Hog All the Moonlight!
I’ve told this story before, but I like telling it because I really hate Tammy. I had a boss named Tammy. One night, we were all working late doing inventory, and we were discussing the impending lunar eclipse. Someone asked what happens during an eclipse. Tammy grandly explained that the eclipse would occur when America went in front of the moon, blocking our (Australia’s) view of it.
Like she literally thought the earth stretched itself into like a U bend or neck pillow shape, and half of it stayed in our normal orbit, and the other half stretched itself over and around to casually block the moon for the rest of the earth.
6. Good Luck Trying to Weather This Stupid Storm
My roommate for the last three years once said that if solar technology keeps advancing at the rate it is, we will absorb all the energy made by the sun and fix global warming. Not five minutes later after attempting to inform this poor fellow about how the sun’s energy output is not determined by what the energy eventually interacts with, he states that wind farms are worse because they cause tropical storms. I hope he is just doing this for dramatic effect. I just... I don't know...
7. I Feel Like Asthma Would Be the Least of Their Worries...
Had a guy in a third-year undergrad developmental psych course raise his hand in a full lecture hall and ask the professor; "Prof, do infants diagnosed with SIDS get asthma later in life... like are they more likely to get asthma??"
SIDS is an abbreviation for Sudden Infant Termination Syndrome. He just kept pursuing the question, the prof didn't understand how she could answer it, she thought there was some kind of logic in it that she wasn't seeing. Finally, a girl took the initiative to shout across the room, "No, they aren't more likely to get asthma, they are no longer with us." They have abruptly departed from this life, thus there is no possibility for them to develop asthma. Great day. He always sat in front of me and I would see him writing just absolutely horrible poetry and song lyrics.
8. Thanks for Trying, But...
I am half Korean and was going to high school in the Midwest during the 1992 LA riots. My typing teacher pulled me into the hallway and asked if I had an uncle or something I can call in LA to make the riots stop. She said she knew that we are all close and we all have stores and whatnot, therefore I must have a connection there. I was like, "Lady, even if I did have an uncle I could call, do you think he is Batman?"
9. There Are No Wrong Answers! … Except for That One
Our biggest argument was over whether the correct phrase is “egg yolk” or “egg oak".
10. When in doubt, consume the harmful substances.
My high school classmate, whose name is Nick, would have to be my choice for this question. We were in chemistry class, doing a lab practical, which required the use of a bulb pipette (a glass pipette with a removable bulb that you squeeze).
Nick didn't know how to use the pipette so he put it to his mouth to suck up SULFURIC ACID. It got about three-quarters of the way up before our teacher screamed "NICKKKKK!!!! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW."
11. Do I Need to Draw You a Picture to Explain This One?
Back when I was in middle school, I was playing Guitar Hero with the neighbor, and he asks: "Hey man, why does the yellow button have a bump on it?"
And for whatever reason, I, without missing a beat, say, "So blind people can play, and they know where to put their fingers."
We both accepted this as the obvious answer, and my brother was sitting on the couch watching and he was like: "Are you two completely stupid? How would a blind person play this game? Think about it for a second."
I felt pretty stupid after that.
Watson
12. Planning for the Future
Co-worker was anti-wind mills. When I asked why she said, “there are way too many popping up and we’re going to use up all of the wind".
I was speechless. I’m never speechless.
13. Well That Sure Sucks
I have a friend who was out of work and looking for a job, only to strike up a conversation with the CEO of a company he was interested in working for. The CEO liked him and told him to show up the next day at 10, to his house no less.
He showed up at 10.
10 pm.
The lights were out and no one answered, so he rang the doorbell until the CEO woke up and told him to get the heck off his property.
14. Someone’s in the Kitchen with Stupid
When I was in the Navy, there was a cook on my ship. He once served "rare" chicken. I genuinely couldn't tell whether he was trying to cover up his limitless incompetence or if he genuinely believed that rare poultry is a real thing. He was dumb enough to believe it.
Another time, he just filled a pan with ground beef and called it meat loaf. Another time he was supposed to make sugar cookies, you know, several hundred of them for the whole crew. He didn't bother to read the label on the container he opened, and apparently, he didn't taste the batter at any point, and he actually made salt cookies. He used up all the remaining salt in the pantry and we had unseasoned food for the remaining several weeks of the mission, during which time the captain assigned someone to be the cook's bodyguard.
15. Props for Your Honesty
A guy unlawfully took a bike. Someone stopped him and asked where he obtained it. He admitted to taking it unlawfully.
16. We're Laughing All the Way to the Bank
My friend's father robbed a bank in a small town in Indiana where he lived. This was in the late ‘70s or early ‘80s. He served a 10-year sentence for the offense. The same day he was freed from incarceration, he robbed the same bank again.
He was apprehended and back to confinement he goes. He did not learn in those 10 years not to rob any banks or anything of that sort. My friend was like “This is what every father does” and did not seem shocked over it.
17. Time On Her Hands
The first odd thing my brother noticed about his girlfriend was that she never learned to read an analog clock. When my brother offered to teach her, she laughed at him and used a slur at him. She believes that credit cards are free money and the fact that she can't get another credit card (for not paying) was because "the Jews" were mad that she figured out how to get free money. She also can't do math. Like, at all. Single digit addition requires the use of fingers and she still only gets the right answer about half the time. Subtraction is right out.
Mes Envies
18. That’s Kind of an Important Thing to Remember...
Someone managed to get fired from three different jobs (food service/cleaning) in four months because she kept "forgetting to go to work" and the people who ran the place were "total jerks" for firing her for "forgetting one thing."
19. This is Why You Shouldn’t Be a Copycat
My brother and his girlfriend both got salmonella from eating food she cooked. After some questioning, she admitted that she cooked the chicken "Rare, because that's how the expensive places do it."
20. I Just Can’t Get a Read on This Girl...
My brother’s girlfriend can barely read and can't write anything more than a few simple words. She has actually drawn cryptic pictures instead of leaving a note for my brother. I thought my brother was joking and referencing Charlie Kelly's illiteracy from It's Always Sunny. He wasn't joking and hadn't watched the show.
The illiteracy was originally discovered because she had burned or under-cooked a significant number of the pre-made frozen dinners my brother started buying. She couldn't figure out the instructions, so she was just guessing. She kept saying that the oven was broken in my brother's apartment.
MPC Forums
21. Immaculate Conception Gone Wrong
My brother’s girlfriend believed she couldn't get pregnant because her mom allegedly told her that only teenage girls get periods. Since her periods didn't magically stop on the day of her 20th birthday, she believed her womb was "busted" like her aunt's and she couldn't get pregnant. My brother, the second stupidest person I know, believed her and said that our mother, who is a Nurse Practitioner of gynecology, was full of you-know-what.
Naturally, she tested pregnant after two months of dating my brother. Instead of just admitting that my mother was right, they believed their conception was a "miracle from God." Following the birth, she was held responsible for operating a motor vehicle with her six-month-old child present, without realizing that the prescription painkillers she had obtained from her father were classified as substances causing impairment. Also, she didn't have a driver's license or insurance. Her dad had gotten her the car. She took too many of those painkillers and hit three parked cars, then got out to fight some random pedestrian on the sidewalk for "running into her."
She was incarcerated, and her foolish mother took custody of the child. Child Protective Services removed the child after less than two months because the child was losing weight. After questioning, her mom said she was teaching the baby not to throw food by sending her to bed hungry. Her mom was charged. The child was moved to a foster family because her dad and aunt have a felon status, and apparently, histories of wrongdoing run in both sets of grandparents as well. She was in county for four months while awaiting her sentencing. Surprisingly, she was released with time already served, gained custody of her child (astonishingly), and was given only three years probation and a steep fine in the six figures (plus repairing the vehicle damage) regardless of the severe conviction on her record (seriously?????). She pretty much hit the jackpot in the judicial lottery. Something called deferred adjudication.
But it didn’t end there! She celebrated her freedom by doing crack and failing her very first drug test with her probation officer. She asserted she was unaware that crack was against the law. Crack. You know, the stuff you can't buy from any CVS. The stuff you have to buy from a drug dealer. So the kid was placed back with the foster family. My moron brother is convinced that they're still in love and she'll be out in a few months because the judge will see her mistake (she won't). He also got imprisoned (again) for trading illicit substances at his workplace (again). Family, right?
22. Old Habits Die Hard
Had a next door neighbor who robbed a Howard Johnson's at the top of our street at gunpoint, wearing a ski mask. Acquired the money, removed the mask, and while leisurely walking home (a mere two blocks along the aforementioned street), he was intercepted and his belongings - the mask, the firearm, and the money - were discovered. He was intoxicated and asked them "Would it help if I said I'm sorry?" Ended up spending a few years in Riker's Island.
Emerged, trespassed into a nearby apartment complex, pilfered some cash and jewelry, became trapped on a fire escape when the ladder refused to descend, and he had shut the window behind him. Couple more years. That's two stories, I guess. There's a few more, but you get the picture. He did leave me a box of cassettes when he went up one time, among them The Allman Brothers Live at the Fillmore. I became a lifelong fan, so, thanks, unidentified next-door unsuccessful thief. He was actually a really nice guy, and, like, a young Ray Liotta handsome. Just dumb as a brick.
23. Now Here’s Million Dollar Idea If There Ever Was One...
I know a guy who smokes a lot of weed and is fairly overweight. He had been trying to find work but was having trouble finding a job since everything he was interested in drug tested. He told my boyfriend that he had a plan that might help him pass a drug test. Since weed supposedly gets stored in your fat cells, he proposed that he should just eat even more than he normally does so he can gain weight. That way, the fat that he gained would replace the “weed fat". Boom. Problem solved.
24. Apparently They Don’t Teach History in Nursing School
She ashamedly told us, her coworkers, how she cuddled with her boyfriend and thought she was pregnant.
They were wearing clothes.
She wasn’t pregnant.
She also thought the Great Depression was in the ‘60s and that so was the end of WWII.
In the ‘60s.
She’s a nurse now.
25. I Hope She’s Just Horsing Around
We were on a drive through an animal park. We see an animal. She asks "what kind of meat would that one be?" Someone replies "Oh, it'd probably taste similar to beef I'd imagine".
A few minutes later we see a different animal. She asks "and what about that one? Would it be, like, a fillet or a T-bone or something?" Then I realized that this woman thinks different cuts of meat come from different animals.
26. That’s Just Cheesy
Once at a restaurant in New Orleans, my friend ordered macaroni and cheese. At the table with about 15 other people he says out loud, "How did macaroni and cheese become a thing?" To which I replied, "What do you mean?" He says "I mean, it's so redundant, you know?" I say "What? How is macaroni and cheese redundant?" And he says "Think about it. You've got cheese and then you have pasta, which is made of cheese." HE THOUGHT ALL PASTA WAS MADE OF CHEESE...
27. Sounds Like a Perfectly Reasonable Question…
“Why do the crossing lights beep?”
“For blind people".
“But blind people can’t drive?”
“..".
28. Some Serious Competition for the Stupidity Championship
I have seen some people do some very strange and disgusting things. I've seen everything from a girl employee (literally) not know the change denominations, to a stoner employee try to sell weed to random customers, clean trash cans in the food sink, and pronounce sesame buns as Sea-Sam-bun. I also know a kid that ate an over-cooked egg patty that sat on top of raw fish, nuggets, and beef.
29. Priorities
My freshman year roommate dropped a class because he wanted to play his PlayStation more. It put him below the minimum credit threshold for his scholarships and his parents owed $40,000.
30. Devil’s in the Details
I worked on a hay press for about a month. Most guys had a high school education. One particular guy was telling me about a girl he was talking to on Tinder (or some other dating/chat app) when he said that she was in New York and that he wanted to go visit her. I told him that that’s pretty cool and New York will be quite the change from our little town. He then asked me how close New York was... we were in Washington state... he had no idea New York was over 2,000 miles away.
31. This One Actually Kinda Sounds Like Fun…
My mother rolled down the car window to clean it... from inside the car... right after the car wash started.
32. Can’t Mask Stupidity
Guy I went high school with was at a party and asked the homeowner if he could have her tattoo kit, she obviously said no. He left and came back an hour later with a ski mask on demanding for the tattoo kit. Was taken into custody the next day. Can’t make up that kind of stupidity.
33. My, How the Mighty Have Fallen
My flatmate at university did something pretty stupid. He exerted significant effort into crafting £10 notes—investigated paper, sourced a specific spray adhesive with the perfect consistency, procured a super sharp crafting tool and cutting board, learned to imitate the metal strip and watermark using kitchen foil and ingenious printing. He had an excellent printer.
His copies were pretty good, but by no means perfect. So he and his accomplice Joe decided to keep to two simple rules: only use them in dimly lit bars when it was too busy for staff to check every note and only ever take one copy out of the house. That way if they were caught they could claim it was an honest mistake, they got them in their change, etc.
Well, at first it worked surprisingly well. They'd buy one drink with the dodgy ten, pocket the change and nip back to the flat to grab another. In fact, it worked so well that they got cocky.
One day, my flatmate was out with Joe in a crowded area in broad daylight when they decided to roll a joint. Joe took a bag of weed out of his pocket and passed it over. Right in front of two law enforcement officials. Of course, the officers stopped and searched them and found over £200 worth of forged notes, all with the same serial number.
34. Two is a Big Number
When I was a teenager my friend’s older brother was one of the dumbest people I'd ever encountered. We once witnessed him trying to see inside a motorcycle gas tank using a Bic lighter. He assured us a lighter flame isn't hot enough to ignite gasoline.
On another occasion, we found ourselves in a discussion about the destructive force of nuclear weaponry. He was absolutely convinced that it could only take out "like two houses max!"
This man went on to have multiple arrests before I moved away, also fathered three children by two women. We all lived in a trailer court as well—not saying it's a prerequisite for idiocy, but some of us get out and some do not.
35. This Has Been a PSA
I once had a property manager (person in charge of the rental I lived in since homeowners lived out of state) who did a bunch of obnoxious things. My husband and I thought she was greedy and maybe getting money for herself and hiding it from the homeowners for repairs or something like that because of shady seeming things she would do when we had repairs.
Then we mentioned something about gardening.
She said "You know, I've always wanted to try growing tomatoes and just watering them with salt water. That way, the tomatoes would already be salted when you ate them!"
Huge reminder to never attribute to malice what is just pure old-fashioned being dumb as a rock.
36. Taking Things to the Next Level
My 24-year-old cousin legitimately thought that my sister being a vegetarian meant that she could not eat animal crackers…
37. Stupidity in Writing
Knew a guy in high school who I'm 99% sure only passed because he cheated like crazy and got tons of people to do his work for him. In grade 11 he was taking some kind of politics course and was writing some kind of essay on American politics—we're from Canada.
I agreed to edit his essay and it was the most insane thing I have ever had to edit. There were multiple sentences that I couldn't understand until I asked him directly, he ended his essay with the phrase "just like Jesus would have wanted"—I don't even think he was Christian? He also spelled Condoleezza Rice as "Conga Lisa Rice."
38. Proceed with Caution
Guy I worked with named Buddy bought a huge Snap-On roll-away toolbox for over $3,000, on credit. Two days later, he sold it to a coworker for $1,500 because he had some overdue bills and had to pay them.
Needless to say, he never paid Snap-On for the toolbox. He was off into the winds after he was fired for starting his fourth fist-fight at work. One of the other guys I worked with told the Snap-On salesman where Buddy's new job was, and last we heard they are now garnishing his wages.
Guy was a nutcase though. He had very thin skin and the slightest thing would set him off. He'd go absolutely nuts when he was set off though. He yelled at the security guard and threatened to have him fired because he didn't like his tone. He almost got fired three times for fighting, but he was able to win the department manager over until the fourth time. Oh, and one time he was told to put Caution Tape across a malfunctioning gate and he said: "I don't know how."
39. How Is This Even Possible?
My cousin. All through public school, she was a snob who looked down on everyone. She was super stylish and struggled academically.
We graduated in 2014. We both went to colleges (not the same one). She got a job at a bar, stayed out late drinking. Her boyfriend told her she didn’t need to complete college, so she just stopped showing up. Didn’t drop; just stopped showing up. Completely flunked out.
Here comes the mega stupidity: Our families live hours away from her college at the time. Her family went to move her back home. My cousin’s mom noticed a pile of clothes in the corner. The mom said “What’s that, your laundry? Pack it and we’ll wash it when we get home later".
My cousin (I kid you not): “You can wash those?!”
Turns out, she’d been throwing away clothes instead of washing them. She claimed she didn’t know she could, yet she washed her undergarments and bras without a hitch.
She’s now at home with her family and has started doing more chores to show an increase in responsibility. She still tries to throw clothes away, citing that she didn’t know they could be washed and reused. Makes me wonder what she thought all those years before college, before she left home. She wore some of the same outfits repeatedly—she had to have known they could be washed.
40. Money Got the Better of This Guy
There was a troubled kid I went to high school with. He struggled with school but had friends. Nevertheless, he was beginning to indulge in harmful substances and tread a dangerous path. He decided to photocopy the front and back side of a $20 bill, cut it out of normal paper, and glue the two halves with Elmer’s glue.
What is even sadder is that to test his new money he went to the gas station and bought some gum and it ACTUALLY WORKED?!? So in his mind it must have meant that it was fool proof. So he then tried to go and deposit the glued up money at an actual bank. He was undoubtedly discovered and taken into custody. I don’t know where he is now but I’m assuming he is making similar life choices.
41. To Be Fair, TV Is Pretty Complicated
A girl my dad dated for a while. Even while dating her, my dad would say she was dumber than a bag of rocks.
One day, she sat down to watch a movie with my dad. The movie was all about this guy and his twin brother. She sits and watches the whole thing, no interruptions. At the end, she turns and asks, "So there were two of him?"
That would explain why she always had the TV turned to a music channel. Apparently, she couldn't follow normal TV or movies.
42. So You're Saying the Answer Is Yourself
My brother and I were in the kitchen one day as teenagers. My brother was filling the sink to wash dishes. When the sink was nearly full he went to turn the tap off but it wouldn’t budge so the water kept flowing. I tried turning it too but with no success. This is when the panic set in.
The level of the water was rising fast and we didn't want to flood the kitchen. He took big saucepans out of the press to fill with water to keep things from overflowing, while I was in a frantic scramble under the sink trying to find the mains to turn it off there. I couldn't find it!! Now really panicking I took over the pot filling duty and my brother went running off to look for dad as quickly as he could.
Dad came running in with my brother while we were shouting at him about looking for the mains. Dad just came over to the sink and pulled the plug out of the hole letting all the water down the drain.
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