Everyone has embarrassing moments, but these brave Redditors shared humiliations that put most to shame. These are the memories that still haunt these poor souls at night. Thanks to their brutal honesty, we can remind ourselves on our rough days that it could be worse. Like, a lot worse.
1. Boy’s Night
I was sleeping over at a girlfriends house. In the middle of the night I needed to take a leak. So I got up and went about my business and went back to bed. In the morning I wake up next to a slender Burmese man. I was extremely confused and I look out the doorway and see her standing there, signaling me out. I slept with my girlfriend's dad.
2. How To Make A Memorable First Impression
I was about seven years old at a new school. The entire school was having a singing program for all the grade levels. The teacher told us all we had to dress up. I was being adventurous and told my mom I wanted to be a bunny. She happily obliged and made me a full bunny costume.
Flash forward to the program: a sea of seven year olds dressed in little suits and dresses. And one giant, white bunny. I was known as "bunny boy" for the next two years until we moved away.
3. Not Lovin’ It
I ran into an old co-worker at McDonald's. He recognizes me and calls me over to his friends and tells them "this is the nicest guy I have ever met". In the next three minutes, I ruined myself. I called him by the wrong name and asked him how he liked a job he'd never worked at.
It was pretty clear that I hardly remembered him. I was so embarrassed that I got my McDonald's to go and ate it in my car. I'm midway through my burger when him and his friends walk up and get into the car directly facing mine. We made awkward eye contact while I had my food in my hand and then they drove off.
4. What A Brat
I played hockey when I was in high school. Tons of it. Shortly before moving off to university, I fractured a rib. If you don't know what that entails, it's extremely painful, and there's not a single thing you can do about it. You can't wrap your whole torso in a cast, so the only thing you can do is stay off of it completely. You can't even bend over. It's awful.
Now comes move-in day. My dad is working, so I have my mother helping me. There I am, with no cast and nothing obviously wrong with me, directing my mother where to put all my stuff like my mini-fridge. My mother is moving all of my stuff in while I look like some spoiled rich kid not lifting a finger to help. I felt like such a jerk.
5. Dressed For Success
I was in fourth grade when I first immigrated to the United States, and they had Spirit Week at my elementary school where you can come dressed up for a theme. They had the theme listed for each day but for some reason, I believed some sixth graders who told me that the first day was career day.
Not wanting to be a downer and wanting to fit in, I insist to my mom that I wear something for career day. She ends up putting together a lawyer costume for me last minute, which consisted of her old formal suits. So I went to school, only to find everyone else in pajamas, except for me, the lawyer. The worst part was that it was kind of baggy on me and I had forgotten we had gym that day so I had to run in my baggy lawyer outfit and tripped over myself.
6. It’s Not What It Looks Like!
I had just joined a gym and was changing in the locker room for first time. Apparently the norm there was to walk around without clothes making small talk about picking up things. I had just come from the shower, taken off my towel and lifted my duffel bag. To my horror, a full, open two-pound bag of jelly beans spilled out and skittered all over the entire locker room.
Absolute silence. But the worst was yet to come. The brightly colored beans looked suspiciously like sketchy pills, so every musclebro watched closely while my undressed self scurried in a panic to collect hundreds of candies. I tried to apologize for the disruption, but every time I lifted my head my eyes were squarely at their private level. I didn't go back to that gym.
7. Let It Out
I was at an NFL game and something I had ate earlier had just wrecked my stomach. It left me with horrible gas. Like the kind which clears a room, it is so bad. I was walking up the stairs to my seat mid-game and really had to let one out. Right then the crowd cheered and I thought the moment was right. What I didn’t realize is that my bottom was at the same level as a woman sitting in her seat on the aisle.
I literally let one out right in her ear. I looked back at her as she looked at me with shock and disgust. I quickly turned away and climbed the stairs as fast as I could and blended into the crowd. I still think about her time to time, and how horrible that must have truly been for her. And I just cringe at what an idiot I was.
8. You Want What?!
When I was a kid I used to think I was the coolest and abbreviated everything under the sun. “Yo mom what are we having for breck?” “Breck” was short for breakfast. “I’m going to MV to hang out with Bran and eat some J-Bo’s”. Mission Valley, Brandon, Jack in the Box. I thought I was some kind of cool guy talking in a code language. Looking back, I can see I sounded like a complete moron.
Set the stage to Thanksgiving dinner, I was 10 years old. It still haunts me to this day. I’m sitting at the table with my conservative grandparents and the rest of my family. Part of my cool persona at the time was the fact that I could eat a lot of food and that I could eat it quickly. So after I finished my first plate rather quickly, I waited for a moment where no one was talking and announced, rather loudly, “I want some sec’s!”
Everyone kind of froze, my grandmother and my parents were shocked. A baby started crying in the background. Confused, I repeated, “What? I just want some sec’s!” Still silence. I looked over at the abundance of food and just repeated the statement to myself in my head until it dawned on me. Oh no. “No! I… No! I meant I want seconds!! Not ugh…I…Seconds!
You can imagine the rest. My bright red face must have been on the verge of tears. Silence was inevitably broken by manic laughter and jeers. “Wow he must really like the food!” “He’s growing up so quickly!” I wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and perish.
9. Mean Girls
When I was about eight years old, we took a field trip to the Field Museum here in Chicago. We had a lunch break and I wandered off to the gift shop to see what they had. I had a huge crush on this girl named Victoria in my class and I saw this lady bug ring for a couple of dollars. I knew she liked lady bugs and I had money my parents gave me to buy something at the shop, so I decided to buy the ring and give it to her.
I was really nervous and kept waiting for the right time to do it. I eventually decided to just go for it and walked up to her near the end of the trip. She was with some of her friends which made me more nervous, but I found the courage to do it. She looked at the ring and laughed. Her friends joined her and she then tossed the ring in the trash.
I was completely devastated and tried hard to hold back my tears. Even though I'm over it now, that completely messed my confidence with girls for a long time. Looking back, I may have embarrassed her too by giving it to her in front of her friends, which is why she reacted that way, but whatever the case, it's probably the most embarrassed I have been in my life.
10. Making It Rain
In Korea, the toilets in more rural areas rarely have toilet paper. I was 14, visiting family for the summer, and had to drop a huge deuce. It came out like gravy,and it was then I realized I had no toilet paper or paper towels in the bathroom. There were a ton of people in the bathroom, and for some stupid reason I decided to use my umbrella I had because it was raining, and I figured the rain would wash it away when I got outside.
Still, I thought I had gotten away with it. I was soon proved very, very wrong. When I went outside again, my aunt grabbed the umbrella, since it was the only one we had. She yelled at me for taking so long and opened it up. Small pieces of my gravy flew on my entire family like we were gingerly coated with brown pepper. Needless to say I have never returned to Korea.
11. That Didn’t End Well
When I was about 14 or 15, we had a group music project in school. We had to write a piece of music and then perform it to about half the year, roughly 90 kids. I got put in a group with a girl that I had a huge crush on at the time. She was the musical type so she took charge of the project. Her first question was “can anyone play an instrument?”
My first thought was to mention the bass guitar that I had got just ONE WEEK before, knowing full well I could barely play a note. She came up with this piece of music for us to perform, and asked if I could play what she’d written on the bass. I was trying to impress this girl so OF COURSE I said yes.
A few of weeks go by, and I’d managed to bluff my way through rehearsal with excuses like “I forgot my bass at home” or fake sicknesses. Somehow this girl still had faith in me that I was some heroic bassist. Performance day comes round, and it dawns on me that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. Nevertheless, I get up on stage and I am absolutely losing it.
The rest of my group start playing the piece and it sounds amazing–but people begin to stare at me because I’m doing nothing at all. I realize I can’t sit there and do nothing, so I just start twanging away at the strings with no idea what sound they would make. Safe to say, my random bings and bongs ruin the entire performance.
Everyone’s laughing at me throughout the song apart from the rest of my group and the teacher. The girl was in tears and the teacher gave me a detention for “making a mockery of her project”. She thought I was playing deliberately badly. Embarrassment is an understatement. Looking back, I don’t know why I didn’t just learn the freaking music.
12. The Smelliest Place On Earth
My parents took my grandparents to Disneyland Paris. At the end of the last day, my grandfather was all hyped up because of his three young grandchildren. He ran to the front of the pack, bent over, and let a huge gas out. He got up, and looked back laughing, only to make a chilling realization. He had just done it to two random people walking right in front of us.
His face got red so darn quickly. All of us just couldn't keep on our feet because we were laughing so hard.
13. Hard Lesson
I was walking home after a night out. There were no streetlights, and it was very dark. So there were cones in the road where the council had dug the road up. Anyways, some jerk had put one cone on the sidewalk. Being a good citizen, I put it back onto the road, and then fell down the giant hole in the sidewalk.
14. Make A Wish
I invited my entire sixth grade class to my birthday party at the bowling alley. I gave each person individual invites two weeks beforehand. We rented a room, had food catered, a big ice cream cake, and 15 gift bags. Not one person showed. I cannot imagine how my parents felt at the time. But try attempting to explain to your classmates on Monday morning how the party went.
15. Never Ask
I once asked a woman in an elevator when she was expecting. “Expecting what?” said she. I stood frozen and silent until I got off.
16. Not The Sharpest Sharpie
When I was a teenager, I was a volunteer at a triathlon. My job was to write the athlete's number on both legs and both arms with a Sharpie. So here comes a man. I marked one leg, then the other one. I do his first arm and I ask him to turn for the other one. I couldn't believe my eyes. He said, and it was true, “But I have only one arm!”
17. The One Who Ran Away
I started talking to this girl and I really liked her. She and I are big runners and we were starting to run with each other in the morning, once a week. Well, one week I told her it looked like we were going to have to cancel since the weather said it was going to rain. She was bummed, but understood how miserable running in the rain is.
Except the next morning, the skies are clear as ever and even warm for Colorado in November. I go to check the weather only to find I looked up the weather in Washington, DC. I have no family there, haven't been there, and basically have no reason to look up the weather there. We haven't run since.
18. And The Award Goes To…
In primary school, there was a school-wide assembly in the hall. I was a sixth grader sitting on the hard floor with my class. Then I got called up the front because I'd won an award. So I proceed to stand up, but sitting on the hard floor gave me pins and needles. My foot collapsed under me, making me immediately fall over on top of the girl who was sitting next to me. In front of the entire school. I still get embarrassed thinking about that.
19. For Her Eyes Only
I wasn't there when it happened, but I have residual embarrassment because I sent my wife a naughty photo of me. She opened her phone screen to show something to her family and basically said "Oh, I have a message from my honey, what could this be? OH GOD!"
20. And The Oscar Didn’t Go To…
I was a theater kid and didn't have stage fright or anything. But when I was a freshman in high school, I had my first freakout hours before I was to play The Goose in our production of Charlotte's Web. I also have chronic migraine, and it caused a big one, complete with excruciating pain, light and sound sensitivity, and lots of nausea. I had forgotten my prescription painkillers at home, so I was stuck with it. It was a bad day.
I tried to push through it all and got into costume and a full face of goose makeup. I'm feeling horrible, but the show must go on. As soon as I walk out for my first scene, bright stage lights are piercing into my head. A wave of nausea just courses through me. I had to be onstage for about five minutes for that first scene. I tried to swallow it down between lines. A lot of my classmates were out in the audience too.
I open my mouth to say my last line, and it's just "HUUURP". I vomit on the stage and all over my own lap in front of 300 people. The senior boy playing my counterpart, The Gander, accidentally whispered "Oh no" into his mic. Then he rubbed my back to try and calm me down.
Somehow I got offstage and puked the rest of my guts out in the bathroom. The drama club teacher was nice enough to let me know she wouldn't charge me for the pukey costume. 10 years later and it still haunts me.
Flickr, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Headquarters
21. Like Your Life Depends On It
I was outside of the Vatican and a nice Italian couple asked me to take a picture of them with their super nice camera. Then disaster struck. I dropped it and the lens shattered. While the wife was picking up the pieces and screaming, the husband looked at me and told me to run. So I did.
22. That Went Well
A few years ago, I went on a job interview. The interview went very well, and I met the entire department. After the interview, I went to a nearby fast food restaurant to meet some friends for lunch. After receiving my order, I turned to the condiment stand to get my napkins, straw and ketchup.
Unfortunately, I misjudged the counter height and ended up spilling my entire tray, including a very large drink, onto the line of people waiting to order...which included the entire department of people I had just interviewed with. Apparently they went out together for lunch as a department every Friday. I still got the job.
23. Gotta Go
I was walking out of one of those Cold Stone ice cream shops with my family one day. I walked over to the car, opened the passenger door, and sat down. I closed the door put my seatbelt on and then looked over to my mom. Only thing was, my mom wasn't in the car...it was a woman breastfeeding her child.
I looked at her, apologized, took off my seatbelt and ran back to my family's car. They were all just laughing at me.
Freepic
24. Five Star Service
After drinking too much one night, I stumbled into the first waiting car outside the bar, assuming it was a cab. It was in fact not a cab. It was a random girl waiting to pick up her brother. She still accepted my $20 and drove me home, though.
25. It’s The Journey, Not The Destination
Many years ago, I was on a rickety old bus traveling across the Altiplano of Bolivia. I had a case of the runs and couldn’t hold it in. I asked the driver to stop immediately and jumped off the bus. It got so ugly, so fast. Without a tree in sight, I squatted next to the bus and literally a gallon of it came out. Once the relief left my body, I realized I had no toilet paper, like not even a freaking leaf.
I glanced up to the gods and saw a bus full of locals staring down at me with blank impatient faces. Fortunately, a woman took pity and from the window dropped a Kleenex down that fluttered about two feet in front. Like a penguin, pants to my knees, I shuffled over to it and held it tighter than I’ve ever held anything.
After cleaning up best I could, I climbed back onto the bus, head bowed, took my seat, and passed away.
26. Sweet Home Alabama
I was 17 and working my first job at KFC. This guy comes in, places his order, and says to me, "Sir, there is a large pair of women's panties behind you”. I look behind me and there was in fact, a large pair of women's panties behind me.
The night before, I washed my work uniform and some of our laundry had gotten mixed up. My mom's underwear must have gotten stuck in my pant leg and I didn't notice. Instead of explaining this in a rational, logical way, I just kind of blurted out, "Oh it's okay, those are my mom’s”.
The look on this poor dude's face said he thought he was going to Kentucky Fried Chicken, but ended up in Alabama.
27. Not Again!
I flashed my bare chest at an officer once. That was pretty mortifying. They lived on my street and were driving by while I was outside. I went to give them a thumbs up signal and my thumb got stuck on the hem of my shirt on the way up, and there was my chest. Here's the thing, though. This was the second time I’ve flashed someone while trying to give a thumbs up. I don’t do that signal anymore.
28. It’s Been A While
I asked my cousin, who I hadn't seen in two decades, how long he and his girlfriend had been together while we were all at a get-together. He informed me that it was his daughter.
29. What A Warm Welcome
I was rehired at a job after six years. Most people still there remembered me, and were happy to see me back. Friday rolls around, and someone goes "Dave, come by the break room!" I wander in, and there's this cake at the end of table. Everyone is standing there. So I you say "You guys!" and blow out the candle, not noticing it said “Happy Birthday Julie"...yeah, I accidentally blew out Julie's birthday candles.
30. It’s Going Down
I fell asleep on a plane one time. I had the aisle seat. I did that thing where you jump in your dream, and jerked myself awake. Only when I jumped, my legs flew out, and one of them flew into the aisle. It started a horrific domino effect. I tripped the flight attendant, and she went down like a ton of bricks.
I sheepishly apologized to her, but she was not happy at all. Everyone on the flight looked at me like I was the biggest jerk on Earth. The rest of the flight was terrible. I kept my head down, and didn’t make a peep.
31. Ignorance Is Bliss
My high school history teacher called me and the girl I was dating into her office. She asked us about the nature of our relationship. She then told us we were cousins, that she was our aunt, and that we should not be dating. We had no idea.
32. I Think You Forgot Something
When I was 11 or 12, I had just left the pool to go take a shower, and forgot to tell my friend something. So after dropping my shorts and stepping under the shower, I decided to run back and tell him. I was utterly oblivious to the fact that I wasn’t wearing clothes. There must have been 30-40 people starring and laughing at me. I didn’t want to live.
33. MEP (Most Embarrassing Player)
One time in my school assembly, they were doing a review of the sports played over the term, including the Intra-school rugby competition. Not being very good at rugby myself, I was astounded to have actually scored a try in the competition that helped my team win. So the teacher was reading out the report, and goes on about “One special person on the team who really pulled through when times were tough”.
Being an idiot, I assumed he was talking about me, and so rose from the assembly floor slowly, arms raised, in a kind of Messiah-like pose. Cue 400 people looking at this kid who's just stood up with a grin on his face, which quickly disappeared, only for the guy reading the report to reveal he was talking about the captain of the team and not my lowly self.
I had 400 pairs of eyes on me, and I just sat back down and endured the next 60 minutes in agony. It still makes me bite my fist from embarrassment.
34. The Hangover
College. Sophomore year. I lived in the basement of a house where a bunch of other guys lived. One night we stayed up all night drinking. The next morning, I woke up really hungover. I went upstairs to use the restroom and vomit my brains out. In the living room on the way to the rest room, there were probably five guys and five girls in there watching a movie.
I kind of mumbled as I went past them. One dude I did not care for decided it would be hilarious to pants me. I was wearing pajama pants with nothing underneath. The thing is, he did it while I was mid stride...so before I knew what happened, I tripped on my own pants, hit my head on the wall, and passed out. Then I started vomiting.
So, long story short, I woke up pantsless from the waist down in a pool of my own vomit with a mild concussion with almost a dozen people watching me. Good times.
35. Public Service
My pants fell down in the City Hall parking lot while I was dashing for the Starbucks next door. I didn't notice at first, and kept running until I felt something around my ankles. Mortified, I spent the 30 minutes before work cowering in the bathroom. Since I worked front desk in HR, I saw many city officials on a daily basis, many of whom visited that same Starbucks every morning. I flashed the mayor.
36. The Rock
I used to love rocks. When I was in New York one day I went to a national rock museum and as I was heading down the sidewalk I found a beautiful rock on the ground. I picked up the rock. Then I realized what it actually was. It was dog poop.
37. Silence Is Golden
I was standing next to a barbershop outside waiting to get a haircut. Standing next to me was a man whom I asked "Are you getting a haircut too?" He was bald.
38. Privacy Please!
I was dating a girl when we were both living with our parents. To have any privacy, we used to spend the night in hotel rooms. One night we rented a room while a bunch of students were celebrating graduation. They rented the entire wing of a hotel with joined rooms to have a huge party.
The front desk guy accidentally gave them the keys to our room. So right smack in the middle of us going at it, about 20 people burst into the room carrying drinks and wearing party hats.
39. Finders Keepers
My little village has a small annual dog show. We normally enter our little dog, who has won "friendliest dog," "waggiest tail" and "dog the judge would like to take home" in the past. This year she was unfortunately in season, so we didn't enter to prevent any “fuss” from the other dogs, but took her along to watch.
Halfway across the park she decided to do a number two, and I suddenly realized I'd forgotten a bag. There were loads of other people with dogs around due to the show, so I wandered away to to ask someone for a bag. I turned back and to my horror a lady was picking up my little dog's mess.
Not wanting to feel like one of those jerks that doesn't clean up, I ran towards her to tell her she didn't have to do that because I was going to get it. Instead, in a sort of panic, I waved my arms, and barked "NO, THAT'S MINE!" Please note that I did not say, "that is MY DOG'S". She physically jumped, then turned a deep red.
She sort of mumbled an apology, dropped it, and marched off with her dog. It was at that point that I looked to my left and saw my dog's waste sitting a few feet away from the lady's dog mess that she was attempting to pick up. I think about this at night sometimes.
40. Drive Me Off A Cliff
I ordered an Uber with my new boss on a business trip yesterday. I began making small talk with the driver to show my boss how great I am at talking to people. The driver was talking with his girlfriend on a headset.
41. This Is Awkward
A manager was working through a transaction with a couple. Whenever the man was asked a question, his wife would answer. He asked "Does she ever let you speak for yourself?" It was the exact wrong question. The wife responded with "No. Not since his stroke".
42. Ignorance Isn’t Bliss
In high school, I was hanging out with my group of friends at lunch. One of our friends walked up wearing a suit and started talking to my other friends. A few moments later he says, "Okay guys, I'm heading out now. I'll be back tomorrow". So I replied excitedly, "Alright man, have fun!” He gave me the weirdest scowl and look of betrayal I've ever seen.
Somehow it slipped past my radar that his girlfriend had developed a super rare disease and passed within the time span of a week. All my friends were looking at me with the widest eyes as he walked away, and in a chorus everyone was like "DUDE".
43. Collateral Damage
In grade nine, me and my friends would play this stupid game where we would try to sneak up on each other and smack the back of our heads as our way of saying hey. I spotted my buddy Rhys at the end of the hall, snuck up the best I could, and wound up a home run smack. He noticed at the last second and ducked.
I ended up smacking my teacher's chest as she turned the corner, really hard. After the smack, it felt like time was frozen. Kids in the hall all just stopped what they were doing, and the teacher stood there in shock. I was so embarrassed, I cried. In the hall. Surrounded by kids from my grade. Then I got sent to the principal's office where I got a one-day, in-school suspension for smacking a teacher.
I think the punishment was so light because the teacher felt sorry for me. The phone call to my parents explaining what happened sucked. My mom was just disappointed in me (in some ways that just made it worse) and my dad just kept laughing. I got called "boobie" for two freaking years.
44. Pity Points
I was a pole dancer at a new place. I gotten pretty tipsy during my shift and decided to try doing a trick on the spinning pole. I was not used to spinning poles, and I wasn't much of a trickster either. I flew off that bad boy and landed right on my face. I knocked myself out for a good few seconds and woke up to men rushing the stage to help me up.
It was so embarrassing, but I ended up making loads of money because people felt bad.
45. Well, Hello There!
One time I forgot to zip up my shorts after using the restroom at Panda Express. When I went to order my food I was COMPLETELY unaware that my stick was poking through my boxers and shorts. The lady got a huge smile on her face when I told her my initial order.
I was very confused by this reaction, but didn’t think too much of it. About halfway through the order, I felt a draft in my nether region and looked down to find it out. I hastily put it back in, zipped my shorts, and literally ran out of the restaurant. I haven’t been back since.
46. Not So Happy Birthday
I got my wife an early birthday gift, her first ever smart phone. She'd been using some old indestructible Nokia forever and I wanted to bring her into the 21st century. Her actual birthday rolls around, and even though I got her the phone, I had nothing for the actual day.
After my morning out of bed ritual, I decide to naughty myself up. I have nothing on except oil all over me, tie, and some shirt cuffs. I was going for Chippendales dancer. She takes a picture with her new phone. The plot thickens. We go fishing, catch a few, head home, filet and cook the fish. It truly looks like a gourmet meal.
My wife takes a picture of the fish with the phone. Before she went to bed, she was uploading pictures to Facebook of fishing and the meal. Thinking it was the prepared fish filets, the first image she uploads is my naughty photo. She titled it "Dinner Yum!” My wife couldn't figure out how to delete this accidental post on the new phone.
She was screaming, running through the whole house to find me. We deleted the post. Mission successful...wrong. The post was deleted, not the photo albums. 13 hours later finding more comments of praise and family disgust, we realize what actually happened.
47. Let’s Not Talk About It
I was a teenager with a clunky mobile phone and a crush. Crush and I were getting super flirty, and in my hormone-fueled state, I constructed an elaborate, explicit text message. Quite chuffed with myself, I quickly sent it off to the lucky recipient. As I see the “message sending” I realize, with every shame cell in my body, that I have just sent my hormone-ravaged text to my wholesome, church-going Uncle. He and I have never spoken of this.
48. The Greatest Showman
I was on the phone to the tax office, and I'd been on hold for a good 20 minutes before I got overly bored. I decided I'd play my guitar to pass the time. For the next 15 minutes, I played and sang my heart out fairly loudly, merely because I could. Finally, a man took me off hold to tell me that the entire office thoroughly enjoyed my musical stylings, and that I made his day better.
I had no idea they could listen to that, and had completely forgotten what I phoned the tax office for.
49. He Meant Well
This one happened over 10 years ago. I was 11 at the time and was riding on a streetcar. I get to my stop and am about to leave. I see this lady behind me with a stroller who looks like she's about to get off the streetcar as well. I offer to help and grab the front of the stroller to take it down the steps. There's just one big problem I haven't realized. The lady did not mean to leave the streetcar.
So there I am trying to pull the stroller out while the lady is pulling it back. The story ends when the driver closed the doors on my arms. I really have no idea why I did any of that. I like to think there's a family somewhere telling a story about how one time their kid almost got taken.
50. Walk Of Shame
A pilot was about to take off when they had word there was buzzing coming from below the plane. All passengers were seated and waiting so we're all watching the small commotion outside as the workers started unloading the luggage. They found a bag that was vibrating.
Next thing the passengers hear over the loudspeaker is a call for the owner of the bag they have pulled out to identify themselves. A woman stands up and proceeds to be escorted to her bag and has to pick through her belongings and pull out her adult toy... while the whole plane watches through their little windows.
51. Well That Escalated Quickly
I was 15 and at Sam's Club with my parents. I was in the video game section playing some demo on a PS2. I felt like I needed to let gas out, so I pushed a little. It felt like I had let a silent one out, because I didn't hear it, and it smelled terrible about two seconds afterwards, per usual.
About 30 seconds later, the smell is still lingering and I was just proud that I had caused that much damage to the air. That all changed in an instant. My seven-year-old sister comes up to me and asks where I got the chocolate milk, and how I spilled it on my leg.
I look down, there's liquid poop on my right leg and shorts. I'm terrified because I have it on my leg. I casually walk to the bathroom. Here comes the embarrassing part: I'm in the stall, cleaning up my leg, trying to figure out what the heck to do with my boxers, which are covered in it. I can't keep them because the car will smell on the ride home. I can't leave them in the stall because there were people waiting. I had to flush them.
Well...apparently boxers don't flush well. The toilet backed up, flooding the entire stall and spreading to the rest of the bathroom. I'm freaking out, but I'm clean–I got most of it off my leg. A janitor has entered the restroom, and I exit the offending stall. He asks what happened, and I can't speak. I should have, because the boxers were still in the toilet, clearly visible. I just casually walk out.
MEANWHILE my parents were ready to leave, and couldn't find me. They got worried. This ordeal was going on and was 10 minutes long. Oh, and there was a twist. My sister told them that I walked towards the bathroom with an older man. So, my parents are assuming the worst, and get the security and management involved.
Back to the bathroom. I'm trying to walk out, the janitor finds the boxers and is all huffy-puffy. The manager is walking down the hallway towards the bathroom to try and handle the "missing child with old man" situation. I'm trying to leave the bathroom to handle the "Oh my god, I just pooped my pants and clogged the toiled with my boxers" situation.
Manager stops me, asks me if I was in any type of "situation" and I don't know how to answer. I tell him "there was an incident in the restroom". He takes that as something happened to me with "the old man" who apparently took me. He radios the security to contact law enforcement and to have them head towards the restrooms.
I freak out. I didn't think flushing my underwear warranted them getting involved. My parents get to me and ask if I'm "OK". I'm too embarrassed to tell them what happened, still without knowing what their perception of the matter was. I said "I'm fine". Security is rushing over, asking me if "He's still in there".
I have no idea what they are talking about. They ask me what happened. There is a gathering of rubber-neckers, trying to see what is going on. I'm really confused why this is a huge deal. I confess. I tell them that I mud-butted down my leg, and tried to flush my underwear down the toilet, clogging it in the process.
The looks I got...Worst part was, law enforcement were there in like five minutes, and I had to tell them exactly what happened to me. After the "seriousness" of the situation wore off and everyone realized I wasn't touched by an old man, many laughs were had at my expense. My father to this day still brings this up–family gatherings, at my wedding, holidays...
52. Mile Thigh Club
I was on an airplane years ago with my girlfriend and her parents. My girlfriend couldn't get a seat next to me and sat directly behind me. During the flight, I thought I would surprise her and reached my hand back onto her knee. Slowly I kept extending it up her thigh until I heard giggling.
I looked behind through the seats and saw that my hand was on the leg of the guy next to her. He saw my face and said, "I just wanted to see how far you'd go." Of course my girlfriend was in on it and started laughing along with the rest of the row. I was so embarrassed.
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