Let's face it—some humans are just, well, dumb. From the hilariously nonsensical to the face-palm-inducing, these verbal missteps remind us that sometimes the human mind can venture into some truly baffling directions. These are some of the dumbest things these people have ever heard:
1. Someone Forgot They Had Hands
I was working at a bustling sandwich joint, slinging sandwiches left and right. I handed a customer his freshly made sandwich, wrapped up and tucked into a trusty brown paper bag. But then, out of nowhere, he hit me with a curveball: "Do you guys have trays?"
I had to break the news to him that we didn't have any trays, and his response left me scratching my head. "Well, how do I get this over to my table?" I couldn't help but chuckle a little as I explained to him that he just had to pick it up and carry it over.
Ah, the joys of customer service.
2. That’s Not How Humans Are Made
I found myself caught up in a fiery debate about evolution with someone who was convinced they had me cornered. He challenged me, saying, "If evolution is real, then prove it! Take this apple and make me a human being". Not going to lie, I was stumped...I didn't know how to respond to that.
3. The Opposite of Living The Good Life
It was a typical day at the office, about six months ago, when one of my employees disclosed a shocking revelation to me.
With a glimmer in his eyes, he declared, "Boss, here's my secret to becoming super rich without lifting a finger! All you need to do is invent something groundbreaking, just like Steve Jobs did. I mean, have you seen him? He's still young and living the dream!"
Little did my employee know, I was about to burst his bubble with a reality check. I told him Steve Jobs had passed and my employee almost lost it.
4. That’s Not How You Suffocate
My wife and I found ourselves in the midst of a heated debate.The topic at hand? The possibility of suffocating in a car with the windows rolled up. It all began innocently enough, as we observed a car parked next to ours.
Inside, a dog sat comfortably, unaware of the storm brewing outside. My wife, ever the vigilant protector, pointed out that the windows were tightly shut. I calmly responded, "It's 8 pm and a cool 60 degrees out. The dog won't overheat". Logical, right?
But my words fell upon deaf ears—and she persisted. She was adamant that suffocation was a real danger to this dog. She then decided to take matters to the next level. She whipped out her phone and dialed her friend for reinforcement.
Her friend's response only made her argument worse. That moment made me realize that my wife has holds onto such unfounded notions.
5. Does Anyone Have John’s Number?
I was minding my own business when suddenly, out of the blue, my phone rang. I answered the call and was greeted by a mysterious voice on the other end. "Is John there?" the person asked. I replied, "Sorry, wrong number".
But instead of hanging up, the caller surprised me with an unexpected question, "Oh. Do you happen to have John's number?"
6. That’s Not A Country Ma’am
When I was 11, I was at my friend's house. I had one of my most unforgettable encounters with Americans there. My friend's mom, a seasoned woman who had successfully raised two children, approached me with a question that left me raising an eyebrow.
She asked me if I preferred my homeland, Ireland, or the United States? Now, let me tell you, my love for Ireland ran deep, so without hesitation, I proudly declared my allegiance to my home country.
Then she revealed her plans for an upcoming vacation to Europe. Naturally, my curiosity piqued, and I asked about her destination. And you won't believe what she said: "Asia". Yes, you heard that right. Asia.
I thought to myself, how could someone lik eher mistake Europe for Asia? But being the polite boy that I was, I gathered my wits and tried to tactfully enlighten her about her mix-up.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find the words, and I just shrugged and went to play with my friend's Pokémon cards. To this day, I have no idea where she actually ended up on her vacation.
7. That Vacation Will Be Eye Opening
Back in my high school days, I was standing in line at the bank, chatting away with one of my favorite tellers. She was a lively middle-aged woman, and we often exchanged stories about our lives. Little did I know that this particular conversation would take an unexpected turn.
As we chatted, she excitedly shared her plans for an upcoming vacation to Italy with her husband. Her son, who happened to be in the same year as me, would be staying with his grandma during their trip.
I eagerly asked, "So, are you guys planning to explore the enchanting streets of Rome or perhaps venture into the picturesque countryside?" I was genuinely interested in their itinerary. She responded with a hint of longing in her voice.
"Oh, how I wish we could go to Rome! But alas, we're only going to Italy". I couldn't help but chuckle at her response...She continued: "We'll be visiting various museums, indulging in delicious drinks, and paying a visit to none other than Romeo and Juliet's graves".
I couldn't believe my ears. Romeo and Juliet's graves? They were real? I was torn between addressing the Rome situation or the fact that she believed these fictional characters had actual resting places.
In the end, I just told her to have an incredible vacation and I left it at that.
8. Telecommunications Can Be Complicated
When I was a kid, my family used to take road trips from Philadelphia to Ohio. One time, we were cruising along near the Ohio-Pennsylvania border when my mom decided to bust out her handheld TV.
She was determined to catch her favorite show—and her struggle to get it working was hilarious. "Ugh, why can't I get Channel 6 on this thing?" she grumbled. I tried to explain that we were nowhere near Philly, but she wasn't having it.
"But I bought the TV in Philly!" she protested. "It should have Philly channels, right?" I was at a loss for words. It was like trying to explain quantum physics to a toddler. But hey, at least we got a good laugh out of it.
9. They’re Two Different Animals
Let me tell you about my 19-year-old sister, who is the epitome of a classic dumb blonde. During Thanksgiving one year, we were playing a trivia game when suddenly, a question popped up that tickled my funny bone.
It asked, "What kind of meat are buffalo wings made from?" Unable to contain my laughter, I showed it to my sister. With an unwavering seriousness, she confidently declared, "Buffalo, right?" I was dumbfounded. She adamantly insisted that buffalo meat was the answer.
I couldn't help but ask, "Are you serious? Do you know that buffalos don't have wings?" Undeterred, she proceeds to enlighten me with her theory of buffalo meat magically fused onto chicken bones. Can you believe it?
Sign up to our newsletter.
History’s most fascinating stories and darkest secrets, delivered to your inbox daily. Making distraction rewarding since 2017.
10. The Wi-Fi Extender Won’t Reach That Far
I'm a tech support. One time, I had to help this lady who was lounging on a sandy beach, 150 miles from home, and demanding me to connect her phone to Wi-Fi.
Well, my explanations didn't get through to her, and suddenly, she unleashed a storm of fury, branding me as stupid before dramatically hanging up.
11. They’re Old Enough To Notice
As a 9th grade teacher and a mom of two Emmas, my life is never dull. One Emma is my birth daughter, a spunky 10-year-old who keeps me on my toes. The other Emma, who I recently became guardian of, is a 16-year-old with a heart of gold.
One day, a curious student asked me if Emma, the older one, knew she was adopted. I explained that she came to live with us when she was 15 years old, so of course she knew.
The student then suggested keeping it a secret from both Emmas, but I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. Kids say the darndest things!
Krakenimages.com, Shutterstock
12. He Should’ve Paid More Attention in Biology
Let me take you back to a time when I was dating this guy who had me in stitches with his outrageous question. He genuinely wanted to know how on earth I managed to pee while wearing a tampon. I mean...
I couldn't help but chuckle, assuming he was just pulling my leg. But to my surprise, he was completely earnest! So, I took it upon myself to enlighten him about the two separate exits down there.
Yet, instead of embracing this newfound knowledge, he burst into laughter and claimed, "No way! If you've got an extra space, something's definitely wrong with you". Talk about being dumbfounded! Needless to say, our high school romance didn't last much longer after that incident.
LightField Studios, Shutterstock
13. Religion Does Not Equal Culture
In my Global History class in high school, we had an exciting end-of-year project where we could explore our own cultures. After our teacher went over the guidelines, we headed to lunch.
As we sat down, a friend blurted out a shocking statement: "Well, good luck doing the global project everyone!" We were all confused, so I asked her what she meant. She replied, "I don't have to do it because I'm an atheist".
We were all stunned. She thought religion and culture were the same thing, and we spent the rest of the day trying to explain the difference to her.
14. Not All Cucumbers All Equal
I'm in a college animal biology lab, ready to dissect some sea cucumbers. But, my usual lab partner is a no-show, so I'm paired up with someone new. As I start to examine the sea cucumber's organs, my partner asks me to explain how everything works.
I do my best to recall what I've read, but then she hits me with a doozy: "Are these the same cucumbers you eat?" I had to hold back my laughter.
15. Wrist Watch Orientation
As I was going about my day, a stranger approached me and pointed out that my watch was on the wrong wrist. I was taken aback, as I was well aware it was on my right wrist, which is the norm for left-handed people like myself.
I asked the stranger why most people wear their watches on their left wrist. They explained that it's so they can easily check the time while writing. That's when I realized this person did not understand how things work for left-handed people...
16. That's Not How It Works...
I was talking to a relative about the blockbuster movie Gravity when she said a wild statement: "I've always wanted to experience one of those zero-gravity rooms they use for filming," she exclaimed.
I raised an eyebrow, thinking she meant the weightlessness you feel on a plane. But no, she was completely serious. "You know, those rooms where they turn off gravity and you can float around," she insisted.
I couldn't help but chuckle She was really adamant:"They're real, that's how they shoot those scenes," she argued. I had to break it to her gently that such rooms don't exist.
17. Probably Not A Baseball Fan
One sunny day, my car was packed to the brim with my boyfriend, his rowdy gang of friends, and their latest addition—a new girlfriend. We were headed to the park to play some baseball.
s we cruised along, one of the guys piped up, asking if we had brought the bats. My boyfriend assured him they were stowed away in the back. The new girl's eyes widened in disbelief,
She blurted out, "Actual bats? Like, the flying kind?" Laughter erupted from all corners of the car. Needless to say, we didn't see much of her after that.
18. Should’ve Taken World Geography 101
Back in my college days, I took a Speech 101 class. There was a young girl who was about to give a presentation about her trip to the United Kingdom. As she clicked through her presentation, I couldn't help but notice the cliché images that she chose.
I started to question whether the photos were really her own. Then, a slide appeared showcasing the Eiffel Tower. Confusion filled the room as a fellow student dared to question her. "...Is this France?"
With a confident smile, she retorted, "No, it's England! See, France is the capital city".
19. Just A Rock In Space
Back in eighth grade, me and a couple of buddies were walking home from school, just casually chatting away. I had just started this astronomy class and we got to talking about it. We thought it would be fun to see if we could name all the planets.
It went like this: "Jupiter, Mars, Neptune, Earth". And then, out of nowhere, one of my friends goes, "Earth isn't a planet". We all cracked up, thinking he was joking. But nope, he was absolutely serious.
He spent the whole walk home trying to convince us that Earth wasn't even considered a planet. It's still a running joke between us, and whenever I bring it up, he just shrugs and blames it on not taking astronomy yet.
20. It’s Okay Math Is Hard
One time, I ordered 40 McDonald's chicken nuggets, all for just $5. I was excited until I received my bag—and I immediately got frustrated. When I looked inside, I realized they only gave me 20 nuggets.
So I approached the counter and calmly informed the girl who was working at the. She then called for the manager, who appeared utterly confused, even though I showed him my receipt. Literally all they had to do was add 20 more nuggets...
21. You Don’t Need Hearing To Smell
Back in college, I had a roommate who was deaf. One evening, she cooked up some salmon for dinner, and it made the entire place smell like fish.
Later that night, I had a friend over to work on a project. As we climbed the stairs to my place, I apologized for the smell, explaining that my roommate had cooked fish for dinner. My friend was taken aback and asked, "Hold on, she can smell??"
It was a funny moment that still makes me chuckle to this day.
Srdjan Randjelovic, Shutterstock
22. Because It’s A Very Long Process
I'll never forget the time a kid asked me, "If we evolved from monkeys, why aren't monkeys turning into humans right now?" The sheer smugness on his face was priceless. He truly believed he had outsmarted the theory of evolution with this one question.
But I shut him down real quick, explaining that evolution is a complex process that takes millions of years to occur. It's not like we wake up one day and suddenly have a new species. Sorry kiddo, but your argument doesn't hold up against the scientific evidence.
23. He Disobeyed The Leader Of The Free World
In 2003, when Canada refused to join the USA in the Iraq invasion, I found myself in the company of a co-worker who firmly believed that the mighty President Bush could have simply called Jean Chrétien, the Canadian PM, and command him to comply.
I explained to him that the President did not have that authority, and his response made me shake my head: "But he's the leader of the free world! One must unquestioningly heed his every word".
24. You Can’t Reverse For A Refund
I bumped into an old school buddy, and this guy was a total entrepreneur. Weirdly, he admitted that he had never even driven a car before. So, being the good friend that I am, I offered him a lift home.
The only problem was, I couldn't quite remember where he lived. Cue the hilarious adventure of us trying to navigate through the countryside, up this ridiculously steep hill with more twists and turns than a rollercoaster.
We were caught up in our conversation that I accidentally missed a turn. Then, out of nowhere, he caught me off-guard: "Sorry man, but petrol costs money". I was taken aback by his concern for my gas expenses, but what happened next left me speechless.
As I reversed the car, he looked at me with wide eyes and exclaimed, "Oh my God! I have an idea!" I had to interrupt him before he let it out, fearing what crazy scheme he was about to propose.
25. Planes Can’t Get Wet?
I proudly serve as an aircraft technician for the Royal Canadian Air Force. Our instructor once showed us some jaw-dropping videos of jets effortlessly sucking moisture off the wet ground. During the lesson, a fellow trainee blurted out a mind-boggling statement.
He questioned the logic behind damaging a jet engine and squandering millions just for a video. The room fell into a stunned silence. Summoning my wit, I challenged him. "So, planes can't soar through clouds or rain?" I quipped.
The entire class erupted in laughter, leaving him red-faced. Despite his amusing blunder, he continues to work on planes.
26. How Did He Get Into College
Living with my freshman roommate was a wild ride. He would stumble into our dorm room at the crack of dawn, reeking of partying, and promptly hop into the shower. Naturally, by the time I went in for my morning routine, the floor was like a swimming pool.
This wet situation persisted for weeks until my clueless roommate confronted me, convinced that our shower was broken. Intrigued, I followed him to the bathroom, where he dramatically turned on the water, exclaiming, "See, it gets everywhere!"
With a simple flick of the shower curtain, I resolved the issue. His response? "You're a genius!" Yeah...I am.
27. Someone Failed US Geography
I wanted to order the perfect bridesmaids dresses for my friend's wedding. I approached the counter and informed the salesgirl that the dresses needed to be delivered to New Mexico.
To my surprise, she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Sorry, we don't deliver to Mexico. We only deliver within the United States". I couldn't believe it! I repeated my request, thinking she must have misheard me.
But no, she had no clue that New Mexico was a state! She kept insisting that they didn't deliver to Mexicom and at one point, I had to ask for her manager. Talk about a facepalm moment!
Monkey Business Images, Shutterstock
28. You Just Spelt It
As someone who speaks English as a second language, I know firsthand how important it is to learn it. Unfortunately, not everyone from my country shares that sentiment.
One day, I arrived at work early and found myself alone with a new colleague who had joined the team a month prior. As I sat down at my desk, she suddenly asked me how to spell "Q.A.D".
I responded with a puzzled "Q.A.D?" But her response left me speechless. "Is that in English or Arabic?" she asked. I was at a loss for words.
29. Not Good With Maps
One time at work, I was thirsty so I went to get water in the kitchen area. As I approached, my ears caught the conversation of two female interns, both in their early 20s. They were discussing their Christmas plans.
One of them, brimming with excitement, shared her upcoming vacation plans in South Carolina. She said she wanted a white Christmas. The other intern then asked: "Is that near North Carolina?"
The first intern, with a playful smile, confessed: "Maps have never been my forte".
30. He Might Want To Consider A Career Change
One time at work, a fresh-faced IT intern went to a company party hosted by his fellow colleagues. At one point, people started paying attention to a peculiar hole in the ceiling, which was created to pass a network cable through.
Curiosity sparked within the intern, and he posed a question that left everyone dumbfounded: "But how does the Internet ascend? Isn't its flow solely downward?"
Safe to say his time at the company was cut short.
Kostiantyn Voitenko, Shutterstock
31. She Wanted A Miracle
I am employed at a specific coffee establishment where this incident occurred. One day, we experienced a shortage of various items, and we promptly displayed signs near the registers to inform customers about the unavailability of lemonade, mango syrup, and other items.
A customer approached the register, noticed the signs, and remarked, "I see you are currently out of lemonade and mango syrup. I had intended to order a tea lemonade with mango". I politely responded, "Apologies, but we are currently out of stock for both items".
Surprisingly, she then inquired, "So, can you still prepare it for me?" Internally, I pondered, "Is she expecting me to conjure the necessary ingredients out of thin air? Does she believe we have hidden reserves of lemonade and syrup in our storage?"
To this day, I remain perplexed by her question, especially considering her prior acknowledgement of our complete depletion of these items.
32. Fries Are Cooked In Oil
In my previous job, I held a position in catering where I was responsible for training new staff. One such individual was the daughter of one of the company's bosses. Despite her connections, her appearance and behavior left much to be desired.
She wore an excessive amount of makeup and made some rather foolish comments. I'll never forget what she said during her training. She was stationed at the hot food counter while I cooked in the back. When she requested more fries, I dropped some frozen ones into the fryer.
She appeared confused and asked if they would be wet or soggy. I explained that they were cooked in oil, not water.
33. They Don’t Print Bills In That Amount
Previously, I owned a somewhat realistic imitation of a million-dollar bill. On a day when I had drank a lot of coffee, I accompanied a friend to a local gas station to refuel my car.
I entered the store and purchased a Mountain Dew for myself, a Pepsi for my companion, and a Reese's to share. WhenII approached the counter, I started flirting with the girl at the front.
The brunette cashier greeted me politely, inquiring about my needs. I informed her that I had gotten $25 worth of gas at pump 8, along with the two beverages and a Reese's. The cashier then informed me that the total amount due was $30.62.
In a playful attempt to jest with her, I took out my one-million-dollar bill replica from my wallet and handed it to her. Observing her reaction, I maintained a serious expression. The cashier examined the bill, then glanced back at me.
She hesitated before expressing her doubt about being able to provide change for such a large denomination. I watched her closely, attempting to discern if she was reciprocating my "prank" with her own humor.
I had anticipated that any cashier would simply dismiss the bill as fake and humorously inquire about the payment. However, the brunette showed nothing but genuine curiosity, honesty, and concern.
Realizing this, I promptly apologized, admitting that the bill was not authentic and that I had only intended to make her laugh. I assured her that I had no intention of using it as payment and offered my card instead.
Relief washed over her face as she began to laugh. She confessed that she had never encountered such a bill before and had been genuinely fooled by its realistic appearance.
34. She Would’ve Lost The States Game
During my visit to an army base, where my friend served in the Navy, I encountered personnel from various branches stationed there. Interestingly, some o them were genuinely excited to see a civilian visitor.
Although I couldn't comprehend the reason behind their enthusiasm, I must acknowledge that everyone was exceptionally kind. As we gathered outside, introductions were made, and small talk about where we were all from ensued.
One individual, Amber from Minnesota, introduced herself. When it was my turn, I mentioned that I hailed from "Pennysltucky". To my surprise, Amber responded while tilting her head sideways: "Is that the state located between Pennsylvania and Kentucky?" she asked earnestly.
Momentarily taken aback, I stared at her, questioning the sincerity of her query. However, her confusion persisted. I just smiled and clarified that I am indeed from Pennsylvania, and the term "Pennsyltucky" is just a colloquialism used by locals in my area.
35. Let’s Be Grateful She’s Not A Cook
With 15 years of experience as a professional cook, I remember an incident where a server requested me to expedite a chicken dinner that she had forgotten to place an order for.
I informed her that the dish was still undercooked and would require a few more minutes. However, she insisted that I serve it to her immediately, stating that it was fine. I declined, pointing out the danger of salmonella infection.
The server became agitated and demanded the dish, claiming that she was losing out on tips. She also made an erroneous statement that salmon, not chicken, causes salmonella. This caused a stir among the patrons present.
ShotPrime Studio, Shutterstock
36. You Need To See To Drive
While riding in a car, an ambulance with its siren blasting passed us. My companion turned to me with a solemn expression and she posed a thought-provoking question: "If you were a visually and audibly impaired driver, how would you discern the need to yield for an ambulance?"
This query evoked a fit of laughter that brought tears to my eyes. It was so amusing that I chose it as my senior quote.
37. Sometimes Europeans Aren’t Good At Geography Too
In the UK, American children's shows, particularly popular ones like SpongeBob and Animaniacs, are widely broadcasted. These shows often feature special episodes centered around the 4th of July and the Declaration of Independence.
During a conversation I had at the age of 14, the topic of discussion revolved around one of the jokes made in an episode of The Simpsons. I shared this with my friend.
Friend: Yes, I watched that episode. The British characters portrayed in these specials always come across as unpleasant.
Me: Pardon me?
Friend: You know, the British. The individuals they frequently mention in these types of specials. I believe we could easily defeat them.
I asked if my friend was aware that we ourselves are British. He vehemently denied this, citing our residence in England. Despite my attempts to explain, he remained unconvinced until he sought confirmation from his mother upon returning home.
38. Ice Takes Up Space
I was a typical night at the bar I work at, until a lady walked in with a bone to pick. She had ordered two Chardonnays, one with ice and one without. But when she observed the glasses, she was convinced that one contained more liquid than the other.
I tried to explain that both glasses had exactly 120 mL, but she wasn't having it. She pointed out that the one with ice looked fuller, and demanded to know why she wasn't getting the same amount.
It took some convincing, but I finally had to show her that the ice was just taking up space. Lesson learned: don't mess with a bartender who knows their measurements!
39. US Geography Must Be Hard
During my stint at a call center for a wireless service provider, I encountered a truly unforgettable customer. A woman dialed in, seeking information on the charges for using her phone while traveling abroad.
Naturally, I informed her that the cost would vary depending on the country she was visiting. Curiosity piqued, and I inquired about her destination. To my utter astonishment, she replied with a straight face, "Wyoming".
I struggled to contain my laughter, hastily hitting the mute button. This wasn't a case of mishearing or an international call; she genuinely believed Wyoming to be a separate country. And trust me, her unique way of speaking left no room for doubt.
Krakenimages.com, Shutterstock
40. When You Read Qur’an As Korean
During my first library gig, a college girl, probably a freshman, came into the public library in search of some books for her classes. Initially, she appeared to be managing just fine, so I decided to let her be. However, her increasingly exasperated noises caught my attention, and I decided to help her.
Little did I know, this would turn out to be a decision I'd soon regret.
Me: Need a hand finding something?
Her: I'm looking for the Korean Bible.
Me: The Bible, but in Korean?
Her: Exactly.
Me: We might have it in our international collection. Follow me.
We ventured over to the collection, but alas, the Korean Bible was nowhere to be found. I suggested other Bibles in different languages or even a Korean novel. As she glanced at the text of one of the Korean novels, her expression twisted into one of utter confusion.
Her: No, this isn't it. I need The Korean Bible.
Me: Ah, so you specifically need the Bible written in the Korean language?
Her: No! I need The Korean Bible! It's like The Bible, but in Arab!
Me: Ah, do you mean the Qur'an, perhaps?
41. She Definitely Shouldn’t Work There
I was chatting with a colleague the other day when she revealed an unexpected development of her life on me. She had an aspiration to study law enforcement and provide assistance to those who transgress societal rules. I was intrigued, so I asked her if she was planning on working in defense law for those accused of misconduct.
But no, she had other plans. She wanted to work for the prosecutor's office. I was confused. How could she help criminals there? She explained that she would be their inside person, sabotaging cases against them to help them get off.
She believed the justice system was so corrupt that she needed to take matters into her own hands. I was speechless. I knew I couldn't change her mind, so I just nodded and walked away.
Mangkorn Danggura, Shutterstock
42. We Don’t Sell Those Here Sir
One time, a man came into the electronics store where I worked, clad in rugged denim overalls. He was sseeking the power of a laser, and intrigued, I asked about the specific type he desired—a laser pointer, a laser scanner, or perhaps a helium-neon kit laser?
But no, he wanted for a laser that could conquer the mighty task of slicing through wood. Engravings? No, no, he needed a laser capable of taming two-by-fours. Ah, the audacity! In this modern era of the 2000s, such lasers were reserved for the likes of the Army.
43. Not The Brightest Crayon In The Box
In high school, a curious girl approached me with a question that left me dumbfounded. "What language do Asians speak?" she innocently asked. I couldn't help but chuckle, yet I knew it deserved a thoughtful response. "Well," I began..".
Asia is a vast continent with a multitude of languages. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, and many more". But her puzzled expression persisted. "Yeah, but what language do Asians speak?" ]=
I was taken aback. Perhaps my explanation fell short, so I turned to some fellow classmates for assistance. Yet, her subsequent inquiry about Canadians speaking "Canadian" left me utterly defeated.
44. Yes Water Evaporates Into The Air
I had this friend when I was a kid who had a massive fish tank in his room. One day, he noticed that the water level was low and commented on how much water the fish were drinking. I told him that it was probably evaporating.
He looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked me what that meant. I was shocked! So, I decided to explain the water cycle to him, but he thought I was making it all up.
He believed that rain came from God and that water puddles on pavement soaked into the pavement. He teased me for the rest of the day, calling me stupid. But the worst part? We couldn't even Google it since this happened before smartphones.
45. That Word Doesn’t Start With A Q
I was tasked with showing a fresh-faced junior engineer the ropes, but this guy had an ego the size of a skyscraper. He strutted around like he was the next big thing, ready to show us all how it was done. As I reviewed his work, marking up the mistakes, he took it personally.
It was as if he remained trapped in the playground, incapable of dealing with any criticism without perceiving it as an assault. Our office was a sprawling, open-plan space, and he seemed overly self-conscious about it.
It was during this time that I noticed he had butchered a word, and despite spell-checkers being readily available in 2001, I decided to offer some advice. "Hey dude, in the English language, words that start with a Q are almost always followed by a U," I explained.
His face scrunched up in confusion, and I could practically hear the gears turning in his head. "Oh yeah? What about croissant?" he retorted. It wasn't just the audacity with which he delivered that response, but the sheer number of failures in that sentence that caused the entire office to burst into laughter.
Naturally, in the days that followed, the junior engineer found mini croissants hidden in his coat pockets, tucked away in his drawers, skewered onto his car antenna, and anywhere else we could think to put them.
46. He Crushed Her Midget Buying Dreams
In my Biology class, I once had a classmate who had a peculiar desire—to have a midget best friend. She wanted to raise him like a son and teach him tricks to entertain her. I was baffled and asked her if she planned to give birth to a midget or adopt one.
She replied that midgets were not people and that there was a store where you could buy them. I had to explain to her that midgets were humans with dwarfism, and you couldn't buy people. After some teasing from classmates, our teacher advised her to read more. It was a hilarious yet eye-opening experience.
47. Those Don’t Wipe Away Babies
Once upon a time, in the hospital, a whirlwind of panic swept through the air. An 18-year-old girl burst into the room, her face etched with worry, as she awaited the results of her ultrasound.
As I gently broke the news that she was indeed pregnant, her eyes widened in disbelief. "That can't be!" she exclaimed, her voice trembling. Determined to uncover the truth, I inquired about her chosen method of birth control.
With a mix of confusion and amusement, she confessed to using what she called "no-baby wipes". Little did she know, those wipes were never meant to prevent pregnancy, but rather to protect the delicate skin of little ones.
It was a poignant reminder of the gaps in our education system, and a sobering thought that such ignorance would soon be entrusted with the precious responsibility of motherhood.
48. You Could Just Go In A Different Direction
As I pulled into the gas station, I noticed only one pump was available. A lady was filling up her SUV in front of me, and our cars were facing each other. I quickly put my card in the machine while she finished up.
Suddenly, she rolled down her window and said something to me. I couldn't hear her, so I asked her to repeat it. Still, I couldn't make out what she was saying, so I walked up to her car.
She then complained that she had to wait for me to finish so she could pull out. I was confused since there were no cars behind her. I suggested she back up, and she drove away, clearly annoyed.
Kaspars Grinvalds, Shutterstock
49. Should Have Hired A Wizard
I'm a designer. One day, a client approached me with a request to work my magic on a photograph. After laboring for what seemed like forever, the client revealed a shocking surprise. She confessed that the angle of the picture was not good.
She then asked if I could change the photo's perspective. I wrote her two carefully worded emails explaining why her request could not be fulfilled. I also told her that if she wanted a different angle, she would have to take a new photo.
I never heard back from her.
50. She’ll Definitely Figure It Out
In the 9th grade, my English class was buzzing with excitement when our teacher returned from a few weeks away. She had been completing the adoption process for an infant from China. We were all eager to hear about the new addition to her family.
However, one girl's question made us all groan. "Are you ever going to tell your daughter that she is adopted?" she asked.
Our teacher, a Caucasian woman with red hair, simply replied, "I think she'll figure it out on her own". It was a moment that taught us all about the importance of sensitivity and respect.
