We're all just doing our best to get through the day as easily as we can—but every once in a while, we run into an immovable force of nature: The Totally Unreasonable Jerk. Nothing can be done to persuade them to stop being awful. But if you run into one of these horrible people, remember, there's always a silver lining: Maybe you'll get an insane story like one of these!
1. Nicking Nana
A car, luckily driving slowly, touched my mother’s wheelchair, throwing her frail body to the ground. The driver exits, ignores my mother on the GROUND, looks at his car, and says, "You are lucky that there are no scratches in the paint."
2. ERROR 500 Command Unrecognized
My grandmother fell on the curb in front of my house when she was getting out of her car and broke her hip. She was lying on the ground crying when she said a stranger passed. My grandmother asked her to just knock on our front door, and the person just stared at her and kept walking. My grandmother waited an hour until my dad came out and found her. What kind of person just stares at a little 80-year-old woman crying on the ground?
3. Not an Accident, Not My Fault
A car hit my friend at an intersection. The girl was speeding. After my friend literally flies over the car and lands on the pavement, the driver pulls over and starts to yell at my friend who was hit. She doesn't even take out her phone to call 9-1-1 or anything. She just goes on about how "This is the second accident this month! Why weren't you looking? Do you know how much this will cost me??" I was thinking "What the heck, lady? You just hit my friend with your car. Shut your mouth."
4. Don’t Mind the Warning Signs
I was managing a restaurant on a busy weekend when tornado sirens went off and the radio told everyone to take cover immediately. My hosts ran to take cover and call their kids at home. Some horrible customer decides to start yelling at me to seat him immediately, that this was ridiculous, and he didn't need to take cover. A tornado did hit about a mile away, though.
5. Building Up for a Disappointment
My dad's friend bought an old hunting cabin in Colorado, and we helped renovate it into something liveable. When we started out, it was just one room with planks for walls, no insulation, and split pine trees for siding. When we finished, there was a kitchen and bathroom and electricity and plumbing and insulation and looks brand new. What did the neighbor have to say about us fixing up that old eyesore? "My house smells like saw dust."
6. Seizing the Wrong Moment
I used to work in a record store, and during one of our busy moments of the day, a co-worker started to have a seizure by the cash registers. I immediately stop ringing up a customer to go help my co-worker and try to figure out what to do. About 2 minutes into me helping my co-worker, who everyone could see was needing help, a customer asks if we could hurry up and check them out.
I remarked that I'm sorry that I was busy helping someone that was having a seizure and they'd have to wait a couple minutes. Of course, the customer gives me an angry, frustrated look and starts back talking. After taking care of the situation, I go to check the customer out, and all they were trying to buy was a CD for 25 cents. Upon the customer leaving they remarked that they would never come back because of the slow service.
7. Squatter’s Rights
This jerk had been parking in my second spot, which is labeled Apt #5. I let it go for a week or so because I wasn't using it. Now, there are signs are posted saying no visitor parking and cars will be towed at the owner’s expense. After about 2 weeks of this, I left him a note asking him to park elsewhere and to stop using the block heater plug because we have to pay for the electricity—I live in Alaska...so it's a normal thing. Another week goes by, and I leave another note stating the same thing. I get no response.
I called my landlord, and he gave me the okay to tow the car, so I did just that. After 3-4 weeks of "using" our plug and spot, we had his truck towed. He freaked out and said what I did was against the law, but it wasn't. I had pictures and copies of letters I left him and pictures of the sign saying visitors cannot park in this lot. He tried to have my car towed as revenge...what a jerk.
8. No Parking Zone
I once parked my car on the street completely legally when visiting a friend. Some guy comes running out of the house yelling at me saying that was his parking spot. He had a large driveway that could easily park six cars, but here he is yelling at me for parking on the street I was completely and totally morally and legally entitled to park on.
I pointed to the street signs saying it was ok to park, and he yelled, "I don't care what the sign says you jerk, move your car, or you will regret it!" I ignored his threat and went to visit my friend. It was a late night when I came out around 3 am to drive home, only to discover that someone, I wonder who, had let the air out of all my tires.
Luckily for me, I own an air compressor, so I hooked it up to my car's lighter and pumped the air back into my tires. It was pretty cold out, and it wasn’t the greatest compressor in the world, so it was a miserable 20 minutes or so—but don't worry, I got my revenge. Once I was done, I returned the favor letting the air out of all the tires in the four cars in his driveway as well as his boat trailer. I also superglued his mailbox closed. That made me feel better.
9. In the Blink of an Eye
I was in the car with my grandma on a large four-lane road in town. A car next to us side swiped us pretty hard, so we pulled over to do the whole information exchange thing. The woman in the other car leaps out and starts screaming at my grandma saying, "You are the rudest person I've ever seen! You wouldn't let me over! I had my blinker on!" I was completely taken aback. My grandma is the sweetest old lady and had either of us actually SEEN her blinker I know gram would let her over. But there was heavy traffic, and her car was directly beside us!
I dealt with the beast in the Camry and got her insurance. She ended by saying, "This isn't my fault, that woman should let people over." I laughed, which took her aback. I said, "You're 100% at fault here. And by the way, a blinker is NOT a yield sign even if we had seen it. Learn how to drive before you hurt or kill someone." Then we left. I was pretty happy when gram told me her insurance had accepted liability, and the agent told her something to the effect of "Yes, she yells at us too."
10. This Land Is Your Land, This Land is My Land
Every year where I live, there's a Greek festival, and all the people in the neighborhoods around there get a little annoyed about it because of all the people parking. But some people take it farther and actually put out obstructions like chairs with orange tape between them or cones to block people from parking in front of their house.
The problem with this is that it's public parking, so they're really just being cry-babies. Which is why I like to find some house close to the festival that's done this, get out of my car, throw the cones into the person's yard, and park right there. I'm only going to be at the festival for as long as it takes to get food because it's usually ridiculously hot.
One time, some guy came out screaming at me about how I was breaking the law and he was going to call the authorities and have me detained and my car towed. I just looked at him and said, "No, you won't because I haven't broken any laws." So, I got my food all boxed up, and I'm walking back to my ride enjoying one of the 5 gyros I bought—one for now, one for later, one for later-later, one for my ex-wife, and one for her later, and I see a cop car blocking me in and the cop standing on the sidewalk with the jerk berating him.
The cop had a very tolerant expression on his face, so I just walked up and said, "Hey dude. Sorry, officer, I got all my food, and I'm ready to head out. I've got the family waiting for dinner,” I held up the bags to show them. “Anyway, you could move the cruiser a few feet, and I'll be on my way, or are you going to be busy for a while?"
The entitled toad’s eyes widen, and he starts jabbering about how I'm the one and telling the cop to arrest me now, impound my car, and so on. The cop's reaction was amazing. He looks at me, gives me a slight nod, and says, "Nope. I'm pretty much done here.” He turns to me and asks, “How were the lines? I'm kind of hungry, and the guys back at the station love gyros." So, I told him the lines were moving pretty fast and the tzatziki was extra tangy this year. All the while, the dude is just gaping at us.
The cop says, "Sir, if you don't take care of this trash by the time I’m done moving my cruiser, I'll have to cite you for littering. And don't block off the street again," and goes to move his cruiser. By the time I’m done loading up and pulling out with a wave to Officer Cool, the guy is dutifully picking up his cones and orange tape with a stunned expression on his face like reality just came crashing down.
11. Where’s the Fire?
I worked at a gas station, and most of the time I had to sit in a small building and just watch what went on outside. I was doing a bit of paperwork one day when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. One customer was waving frantically to me with the pump hose in one hand without a nozzle and gas spraying EVERYWHERE. I slammed the emergency stop button and alarms started going off everywhere.
I ran outside with the absorption powder to try to get this massive spill under control. At the same time, I was trying to explain to the people that were coming up to me why the pumps weren't working. At this point, I was a bit unconcerned with customer service. My number one priority was to get this dangerous spill under control. The guy who broke the nozzle felt it was a good time to come up to me and tell me, "I need a refund for all that gas."
You know, I understood that because the gasoline was pouring out onto the ground instead of his tank and he would eventually need his money back. But asking me this while the gasoline is still on the ground and while I'm desperately trying to clean it up so that nobody gets hurt? That is not the right time to demand a refund. Fortunately, my manager came out after he called the fire department and told them not to come and dealt with this guy and all the people who felt the need to tell me that they were "in a hurry and when would the pumps come back on??"
12. Man Potentially Down
I work in the same building as a gym on a fairly major intersection and we have an underground garage where we can park. 10:30 this morning: I hear, "There's a dead guy in the stairwell facing the road." I ask co-worker #1 for that to be repeated, and, yeah, I heard correctly; there is a dead guy in the stairwell facing the road.
Three seconds later, and I hear co-worker #1 say, "Yeah, co-worker #2 took a picture of the guy around lunch-time yesterday, and he has it on his computer. There's poop all over the stairwell. I went down and checked just now. The guy hasn't moved positions from co-worker #2's picture. He had made a mess in his pants, and flies are buzzing around him."
As he's describing this, he's laughing. I hear co-worker #2 talking and laughing about it. Naturally, I ask, "Okay, has anyone called 9-1-1?" Nope. A guy has been deceased for approximately 24 hours, and no one has done anything except take a picture and laugh about it. WHAT. Right now, I'm thinking these guys are either pulling a prank, or they’re as awful as I think they are right now.
I go outside to inspect the scene. I can smell it from 200 feet away around the corner of the building. It's permeating through the garage and out the vents. It gets worse as I get closer. Finally, I walk up to the stairwell and see a groggy-looking homeless guy sitting up and trying to get his bearings straight.
13. A Cross Walk
I was standing at a crosswalk of a fairly busy street one day next to a woman gabbing on a cellphone with her little 3 or 4-year-old son toddling around. The woman wasn't making any attempt to look at the kid and wasn't holding his hand. The kid probably bored by waiting toddled right past me, jumped off the curb, and started walking into the street.
As soon as I saw him leaping off the curb, I instinctively shouted, "OH NO!" sprang into action, and ran for him. I managed to grab him by the back of the shirt and yank him back to the curb before the SUV whizzed by at 40-50 MPH of which the driver wasn’t probably not paying attention either. The boy starts sobbing, of course, because what little kid wouldn't? It was scary.
I spun around, and IMMEDIATELY, I'm met with his mom's face as she proceeds to flip out screaming about, "How DARE I touch her son" and "How DARE I make him cry?" I tried to argue and tell her that I just saved the kid's life when he walked out into the road, but even after hearing that, she just kept calling me nasty names and screaming at me .
She may not have noticed me wresting her toddler from a fate of being vaporized into a fine kiddie paste, but, given the circumstances, shouldn't she have at least given me the benefit of considering that I was telling the truth? She wouldn't stop screaming incoherent garbage at me while still holding her phone near her face, mind you, because heaven forbid she'd end the call.
So eventually, I just shouted back that she should keep a better eye on her son and walked to another crosswalk two blocks down. I wasn't expecting a grand hero's parade, but a simple, "Thanks for not letting my boy become kinderjelly" would have been nice. Coincidentally, this was near where I lived, and I ended up seeing her and her boy again about six months later as they were walking through the neighborhood. She was still on her cell, but this time the boy was trailing after on a leash…Lesson learned I guess?
14. On-Leash the Dogs!
I head out for what I hope will be a peaceful walk with my dog who’s a lab mix at the end of the day. She's on a leash in the middle of the street. A full-grown German Shepherd comes tearing out a yard without warning and grabs my dog by the neck starting to shake her as dogs do in a dog fight. My dog is not a fighter and just takes it.
I begin kicking the German Shepherd to get it to let go, but it's not having much effect. My dog starts to whimper, and I see later it's because the dog has bitten through her ear, and it's torn. I increase the strength of my kicks and succeed in kicking the German Shepherd away from my dog and then runs back in its yard.
The owner comes up to me and yells at me angrily for kicking the dog. No apology. I was only wearing sneakers, and her dog is unharmed. I say, "You have to be kidding me." She turns away, calls me a jerk, and begins screaming at the top of her lungs at her daughter. My wife tells me this dog may have bitten another walker. The authorities get involved. It was totally unbelievable.
15. "Boys Will Be Boys"
This just happened at a school close to me. The school’s soccer team duct-taped a student who wanted to play soccer to the football goal post. They all left the field, and he was found 15 minutes later. Seriously. What is wrong with people?
16. What a T-Bone Head
When I was 21, I got my first "big kid" job, so I decided to buy myself a newer used car since my clunker was awful. I got a beautiful Pontiac G6. I loved it—which made what happened all the more painful. Exactly three weeks after I bought it, I had to go back to the dealership to sign some paperwork so I could lower my car payment. My mom came with me. I was driving back home, going about 35 mph, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, and this old man in a Chevy Avalanche, about 80 years old pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. I would have barely missed him if he had floored it and I slammed my breaks.
However, he STOPPED to make sure nobody was coming from the other direction. I slam on my brakes, blare my horn, and then T-bone his truck. The front end of my car was barely there, fluids leaking all over, airbags all in my face, my mom and I both got hurt, and this jerk decides to get out of his truck and start screaming at me asking me why I hit his car, what is wrong with me, etc.
I looked like I was all of 16 at the time, so I'm sure he thought he was right in his old brain of his. He kept physically coming toward me, swearing at me, and screaming even when the cop came. Finally, after 10 minutes of screaming, he asked if we were ok, which my mother responded by going off on him telling him that we weren't ok and he had no right being on the road. We come to find out he hadn't had a valid license for a few years. Seriously though, how did he think that I hit him on purpose?
17. Eat My Disney Magic
I worked at a small food stand-like place once in Disney World. We closed at 3 every day after lunch and were RIGHT next to another food place that remained open. One day, a man came up to our window at around 3:30 after we had already closed everything and demanded food. I told him nicely that our kitchen was closed, but there’s a similar restaurant that was literally like 15 yards away and served the same items.
Well, he freaked out and started screaming and complaining about the service in front of his children and a bunch of other kids. He even called one of my coworkers a moron. I know he was fully aware of Disney’s policies, which was to never let anyone go unsatisfied. Maybe he'd get something for free, right? Well he did. Food and drinks.
As he was given this food that came from the neighboring kitchen, I remember I gave him the most "What is wrong with you?" look I had ever given, even risking losing my job for not looking "Disney Happy" when around a guest. The part that made me really made me mad was that he acted like that in front of his children and was rewarded. He didn't even say thank you.
18. Poop ‘N Avenge
I was out walking my dog because she was cooped up a lot at the time, and I wanted to let her stretch her legs. We walked from our apartment complex to the neighborhood next door. My dog had already done her business, and I, a responsible member of society, picked it up and threw it away. While walking past a house, a woman runs out and starts yelling about getting her weapon.
I thought for sure I had misunderstood her, so I said, "What?" This caused her to run back inside and brought a large man out with her. "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MY WIFE?" he yelled. I told him calmly that she came out and yelled at me, and I was trying to figure out why she was angry. She began to scream about how my dog, even though this is the first time I'd ever walked in this neighborhood, was dumping in her yard, and she was going to shoot me if she caught it happening again.
I assured her that I had never been by her house, and I was the only one walking the dog. I pointed out that we weren't even slowing down near the house until she came out and threatened to shoot me. But reasoning with morons doesn't exactly work, so instead she kept screaming, and her giant husband seemed to be getting more agitated, so I just started walking again and avoided their house on the way back out of the neighborhood.
That said, it did inspire a hobby. If my dog dropped a lot of poop, I'd pick it up like normal, put it in a plastic sack, and drive over to their house. If the lights were out and the cars were gone, I'd take the bag and empty it on the lawn, right where they'd likely step out of their car when they returned. I never saw it happen, but I always hoped it played out like I planned.
19. Put a Fork in It
I was in Wal-Mart with my girlfriend a few months ago, and we were looking at silverware in the kitchen section. We parked our cart in one of the larger aisles since no one was around. We're both in our early 20s. As we looked through the various utensils, a tall skinny blonde man who looked about 40 came and stood near our cart.
I glance over at him for a split second, and he seems to be looking at the items on the shelf next to the cart. When I looked back to my girlfriend, the man yelled at us, "Did you seriously just LOOK at me and NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS STANDING HERE?" We both looked up, and the man was glaring at us angrily. Neither of us know what he was talking about and kind of just stare back dumbstruck. He yelled at us again, "MOVE YOUR CART."
My girlfriend grabbed the cart and stammered a quick, "Oh, okay, sorry." The guy glared at us and waltzed around the corner—but he wasn't finished yet. Before he’s out of earshot, my girlfriend said, "Geez, sorry," rather quietly in my direction. The man whirled around and snapped, "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, FILTHY MOUTH?!"
She responds, "...um...geez, sorry?" The angry man left in a huff, and my girlfriend was reduced to tears. Before anyone questions my manliness for not ripping his arms off, I am a rather small female, and I was shocked into silence by the crazy dude. I still feel bad for not grabbing one of the nearby forks and forcefully placing it into his brain.
20. Tax-Free Injury Advice
A few years ago, I was riding my road bike with some of my cyclist team mates on a rural road in Massachusetts. I was drafting, tired, and not paying attention and ended up touching the rear wheel of the cyclist in front of me with my front wheel. As any cyclist knows, this is bad. It’s the equivalent to “crossing the beams.”
We were going about 20 MPH, and I ended up going over the handlebar like a dolphin jumping a wave—well, if the crest of the wave was a handlebar and the trough was asphalt. Thankfully, I flew off the road into the grass. Good, I had no road rash, but I landed solidly on my shoulder and ended up getting a stage II shoulder separation.
As I'm on the ground writhing in pain with my bike lying against a fence, which bounced end on end and came to rest artfully on a fence, and a group of concerned cyclists surrounding me, a driver stops to honk at us and curse us out for riding on the road, “Get off the road! You don't pay taxes… blah blah blah.”
21. Slither Me Biters!
I work at a pet store. This lady came in with her son who couldn't have been older than 5 or so. She asked if I could help them with a ball python. When I took it out, she was really excited to hold it and immediately kept telling her son how they were going to convince his dad to let them get it. Her son was CLEARLY afraid of the snake, and she kept trying to get him to hold it. He kept telling her he was afraid that it will bite him. She tried to tell him that "snakes don't bite" and turned to me wanting me to tell him the same thing.
I told the boy, "While snakes can bite, ours are quite friendly and won't want to bite you if you hold them gently." His mom was FURIOUS that I wouldn't tell this kid that snakes can't bite. I tried to tell her why I can't lie, but she said it was unacceptable and now I have scared her son for life. I suggested he hold a bearded dragon, and he loved it. I think he left happier than she did.
22. Pie Nabbing Contest
Just this Thanksgiving, my wife was in a Walmart and found the last two pumpkin pies available. She put them in her cart. A lady approaches and says, "Where did you get those?" My wife says, “Back there, but I think I got the last two.” The lady then proceeds to reach into our cart and remove one of the pies. My wife's hand shoots out to grab the lady’s hand and says, "DON'T!" The lady says, "But I need a pie for Thanksgiving.” My wife says, "Uh, duh!?!" and then puts on her best “What is wrong with you?” face.
23. It’s a Dog Eat Dog Eat Lady World
A few years ago, the tiny little woman who lives across the street was in her front yard when the neighbor’s dog got loose. He was a mean pitbull—I know not all pits are mean, but this one was particularly vicious. The dog attacked the tiny woman. We were in the living room with the windows open and heard her scream.
I grabbed a bat and ran for the door. As soon as we opened it, our dog ran out and went after the pit. She was part pit and was rescued from someone who was using her to fight. She grabbed the other dog by the neck and held him down just looking at us like, “Please let me kill it.” This is when this went really off the rails. The poor woman was paralyzed with fear and bleeding everywhere, her husband ran out of the house to pick her up, and the neighbor came out with a firearm to kill our dog for attacking his "baby."
By the time the authorities got there, Doris was still holding the other dog down waiting for the word to off him. The jerk never even apologized for having let his dog loose or for what happened to that poor woman. He was just indignant that his dog lost the fight. We called her name, and she let him go and went back into the house. I really wanted to tell her to finish him…and then take out his owner.
24. In a Rude Mood Tonight
I was lining up for 20 minutes for a gig at a nightclub with my girls. This random girl comes up and pretends to know one of my friends so she can step in line with us. No big deal, it's night time, and it's cold, solidarity etc. BUT! She was so rude! She didn't introduce herself to anyone else and ignored all my attempts at conversation. Then she slowly starts to push me slightly out of the line with her body language so I can no longer talk comfortably to my friends.
When the bouncer says two people can go in, we tell him we're a group and want to stay together. But this girl! She steps in front of us, flashes her ID, and gets in. We were waiting outside for another 15 minutes in the cold. I could not describe my feelings when my friend tells me that was the first time this girl had ever acknowledged or said anything to her.
25. The Alph-la Gamma O Fraternity
Some guy from a frat at my college was dared to sneak into the zoo at night and take a selfie with a flamingo. Not only did he not take the picture, he flamingo-napped it, accidentally breaking its leg in the process so that it had to be euthanized, indirectly killing the flamingo's mate because flamingos die when separated from their mate. Also, I just found out that the entire fraternity was suspended because of this guy's actions. I have a good friend in this fraternity, and I know he's peeved. He doesn't deserve to be punished for this.
26. Not Stuck, Just Stuck Up
The place I work has two diesel pumps with one on each side of the pump island thing. There was a guy with a diesel truck and trailer attached pumping $130 of diesel and another truck waiting after him. This lady comes in screaming that she's blocked in and can’t leave because the second truck is blocking her, and he won’t move. At this point, his only option to move would be to back up into one of the exits and into the main road. Not happening at 9 AM when everyone is rushing to get to work. The lady kept screaming at me telling me to make him move because she, "DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO WAIT!"
Blah, blah, blah, we go through 10 minutes of me telling her he is NOT blocking her or anyone else because traffic is clearly moving through the parking lot and finally have to get another manager to say, "Ma’am, if you turn your vehicle left instead of right, you can use the left exit. If you back up four feet, you can go out the exit you claim is blocked. I’m sorry you cannot use the four feet of road you want, but short of me physically picking up his truck, there is NOTHING we can do." So, the lady is calling corporate on us both.
27. Litter-ally Unnecessary
I was out for a motorcycle ride yesterday. I stopped at a spot off the main road to stretch my legs a bit. I noticed in the bushes that there were bags and bags of garbage all dumped in one spot. It wasn’t like a McDonald's bag that someone casually threw out their window. It was more like someone loaded up with what could possibly be months’ worth of household garbage and dumped it in the woods.
28. Way Out of the Way
Last Saturday, I was walking along a vacant sidewalk when I was approached by a middle-aged couple. They were in jogging suits and walking considerably faster than I, so I moved onto the grass to give them space. When they got closer, the woman started yelling at me that I wasn't far enough out of the way. I apologized only to be intentionally clipped by the man following her and landing on my back. I got back up and laughed it off only to hear the man yelling, "You're not the only one in this city, jerk!" At that point, I was pretty amazed at how somebody can be that angry at someone they don't know. I hadn't said anything to them to start.
29. Chicken Heads Will Roll
I recently bought a few chickens. The second day they were here, the usual neighbor kids come over to play. I sit down and feed the baby, and about 10 minutes in, I have to get up because I hear kids screaming and chickens losing it. I walk out back to a DOZEN children I do not know, four of which have busted my hen run and are in with the chickens. One kid has a hen by her wing and when she flaps, he let's go, and then he kicks her!
Needless to say, I was upset. Without leaving my porch, I said, "Get out! All of you! I don't know what makes you think it is appropriate to hit someone else's animal. I don't know what would make you think it is okay to do that to any animal in general, but it is in no uncertain terms not okay. I don't know who you are, but get off my property."
I tell my kids and the neighbor kids they were playing with that no one is allowed in the back yard. I go back inside to feed the baby. I am not even sat down yet, and I hear the fridge open. I say, “[Toddler's name], no snacks right now." Guess what? It wasn’t my toddler. Some neighbor kid I don't know just walks in and opens my fridge.
Now he wasn't the brat that kicked my chicken, but he was in the run. I kick the kid out. As I open the door to remove the fridge raider from my home, chicken kicker shows up with his mommy who starts to scream, "You witch think you are sooooo much better than my son! How dare you tell him what to do? I am going to call the authorities on you."
I tell her, calmly, that I probably could have not sworn at her son, but he can't just go around kicking animals. She leaves to call 9-1-1. She comes back 15 minutes later, and says she wants to settle this like adults and will consider $100 to cover mental anguish from my yelling at her son. I tell her to just call 9-1-1 and have them deal with it.
30. Never Heard a Chance
I was verbally abused by a customer over the phone for something that isn't my job or department. I was the one answering the phone and could barely get a word in. And coworkers at a different store threw me under the bus by telling this customer later that our store is full of idiots and incompetent people.
31. No Sign of Weakness
My mother is in a wheelchair now, and I take her to the store or mall to get her out of the house. What frustrates me the most is that she's fully capable of moving herself, but people will push her out of the way unless I'm right behind her. It's happened a few times. What I notice is when you have a disabled person in a wheelchair, they suddenly become invisible.
I remember once I was pulling her wheelchair from my trunk, and this other woman pulled into the spot next to me on my mom's side and got so close, she nor my mother could open the door all the way. I asked for her to move. She ignored me, and I ended up having to park elsewhere. I love the times the parents got upset with me asking that their children not play on her chair while she was using the bathroom. People, all the time as I'm pushing her, will suddenly stop without warning, and I've run my poor mother into people because of it, and they look at us like we're the ones in the wrong.
32. Diaper Flight Change
I was on a flight last night, and the woman in the row next to me changed her baby's diaper on the seatback tray without putting down a towel or anything. When she was done, she just closed the tray without even wiping it down and stuffed the dirty diaper into the pocket in the back of the seat. We were only like half an hour from landing too.
33. Don’t Flush Me
I was taking a dump at my school once, and about halfway through my business, some guy walks in the bathroom, waits outside the stall door, and proceeds to sigh in annoyance over and over again. He even let out a "Hoooooooly." I finished what I was doing and walked out, and there’s this guy was standing there. I walk past him and start to wash my hands. He walks in the stall, takes five seconds, and walks out WITHOUT washing his hands. There are two other urinals in the washroom. What are you doing, man?
34. Can’t Do It Without Mommy
My supervisor at work is insane. Recently, she pooped her pants and called her mom to bring her new clothes so she could change and finish work. She's 55. She would not have gotten in trouble if she had just gone home, and her mom lives more than an hour away. My supervisor sat in soiled pants for over an hour waiting for her mother to bring her new clothes.
35. Can I Get a Lick?
About three months ago, I made a move from San Francisco, California to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Although the two cities aren't as dissimilar as I had initially expected, there have definitely been some moments of culture shock. For one thing, there's a Walmart on every corner out here. I was quite accustomed to seeing a Starbucks every time that I turned around, but Walmarts are few and far between in the Bay Area.
Since my arrival in Louisiana, I've discovered that the convenience of shopping at a Walmart doesn't manifest as a result of their product selection or prices, but rather because you'll probably wind up walking into one by accident if you don't watch where you're going. On one such occasion, although, I confess, I may have gone inside on purpose. I decided that I wanted to stave off the Southern heat with some ice cream.
Immediately upon entering the frozen foods aisle, I was stopped in my tracks. In front of me was of the most unbelievably obese woman I'd seen in recent memory. Watching her move was like witnessing an unruly mass of chocolate pudding in its struggle to escape from a bright pink sweat suit. Also, as misfortune would have it, the woman in question was standing directly in front of the ice cream selection apparently delighting in the cold air that was escaping from the door she had propped open with her enormous posterior.
There was a brief moment where I considered feigning forgetfulness and making an abrupt about-face, but my desire for ice cream was compelling enough to keep me there in the aisle. I waited patiently for the woman to make her selection and move away, but sadly, that opportunity never came. She stayed planted there looking for all the world like she was caressing each carton in the plexiglass cupboard.
Eventually, I decided to take a more active role in my pursuit of dessert. "Excuse me," I said, "may I grab something from there?" No response was forthcoming. The woman stayed fixated on the freezer with her hand, which I saw was festooned with remarkably gaudy fake nails, resting lightly on a quart of cookie dough ice cream. "Excuse me," I said again a bit louder this time.
At last, the woman started to move, but it wasn't to make room for me. Instead, I watched in horror as she pulled a carton from the freezer, opened it pausing briefly to cram the plastic "freshness seal" into her pocket, and then licked the contents. Only then did the woman speak. "Naw," she said more to herself than to anyone else. She replaced the lid on the carton, put it back into the freezer, then selected another. Once again, I looked on as she opened the ice cream, dragged her tongue across its surface, pondered for a moment, then closed the carton, and returned it to where some unwitting future shopper might stumble upon it. I did not get ice cream that day... nor any day since, come to think of it.
36. Wrong Kind of Homecoming
Recently, we had our homecoming dance, and worse than the bad Miley Cyrus imitations and short dresses, I saw a couple doing it. On the dance floor. It just looked like they were grinding grossly, but I SAW FAR, FAR MORE THAN THAT. Later, my date stepped on a used condom. Now, the couple I saw wasn't using one. So, there were at least two couples doing it on the crowded dance floor.
37. Bad Drivers Really Are Everywhere
One summer, I was a camp counselor, and I was in one of those 15 passenger vans packed with kids. We were coming back from a trip in North Carolina, and we were on a curvy mountain road. A woman in an oversized SUV was coming up the other side of the road, and we slowed a little to make sure she could pass. She was obviously angry that we were there and that she couldn't fit.
At that moment, a small portion of the road gave out under one of our tires, and our van fell off the side of the hill and rolled twice. We weren't going fast, and no one was very injured, which was good, but everyone was shaken and a little cut up. What topped it off was that the woman in the SUV came back, we thought to help us, but she rolled down the window and screamed at us to watch our driving and then drove off. To this day it baffles me that someone could do something like this.
38. The Driver on the Bus Says Move on Back Away
I got on a late bus which had the seats full of people. There were people standing in the aisle from the front to the middle door. A lady in that group moved to stand past the middle door, and I followed her so I could have some space and not be so crammed in. The very next stop, a bus on the same route caught up to us and unloaded all their passengers onto our already very crowded bus.
It was jammed from me to the front, so I looked to lady that I followed at first to see if she was going to move back to clear for some needed space. She looks me right in the eye and said "You. You move to the back. You keep hitting me. I moved back here to get away from you and you followed me. Please go. Go. Just go."
I just looked at her with shock wondering what in the world was she talking about, as I just got on the bus and any contact would have been because the bus is moving and we're standing. I just gave a "whatever lady" and moved past her. I won because someone at the back got off right away, and I snagged a seat. Though I did sit there stewing hoping she'd say something else on my way out so could call her something mean.
39. In the Trucking Way
My town is well known for having a ton of construction companies, and every company has an oversized pickup truck that is far too large for our small congested streets. One day, a construction truck ran me off the road, bending my rim and popping a tire. My car just happened to stop in front of an empty driveway. Just as I start change wheel, some old couple pulls up and starts yelling at me for blocking their driveway.
I tried to explain that I had no choice and it would only take a minute, but they could care less. Apparently parking on the street and walking an extra ten feet was too inconvenient for them. The conversation ended with them ranting about how America was going to the dogs and how people like me have no respect. Sometimes it’s better to ignore oddballs like these. Trying to bring rationality to some people is just a waste of time.
40. Toilet Stalling
I went to the bathroom at a public coffee shop today. It's one of those public bathrooms with a tiny sink and a mirror over it and two little stalls. People wait inside to use the bathroom; there's not really a hallway in front of it. Both stalls were occupied, so I waited. There's another woman in there talking on the phone in one of the stalls. On speakerphone.
She's talking to someone that I presume is her boyfriend. She's complaining about some "so-called friend." She gets out of the stall and gives me a look and says, "ew, someone in here is listening to my conversation." She puts the phone on the ledge of the sink and starts doing her hair and pulls a makeup bag out of her purse.
She's still talking on the phone when I get in the stall. I wait for her to leave. She doesn't leave for another ten minutes. I sit down and finally pee. Hooray. How rude, I think to myself. What kind of a person thinks it is acceptable to talk on speakerphone in a public bathroom? I go to grab some toilet paper, and… there's none left. She had taken the last bit! And of course, she didn't let me know so that I could grab some from the basket by the sink on my way in to the stall because she was too busy complaining on the phone.
41. Professional Fecal Matters
I work with a disgusting human being. He is in the bathroom constantly pooping his brains out. He must have IBS. He never washes his hands. I often hear him constantly clacking away on his laptop in the stall next to me as if the stall is his own personal office. Anyway...one time he, let's call him Mr. Poopy pants, and this guy, Joe, walk into the bathroom while talking about work.
Mr. Poopy pants proceeds to continue his conversation with Joe all the while running to the stall, dropping his pants loudly, sitting down on the toilet yelling "ahhhhh" in the middle of his sentence, and continues to talk as he blows up the toilet. We're talking plopping sounds, violent pushing, farts like air horns, every conceivable sound revolving around exploding out of your backside. I got a look at Joe's face, and it was extremely similar to the face of the awkward seal. Mr. Poopy Pants just continued to talk as if this was part of normal bathroom etiquette. And he didn't wash his hands after. What is wrong with people...?
42. Declining Behavior
My roommate and I were running errands at Target. Oftentimes people will stand outside the entrance asking for donations and such, and one girl was there that day for an organization. As we were about to go in, this mother and her son walk out, and the girl politely asks if they have any spare change—little did she realize, she'd made a horrible mistake. All of the sudden, they both EXPLODE on this poor girl, yelling at her to stop trying to sell them things, calling her all kinds of bad names, telling her to go back home, etc.
It was so strange to see. Of course, she wasn't going to take any of that, so she calmly but firmly responded saying she wasn't trying to sell them anything, not to call her such names, and that she was staying right there. The son kept calling her a bad name, so she finally said, "I can't believe you kiss your mother with that mouth."
The way he rushed at her, I swear I thought he was going to attack her, but he just got super close to her face and yelled, "YOU’RE UGLY," and knocked her papers/clipboard out of her hand. Finally, security came out, and they ran for it with the girl calling after them, "I think I'm actually very pretty, thank you very much!" While we helped her pick up her things, I still couldn't fathom that two people would randomly do that. Man.
43. Land Overlord
I was working in a hardware store when a man came in and asked where the thermostats were. I walked him over, showed him the three units we carried, and then asked if it was for his home or an apartment. He asked why that was important, and I explained that if he was renting and depending on the apartment type, altering an apartment's heating system may be against the rental agreement.
For instance, it's against mine without express permission. So I suggested that he should just check in with his landlord before starting. At this point the conversation stalled. The man got this strange, angry look on his face, and he leaned in and growled into my ear, "I am the landlord, and I hope they all burn." He then stormed out of the store without another word.
44. Obstructing Nature
Ok, so I live in a fairly wealthy town where everyone's really self-absorbed and materialistic. I had a tree in my backyard that had been there for quite some time that began to lean over the fence over the neighbor's property. Now, it wasn't covering a window or casting a shade on any part of the house that might anger someone in any way whatsoever. It was barely over their fence with its branches sagging down, but nowhere near touching the ground.
The neighbor apparently was angered by our tree ruining their perfect view of my garage and decided to pay a tree cutting company to cross the fence, enter our property, and cut down the entire tree. Not to mention it was a beautiful oak tree, and that they could have just cut the branches that were over their property. In the end, the company reimbursed us for $500 or so, but I would have rather had that tree standing there. I just can't imagine what was going through their head when they decided that they could decide to remodel my yard to their liking.
45. It’s All About Where You Live
My friend lived in a duplex with her roommate next to this uptight couple who had a son around 4 or 5ish. The duplex was owned by my college, and their house is literally surrounded by college-owned buildings. Every time my friend walked to class, she made the mistake of waving to the kid. The mother glared and yelled for her not to look at her kid. My friend is a complete girl next door Mary Jane type. This is when the trouble began.
Basically, this uptight couple would just look for excuses to call the authorities on us. The first few times they called and complained that we were lighting up. The house was searched with no illicit substances found. Later, they called 9-1-1 on us for excessive giggling. Apparently, we were giggling so much, so obviously we are high.
This is when the local officers and campus security began to get annoyed. "So, the neighbors complained about noise, specifically laughter...I stood outside your window, and it wasn't too loud, but hey just try and keep it down so they stop calling us." After another few calls, officers stopped searching at this point. They would just come to the door and ask, "Are you high?" My friend and I would say, "No, " and then they would then leave.
We ended up having a last-minute party of 10 people, and honestly most of the group other than my friend and another was underage. We were drinking and playing apples to apples and other games. Again, we here a knock, knock. It was the authorities. My friend and I tell everyone to hide in the kitchen, so everyone piles in.
We answer the door. "Hi officers, is there a problem?" Both of our cheeks are obviously flushed, and we probably didn't speak that clearly. Officer asks, "Any underage drinkers?" We say, "Nope!" Then the officer tells us, "Neighbors complaining again. You guys aren't really that loud. As long as y'all keep this volume, we won't bother you again tonight." We continued partying through the night uninterrupted.
46. Burning Sense of Urgency
I used to work in banquet service, not serving food, but setting up tables and such for a large hotel chain. I worked a late shift, so I was the only one from my department on staff. I was never very busy. I was mostly there in case someone needed an extra table or chair, etc. So, I carried a walkie talkie in case I was needed somewhere.
One day, I get paged over the walkie talkie, “Can you swing by the front desk when you get a chance?” I had already finished all of my tasks for the day, so I was watching Law and Order in the break room. On a commercial break, I saunter up to the front desk and ask, "Hey, what’s up?" The front desk clerk says, "Oh hey. The banquet table is on fire." I reply, “Um.......What?!" And the clerk goes, “Yea, look.”
I walk around the corner, and sure enough the buffet table we had set up outside a conference room is on fire. One of the burners used for keeping dishes warm had tipped over. I grab a nearby table cloth and smother the fire. I walk back by the front desk and impart this wisdom, "Next time something is on fire...try to convey a sense of urgency," He just stood there and blinked at me. Also, he had a fire extinguisher behind the front desk.
47. Not-So-Hot Mom
In the summer of 2008, I was visiting Chicago for orientation. It was a particularly hot day, bright, cloudless, and humid. Due to my mom's physical situation at the time, as soon as we found out there was a secondary line for people with strollers and physical disabilities to move out of the sun sooner, we went around the building to find it.
There was a long line wrapping around the area by this fountain, which was notable to me at the time mostly because of how surreal it is. Man hugs giant fish, which spits water endlessly—well, alright. My attention was caught by the weird, skipping, mincing, steps of a kid who looked too young to stand on their own as they "stood" on the black stone ring around the fountain, being held up by one arm as their mom talked on her phone.
The sun was blazing that day. Anything lighter than a gray had a painful glare to it, and you could see heat shimmering off of everything. The child whining and crying quietly, was barefoot, and looked just too young to be able to say the words "Too hot!" Whenever the child began to whine or cry too loudly, the mother would give her a short shake of the arm, shush her, and continue talking.
People immediately around her were giving her dirty looks as she used her cellphone, oblivious to her child's pain. "Really?" I thought. "No one has said anything?" I was still several yards off, but we were at a standstill, and I wasn't going to wait until we got closer. I quickly walked over to the fountain, trying to act like I was just checking it out, then bent over a bit to put my hand on the stone.
"Ah! Oh my goodness, it's so hot!!" I cried. I had barely touched it, but I had made sure to stand directly next to the woman who instinctively swept her baby up when I shouted. Looking confused, she bent to touch the stone quickly yanking her hand back. I remember her murmuring something along the lines of "Oh my god," as if amazed that, yes, rocks do indeed get hot on bright summer days. I quickly resumed my place in line with my parents, and that was it.
48. The Dangerous and the Oblivious
Two college students were standing in the middle of a busy road this morning talking to each other. They were nearly hit by every car and didn't stop their conversation.
49. Double Knock Out
My dad and I once witnessed an old man get hit by a car at a crossing. The driver gets out and starts yelling at the old man who is lying on the road in shock, crying, obviously in pain. My dad calls an ambulance immediately and then calls 9-1-1. The driver starts yelling at my dad about how he doesn't need to call the authorities and that the old man shouldn't have been walking across the street but—but he had no idea who he was messing with.
My dad hands me his phone and says, "Hold this." He walks over to the driver who is still yelling and asks for his licence. The driver then shoves my dad and then tries to get back in his car. My dad reaches in the window and drags the guy out of the car, punches him in the face, and knocks him out. Dad then walks back to me, asks for the phone, and calls 9-1-1. He waits until the officers and ambulance arrive, tells them the whole story, and then the officers let my dad go. All before the driver woke up. That was the coolest thing I ever saw my dad do.
50. One Per Person
I was recently on a Megabus from DC to NY, and a family with several young children was trying to find the last untaken seats. There was clearly a seat open, but when they asked the girl, she was like, “Sorry I want to leave this seat open so I can sleep.” The family was like, “Uh, no, that’s not how it works.” They had to go get the bus driver and bring him to the back. The lady said the same thing to the bus driver. And the bus driver was like, "Uh, no, that's not how this works." So, the kid ended up sitting next to this girl. How did she think this was going to slide?
51. Not Under This Roof
One time, my sister brought our cousin who I absolutely despised to sleep in my apartment, saying that it was “just for the night.” The next morning, that awful cousin proceeded to invite my ex-boyfriend over to MY apartment. My jaw dropped as I watched her start to make out with him in MY living room on MY couch. I truly despise them both for being so rude.
52. That’s What Big Brothers Are For
When I was in the fifth grade, a lady grabbed my brother who was in the third grade by the neck. She picked him up and threw him three to four feet against the lockers. She was mad because he had pushed her child out of the way when her kid cut in line in front of him at the water fountain. I couldn't believe it. I just started going off on her.
I was calling her every name I could think of while following her out the door. I wasn’t using your standard fifth-grade insults. My dad was a Marine, and I was saying all the stuff I wasn’t supposed to have heard from him that I amassed over the years. I followed her and her kid out the front door and got to the circle where buses pulled in to pick up the kids.
Then, she turned around and came at me like she was trying to destroy me. There were no teachers around. They were all inside, trying to find out what was going on. It was just her and me, and I could see in her eyes that she was really going to hurt me. She grabbed me by the shoulders, picked me up, and shook me as hard as she could the whole time I was screaming.
Then I heard car breaks, and my mom football tackled her and beat the bejesus out of her. My mom had layers upon layers of that lady’s skin caked under her nails and bruised knuckles from punching her so hard. That night, I got ice cream for trying to protect my brother and was sent to bed early for saying the words I shouldn’t have.
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