Students and teachers have been at each others’ throats since school was invented—but sometimes, their fights can get waaaay out of hand. From insane practical jokes to epic comebacks to disturbing incidents, we can't decide if these crazy Student v. Teacher stories made us miss school, or thank god we made it out alive!
1. On the Way out
One day while I was teaching, this girl cussed me out and then stormed out of class. The door bounced off the wall and hit her on the way out. It took all my effort not to laugh at her in front of the class.
2. Jumping for Joy
My French teacher threatened to throw herself down the stairs if we didn't shut up. She actually ran out of the room and climbed over the railing, but another teacher stopped her from actually jumping.
3. How Do You Say “Yikes” in French?
We had a French teacher we didn’t like. A student used her kettle as a toilet. We were amused.
4. Keep It in Your Pants
I had this one student who kept intentionally passing gas. After telling him repeatedly to knock it off, I finally lost my cool and said, “Next time you do that, I hope you poop yourself.” Not five minutes later, I see him lifting his butt with that stupid grin on his face. Within seconds, the grin turned to pure terror.
He jumped up and said, "I gotta use the bathroom," and waddled out of the room with a large, wet brown spot on the back of his jeans.
5. Say What Now?
My high school teacher stole my girlfriend. Yup, beat that!
6. Einstein’s Kryptonite
This one student had an ego so large it could barely fit into room. Sure, he was smart, always scored near perfect, and wanted to go to med school. But he would also do stuff like bring in articles about how one small minute detail was incorrectly taught in class. If he got one point off on a 99% exam, he brought in highlighted notes from the textbook.
Unfortunately, for all of his knowledge, he did not get into medical school. When he found out why, he was devastated. His guidance counselor followed up with one of the med school interviews he had, and the school emailed back and told them how much of a jerk the student had been throughout the entire meet up.
7. That’s What I Said!
During discussion of a book, I made a point about something. My high school English teacher dismissed it, and we didn't discuss it. Then three weeks later while discussing the last chapter, she brought up my point and said something like last year's class noticed it. My friends and I were dumbfounded. The whole year was an uphill battle for me, and I couldn't get an A on anything I turned in.
8. First Grade Desk Duty
One time in the first grade, I had a messy desk—you remember those ones with the top that flipped up so you could store your books and stuff inside? Mrs. Davis picked up the desk and literally dumped all my books and school supplies on me and made me clean it up off the floor while the rest of the class watched. Of course, I started crying. What kind of sadist does that to a 6-year-old?
9. First-Grade Justice
Last year, I had a 7-year-old in my class who was just a pain. He would throw things around the classroom, pinch other children, poke them with pencils, and he was rude to everyone but would always blame it on someone else. Talking to his parents wouldn't help because they believed everything their little "angel" said.
One break time, he was harassing another child, and I guess they just had enough. This usually mild-mannered child punched him in the stomach. It was so hard, the horrible child even wet himself. Then, all of the other children who witnessed it completely closed ranks and denied that it ever happened. We couldn't follow it up—and, if I'm being honest, I didn't really want to.
10. Batter Up!
My 10th-grade math teacher was also the baseball coach for our team. He threw a baseball bat at a student after they called him an "Italian Pepperoni." He was suspended with pay and came back around seven months later, acting like nothing ever happened. The school did not bother to find a replacement teacher, so we had a series of substitute teachers that gave us the same worksheet every day for seven months.
We all failed the exam that year and ended up in summer school.
11. Liar, Liar, Recommendation’s on Fire
There was a compulsive liar of a kid who told me all sorts of doozies for four years. His senior year, he asked me to write a letter of recommendation. I did—because I had an ingenious plan. I included every lie I could remember him telling me as though it was the truth and I was pumping him up. Oh man, it was so good.
He couldn't even show it to his family because I wrote about how he volunteers at homeless shelters every night, raises hundreds of rescue dogs to become service dogs, how he donates blood every week, etc. Any one of the statements was obviously impossible to be true. I hope he didn't try to use it, but I never got a call from anyone to verify my recommendation.
12. We Need to Talk About Kevin
I taught a dissection lab section back in college. I had one kid in a section, Kevin, who never listened to instructions and just dove in with a scalpel, dicing and chopping and generally causing a horrific scene. This led to his first karmic warning when we were dissecting squid. He got squid "juice" on himself, and it smelled awful for the rest of that class. But he didn't learn.
He kept on ignoring instructions and hacking away, so this time karmic justice struck on our very last dissection project: The fetal pig. Kevin really wanted to see the pig's brain. Kevin couldn't get through the skull, though, so he started whacking away at it. I told him to stop, but he had to give it one last, mighty thwack. Crack!
The skull breaks and rubbery piglet brain bits come flying out everywhere, mostly over Kevin. Unfortunately, while he was protesting my clear instructions, Kevin had his mouth open. Thankfully, preserved pig brain, ingested orally, seemed to have a calming, subduing effect on Kevin for the last couple classes.
13. Real-World Consequences
I teach college students to be teachers. My first year doing this, I had a student who was always late, turned in the bare minimum, and always had excuses. I told him he had to improve or he’d eventually get fired on the job. He kept coasting. His first teaching job? He got fired. I laughed, in the privacy of my office, and I'm not sorry.
14. What’d I Miss?
I used to always show up late for my 10th-grade science class. One day, we had a little chapter review quiz at the start of class, and naturally, I was a minute or two late. So, I walked over to my desk and the teacher put my quiz down. I looked at it, and my blood ran cold. It was all super complicated questions I was sure we'd never covered.
After about two minutes, I looked up to see how everyone else was doing on their quiz. Well, everybody was watching me. When I looked up, they all started laughing. The teacher had printed up a single fake quiz with super complicated biology questions just to mess with whatever kid ended up showing up last to the quiz.
15. Double and Triple Checked
When I was a TA for a freshmen English class, I busted a kid for plagiarism. He was furious and refused to drop the course. He was a slimy, smarmy kid who thought I was dumb, but joke's on him—he ended up failing the course THREE ways: plagiarizing, exceeding absences, and not completing the final. You can argue about one way to get an F. You can't argue about 3.
16. Really Dropped the Balls
I teach a high school elective course and I had a class with 23 boys and two girls. If you are a teacher, you know this is a nightmare. Teenage boys are definitely pack animals and are constantly in a struggle to establish their hierarchy. These guys were a constant ball of energy and were always doing stupid, stupid stuff.
They went through a phase where they “cup checked” each other. This went on for weeks. Someone would walk up to sharpen a pencil. BAM! Cup check! So, one day in class one student, Travis, asked to go to the restroom. I gave him the pass and sent him on his way. The rest of the class was quietly working when it happened.
Another boy in the back yelled out, “OH MY GOD! Travis just texted me a picture of his balls.” Now, I knew this could end up very badly if the administration dealt with it. So, I immediately got the kid to delete the text, calmed the riotous laughter, and somehow managed to get them all back on task. But I wasn't done yet.
Travis wasn't back yet and I definitely wasn't going to let him smugly get away with this. I called his mom and told her that Travis had done something and he should explain his actions to her instead of me. In walks Travis with this proud grin on his face. He thinks he's succeeded...until I casually look up from my desk and let him know his mom is on the phone.
There, in front of the entire class, he had to explain that he had just taken a picture of his “testicles” and sent it via text to his buddy in class. You could literally hear his mom screaming through the phone. Once he finished, I told her that I felt that she would best handle the situation and thanked her for her time. That day, I won.
17. In the Bag
This awful kid grabbed a girl’s purse and started rifling through it one day. He then started yelling that she had a knife in her bag to try and get her in trouble. The teacher had the perfect reply. She just quipped, "And you taking her bag is why she has a knife in the first place" before giving the kid detention.
19. Toxic Behavior
I'm a chemistry teacher. This sophomore wouldn't put his cell phone away the entire time he was working on his lab. Surprise surprise, he dropped his phone and it slid under the door into the chemical storage area. I told him I didn't have a key and would have to ask the custodian, after school, to unlock it.
20. Not My President
I had a mean girl in the class I taught. I'm gay, and she made it very clear that she didn't support my husband. Mean Girl then ran for senior class president. During this time, she had a thing about me handing her things; she never wanted to touch my hand even by accident. Well, this made her homophobic ways very obvious, and she lost the election. Can't say that didn't feel good!
21. Guess Who’s the New Sheriff in Town?
My high school buddy Steve was a troublemaker. We had a really lax teacher in sophomore English, who was a long-term substitute and not in full control of the class. Meanwhile, we also had a student-teacher named Mrs. Gomez who was good and kind, but obviously didn't have full disciplinary power either in the situation.
This leaves room for people to get rowdy, ESPECIALLY Steve. One day after a particularly loud interlude, Mrs. Gomez gets a belly full and tells Steve to be quiet. Steve looks her in the eye and says, “You're not the teacher. I don't have to do ANYTHING you say.” He then goes right back to whatever he was doing. Mrs. Gomez was LIVID.
Her face was bright red and she looked like she wanted to throttle Steve, but he was right and she knew it, so she kept her mouth shut. But she got the best payback. A month later, we walk into class and the old substitute is nowhere to be seen, but there's Mrs. Gomez sitting comfortably at the teacher's desk like she owns it.
The bell rings, and she stands up and says, “Hello, everyone." She then turns and looks directly at Steve, “I'm your new teacher.” Steve didn't get away with much in class after that.
22. Like Any Other Coffee Break
When I was in high school, our music teacher was this awesome older dude who was close to retiring. He would openly tell everyone that he was in it for the pension, but was an awesome teacher and could teach any class from music to hospitality to welding to woodshop. One thing he refused to do, though, was putting up with teenager shenanigans.
Luckily he took a liking to me, but he used to do things like throw chalk at kids and other harmless stuff that got the point across. But then there was a rule change, and teachers weren't allowed to lay a hand on any kid in school at any point. I watched kids beat each other, and teachers just having to watch because they’d lose their jobs if they interfered.
One day, this little jerk who was always causing trouble decided that he was going to start a fight in front of the music room. The awesome music teacher comes in, sees this, and tells him to stop a few times. The guy didn't. So he went back into his office, grabbed his large coffee, and dumped it all over the kid.
23. In Your Own Words
I created a "homework excuse" form that the kids had to fill out if they didn't have their homework done. One girl with an attitude problem filled out forms with a few with choice things like, “This class sux,” and “I had better things to do.” Well, her grade goes downhill and we have a parent-teacher conference.
The mom defends her daughter's grade, saying the homework was too hard or not clear enough. So I show her the forms, as signed by her daughter. The daughter is completely stunned and embarrassed and so was the mom. I got an immediate apology from both of them, and all her other homework was done on time for the rest of the year.
24. Take Five
In middle school orchestra, I was friends with the rowdy girl. We were generally smart alecks, but we weren't rude and we knew our stuff, so the teacher basically just waved us off and only interrupted when we got out of hand. One day, my friend was way crazier than normal, so he sends her out into the hall for five minutes.
Well, he actually ended up sending her out for however long it took us to go over a song. He then asks me to go get her, and right as I open the door, I hear him say, "She's going to say that it wasn't five minutes.” Sure enough, she did. The whole room burst into laughter. He just said, “I know, shut up and play your violin.” We had a lot more respect for him when we realized he was happy to play around with us too.
25. Not Very Prepared for a Prep Student
During my first semester of teaching, I was at a very wealthy school with a class of mostly entitled jerk boys. There was a group of four who were the absolute worst though. They never did their work, said disrespectful things to me, and were overall awful human beings whose parents never seemed to discipline them.
I often overheard them bragging about getting away with stuff like being drunk at football games or worse. Although I reported the conversations to the administration, nothing ever got done. They ended up getting detained for stealing a car, crashing it, and breaking into a clubhouse. Also, I failed three out of the four. That was great karmic justice.
26. Dunkin School
My first year teaching high school, I had a 16-year-old student who would come to school out of his mind on stuff, flirt with girls all through class, and talk about me in Spanish to the other students, right in front of me. I knew sort of what he was saying, but didn't have the classroom management chops or a strong enough grasp of Español to deal with it.
Four years later, he hands me my coffee at Dunkin Donuts on my way to school. We make eye contact briefly, he realizes who I am, his eyes dart to the floor, and he shuffles back to do Dunkin Donuts things. I felt a weird conflicted feeling of sadness and schadenfreude, if it's possible for those two things to mix. I hope he's making better decisions now.
27. There Will Come a Time
I was late for my history class every day, including the day of the AP test. My teacher was always cool about it. In my yearbook however, he wrote, "Get an alarm clock. Someday you're going to be late when it really matters." The very next day, I woke up late and missed the boat from Seattle I was supposed to catch to meet my friend for a baseball game.
I missed the game and my friend was angry. I bought an alarm clock that afternoon.
28. Money Can’t Buy You Class
I've been a TA for a couple courses at my university, which is fairly competitive and the students are generally all top notch. Once in a blue moon, though, someone slips by the admission process. My worst experience was as a TA for a lower division math course. She was a freshman student, and spoiled doesn't begin to cut it.
Her family was clearly loaded, and I suspect she went to some insanely expensive private school that wrote her application for her. This girl would be in designer clothes and on her phone or laptop the entire time in lecture. Obviously everyone does this sometimes, but this girl was clearly just chatting with her friends and shopping for clothes all the time.
When she failed to turn in the first four problem sets, I sent her a quick email to let her know that homework contributed to a significant portion of her grade. I also said I'd still accept them. I never got a response. So she gets a blatant F on her first midterm. Like, it’s not an F that could be rounded up to anything significant.
She was at a point where she should've just dropped out and try again next semester. I sent another email saying this. This time I got a response, with her stating she could make the grade back next midterm. Alright, I think, suit yourself. So I continue through the rest of the semester. She's still failing...until something absolutely ridiculous happens.
At the last meeting of my discussion section, SHE SHOWS UP! Not just that, but with her parents. Oh my god, it gets better. She stays after the session to introduce me to her parents, and then hands me a stack of papers and informs me that it's all the homework for the semester. Meanwhile her parents are sitting there all proud of their little girl.
I take the stack graciously and, in my most professional voice, let her know that I'd be happy to take a look at it, but she won't get any credit. Her parents' faces completely fall. Her father starts to insult me. So I show them everything: The abysmal attendance record, the 0% homework score, the low, low, low midterm scores.
Now she's starting to tear up and the parents are seriously fuming. Not wanting to put myself in the middle of the rest of the storm, I mumble that I have a class to get to and sprint out of there...but not before I hear the student getting chewed up so loudly that people actually poked their heads out of classrooms. She never showed up for the final.
29. Falling Down Stream
When I worked as an outdoor school teacher, this one boy was being really mean to all of the girls. He probably did it because of misplaced crushes, but that’s not an excuse. So, we were all at the river looking for animals, and he face plants into a massive sharp rock and instantly burst into tears. I console him and ensure he didn't break anything...
Then this little girl comes up to me and says, "Well that was karma for being mean all day long." I laughed pretty hard and kind of verbally agreed with her, although I probably should have been more diplomatic. But honestly, he kind of did deserve it.
30. One-Sided Stories
I had a kid, Ray, who was a real pain when I taught 5th grade. Ray had one of those moms who refused to hold him accountable for anything. It was always, some other kid did it, Ray was just protecting himself, Also, she was one of those moms who would ask Ray if he was guilty, and take his “No” as incontestable truth.
I had a full caseload as a special ed teacher, so I got a helper named Steve. Ray HATED Steve. One day, Ray gets in trouble coming back from recess, and Steve reprimands him verbally. By the time Ray makes it to the classroom, he’s saying how Steve got in his face and shouted at him, even though nope, not what happened.
He asks to go talk to the principal—yay, Ray's gone for at least five minutes! He tells the principal how Steve grabbed his arm. When Mom comes and gets him, he’s saying Steve pushed him. The next day, we get a phone call. Ray's mom and grandma are coming in and want a meeting with Steve and the principal to discuss how Steve choked Ray.
Steve’s freaking out. Other kids were there, but no adults, no cameras, how can he prove his innocence? I tell him, “Go to the meeting and before anybody says anything, have Ray share what happened.” Steve came back smiling. As soon as one story came out, everybody else was disagreeing, “Well Ray told me—,” “but Ray told ME—.” I would have loved to see the mom's face as her kid was proven a liar in front of everyone.
31. Bank Shot
I teach the first grade and had a boy who would not stop hitting kids with basketballs. He'd run up and pop the ball right at students. This kid seemed like he was trying to knock other children down, and he'd laugh really hard if he saw someone stumble or if they'd fall after they were hit by his basketball.
After talking with his parents, we told them we'd be taking the balls away from him until after spring break to see if his behavior improved. Well, after spring break was over it didn't take that little jerk even five minutes before he stalked and shot that Spaulding special at this poor little girl, knocking her down.
She cried and pointed at him. As I got up and walked his way, he started to bolt. He ran out of the playground, past the sand pit, and on to the basketball court. He maintained eye contact with me, and before I could take another step, a stray ball from another game bounced off and hit that little jerk square in the face.
He went down like a sack of potatoes. Of course, I ran over to him and made sure he was okay (he's a troublemaker, but he's still a child) and called for the nurse since he was out cold. He woke up with me above him and started crying, saying he'd never do it again. He didn't want to pick up another basketball the rest of the school year.
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32. The Whole Nine Julliard’s
I was teaching music and had a flutist who was fantastic. He practiced for hours every day, but unfortunately, he also had an ego the size of Texas. He told the girl next to him, who also wanted to be a professional flutist, that she was abysmal and should just give up. He refused to audition for our "pitiful" local honor band even though it was part of his grade.
He would also complain about my conducting in class when I didn't pay enough attention to him. Then he refused to show up to a concert because he was embarrassed to be seen performing with his high school band. This was the last straw—and the consequences were devastating. He failed band and I kicked that toxic little jerk out.
33. Entitled to Proper Treatment
I had a student who was an entitled little jerk. Like, way more entitled than any of the teens I’ve taught. He thought he could cheat on a test, cuss out a teacher, be cruel to an intellectually disabled student, skip class, throw things at people, etc. Thing is, he could do all this because his mother thought he was perfect and never disciplined him.
She would then immediately try to turn it around on the teachers, saying how they’re always trying to get her child in trouble. Earlier this year, he made an awful remark to a girl classmate who was this nerdy, sweet honors student who would never hurt a fly. But it turns out he messed with the wrong person.
The girl's boyfriend punched the kid right in the face and busted his nose. It was amazing. Even though I obviously had to discipline the boyfriend, I was secretly glad it happened.
34. Junkie Attitude
I had a 5th grader who was a know-it-all menace. He'd interrupt me and say, "Well actually Miiiiissssssssss..." and then state some random fact that was often wrong or irrelevant. Well, eventually while on lunch duty, I see that his lunch every day is a can of soda, a bag of chips, and tons of candy, like the bag is busting at the seams.
I alert the principal because I'm worried that his grandmother, who was raising him, wasn't feeding him properly. The principal calls the grandma and grandma gets angry. She was letting him pack his own lunch and wasn't checking it. So, she's embarrassed that we've called her on it. She tells us that she will only pack healthy food now and tells us he can't have ANY candy.
A week later, the kid is still being a little jerk and ticks off another student. In retaliation, the student runs to the principal and says that the kid has been sneaking candy to school every day. When the principal goes to talk to him, the kid shoves a chocolate bar into his mouth and the principal takes away the Blow Pop sucker he has.
This kid proceeds to roll around on his belly across the entire hallway, screeching and crying so hard that he's choking on the half-chewed chocolate bar. That's when a kindergarten student walks by and says, "You look like a baby." The kid stops wallowing long enough to punch the little student. He got suspended, and I got a peaceful classroom.
35. Choice Behavior
A friend of mine is a kindergarten teacher and had one student last year who would always make fun of everyone to the point of making other kids cry. She had another student who was adopted, and the jerk started making fun of him by saying things like "No one wanted you." The kid shut him down with one sentence.
My friend was about to intervene, but the adopted kid spoke up and said, “My parents got to choose me, but yours got stuck with you.” The kid didn't say anything for the rest of the day.
36. No Sharing with the Class
I got a detention from a teacher for knowing something she didn't. We were learning about Japanese print making in art history class, and the text she was reading from mentioned Zen. Another kid asked what Zen was, and the teacher didn't know. I had just been to Japan and visited a temple, so I piped up and told them it was a type of Buddhism from Japan.
I wasn't trying to be a jerk or rude about it at all. I was just trying to help out the other kid and was excited about sharing my trip—I never expected what happened next. My teacher lost it, yelled at me, kicked me out of class, and then gave me a detention. She also taught art class and was terrible at that too. She just liked bossing kids around.
37. Devil’s Pardon
Ah Mrs. Tansa. You can rearrange her name to spell Satan. She was my fourth grade teacher, and she would make fun of you anytime she got. My favorite memory about her was when I was riding my bike and saw a bunch of police a few doors down from my place. I walked up and noticed a police officer with the same last name on his name tag, and I asked him if his wife was a teacher.
He said yes, and I said I was a student in her class, and all he said was, "I'm sorry."
38. Master’s in Death
I don't remember her name, but I do remember multiple times when she was wildly inappropriate and just a horrible person. I was in second grade, and my grandpa had just died. I ended up missing school because of the funeral, and as a result, I missed the spelling test that day. The day I got back she told me, "Next time someone dies you better have the funeral on the weekend."
My school was in a snobby nasty district and town that never admitted they did anything wrong, but needless to say, I’m glad we got out of there.
39. It’s Textbook
In my freshman year of high school, my Algebra 2 teacher was this really dull English woman who told us that she started teaching because she thought it seemed easy. Every day, she would turn off all the lights and read the textbook to us—that’s it. It was my first period class so it naturally became my mid-morning naptime. I still wish I had learned something in Algebra 2 though.
40. Complete, Effortless Disregard
In sixth grade, I was sick and missed a day of school, so I didn’t know what the homework was. The next day in class, the first thing I did was ask one of my classmates for the previous night’s homework so I could do it that night. My teacher gave me a zero and a detention in front of everyone for not turning in the assignment.
I went to her privately after class and explained that I didn’t have any friends in the class and had gotten everything I needed to do it that night as soon I walked in before class started. The horrible thing she said to that day has stuck with me the rest of my life. She told me it wasn’t her problem if I’m a loser and that I should have found a way instead of making excuses.
I was a great student with straight As, never missed school, and was always well mannered. I was absolutely mortified and so deeply hurt because in reality, not only did I not have any friends in that class, I didn’t have many friends at all. The friends I did have who were more school friends than actual friends were on another “team” so had a different set of teachers.
But it didn't end there. Later in the quarter, I turned in a poem that I was incredibly proud of. I got nice paper to print it on and everything, and the poem itself was very real and very raw. She failed me on the project. When I approached her about why she failed me, she told me the whole thing was dumb—the visual presentation and the poem itself.
My mom still has that project framed in her house and reminds me from time to time how meaningful it was for an 11-year-old to have written it. I’m not sure what that teacher had against me and still haven’t been able to make sense of it all these years later, but I’ve never forgotten how she treated me.
41. Miss Maleficent
My teacher and pretty much the whole school knew I was a foster kid. I was painfully aware of this so I kept to myself. I didn’t make many friends and spent all of my time at home playing in the woods. In the middle of the semester of third grade, someone went into my teacher’s purse and stole money from her. It wasn’t a small amount either—like hundreds of dollars.
Without sending anyone to the principal’s or even investigating the situation, she called my parents and told them it was me because “orphans lack manors and we all know it was him.” She demanded that my foster parents pay up and they did. When I got home that day, my foster father punished me for being a thief and it was painful.
When I got to school the next day with bruises on me, she knowingly looked at me and said, “Got what you asked for, huh?” That was 20 years ago, I went to her funeral give years ago just to make sure the grim reaper did the job.
42. Professor Never Present
I had a college professor who didn't respond to any questions and just gave a final grade. It was an online class without a lecture too. Unlike other professors who would post mini lectures or videos or whatever, it was a very "Here's the book, do your entire marketing campaign on this." One student called and messaged him nine times to get her grade from our midterm, which was something the rest of us didn’t get.
He finally sent her an email with nothing but a bunch of white space and a one letter reply of her grade. He gave me a B for the course. He gave the chronic C student that I tutored an A. I'm pretty sure he just randomly assigned grades. It was an awful experience overall.
43. I Just Can’t Put My Name On It…
I love this story. There was this horrible mean girl at my high school who was just a nightmare to everyone. Unfortunately for her, she was also INCREDIBLY dumb. The best day of high school was when she handed in a plagiarized essay submission from a student from the year before. There was just one problem: She didn’t even bother to change the name on it. Teacher immediately knew what happened and dragged this idiot in front of the whole class for 15 glorious minutes. High school was awful, but that was a beautiful day.
44. It’s Called Class, Sweetheart
Mrs. Danner in the third grade was, by far, the worst teacher I’ve ever had. She was a terrible teacher in general. She talked about her migraines constantly instead of teaching and explained how chocolate and Taco Bell triggered her migraines and explosive diarrhea. She also told us that anyone who drinks diet soda would immediately get cancer even if they drank it because they have diabetes and can't drink regular soda.
She picked on different students, was prejudiced, and loved to have loud, patronizing conversations with her teacher friend next door about students in her class as a passive aggressive way to mess with them. She was particularly mean to me because she wasn't from what would be considered a "good" family in the area but married well.
In her new social circle, she wound up rubbing elbows with my grandmother who absolutely despised Mrs. Danner and was not shy about making that fact known. So, when she saw my last name on the first day of class, she decided to get her revenge. It all culminated in one incident in which I had an altercation with a boy outside of school hours and not at a school event.
On the Monday following the event, Mrs. Danner and her teacher friend pulled me into the hallway and said things like, “Looks like the Pandersons aren't as wonderful as they pretend,” and, "How ashamed your grandmother must be,” and other things that turned poor, sensitive Dan Panderson into a mess. I went home, and my tears turned my mother into a bear ready to attack.
The following day, my mother put on her best suit, donned her pearls, and pulled her hair into an elegant chignon. Then she stomped her high heeled feet into that school at 3 PM and stepped into the classroom. Mrs. Danner greeted her, “Hello, [Mom First Name]," but my mother said, "Oh, you may call me Mrs. Last Name. My friends use my first name."
She then laid the most gloriously condescending smack down on that horrible woman that the world has ever heard. Eventually, the principal came down and Mama said, "Well, I've said my piece. Mrs. Danner will finish the year being much nicer to my son or I will be forced to have a meeting with my cousin who is the school board president and see how he feels about renewing her contract."
Mama flounced out leaving shattered remains in her wake, and it was honestly amazing. Mama, being a grade A queen, proceeded to sign up to make all the baked goods for class and only made chocolate because Mrs. Danner can't have chocolate. God, I miss my mom. And I hate you, Pat Danner!
45. In the Case of an Attack
I had a horrible sports teacher who never believed you when you were sick, so she would give you detention for it. She was so awful that once, she ignored a student who had an extreme asthma attack during one of her lessons and that student needed to go to hospital. That teacher ended up getting fired. Hehe karma.
46. Not in the Segregation Business
The worst teacher I ever had was my ninth grade English teacher who decided she'd separate the class based on race. White kids sat in one area, black kids in another, Asians in another, Hispanic kids in another, you get the point. We were expected to work on group projects only with our race members, and she'd berate the white and Asian kids the most.
The few of us white kids who sat in seats bordering where the black kids were sitting noticed we were getting graded differently and getting lower grades for the same answers on quizzes. Eventually after comparisons to the Asian kids and Hispanic kids work, it apparently turned out that different racial groups were getting graded differently for making the same points in essays.
A diverse group of us went and reported it to the office. Apparently, they had several complaints from other class periods of the same thing happening. I believe that she was eventually fired but I’m not quite sure these days if they ever did anything else about it. This all happened in 2001, by the way, so it wasn’t that long ago.
47. A Poet Who Didn’t Know It
I wrote a paper, got an A, then forgot about it. Later, a teacher congratulated me for getting my work published in a magazine. I was so confused, but then I realized what was happening—and my blood ran cold. My paper had indeed gotten published in a magazine…under my teacher’s name. She straight up stole my work and got paid for it. I wanted to punch her in the face—but the school’s humiliating punishment was better than any revenge I could have asked for.
She was forced to write me an apology letter and read it in front of the class. It was a truly beautiful moment.
48. Awful Planning
My sister had a sixth grade teacher who was the mother of one of my sister's classmates. This girl was somewhat popular. For my sister's birthday, she was having a girls-only party on a Friday. She gave out the invites, and she was very excited. Friday rolls around, and nobody shows up. On Monday morning, my sister had to go to school and face everyone, which was pretty traumatic in and of itself so my sister was feeling awful. That's when the awful truth came out.
During morning lineup, this teacher came up to my sister and said to her, in front of everyone, "You know why nobody went to your party? Because I threw my daughter a party on the same day and I made sure nobody told you about it."
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49. Poison Ivy as the Black Widow
If you could design the worst, meanest, and most rat-faced teacher possible you might come close to how bad Miss Dawson was. She would verbally berate students. If you spoke without raising your hand, you got sent to the principal’s office. If you didn't get your work done in the required time, you had to stay after class to finish it even if you had another class just after, she didn't care.
She also used a ruler that she would threaten to hit us with just because she could. She never did but the threats alone were enough. She got married three times during my time at the school. Her first husband died by suicide. Her second husband divorced her because he suddenly realized he was gay. Her third husband left her for her teaching assistant who was one of the nicest ladies I have ever met.
I wouldn't normally say this about someone even with my lack of a filter, but she deserved all the bad things that occurred to her in her life.
50. The Class Pick
My sixth grade teacher loved to pick on kids and make them the butt of his jokes. Unfortunately, I was his target for an entire year. He would always single me out. He always made me do humiliating things in front of the class. Sometimes, if I put an answer that he deemed dumb on an assignment, he would read my answers in front of the class.
He would show the class my poor handwriting and ask them if he should mark the answers wrong just because he couldn't read the answer. Having an entire class laugh at you day after day can wear you down. Unfortunately, when your teacher makes fun of you in front of the class, it spills over into the playground. Kids think they have immunity to make fun of you however they want.
6th grade was not a fun year. I sometimes look back and wonder how sadistic a person must be to purposely humiliate a little kid.
51. Whip It Real Good
This one weird kid was on a hair trigger, and would easily snap and threaten people. Suspended multiple times. Two memorable incidents were when he freaked out at an art teacher. After he got mad, he went to his locker and came back with a bullwhip. He made that thing SNAP and sent everyone running, while the teacher barricaded herself in the supply room.
Another time someone made the mistake of teasing him about something and everyone laughed, and he pulled a knife and screamed "Who wants to be the first to die?!" He was expelled and I'm not sure what ever became of him. If I had to guess, though, I don't think his life turned out all that well once he became an adult...
52. Might Be a Hemophiliac
When I was in high school I got a lot of nosebleeds. Like, a lot. So I got one in the middle of class and I asked the teacher for a tissue, she said she didn’t have any so I asked to go to the toilet to get one and she said no. Soon, I asked again when blood was dripping from my hands. Her response was chilling. She yelled at me for “repeating myself,” which is apparently bad.
Soon, a puddle of blood was on the table and then I got sent to isolation for “disrupting the class.” I was then suspended for “acting inappropriate during class.” She was then fired for putting my life at risk. I gotta say, when you get a nose bleed like that, you really see how much blood is inside of you.
53. Ritalin Me This
Ms. Eckstrand taught me in second grade and was like an 80-year-old lady who hated children so why NOT become a teacher, right? This is back in the early 90s when Ritalin first came out and she would have parent teacher conferences and tell the parents to get their kids on Ritalin. My parents were a few of the only ones that didn't follow through with her recommendations. Thanks Mom!!!
Then in six months, she had a classroom full of drugged out kids. Fun times were had by none.
54. 1, 2 Squared Up
This girl's brother had unexpectedly died. She didn't mention it to anyone because she was a very quiet, private kind of person. The day of the funeral we had a huge test and, obviously, she missed it. When she returned, she had to tell the teacher why she missed the test and the teacher told her that next time someone dies that it should be on a weekend. The girl's reaction was the stuff of legends.
This girl, this sweet, kind girl who barely spoke a word to anyone stood there quietly for a moment before turning red with rage and punched that teacher square in the mouth literally knocking her out. The girl just walked out while the rest of us sat there aghast and quiet not sure what to do. Someone ran to the office and by the time the principal got there, the teacher was awake, sitting on the floor crying, holding her mouth.
After the teacher left, the principal brought us each into her office and asked us what happened. We all told the same story more or less and thought that the teacher deserved it for what she said and how she had a history of saying awful things like that to students. Teacher was gone for about a week, and the girl got suspended for a week.
55. A Time and a Place
When I was about six, I had a friend who had just found out that her parents were getting a divorce and was pretty upset. She spent a tiny part of her morning break crying, but after being comforted by her friends she was pretty relaxed for the rest of the day. About four hours after finding out that my friend was crying in the playground and while we were all doing class work, my teacher knelt down beside my friend’s table and quietly said to my friend, "Leave your issues at home."
Of course, my friend started crying again.
56. That’s Not How You Treat a Lady
I had an arrogant English teacher who would say things like, “You will address me as Dr. [Jerk]. I speak Russian, you know!" He once called a blonde girl a rude name because she got the lowest test score one day. This was in a high-scoring class. Her score was fine but it was just not as high as everyone else's. He asked her if she "could even read." She cried.
I didn't like this girl, but being 14 and cocky, I had to say something. I asked him if he enjoyed picking on children. He puffed out his chest and yelled, "WHAT did you say?!" and got in my face. I won't pretend I said anything clever or witty because I didn't. I just called him a “miserable old bully.” I also told him to apologize to the girl.
I didn't get into much trouble in the end because I explained to the departmental head who confirmed my story with the girl in question. The detention I was supposed to have with Mr. Fat and Miserable never happened.
57. Straight up Degradation
My French teacher made me hate French. She humiliated me in front of the class with an utterly vicious demand. She made me get on my hands and knees and picking up a piece of trash with my mouth. I was being punished for throwing an airplane while she went out to chit chat with another teacher. She was terrible. Always miserable, just a wretched woman.
58. No Need to Point
My third grade teacher had her teacher’s pet that could do no wrong. One day, she gets a low score on her test and begins crying. To make her feel better, the teacher points to the worst student in the class who probably had an undiagnosed learning disability and says in front of the whole class, “Don't worry you could be like her and have an F carved into your report card.”
Even third grade me was like, “Wow, that was so mean.”
59. Hellfire
I used to be really into reading about the paranormal and my school library actually had a lot of books on those very subjects. I had a teacher snatch a school library book out of my hands, scream at me that I was a bad person for reading it, and start tearing the pages out. She was almost fired for destroying school property, and caught a big dose of angry yelling from both my mother and step-mother at the next parent-teacher conference meeting.
Never had another problem with her after that.
60. Everyone Has a Breaking Point
I had a religion teacher in high school named Mr. Nguyen, who was working on becoming a Jesuit priest and was a really cool guy. He always had a smile on his face and did his best to make class a fun experience for everyone. There was a kid in my class who was a really annoying smart aleck, but Mr. Nguyen was always really patient with him, until one day he pushed him too far.
I forgot exactly what the kid said, but it definitely crossed the line. Mr. Nguyen slammed his fists on his desk and shouted, “Why can't you EVER shut up!” He then picked up his stapler and chucked it at the kid, missing his head by a few inches and leaving a huge dent in the wall, and then stormed out into the hallway. Even though I wasn't the one that got the stapler chucked at him that was still something crazy to experience. I had never seen a teacher blow up like that and I definitely never expected it from him.
61. One Tragedy After Another and Another
In sixth grade, my English class was starting the Holocaust unit. To help us understand the impact of it, the teacher told us some stories from survivors of the Holocaust. During one story about a person's experience in a concentration camp, I started crying because it reminded me of my Cambodian grandparents who had been killed in labor camps by the Khmer Rouge.
My teacher immediately became angry and yelled at me accusing me of making fun of the Holocaust. When I told her that my grandparents had died in camps, she called me an "attention-seeker" and told me that this unit was not about me. It really broke my heart considering she had been one of my favorite teachers until that point.
I couldn't understand why she thought I was lying and how she could have ever thought I was seeking attention by talking about it. Just thinking about it makes me so upset.
62. Behind Closed Doors
I had a troubled childhood, and I remember during that grade that I had found out my grandfather was divorcing my grandmother and that he kicked her onto the ground and stepped on her while threatening her with an axe. So naturally, I probably had some issues but I never acted out like an awful, misbehaving kid.
My grade four teacher, Mrs. Huddleston, was trying to teach me something after class. It was something with blocks and multiplication maybe, and I remember that she was getting angry and frustrated, so I was crying because of my home life had a lot of anger and fighting. She eventually slammed the blocks on the desk in anger and started screaming at me while other kids laughed.
Now, she wins awards for all of her "good work." She could have had an off day that day with me, but that school memory sticks out to me more than any others during that time, and I'll never associate her with anything else. This all happened in 1994 or something like that. I hate her and she can jump off a cliff.
63. A Message From Above
I went to a Catholic school that had lockers on the second floor. Someone found a hole in the bottom of their locker that went right through the ceiling of the classroom below. He would speak into the hole every now and then, pretending to be God calling out to the class. The acoustics were perfect in that locker. It took the teacher weeks to catch the culprit.
64. I’m Telling on You
When I was in seventh grade or so, I learned that my math teacher was a terrible person. She once wanted to call my mom because I wasn't doing something how she wanted, and she got mad at me because I didn't know my mom's phone number. She also told me in front of the whole class I'm not the brightest bulb.
65. Failed Expectations
The first day of class, Mrs. J, who taught sophomore English, stated outright, "I don't give As." For this reason, kids who cared about being valedictorian always got their parents to transfer them out of Mrs. J's class. She always made sure that work was graded low enough that nobody could earn an A because I guess she prided herself on being "that" teacher.
She totally ruined literature for me for a long time. I ended up getting my love for words back and eventually became a writer who runs an online used bookstore as a side hustle. But I will never forget how incredibly hard Mrs. J tried, year after year, to "break" students simply because she could. It was a long time ago, and I sincerely hope that she's rotting away in the world's worst nursing home somewhere.
66. I Do Mean to Pry, But...
My teacher had us go around the room and guess whether each student was a virgin or not based on just looking at each other. One girl that most said wasn't a virgin started bawling because she’d been assaulted. Nice going, teacher!
67. Please, Please Continue
I had a German teacher in high school, Herr Lipp, who really liked to remind his students that he had a PhD. I was in his class with my friend, and together, we were both total punks, and we liked to see how often we could get him off topic. He loved the sound of his voice so much that he never caught on. We could ask him the dumbest questions about literally anything, and he would drone on about it while we sat back and let our eyes glaze over.
One day, we decided to see if we could waste the ENTIRE class period, and we did it with one question, "Can you explain what your dissertation was about?" It was my proudest moment in high school.
68. A Teacher Scorned
She really, really loved the boys but always hated on and picked on the girls. Just as an example, I worked really hard on a project for her class. It came back with a D- on it. My mom had had enough of my teacher and took my project to the principal. She asked him to tell her what grade he would give the project. He looked it over and read through everything and said it was definitely A work. Mom showed him the grade she had given me on it.
The teacher was spoken to and my grade changed. I was a straight-A student except for her class. She also failed me in that class, along with several other females, claiming I had never turned in any homework. I had but couldn't prove it. The boys in her class never received less than a B. The year after I had her, she "retired" after speaking with the principal and the school board again.
69. One on One Attention
I had a semi-permanent substitute who was having trouble keeping the class in line. It wasn’t just me, mind you, and while I was talking to a friend instead of listening, he grabbed me by my shirt, lifted me out of my chair up on my toes, and yelled, "IS THIS WHAT I HAVE TO DO? IS THIS THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL LISTEN??" The class fell super silent for a few seconds and then I cracked up.
I started laughing loudly and pointing in his face, which caused the class to join in, which completely enraged him. He kind of dropped and shoved me back in the chair, and then he stormed out of class with his hands on his head cursing to himself. He came back after a few minutes but didn't say another word for the rest of the day.
I didn't really care about the ordeal. I wasn't hurt or intimidated, and I didn't say anything to my parents or administration about it. I found the whole thing hilarious. But, as kids do, gossip got around and it built until the story was that I had been picked up by the neck, choked, cussed at, hit, and then thrown on the floor. Administration was not happy, and a big ordeal was made.
I tried to explain that the rumors weren't true, and that he had only grabbed my shirt and yelled, but I'm pretty sure he was fired anyway. He definitely wasn't our substitute anymore. I was pulled into several meetings afterwards where they seemed to be convinced that I was lying because I was assaulted and now scared of the teacher, but I did my best to make the truth clear.
Interviewing the other kids in class verified what I was saying, but it took quite a while. My dad was super angry with the guy at first, but after I had explained things, he understood and calmed down. He told me, "I'm surprised he didn't just clock you for laughing at him like that." To which I laughed and then got a hard smack on the head. My dad said, "They can't hit you, but I still can, so watch your step, huh?"
70. Horrible Impression
I was only 8, but my second grade teacher has always stuck with me as the worst teacher. I have always wanted to look her up and push my masters in statistics in her face. I was never good at the math she was teaching. One day, I learned that I could get help if I asked. After asking for help 3 times, I learned that the teacher would yell at me and scold me for asking questions. She told my mother I was bad at math. But that doesn't even scratch the surface of how awful she was.
She constantly talked to the class about how important personal hygiene was. This was directed at me. She would ask my mother constantly if my clothes were clean. Then I was accused of stealing someone's cookie in class. A girl blamed me and my teacher refused to believe me. Then when I was scheduled to serve detention, I was given no directions and missed the detention earning me more detentions. I ended up missing lunch recess for at least an entire week.
71. Punishment Without Cause
I got detention for saying "okay" to my home economics teacher in middle school. Seriously. We were in class, and she asked me to do something, and I replied, politely, "okay." The teacher has a detention board, and a day later, I see my first name on it. I have a very common name and, joking with her, went, "Haha, that's for me, right?" She said it was.
I asked her what I did, and she said it was because I replied okay to her when she asked me to do something and she hates when people do that. Apparently, she just wants them to do it. I was absolutely stunned. I told her I wasn't going to detention. I got home and told my mom what happened. My teacher's son was in the same grade as my older sister, so my Mom knew the teacher.
She ended up calling her, and the teacher apparently was fumbling over her words trying to justify the detention. The next day, she goes to me, "You served this detention, right?” in a wink, wink, nudge, nudge type of way. I said no and that I wasn’t going to. She then said, "No you served it, right?" I decided to just say "sure" and that was that.
72. A Man of Principals
My school had a rumor that the principal had made a dirty tape with a student when he was still just a teacher, and had hidden it somewhere on school property. It all came out when the Vice Principal tried to use it as leverage to steal his job. The principal was forced to resign, but the Vice and the rest of the administration were fired for covering it up.
73. Failure to Tingle
His name was Mr. Tingley and he was my grade 9 math teacher. Not even kidding, the entire class, other than me, failed the class. None of us ever understood what he was saying. As an adult now, I think he had dementia. I got 93% in math despite not knowing what was happening, ever, in that class. When I was doing placement forms for high school, they tried to put me in academic challenge math. I said no way, just please let me do normal math.
When I had my first test in grade 10, I got 34%. There was an emergency meeting with the teacher and the principal where they interrogated me about being on drugs. Nope. No drugs. For some unfathomable reason, the Tingler, which is what we called him, liked me and gave me that ludicrous mark in his class. The grade 10 teacher suggested moving me to remedial math.
I said no. I asked her to teach me grade 9 and grade 10 math in the same year. She said that would require 3 hours of homework per day just for the grade 9 math. I said fine. I wound up with 5 hours of math homework per night. I literally spent a year doing homework until 1 AM and getting only 4.5 hours of sleep per night to catch up. Ugh. Finished out the year with 85% in Math 10.
74. Celebratory Anaphylactic Reaction
There was a girl with a bunch of health issues and allergies in our class, including latex. One day, Ms. Morales chose to let her favorite student hold a birthday party in our class with latex balloons everywhere. The girl who was in a wheelchair got to class and immediately had breathing problems and started breaking out.
She asked the teacher if she could go to the nurse, and this woman had the audacity to say, “Just tough it out until next period. I’m not letting you go to the nurse yet.” Luckily, our TA saw the girl and convinced Ms. Morales to let her go, but the girl wheeled to the nurse at the other side of the school by herself because the teacher wouldn’t let anyone else go.
She got an EpiPen shot and was ok, but it still makes me angry four years later.
75. The Finger Method
I hated my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Chamberlain. She would always say I counted like a little kindergartner when I'd use my fingers, and then the other kids would laugh. I ended up having to hide my hands in my desk to do math. Like I'm 22 now and still use my fingers to count. It hasn't hurt me in life at all.
76. Later Problems
I worked throughout college sometimes with long hours, and most of my professors were fairly accommodating about this. This one day I got called in for a 6-hour shift after a co-worker quit, and I asked one of my professors through an email if I could have a small extension on a minor assignment because of that. He said yes and I thought it was the end of it.
Then in the next class I had with him, he called me out in front of the class and told them how I shouldn't expect more time and how I have to put his class before work. I got angry and told him that tuition was too high for him to make that argument. For the rest of the semester, he didn't mention it again, instead just opting for passive aggressive jabs.
77. Singing Like a Devious Eagle
My high school choir teacher was emotionally abusive. He lectured us daily on all the things we did wrong. Once, he made me have a panic attack because I missed ONE rehearsal for an AP test. Even some of the other teachers were wary of him. They finally had someone else take his job after 50 years of teaching choir. Now he's an assistant director.
78. Culture Shock Trauma
I'll never forget Ms. K. She was an absolute monster. I was about 4 years old and had spent the early years of my life speaking only Korean. I had never spoken a single bit of English in my life and the language barrier between me and my pre-k teacher seemed to have sparked a toxic relationship. I remember her yelling at me to do something as she threw my coat at me. Me being only four years old and unable to understand her broke down and ran out of the room only to be comforted by the secretary.
In another instance, we were given lunch and were told we had to finish everything before we could get up and go outside. At this point, I picked up some English, and I had never seen anything fouler than the steamed green beans that were presented in front of me. And of course, since I was told to eat them, I did.
I proceeded to vomit into my cup of milk, which sweet old Ms. K forced me to drink because it did not count as finishing my vegetables. The list goes on and on like the time I cut my finger on a staple on the ground and she just ignored me the entire time as I bawled my eyes out. Of course, Ms. K was always sweet to my mom whenever she came to get me.
It took years until I told my mom. I thought every kid had gone through the same thing. My 5'2" tall Korean mother absolutely flipped out. I remember her furiously calling the school, but alas Ms. K had left after I moved onto elementary school.
79. By the AP Book
I had an English teacher who had us write analysis essays to prepare for the AP exam. On the first paper, I wrote my analysis and followed all of the guidelines and had my thesis, three supporting paragraphs, cite support from reading, etc. I believed it was a pretty good paper, but I get it back, and I got a C. The reason given is my thesis is wrong.
Of course, I was confused. My thesis was supported, and I followed all the guidelines for citing support. So, I asked her about it—and her ridiculous answer made my blood boil. She told me, "Well that's not what the AP book said the author was saying." We were analyzing The Great Gatsby, which is chock full of symbols and double meaning, and unless she brought Fitzgerald back from the dead, there was no evidence from the book that my thesis was wrong.
When I told her that English is subjective and you can't know if your interpretation is right or wrong but only better or worse, she still said, "That's not what the AP book said." I then asked if she wanted me to check the AP guide when I was taking the exam. She did not get the sarcasm. I also was one of the only ones to get a 5 on the AP test from her class.
Out of her 90 AP students, 3 got 5s. The other grade 11 AP English teacher had 15 students out of about 60 get 5s. I wonder why.
80. On My Father’s Grave
My worst teacher asked me, “Didn’t your father ever teach you how to act?” I had to inform him that my father had died four years earlier. Two weeks later, my step-dad comes to pick me up for an appointment saying he’s here to pick up his child. When the teacher was over the phone with the office, he asked, “You mean the deceased father is here for pick up?”
All through high school, that teacher just kept doubling down and never showed remorse for what he had said. He would chase me into other classrooms because I had a hat on and I needed to take it off. This gave me motivation to become the compassionate, empathetic, and awesome teacher that I am today. My kids always get the benefit of the doubt and I respect them.
81. Skrrrt!
In a big 300-person study hall at my high school, some guy started making the sound effect of a drag racer going through the gears. The football coach kept running around trying to find the culprit. But when he went to one side of the cafeteria, someone on the other side would take it up. Finally, the coach, red faced, yelled, “All right, stop it!” The next sound we heard was brakes squealing! The whole cafeteria lost it.
82. One-Armed and Dangerous
At the student vs. faculty basketball game, everyone is in the gymnasium. It's a pretty friendly game for the most part, but there was some decent competition. It was my senior year and our class clown was the announcer for this basketball game. One of the faculty members who was playing only had one arm. One-armed faculty member (Mr. X) comes into the game off the bench and immediately hits a 3-point jump shot.
During the inbound play, one-armed faculty member steals the ball and proceeds to make another basket. Class clown, who has been announcing the game, lets out this gem: "And Mr. X is single-handedly taking over this ball game!" The game literally had to be stopped as people were laughing too hard. It caused a bit of an awkward exchange between the student and teacher but was the best timing on a joke I've ever heard.
83. School Stand-In
In our Algebra II class my junior year, my best friend walked into class five minutes late with a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself. He pulls his chair out, stands the cutout between the chair and the desk, and walks right back out of the room. The teacher didn't say anything for about 45 seconds. Then she just marked him absent and pretended nothing had happened. At the end of the class he came back and got it. By the end of the next class the cutout had been confiscated.
84. It Was Only a Matter of Time
I had a habit of throwing markers at students and asking them to throw it back. I'd hold up a hand but never actually try to catch it. Just stood there motionless. During a physics unit, I was tossing a tennis ball around the room. I asked a kid to throw it and took my normal pose. He took his shot and lobbed it (lightly) at my crotch. Direct hit.
85. Never Phone it In
One kid had his phone taken away for texting during class. The next day, the teacher took it away again. But he pulled out a second (old) cell phone a couple minutes later and began pressing buttons, pretending to text. It was also confiscated. This happened several more times before he pulled out a giant cordless phone with a 2' antenna, the sort that came out in the late 80s, and began pushing buttons on it. The teacher couldn't stop laughing.
86. Officially Over It
My son was that student. He really didn’t want to go to school at five. He was more interested in playing. So, we put him in an early five class. Next year in kindergarten he had already learned to read and found out that he actually liked to read Star Wars books for young kids. One day they were supposed to be coloring, but my son thought it was a waste of time. He calmly told the teacher (my friend), “Look Mrs. Smith, you know the tree is green, I know the tree is green, can’t we just call it even and I’ll go back to reading my book about Han Solo?”
She said she had to walk away after she started laughing.
87. Another One for the Collection
I knew this kid that would write long, romantic, and graphic love poems on notebook paper. He would then fold them up really small and place them in my male teacher's pants pocket. The teacher was a larger fellow and his pant pockets would somehow always be slightly open. Later on in the class, the teacher would just happen to place his hands in his pockets and find the unknown piece of paper.
He would unfold it and begin to read. As he progressed through the romantic poem, the look on his face just became more and more intrigued/confused. You could tell he had no clue what was going on. But for some reason he never questioned the notes and would just put them in his desk drawer. We would just sit in the back and laugh our butts off. Freaking priceless.
88. My Last Dessert
My high school mathematics teacher was always really serious and stressed, but we saw him laugh once. It was right towards the end of the last year, close to our exams and graduation. The Mighty Boosh was just starting to become popular, and so some people who'd seen it started quoting bits from it. In math class, these two kids started messing around playfighting, and I think one of them was trying to get something back that the other took.
The teacher shouted at them, asking what the heck they were doing, and then this loudmouth girl who was notorious for saying silly things in class dropped the mic. She just said, "It's all right, sir, he just wants to see Josh's mangina.” You could see the teacher trying to fight off the laughter, and then he just burst out giggling, and the whole class followed. Hardly anyone had seen The Mighty Boosh at that point, so it sounded as though she'd made up the word 'mangina' herself. The whole class and teacher broke down. It took ages to get back on track.
89. Having a Poopy Day
In grade two, the usual class clown really had to go to the bathroom, but the teacher wasn't letting him. Finally, after much kerfuffle and class interrupting, he is allowed to go. He leaves and comes running back a minute later screaming about how there’s poopy underwear left in the bathroom. The teacher yells at him for making things up and being vulgar and he responds with, "No it's true I brought them here," and flings them into the center of the room. Order was not regained in the class for the rest of the day.
90. Walking Right Into It
This kid was being very inappropriate and kept calling everything gay. The teacher then said, "If I hear you call something gay again I'll shove this chair straight up your butt." The kid paused then said, "That's pretty gay." The whole class laughed, then the teacher laughed but stopped himself immediately and went into rage mode shortly after.
91. Silent Disco For One
This guy had headphones on during class and was jamming out hard. The teacher noticed and went over to him and told him to empty his pockets for his phone. When the guy pulled out the headphone cord, I couldn't believe what I saw. It wasn't connected to anything. The kid was rocking out to nothing. The teacher’s face was full of confusion and awkwardness.
92. Clown Classed
The start of senior year in my trigonometry class we had the school class clown. Our teacher was an elderly man who was very quiet. Said class clown was a terror to him. At the end of the year we were all coming into class and sat down. Well, the class clown was always late. Our teacher didn't say a word. He finally came in and went to go sit down.
Once he sat down his whole desk just fell apart and collapsed! Our very quiet teacher was laughing so hard he fell onto the floor crying. The whole class was dying. The class clown got up and ran out of the room. Best teacher ever.
93. Brought Together Through Gas
I was in English in high school. We were all reading silently when a kid a few rows away from me lets out the loudest flatulence. We all look at him and he had this giggling face like he had done it on purpose. A few kids start laughing. I start laughing. More kids laugh. Then we're all laughing as the teacher couldn’t control herself either. Eventually it cooled down and we all went back to reading like nothing had happened.
94. Class Cat
I went to an all girls Catholic school and the dean of student life was a terrifying Stalin-type. Spirit week schedule is announced, and again she assigned a 'dress like a teacher day' on Wednesday. Super annoying because we had to dress nice or like a man. Sure, the first year is fun, but by the fifth or sixth time it’s old. So, our class clown decides that it is CAT DAY, and shows up in a full on cat suit, hood with ears, drawn on whiskers, the full nine yards.
I was at my locker, about three down from our clown, when the dean finds her and asks what teacher she's dress as. The girl, Molly, lifts up her hand and makes a clawing motion and goes, "I'm you, merowww." Considering the dean was such a terror, I thought the girl was done for, but the lady just laughed and let her go. I thought the dean was going to implode in fury.
95. False Alarm
We were in history class and taking a test so the whole room was silently working. My friend walks up to the teacher's desk halfway through the test and asks to go to the bathroom. Innocent enough, the teacher tells him he's free to go. So, my friend heads over to the door and walks out, but stops right in front of the glass panes in the hallway in full view and stands there.
As the door is slowly closing, this guy makes my favorite high school memory. He rips the loudest, longest flatulence I've ever heard, the end of which was muffled as the door fully shut. He then turns around and heads back into the room, with most of the class staring him down. As he enters, the teacher asks in the most casual tone, "Didn't have to go after all?" My friend just says, "Nah it was a false alarm" and heads back to his desk.
It was impossible to hold back my laughter. Props to them for keeping it professional.
96. The Blind Lady Watches
In high school my chemistry teacher had this morbid poster of a blind woman that read "Carol didn't wear her safety goggles, now she doesn't need them." The teacher absolutely loved this poster, and one day the class clown decided to steal the poster off the wall. For the next 14 months this teacher got pictures of this poster in all sorts of places, from the wall at prom to NYC.
But the absolute best part came during the televised school announcements, a whopping seven months after the poster had been kidnapped. We all saw the poster plastered to the wall behind the news desk. This chem teacher sprinted out the door towards the broadcast room, and literally seconds before she got there a hand reached in from off camera, grabbed the poster, and it disappeared for another seven months. Probably the hardest I've ever laughed.
97. Garbage Canned
I teach 10 year olds. We're doing a Socratic circle on why we come to school. This kid was like, "Oh so you can go to college and get a good job and not be a garbage man." And I say, hold on. Garbage men make good money, sometimes more than jobs that you need to go to college for. Some make more than teachers. And don't look down on any type of work and blah blah blah for a little.
So, a couple hours later in the day, the class is acting up pretty bad. Throwing stuff, talking about Beyblades instead of any work, the quiet kids are reading graphic novels. I run a loud room with a lot of group work but you gotta stay on task. I'm working with two kids, but I bark for the classes attention and lecture them for a minute and finish with, "Now do good work."
I go back to the two kids I'm working with and one them, this 5'1 enormous 10-year-old boy who was always sweating, looks at me real smug and goes, "Should’ve been a garbage man, huh?"
98. You Don’t Say
I'm the only Italian teacher in my high school, so I have the same kids year after year. I have a sophomore boy who seemed to have a big revelation during class. Unfortunately for him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. He said: "Oh my god, Italian is like English but a different language." Laughed my butt off and told him he should make that his senior year yearbook quote.
99. The Proof is in the Printing
I had a teacher who hated me. To the best of my knowledge, I never did anything to make her feel that way at first, or if I did, it was something stupid and petty. Not being the type to enjoy being hated, I made her life as difficult as I could without breaking rules. Then this awful teacher started telling me that I wasn’t turning in homework assignments. Are you serious? I handed it to you yesterday same time as everyone else.
Principal calls my parents about me apparently just not trying, so they yell at me for a while and sit with me every night for two weeks while I do my dumb homework. Then this genius lady tells me again that I need to start doing homework or I'm going to fail the class. This message ends up with the principal and then ends up with my parents.
Now, they didn't believe me before this point, but now they knew I was doing my homework, and something fishy was going on. My mom asked to meet with the teacher. We went to this parent teacher meet up and she's sitting there all smug. She told my mom, "He isn't doing his homework." But my mom fired back, "I know he is. I've been making sure he has."
Then the teacher went, "Well then he must be choosing not to turn it in. Or maybe he's just not doing the homework for this class. Do you help him with the work? We're doing ____ right now, I'll show you the assignment." She grabbed a folder, opened it up, and right on top was my ungraded assignment. It had my name on the top in big ol’ letters.
My mom noticed too and snatched it. She gave the teacher a look, got up, and walked down the hall to the principal’s office. The look on her face was worth the nightmare I'd been through. I had never seen my teacher, or anyone else for that matter, look so devastated after realizing how much she screwed things up for herself. It was incredible. She finished out the school year but was not present the next year.
I guess there were a lot of issues with her.
100. It Didn’t Add up
I interned in a class with this kid who always thought he was smarter than everyone else. He was pretty smart, but not by too much. Yet he always got paired with kids who weren’t as smart as him, so he would always be super smug when dealing with them. During one parent-teacher conference, we found out exactly where he got it from.
His parents thought he was the smartest kid in the school. They built him up as that and they got him thinking it, too. In this meeting, they even went off on the teacher, saying she “was bringing him down” and that she “was terrible.” The conference ended when the teacher left the room crying. But it didn't take long for sweet revenge.
About a week later, there was an event where parents came to watch their children do math games with other students. Well, the teacher paired this smug little kid with the actual smartest kid in class. The kid got destroyed in the math games. His parents were so flustered, they left before it was all done and took him out of school for the rest of the day.
101. The Spanish Inquisition
Spanish teacher gave me zeroes on a bunch of homework that I knew I'd done and turned in like everyone else. My father refused to believe me and punished me in accordance with the rules about my "bad grade." I swore to him that I had turned in the work, so the next morning he went with me to the teacher's "office hours" or whatever you want to call it.
She showed up 30 minutes after the posted start time, so he was already mad because he was missing work. She unlocks the door and proceeds to tell my father that I'm a bad student, didn't do my work, and was disruptive in class. But I knew what I had to do. I shove past her into the room, go to her desk, and pull the four missing papers from her "turn it in tray."
My father watches all this, looks at my teacher (who has turned bright red), and tells me to go to class without breaking eye contact with her. She started failing all of my assignments from that point forward until my dad complained to the principal, superintendent, and school board. She retired the next year.
