It sucks that rude people exist—but there's always a way to put them in their place. Sometimes, vengeance is petty, but it’s always satisfying. These fed-up people got their revenge on some pretty rude people.
1. The Slowest Race
Years ago, my friends and I used to go race our cars at a local racetrack. On our way home, we would usually form a convoy of up to nine cars.
One night, about 20 minutes from town, a driver decided to weave in and out of traffic as well as cut people off, some of which were drivers from my group. This guy had no idea what was coming to him.
We gave each other the heads up, waited for the guy to get into the middle lane on the freeway, and proceeded to box him in. Since this was a major freeway with at least three lanes, we managed to box him in with eight cars—three up front, one on each side, and three behind.
Then we all slowed down to less than 35 mph and drove that speed for about 10 min.
2. She Kept Her Promise
I was waiting tables in an Italian restaurant that was originally opened by a man and his wife, but after their divorce, the restaurant was bought by their daughter. She was an okay boss. Her father, who had opened the restaurant, still worked as a cook and was a jerk.
He didn't give me a lot of trouble because I was usually on my game. I always heard his snide little comments and muttered some of my own at him a few times, but I always waited for the perfect time to get him, and get him good for being such an insufferable jerk.
Finally, I got my chance. I had two plates up in the window when I walked into the kitchen. I was waiting on a third, and a side of meatballs. He accosted me as soon as I walked up there and said something along the lines of, "Why don't you get this stupid food out of my window"?
I calmly looked at him and replied, "The next time you say something like that to me, this food is not going out. This food is going on the floor".
He just kind of smirked and said, "I'd like to see you try that".
I picked up the plate of spaghetti and meat sauce and just flipped it over in the window.
I was blind with rage and marched out of the kitchen and out onto the floor. I wasn't spoken to about the incident except in passing when the daughter admitted her dad could get a little intense.
He was always polite to me after that, and never hassled me again.
3. Who’s The Donkey Now?
Our math teacher was an egoist and a boast. There was one line he always used to say: “Even a donkey can score 80%”! He said it not in a way to encourage or motivate the students, but rather to ridicule them.
After our midterm, he came to class with the test papers and started distributing them. I had done poorly in that exam and I knew it. He called up my name and I had scored only 53 out of 80. He mocked me in front of the whole class for a whole minute. I had never felt so humiliated before. I refused to let it slide.
After this incident, I was bent on getting a good score. I started working hard. Every time I saw his smiling face, I felt like punching him.
In our final term, he was distributing the papers again. I was anxious and nervously went up when my name was called. I scored 79.5 out of 80. I expected a word of praise, a pat on the back, some appreciation…but nothing. He ignored me and proceeded to distribute the papers.
The funny thing was that his daughter, Mira, was in the same section too. When her name was called, she went up and quietly took her paper and came back.
Just out of curiosity, I peeked and saw she had scored just 60 marks.
And then I heard those words again. “Even a donkey can score 80%”! He didn’t say anything to his daughter but was scolding some other student.
I don’t know what came over me, I just shouted, “Sir, even Mira has scored only 70%! She is a donkey too, right”?
Now, I had nothing against his daughter. I even apologized to her later, but that look of shock on his face and that uncontrollable laughter from the class was definitely worth it.
4. Honnnkkkk
I was heading to a drive-thru with a friend when out of nowhere this chick cut me off, almost hitting my car and cutting in front of us in line. She didn’t even acknowledge that she just almost T-boned us and proceeded to order.
So I decided to be annoying. I would lay down on my horn every time she tried ordering. It resulted in "How may I help you?"
"I would ::honnnnnnnnnnnnnnk::"
"Excuse me, what was that?"
"Honnnnnnnnnk".
It definitely provided some laughs as she attempted to order for the next few moments.
5. This Is Why You Shouldn’t Take Someone Else’s Lunch
I grew up poor. I took my lunch to school because I didn’t have money for school lunches. When I made it to high school some of the older kids found it ‘cool’ to pop my school locker open and eat my lunch.
So I came up with a plan to get back at them—and it was too good. I baked a large batch of chocolate chip cookies with extra chocolate chips—and 2 boxes of Ex-Lax. These were locked securely in my school locker so no one would accidentally dose themself with an extreme dose of laxative.
Yes, the cookies disappeared. So did five people—for three days. I never lost lunch again.
6. Revenge Of The Book Nerd
I moved to Jackson, Michigan several weeks after starting 6th grade. It was a rough move, to say the least!
This horrid little boy, Billy, was the class bully. One day, Billy followed me out of the classroom at the end of the day. It had been a long week and my home life was in shambles. So the idiot boy started yammering at me and teasing me about this yellow book bag my Aunt Carol had sent me for Christmas.
I was an avid reader. The book bag was embroidered with my name and filled with textbooks and novels.
Since we were in 6th grade, we had to walk the length of the entire school to where our buses waited by the kindergarten entrance. All the way he followed me and taunted me. Eventually, I just snapped!
I grabbed both handles of the sturdy bookbag and then in a 180-degree arc, with all the strength I could muster, I hit him with the bag! His legs went out from under him and he went flying. I just kept walking.
We were both hauled into the principal’s office and I was told that the next time I should ask for an adult. Then they shoved me out the door and it was Billy the Bully who got into trouble. He was known to bully and be a troublemaker. And the best thing about the whole deal is that I was never bothered again.
I can’t tell you how good it felt to lay that jerk out and I’ve never forgotten it.
7. Batman Lifts Weights Apparently
A jerk in the gym was making some kids of about 14 feel bad, telling them to put some man weights on the bar and to stop being weak and girls and real lame cliche stuff.
Every time they found a new workout, he came over and repeated the process, lifting bigger and trying to embarrass them. I was annoyed but tired and let it slide. Only it happened again: the same kids came in two days later and he was there also. He started doing exactly what he did before.
That was it. I walked up right next to him, doubled what he was lifting, and repeated everything he had said to the kids in the last five minutes. He quickly moved on and went to another exercise.
But I wasn't done. The kids were looking at me like I was Batman. I followed the guy to the next three exercises and did as he had done, saying the same things. Then he left.
I never saw him at the gym again but those boys sure came back and have been making steady gains for over a year now.
8. The Most Patient Revenge
Mark lived in an apartment building where a central staircase came out on eight apartments, two apartments per floor. Mark lived on the top floor. Opposite his apartment lived Mr. Bat. There was one more flight of stairs to the attic, where every occupant of the apartment building had storage space.
Mr. Bat was old and angry. He walked around with stooped shoulders, glaring at everyone. He'd spit at people's feet and curse them. Mr. Bat lived alone in his apartment and came out only to get food and drink.
Mark had a cat that loved to pee on paper. Mark couldn’t put the box with used newspapers and discarded flyers and magazines in his apartment because the cat would pee all over the paper. So, Mark placed a small cardboard orange crate right outside his door in the central stairwell and put his waste paper there.
One day, he came home and the waste paper crate was gone.
Mark wondered if someone had taken out his waste paper, but it didn't matter, because it had no value. So, he put another old orange crate in the same spot and put his waste paper in. When the waste paper crate was almost full, the crate disappeared again.
Slightly amused at the idea of a waste paper thief, Mark put a third orange crate in the same spot, wondering if this one would also disappear. The crate filled up slowly and a week later, when the crate was almost full, it disappeared.
But Mark didn't stop there—he put out a fourth crate. A day or two later, he went up to the attic to fetch something from his storage and found three full crates of waste paper had been upended into his storage space. All his stored possessions were covered in waste paper. There was only one person insane enough to do something like this, the only person in the apartment building who wouldn't just ask Mark not to put waste paper crates in the central staircase.
Mr. Bat.
Mark put a polite note in Mr. Bat's mailbox, cleaned up his storage space, put out another crate, and filled her up. Just before the crate was full, the crate disappeared again. And, predictably, the crate had been thrown in Mark's storage area.
Angry, Mark put a second note in Mr. Bat's mailbox, telling him that Bat should keep his fingers off his stuff or he might lose his fingers.
Three days later, Mark's manager asked Mark to come over to headquarters because there was something wrong with the department records at the building Mark worked for. When Mark arrived for his meeting, his manager arrived with the HR manager, took out a letter, and said it was from Mr. Bat.
Mark was seething with anger but told the manager that Mr. Bat was not right in the head. Had the manager tried to contact Mr. Bat concerning his allegations? The manager hadn't, but Mark urged him to go to the apartment building and talk to Mr. Bat because he knew Mr. Bat would never open the door.
Furthermore, Mark said, the note was unsigned and likely a fabrication by Mr. Bat, a spiteful man who hated everyone. Not to mention that Mark was irked that the manager had called Mark to HQ under false pretenses, so Mark was leaving. Right now.
Mark walked out, FURIOUS. But Mark had already been looking for another apartment. For the time being, he stored the waste paper in his attic and waited patiently. Three months later, Mark moved out to another apartment. He gave the building supervisor his keys, but not before he'd made a copy of the key to the central staircase.
Mark spent the next three months fixing up his new apartment and enjoying himself, then, after a late shift that ended well beyond midnight, he went back to his old apartment building and climbed silently to the top floor.
The doors to the apartment buildings had a handle on the inside, but no handle on the outside, just a fixed doorknob and a keyhole. When someone pulled the door shut, the door would latch and he'd need the key to get back into his apartment.
Mark knew that the worst thing that could happen to Mr. Bat was being forced to interact with other people. So Mark walked up to Mr. Bat's apartment door and silently filled the lock with epoxy metal that would harden in minutes.
Now the house couldn't be unlocked from the outside, so when Mr. Bat went out for groceries, he'd find upon his return that his key would no longer fit. His inability to enter his house would require the aid of a locksmith. Mr. Bat would be forced to interact with other people.
Mark doubted if the act would be connected with him, as long as he wasn’t found on the premises. So he left as silently as he'd come in.
But he didn't leave it at that.
Mr. Bat had been terrorizing him and the rest of the apartment building for years, so Mark found it only suitable that Mr. Bat would be paid back in kind. There was a chance that Mr. Bat would be wary for a long time, testing his lock before he closed his door.
Mark waited two months, so Mr. Bat would be lulled into the idea that this inconvenience was a one-time incident. Then he returned and filled Mr. Bat's lock with metal epoxy again.
The old man had angered so many people, it was unlikely that anyone would think Mark had something to do with it. And Mark had moved months ago, without a forwarding address.
Mark left Mr. Bat alone for fourteen months, knowing that no one could keep up his vigilance for such a long time. And then he did it a third time. Mark knew that Mr. Bat would never expect it to happen again after such a long time, so the third time would give him the terror that there was someone out there who might wait for years and do it again.
Mark quit after the third time, but he knew Mr. Bat wouldn't know about that and would be paranoid about finding his lock closed again for years to come.
Martyn V. Halm (Combat Pragmatist)
9. Spamming The Spammer
This was during my engineering course. I was staying in a hostel in a town that was kind of an education hub.
One of my cousins was also studying engineering in the same town. Being of the same age, we shared a good rapport and used to help each other when needed. One day she told me that there was one guy spamming her on the phone.
We thought of multiple options but she didn’t want to create a scene, so finally, this is what we did.
Since there were many colleges in town, almost half of the houses had student tenants. Students always complain about the food and hunt for bargain deals. And so we exploited that.
We created a poster that looked like a meal service advertisement. We included the yummy food items in the menu and kept the price very low. As a contact detail, we put the phone number of that guy. Then we distributed these posters to every noticeboard in each college and major places where students visited.
She never received any spam calls after that.
10. Gross But Effective
When I first moved to Iceland, my neighbor had all-night parties every day of the week. The music was so loud that everything in my apartment shook.
After a week of this, I knocked on his door and asked him to turn the music down. He was quite friendly, said sorry, and told me proudly all about how he was a music producer and his speakers were just so powerful it was impossible to keep the volume low. I asked him to at least keep it down at night so I could sleep and he said he would try.
He didn’t try and it continued like this for another week. I knocked on his door again but this time he was really mad.
He said, “Do you realize this is the SECOND time you’ve complained this week”?
I told him, yes, I did realize and did he realize this was the 14th night in a row that he’d played his music so loud I couldn’t even hear my own TV at full volume?
At that point, he lost it. He got really aggressive and flippant, telling me, “Well this is Iceland. I’m allowed to play my music. No one else has a problem with it so if you don’t like it go back to the country you came from. Or call the authorities—I don’t care”! Then he slammed the door in my face and through the door, I could hear him laughing with his friends about it.
Soon after I got really sick with the flu, probably from the stress and lack of sleep.
So once a day I would take one of my used snotty tissues and wipe it all over his door handle. Sure enough, for about a week the parties stopped, I assume because he got the flu and was too sick to throw them.
11. Hope She Felt Guilty
I used to work for the IT department of a high-end realty company that had offices pretty much along the entire length of Long Island. There were times when I simply couldn't respond quickly due to the distances between the offices.
One day, very late in the afternoon, I got a call that an entire office had lost its Internet access. The office manager called me directly and insisted I drop whatever I was doing and respond immediately.
Now, obviously, no Internet for an entire office is really serious—and often easy to repair by simply cycling power on a router or cable modem. Most of the Office Assistants, in the interest of saving time, would unplug a power cord for me.
But this manager was adamant that I do the 45-minute drive to her office. I ended up making the drive, unplugging the router, and restoring the network. But here's the thing—she was already gone. I was only there for about two minutes but that was after an hour's drive in the wrong direction.
The next morning, I found an e-mail from her about the five-minute “argument” we had. She complained that she had been 45 minutes late for an appointment with her trainer.
I replied to the e-mail and apologized for her delayed appointment and told her that it was okay on my part since it only took a minute to cycle power on the router and that I was able to get my wife to her dialysis appointment in only 20 minutes late and she only had to wait for an extra half-hour for another machine to free up.
12. That’s A Lot Of Poop
I had a neighbor who continually let his dog poop in my yard. Talking to him did no good—he thought it was funny.
So I decided to teach him a lesson—I bought a bottle of coyote bait from a trapping supply catalog and sprinkled it all over his yard one night. Dogs came from all around the neighborhood to poop in his yard after that.
Long after the rains had washed away the bait, dogs kept pooping there because of the scent of all the dogs before them. He wound up building a fence to keep them out. His dog stayed inside the fence and quit desecrating my lawn.
13. Don’t Mess With New Yorkers
I was battling a pretty tenacious flu and had pulled my aching, feverish, foggy self from bed to get meds. It was an exceptionally awful weather day and traffic was a mess so cabs were hard to get, but I did get one and set off.
On the way there my sister called to check in on how I was doing. So I was in the cab, on the phone, and we arrived at my destination.
Outside my cab I saw a woman with a black umbrella motioning to my driver—she saw we were about to close out the ride and she wanted my cab. Fair enough.
I was still on the phone with my sister and tallying the fare on the screen, then put my card in the swipey thingy. I was vaguely aware there was talking right outside my door. It was the woman with the black umbrella, talking to my driver to either make sure he was still working or to warn others that THIS IS HER CAB.
Back to the fare. The machine was running Windows 98 or something because it hung and spun and nothing happened to finalize the payment. The cabbie told me to remove my card, he’ll reset the machine.
So we did that. But things would escalate very quickly, very soon.
We waited for it to reset and I tried again. This time it took. Still on the phone with my sister, I became aware that Black Umbrella Lady was right at my passenger door, ready to swoop in. She was still screaming, though, at me. She was yelling for me to get out already.
I was trying. We were all of us waiting on the approval of a fickle machine. She loomed over my window, peering in. I finalized payment, gathered my bag, and reached for the door handle.
She grabbed the outside handle and flung the door open, HARD. My hand was still attached so I was jerked sideways a bit unexpectedly, sticking my flu-ridden head right into the rain.
Black Umbrella let go with a torrent of snarky, screaming chastisement: “Talk on the phone more, why don’t you?! Get off the phone! Get out of the cab! Get ooouuuut!”
I sat upright in the seat and pulled back, astonished.
It’s amazing what adrenaline can do. I was suddenly awake. I think I bark-blurted “Okay, NEW destination!” to my driver straight out of my lizard brain. “NEW destination! Hey, dude, cabbie guy! I’ve changed my mind. I’m going somewhere else. This is still my cab. And I’m going somewhere else now”.
The bewildered cabbie, eyeing Black Umbrella Lady nervously: “What?! Where? What is the address”?
“I don’t care, the address is away, NOW, I’ll decide on the way. Go around the block. I’m not getting out of this cab until this woman is gone. Go! I will pay. Start the meter.”
My cabbie grinned and turned the meter back on.
Black Umbrella Lady was livid.
Her mouth and face contorted into a yell and her mouth was wide open with wild eyes flashing but…nothing came out.
I grabbed the door back and slammed it shut with a big grin yelling “Have a nice daaaaaaaaaay!” while flipping her the bird.
We circled the block and my Good Lady Black Umbrella apparently did not possess the Taxi Fu I do because I waved to her wet butt when we circled around. And flipped another bird.
The cabbie and I enjoyed a great chat. He was tickled pink that I was willing to circle this woman like a yellow shark out of sheer petty until I either passed out in the back of his cab or she left. He was giggling like a kid. Both of us were giggling madly.
Our Good Lady of the Black Umbrella finally sought her fortunes elsewhere and 20 minutes later I got to my doctor, my cabbie got a 100% cash tip on the new fare, and all was well with the world.
14. Maybe Don’t Road Rage In Your Work Vehicle
Me and my husband both worked the evening shift in a NYC hospital. One night, on our way home, my husband was heading into the Midtown tunnel heading east. The front of our pickup truck was inched over on the right. By the unspoken rule, once you are in that position, you are next in line to get into the tunnel.
But, just as we inched towards home, a very big Department of Sanitation flatbed truck hemmed us in. That truck was about 2″ from our truck. The big truck could not move, we could not go forward, or backward. Cars were honking. Then, the driver of the truck came out of the cab, and climbed onto the flatbed, screaming and cursing. Then, he stuck his HEAD into our truck to scream in my husband's face.
He scared the heck out of me. I reached into my pocket for pepper spray. I was going to blast him in the eyes.
He realized I had the spray out and pulled back. Still screaming at us, he managed to get back in the driver's seat and went past us into the tunnel.
As soon as we were out of the tunnel, I called the authorities and asked where that truck was from. I was given the number of the dispatcher from his yard.
I called the dispatcher and told him I wanted to file an official complaint. The dispatcher got a night supervisor on, who assured me he would pass it up the chain of command. I gave him my home phone number.
At 7 am, my heart skipped a beat as my phone rang. It was a man in the administration office. He had the driver in his office now and wanted to hear the story firsthand.
I told him. Including that, if I had pepper sprayed that driver, he would have been unable to drive the truck back. And that sticking his head in someone's open window could have gotten him hurt. That he was such a hothead, he didn’t even think of his own safety.
The man heard me out, then asked me what I wanted done. Did I want him suspended? Would I accept a personal letter of apology?
I said I didn’t want to hear from that driver, ever. And that it was the supervisor's job to decide his punishment.
So, the supervisor said one day's suspension, without pay, censure in his file, and that it was the final step toward being fired if he messed up again. He said he had the driver waiting outside his office while he spoke to me. And told me the driver was horrified to be called in by dispatch.
And that the guy was crying.
15. Lesson Learned
I was a co-founder of a small business that was enjoying a modicum of success. One of my other co-founders (we'll call him Gary) had recently divorced and hooked up with another woman while he was on the rebound. We'll call her Cheryl.
Cheryl had experience in bookkeeping and office management so Gary suggested that we bring her on to help out our hopelessly disorganized office. Cheryl then systematically set out to embezzle money from us.
We started noticing some discrepancies as the project started to wind down, and I questioned Cheryl about some of the anomalies. She was quite nervous and became defensive. Me and the third co-founder went and talked to a lawyer.
His answer was that if we decide to pursue legal recourse, we should also plan on getting involved in a nasty harassment countersuit that would make our losses pale in comparison because she was living with one of the founders. His advice: Let it go, lay her off at the end of the project and chalk it up to lessons learned, and a fairly cheap lesson at that.
We did exactly what our attorney instructed with one exception: I could not let it go. My bad.
This was how I got my revenge:
When I laid her off, I was all smiles and offered to let her use me as a reference in seeking further employment, even giving her my home number in case the prospective employer wanted to get in touch outside normal business hours. I declined to give her a letter of reference explaining that the personal approach was always much better.
I received north of 25 calls as she attempted to find a job. It always went the same way:
Prospective Employer: "Did Cheryl work for you"?
Me: "Yes".
PE: "Can you tell me what kind of work she did"?
Me: "Secretarial".
PE: "How was her performance"?
Me: "Adequate".
PE: "Why did she leave the company"?
Me: "The project ended".
PE "Would you hire her again"?
Me: "Not under any circumstances".
I think she eventually figured it out because the calls stopped.
16. Have The Day You Deserve
I came out of the supermarket one day to find that someone had hit my car. A stranger told me the person who hit my car got out, looked at the damage, and parked at the other end of the lot. He thought he got away with it—but he was so wrong.
I went to where the car was parked and confirmed it was the car that hit mine, flattened all four tires, and left a note on their windshield telling them to have a nice day.
17. The Best Karma
When my son was younger, he was my best friend. We had this weekend thing that we did rain or shine and it always started with a trip to Kitty’s Flea Market.
It was huge and they had something for everyone. Our something was socks and fresh fruit. Freddy loved fruit. If there was enough money I’d let him get a toy. Usually, there wasn’t enough money though, as I was trying to raise him alone.
One particular weekend money was extra tight. I can’t remember why–maybe rent week or something–so I told him we have to go cheap. He was a great kid and understood.
We got to Kitty’s and we got our socks. Freddy wanted a basket of plums but I told him he better get an apple instead. He got in line and right in front of us was a huge guy and his girl. They were pretty obnoxious and really, really slow. Standing there swapping tomatoes around to put all the best ones in their basket. Telling the guy at the table that his produce looked bad. They thought they were clever, but we weren't having any of it.
When he reached into his pocket to get his money out, he dropped a bill. A 50. I picked it up and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and had the nastiest look on his face.
“What do you want?” he snapped.
I started to tell him he dropped his cash but instead, I put it in my pocket, apologized for bothering him, and went to find my son a nice toy and a huge basket of plums.
18. The Complainer
I used to work as a front desk agent at a boutique hotel. A guy who was obviously very full of himself came in with an online reservation that he had booked at a shockingly cheap nightly rate.
He proceeded to give me a hard time about EVERYTHING.
About 10 minutes after checking him in, he came down and demanded that we give him a bigger room with a king bed and a view, even though he had booked a standard queen bed online. I complied, as we had extra king beds available.
Ten minutes later, he came down again to complain about the size of the room. After much arguing between him and my manager, we ended up giving him our nicest suite AND free parking since we had "given him trouble". He got all this for $40/night! He thought he won, but we weren't done yet.
He informed us shortly after the ordeal, while on his way out to dinner, that he was not even going to be in the room for the majority of his stay, as he was visiting friends and would be staying at their home.
So I made it my personal mission to reset his room keys every time I saw him leave the hotel (which was quite frequently, 3-4 times a day/night). It was particularly funny when he came back tired from a night of drinking and had to come all the way down to the front desk to get his keys fixed. Needless to say, he was very frustrated by the end of his stay. I doubt he'll be staying with us again.
19. He Knew His Stuff
My friend never wanted to join engineering so he would mostly bunk classes. He would never listen in any class but mind you, this guy is brilliant.
But then he gave up on engineering, so he decided to enjoy his time in college.
One of our professors, tired of this behavior, scolded him for his attitude. This wasn't the first time my friend was scolded—but that day, the words hit him hard.
That was in 3rd year and after that incident, my friend totally stopped coming to classes for about three months. When asked where he was, he only gave lame reasons.
About three months later, test results came out and this friend of mine was in the 99th percentile. Our professor could barely look him in the eye.
20. No Tags For You
I work at a retail location that does returns strictly only with tags on the clothes. There was one customer who was exceptionally rude to our staff.
She came up to the register telling me she'll probably return all the things she was buying and is just trying to impress her friends. So I taught her a lesson—I took all the tags off the clothes when I was bagging everything, so now she can’t return anything.
21. The Best Shopping Trip
I was a very shy and sensitive child. One of my friends had an uncle who would visit her home often. This man knew my parents and knew I was shy.
I knew that somehow he enjoyed making me feel uncomfortable and afraid. Worse, each time he would visit, he would go out of his way to smile at me, wave, or say hello.
My mother, not shy in any way, figured out something was not right and actually spoke directly to him about his creepy behavior. My friend’s mother was even asked to send me home in the event I was in her home when he would be visiting. He still would go out of his way to wave hi to me when he could.
Years later, in high school, I grew out of my shell and found my voice. I was still quite shy, but I never hesitated to speak up against wrongdoing. This next instance was no exception.
While in college, in a mall shopping for a gift for a friend, I saw The Uncle and his wife.
I found myself walking down the aisle and approached The Uncle. I stood in front of him and said in my sweetest Marilyn Monroe voice, “Bobby. How have you been? It’s such a pleasure to see you”! All while holding his arm and picking away the invisible lint from his lapel.
I continued as I stood even closer to him. “It’s been so long since we saw one another”! The Uncle was now the uncomfortable one in fear.
The Wife spoke up. “Robert! Who is this woman”?
I glanced at The Wife and then at The Uncle. “Bobby. You have a wife? You never told me”. I blew a kiss and as I walked away, I could hear loud voices and a crash of some kind.
Good shopping trip. My friend loved the gift.
22. Common Sense Isn’t So Common
About six months ago, I was experiencing pain in the top part of my right foot. I had done a bunch of tests and the doctor was perplexed as to the reason for my pain. She finally suggested I wear an ankle brace hoping to improve support of the whole foot.
I went to the pharmacy to buy an ankle brace during my lunch break. They had a couple of different models. I had trouble picking the right one but the lovely shop assistant helped me out. I picked the one most likely to be effective.
I paid and politely declined taking the receipt as I was rushing back to work. After I reached my car, I realized that I should try the brace first before driving off so if it wasn’t a good fit I could return it. So I sat in my car trying to maneuver my painful foot around the steering wheel into the brace, all while rushing.
I realized it was too small to do me any good. I quickly limped back into the pharmacy and explained to the shop assistant who just sold me the brace about the issue and she agreed to return the brace, saying it wasn’t a problem at all.
She then asked for the receipt. I reminded her that I declined to take it as I was rushing. She remembered and then told me that she is sorry, but she can’t return the brace!
I was absolutely dumbfounded. I just bought it. It was in perfect condition with the tags and packaging all intact. And she remembered me declining to take the receipt just a few minutes ago.
She apologized again and insisted that it was company policy. I advised that I understand why the policy is in place. She maintains the same position and that these are the rules! She offers to exchange it for something else. At this point I am livid! Common sense should prevail!
I agreed to an exchange and went and grabbed some Panadol. She insisted that the items must be of the same monetary value or higher! Seething, I grabbed some more Panadol! An idea struck me.
She bagged the Panadol and asked if I wanted the receipt. I said, “Yes, please” as she smiled and said I should always remember to take the receipt.
I took the receipt from her, put it in the bag with the panadol, carefully and deliberately folded the bag neatly, and handed the whole bag back to her, saying, “I would like a refund please! And the receipt is in the bag” while flashing her my most brilliant smile!
Her face instantly dropped and she said, “Are you serious”?
I said, “Very serious. I want my money back”.
She said, “You want to return everything”?
I said, “Yes, for no reason at all” and continued to give her a deadpan stare.
She defeatedly handed me my money. I left feeling guilty but justified.
Freepik, gpointstudio
23. No Third Chances
I worked with a woman who self-medicated every day at work and occasionally missed the mark in the afternoons. I had saved her job a couple of times already, knowing she was mostly harmless and needed the work.
I became her manager, and she became jealous, but I was used to her being “off” at times and ranting so I put up with it. As she didn’t bother anyone else, I was pretty patient and each time it would pass.
One day, she behaved more outrageously than usual. It was during a much bigger meeting, with several managers on the phone from other locations. I patiently tried to redirect her comments to me in front of everyone and managed on her second salvo to make a joke and put everyone more at ease, assuring her that we could address her needs after the meeting.
After the meeting, she didn’t come to me, but instead wrote a long raging complaint to my managers about how she had needs and I was not addressing these in the meeting. It made me sound like Stalin and was very long. She threw around HR-sensitive trigger terms like “cyber bully” and such.
It was escalated to the vice president, who told my manager he wanted to see my perspective because they may need to fire me if her accusations were true. I explained what happened and gave them the names of the people in that meeting so they could verify what I said.
The next day she was fired without notice and escorted off the premises. I wouldn’t call it revenge exactly, because I mostly didn’t wish her any harm or suffering, but my patience was exhausted so I did absolutely nothing to step in and save her job a third time.
24. The Ham Jammer
Growing up, I was an amateur radio operator.
The frequency of the radio band I liked to use had a tendency to create terrible picture interference on any television tuned to Channel 2 if it was within a few hundred feet of my antenna array.
I started to receive complaints from the neighbors, including a neighbor named Joe, about interference on their TVs on Channel 2. To combat this problem, I installed a special filter on the transmitter which totally eliminated the TV interference problem. Once the filter was installed, none of the neighbors ever had a problem with their TVs. But I left a very important exception...
...for Joe.
I guess Joe thought his TV picture was not quite right for whatever reason so, of course, he assumed it was me (again) on the radio equipment causing his problem. He dealt with this by calling my father anytime he saw the radio room light on and complained I was messing up his TV. As a result, I had to stop using it.
So…Joe has TV problems, huh? Well, if he thinks he has problems now…
I built a “TV Jammer” that totally scrambled Channel 2. The sound was fine, but the picture would roll, tear horizontally, distort—the works. And not wanting to cause any problems for any other neighbors, I purposefully made it very low power; meaning its effective range was only about 30 feet or so.
I put a large battery on it, placed it in a sealed plastic bag, and one night buried it right below Joe’s TV antenna.
The following evening, right on schedule, the phone rang. Dad came into my room. I asked him if we both could go look at Joe’s TV personally. He agreed.
So Joe let us in, and sure enough. Channel 2 was toast.
“Joe,” I said, “How can I be causing this with my ham radio? I’m standing right in front of you in your own living room and your TV is still all messed up”.
Joe looked stunned. Finally, he realized there was no way it could be me, and apologized for accusing me/bothering my father over it.
Sometime late that same night, I pulled the jammer.
The next day I saw a TV repair truck in front of Joe’s house—and I bet the picture on Channel 2 was perfect.
25. The Best Revenge Is Success
Many years ago at my work location, there was this woman who was rude to all the other employees. The boss did nothing. Finally, we all had a team meeting to discuss it. To my shock, the boss left the room and told us to sort it out ourselves!
I immediately called the woman out in front of all the other employees. To my surprise, she fought back and no one jumped in to aid me because they feared her. It was a heated exchange and finally, we all decided to get back to work. She was incensed and swore she would exact revenge on me one day. I was promoted not long after that and never saw her for several years.
One day, I was up for another promotion, and to my surprise, she was going for the same position. I knew I had the job, but was asked to go through the formalities of flying out of state for the all-day group interview. I couldn’t help but see the snarls and dirty looks coming my way when we were in the same room competing for the same job.
It was sweet revenge when it was announced I had the job. She was furious and complained profusely but to no avail. I just smiled and never looked back.
26. Should’ve Been More Discreet
When I was 16, my then-best friend and I traveled through Europe one summer and got up to all sorts of mischief.
One night, we took a night train from Venice to Paris. We’d been partying a lot, so by the time we boarded our train, we were ready for a solid night’s sleep and probably looked unwashed and slightly dazed.
There were these two elderly-looking French ladies in our six-person sleeper car compartment, but at no point did I let on that I spoke French. My American friend and I chatted in English only.
Meanwhile, the French ladies were making fairly nasty comments about us, and about American tourists in general. They spoke in normal voices to each other, making no effort to be discreet. They laughed at us, but the payback would be ours.
We hit the sack and in the morning, my bottle of water had leaked and my dress had a big old wet stain on it. One of the ladies said I looked like a wet dog.
We pulled into the Paris station and my friend and I gathered our stuff before the train came to a halt. As we left the compartment, I turned to the ladies and in impeccable French, said “Au revoir Mesdames. C’était un plaisir de voyager avec vous”. (Goodbye, ladies, it was a pleasure traveling with you).
Being 16, I was quite nervous addressing my elders like that, so I booked out of there without looking back, which is my only regret.
27. Revenge Colonoscopy Is A New One
I had worked for this attorney for about 6 years when he had some sort of mid-life crisis and turned into a giant self-absorbed jerk.
These events happened in a small law office. He started spending an inordinate amount of time in the men’s room, which quickly became a problem. The smells that would emanate from that area were bad…and of course, I was the closest one.
One day his wife called the office and I told her where he was. She said, “Good grief! He does that there too”? So we compared notes and started talking about his diet and other stuff.
Another couple of months passed and he started talking about it being time for him to get a physical because he was in his late 50s so I asked if he wanted me to make his appointment. This was my chance.
I called his doc’s office and was talking with the scheduling clerk when she asked if he had any concerns the doc should know about. So I told her about his bathroom habits and the smells, and that his wife says the same thing happens at home. I asked that given his age, isn’t it time he get a colonoscopy to set his baseline? She said yes, yes it was time!
My boss wound up getting stuff shoved up his butt all in the name of his health and I couldn’t have been more pleased.
28. Just Let Her Play
The best revenge I have ever taken was when I was 16 or 17 years old. I played French horn in the high school band. I also attended church weekly with my family. The music director at the church was from a rival school. I asked repeatedly to be allowed to play with the church worship team and was never allowed.
During the Christmas holidays that year, he HIRED a French horn player to do all the services. I was incensed, frustrated, and a bit angry by his behavior. I asked my father to speak with him but the director still refused to allow me to join the group.
It was then that I cooked up my revenge.
I knew he had a beautiful lawn that he was quite proud of. The lawn was split down the middle by a sidewalk that went to his front door. I did some research at the library and found the right mixture of fertilizer and grass seed. I made sure I used a different color of grass than was in his yard. I went to his home and on one side of his yard I put the name of my high school. On the other side, I drew the symbol of my school’s band.
About three weeks later, I overheard conversations in the courtyard and he was very angry, to say the least. I don’t know how long it took him to get his yard back to normal or how much money he spent. I don’t even know if he learned his lesson because I never asked that jerk to play again. I joined the choir instead and had a blast.
29. Say It In Song
I had just gotten a job in an antique furniture store as a porter. I knew no one in town as I was an immigrant. The foreman was a Pom (Cockney), a real crass type who verbally messed with me and the other porter.
I then planned my sweet, sweet revenge. I started to sing a very catchy tune and after a while, everybody was either humming or whistling the tune. Then I went to the second verse. The same thing happened. Everyone was tuned into the song. It was one of those tunes that you couldn't get out of your head.
Next the words. “I'll sing you a song and it won't take long". Then the fun started. The tune had words! Then I introduced the words to the second verse. This jape had taken up most of the working day.
The final words to the song were “All Pommies are jerks". This went down well with all the staff. The manager was Australian, the driver was Scottish, the other porter was South African…only one Pom, the foreman, and he couldn't get the song out of his head. The whole time I worked there, whenever the foreman got annoying, someone would start to hum or whistle to shut him up.
30. The Best Revenge Is Not To Care
When I was 10 years old, I was in 4H camp and to go swimming in the lake you had to have a partner. While I was going through my suitcase to find my swimsuit, Susan announced that she decided that she was not going to be my partner for swimming, that she was going to be Lura's partner. That meant that I had to go on a hike instead.
I continued rummaging in my suitcase as she told me, and even though I was devastated and my feelings were hurt, I casually said, "Oh, okay" without even looking up.
It drove her CRAZY. She started yelling at me that I should be upset and I continued to act like it was no big deal. Which made her even madder.
31. That’ll Show Him
I went to a surgeon because of projectile vomiting. He was such an arrogant man when he came in he informed me that I COULD NOT vomit anytime I wanted. Well,
I was already feeling absolutely awful, so...I just turned my head and vomited all over his expensive loafers. He told me he had to operate right away. I told him he wasn’t touching me because he didn’t believe me the first time. I then went next door to the great teaching hospital’s ER.
32. 1-800-Bad-Driver
I was driving home from work one evening when a car flew out of a gas station in front of me. I braked hard and blew my horn to let him know he nearly caused an accident.
Nobody was hurt but I saw an advertisement on the back of his 4x4 for advanced driving lessons—with a mobile number. So I rang the number on my hands-free—and I gave him a piece of my mind.
Me: I hear you are an advanced driving instructor.
Him: Yes I am.
Me: Can I ask if you’re certified?
Him: I qualified in England but there is no equivalent qualification in Ireland.
Me: Do you think you are a good driver?
Him: Of course I am, I qualified 7 years ago.
Me: Well I saw an example of your advanced driving coming out of a gas station about 5 minutes ago and your driving was terrible.
Him: You were that jerk in the black sports car who blew the horn at me!
At this stage I was wetting myself with laughter and hung up, then took the next exit home, still laughing.
33. Job Security
When I was in college, I worked for a private security firm that treated me like I was just shy of being an actual poop.
I stayed on the job because I actually liked it, and as there was actually very little to do beyond just being there, I was able to get a lot of studying done.
With about a year to go until graduation, I went to work for a different security company.
My first job was with the Arizona Department of Corrections. When I was promoted to Sergeant in my third year, I was assigned to be the Chief of Security for a brand-new, higher-security, juvenile facility that was just being completed.
I was responsible for managing several contracts, including off-site private security to watch residents while they were in the hospital.
The first security firm submitted a proposal that was very good and cost-effective.
Another firm submitted a proposal that was very good and cost-effective.
They were tied for first place.
My boss asked, “So who are we going to contract with, and why”?
“The second company. They have a good reputation. The first company also has a good reputation, and their offers are nearly identical”.
“So why the second company”?
I then gave it to him straight:
“I used to work for the first one”.
The sweetest sweet tea isn’t as sweet as that moment.
34. Should’ve Minded His Own Business
I was working as a manager in a big nightclub about a year ago. I didn't wear a uniform, but had a radio and ran the security team. The venue has a great section that looks out onto the street.
One night the venue was packed so I did my usual roam making sure that there were no problems. It was too packed to walk through the overlook section, so I walked down the street instead, but could still very easily see into the overlook section.
One guy stared me down, then called me over, and started swearing at me for no reason and telling me that "Pieces of poop as you could never even get into a venue like this". He obviously had no idea who I was—I was the manager.
The guy kept telling me he would hurt me and was clearly trying to look macho to impress someone. So I agreed and told him to come and meet me outside and he could even have a free swing. He put his drink down, took off his jacket, and stormed outside. Once he walked outside, I walked back inside and told security not to let him back in.
The look on his face, when he realized I ran the place, was priceless, and then the realization that he couldn't get back into the club was amazing. It was the easiest and most fun removal I have ever done.
35. That’ll Stick With Her
I'm a manager at a grocery store, so I get awesomely rude customers on a daily basis. Every Wednesday is a senior discount day. You have to be 55-60 to qualify for the discount. Needless to say, Wednesdays are tense. Lots of seniors, and lots of other people who don't want to deal with the seniors.
This Wednesday there was one particular customer who was being a huge pain in the rear from the moment she walked in. She was tall, blonde, in high heels, very made up, and dressed to the nines. She was probably late 30s to early 40s. She came storming up to customer service to snap, "There are NO parking spots. This is ridiculous. I'm going to request to corporate that you expand your parking lot since you don't seem to have the initiative to request that yourself".
She came storming back up about 45 minutes later. "I am in a HUGE hurry, and every line has someone in it. I need to check out here".
We had three lines open, and each one had ONE single customer. I said, "No problem, but I'll get you at a checkout. You have too many items to get here".
As I was checking her out, she was constantly whining. Finally, in the end, I had enough.
As she was about to pay, I said, "Don't forget today is senior discount day! You get 5% off"!
She just stared at me with a sharp look. "What"?
I smiled broadly. "Every Wednesday, senior citizens get 5% off their bill. I'll go ahead and take it off. You are 55-60, right"?
She was staring at me, debit card in hand, cheeks getting red. I lost my smile slowly and said, "Oh, you don't qualify? Sorry about that. Maybe next year! Thanks for your honesty".
36. Who’s Crying Now?
I used to work for the DMV and the one I worked at had pretty limited parking. I left for lunch, came back, and was having a hard time finding a place to park. I finally found a spot so I drove up to it and put my signal on showing that I was waiting for it.
Just as the car was backing out, another car came from the opposite side of the lot, made eye contact with me, and then shot right into the parking space. I was so mad because now I would be late after looking for a new spot.
As I drove past the woman that had taken the spot, I just shook my head and she responded by shrugging her shoulders, smiling, mouthing the words, "Oh well" to me, and then ran her finger from her eye down her cheek as if to mock me crying about it.
I continued into work, got in trouble for being late, but had actually forgotten about the incident until guess who got called to my station! The look on her face was priceless!
I greeted her as nicely as I would anyone else. She may have thought I didn't recognize her. Her registration was FAR past due, with hundreds due in penalties. I let her tell me her whole story then finally told her that she owes in full because she was aware of her due date.
She argued it a little until, out of sight from my manager, I mouthed the words, "Oh well" and dragged my finger from my eye to my cheek, mocking her tears. At that point, she put her head down and proceeded to take out her card and pay the full amount.
37. Good Girl Cashier
I was in a massive line at a store. I was next in line, but the person in front of me had a ton of stuff. A helpful clerk saw the mess and opened another aisle, saying, "I can help the next customer".
However, the checkout counter had two sides—a right and a left. As I was stepping over to her counter, this jerk from the very end of my line sprinted up, pushing people, with his partner in tow. He arrived right before me.
They had a mountain of items in their cart which he started throwing on the checkout counter. I was standing there on the other side with my one item, burning with rage. The checkout girl waited until he stacked everything on the counter, looked at me, looked at him, and said to him, "I'm sorry sir, you're on the wrong side. You'll have to go to the end of the line".
38. Don’t Annoy The Front Desk
I worked at a hotel several years ago and had to deal with insufferable jerks about a dozen times a day.
The best/most evil revenge I ever got was on a guy that stayed with us four days a week for the entire five years I worked at the hotel. The big utility company in our area was having financial issues and he was the leader of the auditing team that was sent in to straighten it out.
I would interact with the guy at least a few times every day I worked, and he was ALWAYS very rude and condescending.
Since I saw him every day, I noticed that he had developed a relationship with one of the younger women on his auditing team. I saw their romance blossom from flirting to full-on grinding in the hotel lobby.
One day he had just finished delivering one of his delightful bon mots to me, and I was fuming. Then he screamed at one of my coworkers because she had a Filipino accent and he said he only wanted his room cleaned by "white Americans". I vowed revenge.
His wife called in to speak to him later that night like she usually did, and I said "Oh, I think he's sleeping in Ms. *****'s room tonight. One moment, please" and then I connected his wife to her room. His wife must not have told him what I had said, because he didn't try to get me fired.
They got a divorce.
39. Short And Sweet
I was riding my bike to work one day and when I was crossing a street, a woman ran me over. She drove through the crosswalk looking to turn right and ran right into me. She stopped after I got bumped hard enough by her fender to take a spill and have some bruising all down my side.
She gave me an exasperated wave and continued to talk on her cell phone, ignoring me as I picked myself and my bike up. My next move was rooted in rage—I walked right up to her open window, grabbed her cell phone from her ear, and chucked it into a nearby parking lot as hard as I could. I swear that was the farthest I have thrown anything in my life.
She gaped at me in shock as I struggled back onto my bike and slowly rode off fuming yet victorious.
Freepik, diana.grytsku
40. Lazy Shopper
I watched a lazy shopper park their grocery cart right behind another person's car instead of putting it in the cart return. I refused to let her get away with it. I got out of my car, grabbed the cart, and put it behind her car. I then ran off and watched her have to get back out of her car since she couldn't back out, and then finally proceed to put her cart away.
41. A Little Bit Of Mischief
I saw a woman with her husband toss a squash that they apparently didn't want anymore into a cooler. As they walked away, I picked up the squash and followed them. They left their cart for a moment so I put the squash into their cart and walked away.
She had a dumbfounded look on her face. She noticed it back in her cart and proceeded to put it on a nearby shelf and they walked away.
I took it off the shelf and followed them again, doing a drive-by drop-off of the squash.
At that moment, my girlfriend got fed up with my antics and made me stop. I would have done it until they gave up and bought the squash, or I was caught.
42. It’s The Small Things
When people are rude to me in the drive-thru, I get super petty—I bend their straws so they would have a crack in them. So later on, about halfway through their drink, their straw stops working! HA!
43. No Words Are Needed
A guy got out of his car to express some road rage to me. My payback was simple but effective—I just got out of my truck, walked past him, pushed the lock button on his door, closed it, walked past him again, got back in my truck, and drove off. He seemed to be frozen with confusion.
44. Don’t Get Between A Man And His Cookies
At the end of a long commute home, after a hard week, I went to a Millies Cookies store just before closing time. As I walked up to the counter, not five feet from it, some guy ran from behind me and tried to cut in front of me. Fortunately, the girl working there insisted I was first. My face turned completely red.
Outraged at what that guy tried to do, and noticing there weren’t many cookies left, I said "Hi, I'll take absolutely everything you have". Cost me close to $60, but it was so worth it.
45. Enjoy Your Walk Home
I work for a rental car company. If you call me up at the end of the day demanding that I deliver you a car while swearing at me, here's what my petty response will be—you will be left stranded on the side of the road and I will not lose even a little sleep about it.
46. Don’t Cut In Line
A woman in her mid-50s cut in front of my 2-year-old and me in line at Panera. I was getting a cookie and was in a hurry as I was dealing with a 2-year-old.
I said, "What is wrong with you? How are you 70 years old and you still don't know how a line works"?
Her embarrassed silence was golden.
47. The Rude Guest
I was at a party abroad in my ancestral home where most people assume I don't speak or understand the native language because I speak English with a US accent.
So, I'm at this party and this woman is speaking with a relative of mine, and began speaking poorly about me because I was dressed simply and looked younger, and all she was told about me was that I was from the US.
I was looking at her and just smiling politely, to which she increased her bad-mouthing to the point that my relative looked like she was about to say something to me. Instead, she just winked—and I knew it was about to go down.
It got to the point that a few people in earshot came over once they heard and realized what was going on. One of the women who came up told the rude one, in the native language, “Do you know he understood every word you said”?
The other onlooker said, “Do you know who this person is”? He explained to her that the person she was insulting was from the family who invited her to the party.
Mortified, she had little choice but to prostrate in apology, as is the custom.
Wikimedia Commons, David Shankbone
48. Grandma Deserved Them More
I work in a local theater, and we have a lot of rude, awful women who are part of local ballet schools come through our venue.
Once this woman rang up wanting seats to an almost sold-out ballet performance that had been on sale for 4 months. She rang the day before the show, and did nothing but berate me for 5 minutes then put me on hold while she rang three of her relatives to see if they wanted seats too. I made sure to remember her—and I got back at her the next chance I got.
The seats I was about to sell her were the only ones in the theater left, and they were good seats. While I was on hold, the grandma of one of the ballerinas came to the desk and asked if we had any seats left, as she'd been in hospital and couldn't buy them earlier.
I put the phone with the on-hold music down and sold this old lady the last seats for the show. Two minutes after the old lady left, the angry woman finally took me off hold and said she wanted the remaining seats.
When I told her we’d sold out while she’d left me on hold, she was choking with rage on the other end of the phone. It was fantastic.
49. Boo To You Too
Years ago I was in a cinema with some friends watching a horror film. A couple of jerks behind us thought it was really funny to yell “Boo!” in the tense parts.
The next time Jerk 1 yelled, "Boo!" I knew exactly how to get my revenge—I had a large Coke, so I threw up my hands in shock and dumped the whole bucket of Coke in his lap.
I turned round to apologize and saw him sitting there stunned and soaked, Coke dripping off the brim of his cap. I nearly gave myself a hernia trying not to laugh. I swear he made squelching noises as he walked out.
50. Apparently, That’s A Law
When I was working at a car dealership, we had many cars get their wheels stolen one night.
An officer was writing a report and a lady came in screaming that the officer was blocking her from getting to the service drive-thru. She was creating a huge scene—and he knew she needed to be shut down.
The officer calmly walked out and moved his car, then came back in and finished his report. Then he walked back out and drove his car to the end of the street and parked.
The lady came out and got in her car and left. He pulled her over for having her wipers on without her headlights on.
