“I don't trust or love anyone. Because people are so creepy. Creepy creepy creeps. Creeping around. Creeping here and creeping there. Creeping everywhere.”—Vincent Gallo
Aren’t creeps supposed to be the weirdos we don’t know, instead of the weirdos we do know? And who also have the keys to our house? Everyone has the right to feel safe inside of their relationship, yet it’s a low bar that creepy partners of the world can’t help but trip over. If everyone is lucky, no one gets hurt. But even in those cases, those slimy significant others can still send shivers down even the strongest spine. Familiarity breeds lack of boundaries.
Reddit was curious and asked people to share the creepiest thing that their partners did to them. What ensued was a lot of unwanted haircuts (seriously, hair showed up a lot…), horrific accessories, and serious abuses of food. Change the locks after these 41 shocking stories about the creepiest things that significant others have ever done to their lovers.
41. The Key to Your Heart
When I was in college, a guy took interest in me and later that week, he gave me a present: a working key to my front door.
Apparently, he was a locksmith and had somehow memorized the pattern on my house key when I left them on my desk. I had to change the locks on my house.
40. Blood Ties
In Mexico about ten or so years ago, I met a girl online who sent me pictures of herself holding snakes and stuff. She enjoyed the Necronomicon/Lovecraft mythos, but more importantly, she was into me.
She wanted to meet me, in her words, to "drink my blood," which of course, to my teenage mind meant "to have sex." When we finally did meet, we were in my room and she took out a disposable razor blade. One part of me thought "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!" But another part of me thought, "Oooh, kinky! I'm finally going to get laid." Thus, I decided to let her cut my forearm to see how far she would go, thinking that it would be a superficial scratch and that the loving would commence afterward.
I was wrong.
She pressed down HARD and managed to drag the razor about 1cm before I said, "You know what? That's enough. We're calling it a day." We got up and looked for a bandage or something. She didn't apologize but instead said, "Man, I wish you would have let me cut you. If you did, I would have cut your chest and drank your blood."
I'm sure she would have.
If a girl says she's going to cut you, she probably will. And you probably won't get laid.
39. Let Me Rest in Peace
Would often wake me up in the middle of the night for sexytimes. Which was awesome but eventually I asked her about it and she explained it was because I "looked like I was dead."
Apparently, I sleep with my eyes open and breath reeeeally shallowly.
38. Pre-Partum Depression
Hid a pregnancy from her entire family, gave birth in the back seat of her car, and cut the umbilical cord with a boxcutter from work. Walked into her parents' house (where she lived) covered in blood, half-naked, and carrying a baby. Her mom freaked entirely out.
Then she made me raise it for two months before a DNA test showed it wasn't mine.
37. Last Choice Haircutters
I woke up to the sound of a set of scissors closing. I look up to see her holding a tuff of my hair. She looks down and says, "I'm going to keep this, so I have a bit of you with me all the time."
36. ‘Til Death
My girlfriend in high school made me promise to have sex with her dead body if she died. We haven't been together for years, and I'm not sure if I'm still bound by this promise...
35. Second Life
I had a girlfriend who made a Facebook for me without my knowledge. Little did I know that she had kept it up even two years after we had broken up.
The worst part being that she had updated pictures of me up until the day I had confronted her about it. She also knew what I had done and where I had been on exact dates. But she is a bold ex. She once, not too long ago, asked me out while I was with my current girlfriend...
34. Missed Encounters
My girlfriend and I bought a futon off Craigslist. The woman selling it was in her early 20s and alone in her single bedroom apartment. She said that she was going to be moving out of town to live with her boyfriend a few hundred miles away. We struck up a conversation about how all her neighbors were away for the summer (college town), and it was great because she could play her music as loud as she wanted.
After we had loaded the futon into my pickup truck and started to drive away, my girlfriend turns to me and says:
"You could have just killed her, I mean no one would have known! Like you could have just killed her, and no one would know for weeks!"
I then posed the question if my girlfriend was real or just a hallucination attempting to drive me to murder.
33. What a Story
My first boyfriend. High school.
Seven months into our relationship, I get a call from him under the preface of "There's something I need to tell you."
What he had to tell me was this: About a year ago when he was getting into drugs or the first time, his dealer friend picked him up to go to his apartment, and for whatever reason, they decided to pick up a homeless person on the side of the road.
When they get to the apartment they get super messed up and his friend–out of nowhere—pulls out a gun and shoots the homeless guy in the head. My BF said that he was under the influence of so much stuff that his friend convinced him to cannibalize part of the homeless guy, and he hadn't told anyone except me.
Three months later, found out it was a COMPLETE lie that he told to mess with my head because he felt I was getting distant, and he wanted to make me care about him again.
Oh, also he had never actually done any drugs, he was just a manipulative pathological liar.
Yeah, we aren't dating anymore.
32. Why Not Try Beanie Babies Next Time?
Doesn't involve a girlfriend, but just someone that I hooked up with one night. After sleeping with her I got out of bed. She asked where I was going, and I told her to go throw the condom away. She then told me not to throw it away and to give it to her. Turns out she was keeping a collection of all the condoms guys had used on her.
Needless to say, I got out as soon as I could.
31. Surely, There Are Better Lies?
He told me both of his parents were killed in a drunk driving accident and spent the next ten days on vacation with another woman while I thought he was making funeral arrangements and executing their estate.
30. More of Me to Love (and Dump You)
My ex apparently liked big girls. I was underweight when we started dating.
Within about a month, I'd gained about 20lbs, and eventually gained 65lbs (about five months in). I was really freaked out and couldn't figure out why I was gaining so much weight. I hardly eat anything.
It turned out that be was putting steroids and other things in my food and drinks to make me gain weight because I wasn't "big enough.”
Needless to say, I dumped his ass, and I'm proud to tell you all that I've lost those 65 horrific pounds and feel great!
Oh, and my boobs stayed big. I guess I should thank him for that?
29. Laundry Day
Not me, but an old college roommate had a Mormon girlfriend in high school. After they broke up, she went missing. The police are looking everywhere for her.
Apparently, she had snuck into his house went into the basement and stayed there. His little brother was watching TV down there and never noticed the unusually large blanket pile. After everyone was out of the house, she went up in my friend’s room and crawled under his blankets at the foot of the bed and began to wait.
Everyone gets home at some point and my friend has to talk to the cops. They are interrogating him because they think he must know where this chick is. He is vehemently denying any knowledge of her disappearance when the cops find her under the blankets on his bed.
Also, she was naked.
Also, this is the day my friend started smoking.
28. In Your Dreams
Woke up one night to my ex-gf whispering "You're gonna marry me... You're gonna marry me... You're gonna marry me..." in my ear...
Blue Mountain Feng Shui Institute
27. Playing Possum
I dunno if this is creepy, but one time a girl and I got caught by my mom. I saw mom first and my mom's pretty cool, so I didn't panic. I just kinda stopped what I was doing (we were just making out) and sat up.
My girlfriend at the time fell over like she had fainted. Face-first into my lap.
She literally played dead right there in front of my mom. I nearly laughed, and mom did laugh.
Then to make it all worse, my troll of a mother decided to sit on the chair opposite us and light up a cigarette while she continued to play dead. It was probably the most amusing movement of my life.
26. Maybe Not, Baby
My ex was the most insecure person I've ever met. She felt as though she had to be around me constantly. If I ever did anything without her, even if she was working or otherwise busy, she’d sink into a depression that lasted for a day or more.
One day, I had a friend in town that I rarely got to see. He had planned a bit of a get together with all our mutual friends.
Nothing big, just a few guys sitting around talking about guy stuff. Anyway, I explained to her that I wanted to go see my friends and that I wouldn't be gone long. She then goes nuts.
There are tears and snot poring out of her face, she's yelling at me and I start yelling back. The argument escalates, and she eventually yells through her crying "All I want to do is get pregnant and have babies!!"
To me that was creepy.
25. A Well-Rounded Breakfast
One girlfriend put Prozac in my cereal when I wasn't looking, called me later to see how I was doing, and because I said I was having a nice day, took credit for "straightening me out."
24. Edible Incredible
This was something an ex-girlfriend did. I broke up with her and she wasn't ready to break up with me so she kind of started stalking me. She would call in the middle of the night and hang up, drive by my house all the time, and once I caught her parked half a block away casing my place. But that isn't the creepy part.
The creepy part was a few months later I started to date this other girl. The ex would call me and scream at me that she knew I was banging another broad because she saw me at this place and that place. Still not the creepy part.
A few dates in and me and this new girl are at my duplex. We start making out and one thing leads to another...we are on the floor in my living room making sexy time. During the sexy time this new girl stops in mid moan and freezes up. I open my eyes and she is looking at me with this terrified look on her face. I look at her quizzically and she pulls my face close to hers and whispers, "Someone is watching us through the mail slot."
I have one of those mail slots that is just a slot in the door with a little metal flap on the outside but like a hood thing on the inside. It is dark in my house and I can't really see good but as I slowly look over I can definitely tell that there is movement and
I can see a line of light from the lamp posts.
I quickly start to get my pants on. The lid on the mailbox shuts and I see the shadow from the screen door close. I can hear multiple foot steps running down my walkway and then a car door open and close. In a flurry, I button my pants and head to the door and I hear a crash of something on the door. I fling it open and see my ex's car racing down the street with two of her friends with her.
There is some sort of mushy stuff all over my front door and glass all over. I flip on the lights and there is a half-broken baby food jar all over my porch and green strained pea baby food all over my door. WTF? Neither she, nor her friends, have a kid at this point so she had to go to the store and pick it up.... specifically, for this occasion though? Was she trying to send me a message like Luca Brasi sleeps with fishes?
23. Two Writes Make Mr. Wrong
This wasn't even a BF or ex. One creepy guy in high school always stalked me. He would drive past my house all the time and follow me everywhere around school.
Even back in middle school he would always sit near me on the bus, which by the way wasn't even his bus. So, yeah this went on for years.
He was two years older and was one of those kids that pretended he was in a gang, he brought knives to school a few times. On several occasions he threatened to kill himself if I didn't give him a chance.
The last time I saw him, he cut himself in front of me seven times "for the seven letters of your name,” he said. He went off to juvie shortly after, and years later returned with my name tattooed on his chest.
22. Tick-Tock, Buddy
My boyfriend looks me square in the eyes and says, "So, how do you know I'm not just a really patient serial killer?"
21. Stairway to Hell
I was dating this girl for about six months and she could never let me be alone. She always had to know what I was doing.
Right before I broke up with her I caught her looking through my window to see what I was doing. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn’t live on the 2nd floor.
She brought a ladder to my house to see what I was doing in my room upstairs.
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20. I Now I Pronounce You, Man and JUMP SCARE
I like to walk up very quietly behind my husband while he is brushing his teeth. If I time it right, he will be looking down spitting in to the sink. I stand just behind him and to the left and make some sort of crazy face. It creeps him out every time. I am chuckling just thinking about it.
19. Sealed with Cotton
I was in Vietnam 1967 to 1968. One of the guys in our hooch (barracks) had his girlfriend send him her used panties once a week. He kept them under his pillow. Her scent kept him sane and happy for the duration. Whatever works, right?
18. Not Every Present Is A Gift
My very first boyfriend ever.... was a pathological liar among many, many other things. Here are a few of my favorites:
He brought me a teddy bear and a bar of chocolate that were sent to him by his friend in Puerto Rico, who loved everything she heard about me and wanted me to have this gift. This was about three days after she apparently "went missing and was found murdered in little pieces."
Drew me a comic of his "inner thoughts"—a little chibi girl with a cute braid like mine, and who was tiny like me, and who wore mostly my same clothes. And that talked to him on the page. And told him, explicitly, how much of a whore I was and how much she hated me and wished I'd leave them alone.
Wrote a short story about my best friend killing her parents and eating their hearts in the middle of the street of our shared neighborhood. He told me that she had told him he could write it, had read it, and loved it. Needless to say, no she didn't, no she hadn't, and what is wrong with you?
We dated for maybe two or three months. Weirdly, he's married and I'm not.
17. A Real Shaggy Dog Story
Well it wasn't really a boyfriend, he was an ex still trying to get back with me and he gave me a bag of dog hair...
16. Meow and Swipe Right
Sent me her new kitten's umbilical chord for Valentine's Day.
The above is a hundred percent truth.
15. The Nuttiest Idea
Not particularly creepy, just awesomely vindictive: an ex-girlfriend, knowing that I have a potentially fatal nut allergy, returned my clothes, console games etc. to me by way of filling the bag holding said items with peanuts and leaving it on my doorstep while I was at work.
On reflection, I'm quite impressed.
14. She Saw Inception
My wife woke me up, slapping the snot out of me, after she dreamed that I chose sleeping with two hot lesbians over her.
13. Can’t Take A Hint
Tried to break into my apartment (that I shared with two other girls) while I was out at a movie with a friend (male friend, completely innocent). We're talking: jiggling door knobs, attempting to lock pick, scaling walls and trying the back doors and windows while my roommates were home.
He eventually called one of the roommates asking if she was at home and could he come by in an hour (his campus was an hour away), saying he'd left something in my room that he needed for class the next day. As this phone call took place my roommate told me she could see him standing in the backyard.
What. The. HELL.
12. I Saw the Signs
Ex-girlfriend.
One night she was acting distant, so I just ignore her for a while until she eventually says "Can you leave?" Me being mildly confused since we hadn't been arguing or anything reply "Uh, alright. But what’s up?"
And then she replied, "I was riding my bike earlier today and I got stopped at the train tracks. I was staring at the blinking railroad lights and, I think it was a message from God telling me to stop having sex."
Raising an eyebrow, I reply ".... Alrighty then, you have a good night." And hightail it out, never to call her again.
11. Next Time, Go to Jared
Not a boyfriend. A boy who used to have a crush on me (in high school) offered me a ride to a gig I had at my college. It was a five-minute walk, but I was running a little late.
Once I had buckled in, he said this: "I want to ask you a question, but don't jump to any conclusions. Would it be romantic if a guy were to have a small piece of his heart surgically removed and given to a girl to wear on a chain as a necklace or something? I'm not sure how you could preserve it, but is that romantic?"
10. Reason #1: Adept with Microsoft Office Suite…
My roommate's girlfriend made him a PowerPoint presentation of why they should stay together.
Naturally, our house got drunk and watched it.
9. Throwback Thursday
Not really "creepy", but it's something. Four weeks in:
Her: "So I was browsing your Facebook today..."
Me (not paying attention): "Mmhmm..."
Her: "I read your wall all the way back to the beginning. Who is <name>?"
Me: "Mmh... WHAT?! That's like five years worth?"
She did not handle our inevitable break-up well.
8. How About No?
My ex was a bit on the controlling side and she told me she wished I was handicapped so that no one would want to spend any time with me and she could have me all to herself.
7. Father Does Not Know Best
I dated a girl for about two years or so. Met her family and all that. Chatted to her dad once in awhile, seemed like an OK guy.
Anyways, we break up. Not really clean, but really messy. But it happened, it is over. That was, say six years ago. Anyways, out of the blue sometimes her dad calls me.
Most of the time, it's like "Hey, what's up?" and just awkward. Sometimes he crosses the line.
"My daughter misses you. She didn't tell me that, but I can see it. A father just knows. I really wish you would have impregnated her. I always felt like family with you. I really wish you would think about giving her another chance. She has such a nice body; tell me you don't miss that. Tell me you don't want to [explicit stuff here that a father shouldn't ever say about his daughter].”
So... yea, well, I have a cup of soup that is ready to eat. I should really get back to that and all...
6. Storytime
She interrupted our coitus to read stories from the Uncle Remus collection, with different voices for each character. While it did disturb me, I was strangely compelled.
5. This Sucks
My ex once latched onto my arm with her mouth and refused to let go. After several minutes of staring, she let go with a popping sound and said, "I'm a leeeeeeech," in a strange southern drawl.
4. Leaving Her Mark
Ten years or so ago, I was dating this chick named Mandy. We went out for a couple of months, but we broke up for some reason I don't quite recall.
What I do recall is that shortly after we broke up, she broke into my apartment while I was at work and cleaned it.
She cleaned it really well, actually. And then she put Vaseline handprints all over the bathroom mirror, the windows in the apartment, and on the other smooth glossy surfaces throughout the apartment, like the microwave and the stove window
Seriously. Vaseline handprints.
3. Wash Your Hands of This Guy
Long time lurker, first time poster. But this one is brilliant.
This actually isn't my story, this is actually a story told to me by one of my best friends’ wives. They were recently married and a few days after they were married, we were having a few drinks and out came the most amazing story.
Several years ago, in Toronto, she had been dating a guy for several months and things seemed reasonably normal. They had just decided to live together but before they did he wanted to share some things with her about his life.
He had his own apartment and she was planning on moving in with him and knew that in his small apartment the second bedroom was always off limits. But, he was a bit of a geek and a bit obsessed with video games, and she figured it was a media room or a comic room and never really questioned it.
So one day she was invited for lunch where he cooked for her and said, "Before you move in you need to visit my room." He told her that he thought the room was perfectly normal but had been told by a previous girlfriend he needed to keep this away from people, as they might not understand.
As he took her into the room she was imagining a bunch of things; torture chamber, fetish room, something really geeky.
Instead, what she saw was both unimaginable and unbelievable.
She walked into the room to find, quite literally, thousands of urine samples in jars he had been stealing from the local hospital.
For several years now, he had been experimenting with different food / drink combinations to see what color his urine would be.
As impressed as she was with the cataloging and the effort, needless to say this was the last conversation she ever had with him.
2. Midnight Snack
My husband talks in his sleep. One night, I woke up to him howling.
Then he sat up in bed, looked around the room and stared at me with a blank expression, something you would see in a horror movie.
The next thing I knew, he had grabbed my arm and was pretending to eat it.
I was pretty freaked out by this point, so I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "They told me to," rolled over, and went back to sleep... on another occasion he was sleep talking and woke me up to tell me that there were "people in the corner" of our incredibly dark bedroom...
1. Dance, Dance
I had this really weird and awkward relationship with this girl. It was in 2005, we weren't really "going out" but we'd make out and stuff every once in a while.
So one day after school she sends me this text saying that I needed to come over and that it was an emergency. So I take the bus to her place, ring the doorbell and notice there’s a little note that says "Come in," so I open the door walk in and find two dead mice laying on the floor.
Now my first reaction was to get the hell out, but then I remembered her cat is crazy as hell and probs did it. So I walk back into her room and faintly hear this techno song playing.
The walls where really wet, like she had sprayed water on them. I get to her room and open the door, only to find the most horrifying thing I have ever witnessed. She was dancing on a bed of four dead cats.
She had apparently taken ten hits of acid and three pills of ecstasy that my pot dealer gave her. The worst part is that she had forced him to give her the drugs, and then proceeded to have sex with him, and then cut his forehead with his switchblade.
She had stolen her neighbors’ cats and drowned them in front of her house in a bucket and then took them into the house for a dance party.
So yeah… I guess that was the creepiest thing a girl has ever done to me...
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