Few things are more satisfying than stopping a jerk right in their tracks, and these triumphant stories prove it. From sticking it to a horrible boss to dominating an old tormentor from your days at school, nothing compares to the full body high of getting to look a jerk in the face, feel absolutely no fear, and calmly say, "You have no power here".
1. My, Myself, And I
I was watching a customer service manager talking to a woman about a return. He’d already told her he couldn’t do it a few times. She demanded he get his manager. He, no joke, spins a circle and says, “They said no”.
2. Shouldn’t Overdue It
I work at a convenience store. One fine evening, this hooligan comes in shouting in my store and acting like a big shot. He came up to the counter with a smug grin talking about how it was his birthday and puts a 30-pack of Bud Light on the counter.
I asked for his ID and it was a few months expired. No Bud for you.
3. Let’s Get Away From It All
My boss refused to let me take a weekend off for my best friend’s wedding because a co-worker was already taking the time off for a dirty weekend away with the married guy she was having an affair with. The married guy was my boss, by the way. I was a bridesmaid and had booked the weekend off 10 months in advance.
I quit on the spot and told my boss’s wife he was cheating on her. My best friend’s wedding was lovely.
4. A Little Out Of Your Price Range, Sir
My horrible boss sold the company I'd worked at for the last three years. About a week after the official switch to the new owners, he called me up to ask me to do something. I tartly told him that if he wanted my assistance, he'd have to pay my consulting fees which were $120/hr. Hearing him splutter on the other end of the phone line was so, so satisfying.
5. Thank You, Next
I was in a McDonald’s during a lunch rush. A guy walked in and tried to rob the place. The manager’s response made me want to clap. The man told the dude he didn’t have time for this and just took the next person's order. The place was packed and the would-be villain just left empty handed and completely ignored.
6. A Classic Case Of Gaslighting
I worked at a gas station deli back in the day and, right before I went in for my shift one time, my mom called me up to let me know that my sister had been rushed to the hospital and that I needed to get there as soon as possible to be with the family. I called my manager, who told me that I had to find someone to cover my shift if I wanted to miss it.
I called a few people and one person said that they would come in and cover my shift. I called my manager back and let them know that so and so would be covering my shift. My manager said that was ok. I came in two days later for my next shift and the manager immediately started flipping out on me as soon as I walked in the door.
She was ranting about how I had screwed the place over because I didn't show up for my shift. I proceeded to remind her that I had to go to the hospital for my sister and that so and so was covering my shift. She then proceeds to tell me how so and so didn't show up, and how therefore it was my fault that they lost a bunch of money that night and whatnot.
I simply replied "Are you freaking kidding me? I'm sorry if you were too stupid to remember our call, but I had a family emergency so screw you and screw this place"! As I walked out the door, I slowly paused, turned around, and proceeded to shout, "Screw this place"! one more time.
7. It’s Getting Hot In Here
After five years in a horrific relationship, I finally told my ex-husband that I wanted a divorce. He was very Christian, and he told me that I couldn’t divorce him or I’d go to hell. My response was my ultimate "you have no power here" moment. I just yelled, "Well, I guess I'll see you there”! I then kicked him out of my house and told him to call his mom for a plane ticket. It felt so good.
8. How Do You Like Them Cookies
At the end of a long commute home after a hard week, I went to a Millie’s Cookies store just before closing time. As I walked up to the counter, some guy ran from behind me and tried to cut in front of me. The girl working there insisted I was first, thankfully. Outraged and noticing there weren’t many cookies left, I said, "Hi, I'll take absolutely everything you have". Cost me close to $60, but it was so worth it.
9. Getting Covered
I hope I speak for many when I relay the utter satisfaction of refusing to cover a shift for someone who makes your life at work HORRIBLE and has unfortunately landed themselves into a hungover pickle on a Sunday morning. It doesn't get better than telling that awful person that I have an important commitment and then rolling over in my sweet, sweet bed.
10. Timely Manners
I work at a makeup store and run the appointments for people to get makeovers and such. I've gotten the PLEASURE of telling someone women "you were more than 15 minutes late to your appointment without a call ahead. We won't be able to accommodate doing your makeup today"! Working in retail, when ladies come in demanding that they are here for their 2:30 appointment at 3:15 and telling me they're in a rush and being rude, I ADORE getting to do that.
11. Sweet, Sweet Hush Money
I had found another job and was just waiting out my previous job to get my bonus. For about three glorious months, I was free to express myself in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise. I had noticed that my vacation time had not been approved and normally would have asked about it but decided to see how it might play out. My manager called me in about two weeks before my vacation to inform me that it was denied.
I wasn’t the least upset (to be honest, I figured they'd screw with me). Instead, I dropped the mic. I calmly informed my manager that I would be going on my vacation anyway. She threatened me every way under the sun which only made me laugh at her. Everyone was surprised when I left her office smiling as they had heard her. I went to my desk, printed off my resignation and gave it to her.
Got my bonus, got my vacation, and also got an extra two weeks paid because I was going to a competitor and they didn’t want me sharing information.
12. In Spirit And In Truth
I was engaged to a girl with two kids from a previous marriage. For the four years we were together, I had helped support and raise them, while loving and providing for her mom. They began calling me Dad after the first year, as their bio-father was long since gone. Then she betrayed me in the worst way possible.
She started cheating on me with a guy she met at a friend's birthday party and she kicked me out when I found out. My protests that on top of me not deserving all this, it was disrupting and hard on my boys were met with the statement, "you're not now, and never have been they're real father".
Fast forward two months, and she'd missed a LOT of work due to long, drunken escapades with her new boy toy. Her boss finally had enough and told her if she didn't get to her job in 20 minutes, he'd fire her. She calls me up, playing every pity card she knew, even promising reconciliation if I would watch the boys for her that day. Because the three of them "needed" me. I told her "Why? I'm not now, nor have I ever been their father," and hung up on her. It was very satisfying.
13. Deal or No Deal
I heard this from a DJ in my home town. He's pushing his cart of groceries out of the store and over to his car when a woman pulls into the handicapped spot in front of the store. No placard, no handicapped plates. She jumps out of the car without so much as a limp and heads into the store. He gives her some stink-eye about taking up a handicapped spot and she snarls, "Deal with it" as she sashays into the store.
The guy is now fuming. He sees a couple of officers who were leaning against their cars talking. They hadn't seen it. So he goes over and tells them the story. They smile and say they'll handle it. He puts his groceries in his car, and as he's pushing his cart back to the store to put it in the rack, he sees the officers have blocked the lady's car with theirs.
The lady comes out of the store with her purchase, sees the officers, and goes white as a sheet. He walks over to her and says, "I dealt with it".
14. A Star Is Born
My wife was about to give birth, and I had just taken an odd job as a temporary thing. We had just moved to a new city and I had started this job less than three weeks earlier. The plan was for me to work there for a bit while I continued to search for an office job in engineering for the long run. Well, when the big night finally came, I called my supervisor to let him know that I couldn’t come in because my wife was having contractions and her water had just broken. His reaction was so disturbing, it's impossible to forget.
He told me to get to work and that the baby wouldn't be born till later anyways. I said, “No, I'm driving my wife to the hospital now”. He told me to get the you-know-what back to work, so I simply said, "I quit" and hung up on him. No more than 10 days later, I found a much better job and I have been happily employed here for four years at this point.
15. No, I’m Closed For Business
When I worked at McDonald's, I found out we didn't get paid for closing. We got paid until the store closed, so if it took us an extra hour or two to close, that was unpaid. I wish I knew what I know now, because that is an open and shut case, but at the time, I was young and dumb. My first paycheck, I noticed I had a ton of missing hours.
So, when I asked my boss about it, she told me we only get paid until the store closed. So that night, I walked out when the store closed. They tried to guilt me into staying, because "the other team members need me”. Screw that. I don't work for free, sorry. Especially when I'm already making minimum wage.
16. Eat Your Words
A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around. The mother didn't pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, "I want a PIE".
My headache turned into a full-blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business. I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of.
When I got to the front of the line I asked the person at the register how many apple pies they have left. They told me and I bought all of them. I ate one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.
17. It’s Not Me, It’s You
When I left a job I was invited to meet with the CEO because he was unhappy I was leaving and wanted to understand why.
I explained that I was not being paid enough and the recently announced pay rise was not good enough. He got irritated and in a patronizing tone started trying to lecture me on how I should have handled that situation better. I interrupted him, he didn’t like that, so I added “I’m leaving, I have nothing to lose” and then informed him that I had already been let down over pay multiple times, had witnessed others trying to get more pay and being refused, so I had no interest in begging to be paid what I already deserved to be paid.
18. Bowling Him Over
My two-year-old cousin was being a huge brat. He kept challenging all the adults to Wii Bowling and crushing them, which is cool, but he was just being really obnoxious about winning. The rest of the family was pretty oblivious, and actually found it cute. He's 12, so I have no problem with him being obnoxious to me, but I knew if he did that in the playground, he could potentially get his butt kicked.
He had some hearing problems when he was a baby, so he was in a special school to help him catch up, and I don't believe that school had normal recess—so he wouldn't learn about not being a jerk until it was too late. I didn't want him to enter normal high school and just think this could fly. So, I said, "Ooh, Wii Bowling? I'll play you". I scored a 264 to his 140, and I didn't say a word about it. I never taunted him, I just played and put the controller down. He wasn't so obnoxious after that.
19. You’re Under My Roof Now
When mom got ridiculously nasty and rude with me in my own home I had just moved into—I told her if she doesn't like my food, furniture, clothes, the location of where my apartment is & the A/C; there's the door, I'll gladly lock the top & bottom locks. She changed her tune when I opened the door and she realized I was completely serious.
20. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
Some jerk in a Humvee decided to park in a handicap spot at a Kroger. I was young at the time and out riding with my dad, who was a repo man…driving his repo truck. My dad towed the Humvee to a parking spot on the opposite side of the parking lot. We then waited until the owner came out and looked around in disbelief.
She thought someone took her car. My dad drove right up to her, rolled down the window, and said, "Are you ok, miss"? The woman said, all concerned, "My car was taken by someone”. My dad replied very coolly to her, "Well, maybe you shouldn't have parked it in a handicap spot," gave her a smile and drove off.
21. Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Girls try to get me to buy them drinks at bars a lot. I make sure to introduce them to my boyfriend very politely as I decline.
22. Reap What You Sow
I work at a call center and a customer asked to speak to a supervisor today. Of course, I had to be that supervisor. Being in my position, I have a lot more leeway with procedures than frontline customer service specialists do. I was a hair from fixing this man’s problem and drastically cutting down the call time... Until he started to insult me.
I literally chose to make this customer's life more difficult and take the traditional route with the call instead of making a special exception JUST because of his attitude. The customer wound up hanging up on me after refusing our number, so he’ll probably call back, get transferred 500 times (my department is kind of niche), and have to do the same thing all over. Be nice to customer service and customer service will be nice to you.
23. Strip Clubs Don’t Mess Around
I was a manager at a strip club for around ten years, and we always loved the customers who complain about nonsense and think something will happen because the world has taught them the customer is always right. I used to give them a piece of paper and a pen, and tell them to write it all down and I'll put it in the suggestion box. When they were done and handed me the paper, I'd ball it up and throw it right in the garbage can, and tell them their complaint had been filed.
24. Exposure Doesn’t Pay The Bills
An ex-client tried to make out that he never said he agreed to pay me after I creating a complex website, graphics and marketing materials for him. Instead, he said that it was just "work experience". This was untrue, he even agreed a price via email exchange and I'm not exactly going to waste my time working for "experience" when I have bills to pay and an established skillset in my field.
Anyway, a swift screenshot of the emails and talks of lawyers soon changed his tune.
25. Engineer Your Way Out Of That One, Boss
I have always had a pretty good relationship with my bosses and they're usually reasonable. It's an engineering position and occasionally some people have to travel. I was asked to cover for someone for a relatively trivial meeting on the west coast. It was not my project and the only justification for sending me away from my family for a week was to "show that we were present".
Boss told me to go, I said no. He said "this won't look good on your performance appraisal". I said "the only way you can hurt me with a performance appraisal is to roll it up and poke me in the eye". I did not go to the meeting.
26. Trouble With The In-Laws
When my ex FINALLY stood up to his mother (She was 90% of the reason for divorce) about our custody schedule and told her, "We have it figured out. Myself, their mother, and their stepdad. We do not need your advice or opinion".
I just wish I had been able to witness it.
27. Breaking The Bank
I worked for a company that went public after operating as a private company for 18 years. Four months after going public, our company was caught fabricating the financial statements for our quarterly reports. This put an extremely large strain on our accounting department, and they were required to work overtime to try and “fix” the corruption.
Well, the accountants started complaining that they were spending less time with their families, so the CEO held an emergency meeting. In that meeting, he told the accounting department that all departments are working hard and if anyone is unhappy, they can leave. He got what was coming to him.
The entire accounting department of 14 employees got up and left. It was super awkward. About two months later, the CEO stepped down and then the company was sold to a competitor for next to nothing.
28. Not On The Menu
I was working the drive-thru late at night at Burger King in 1992. A group of punks come through and make fun of me and as they leave, they all shout, "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya"! They park in the lot to eat. 30 minutes later, I hear a knock at the window. It's the same punks whose battery seems to have sputtered out and they asked if anyone inside had jumper cables. I shut the window on them while saying "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya"!
29. It Takes Four To Screw Something Up That Bad!
I once told three out of four managers (as the last one wasn’t there that day) that my grandma had passed on and that I therefore wouldn’t be able to make it to work the day after tomorrow. I had to go to the funeral. I also left a note for the fourth manager and asked everyone to let him know. In the middle of the funeral, I got a call from the fourth manager asking where I was. I called him back to explain, and he said ok.
I went back to work the next day and they immediately handed me a paper saying I’d been written up for doing an improper call out. I handed the paper back and just walked away.
30. Excuse You
I was once in a line to get on a ski lift and just as I was about to go through the barriers, a very rude French man barged me out of the way and proceeded to sit on the lift all by himself. As he did that, he dropped one of his ski poles and turned to look at me to pick it up. I looked back at him and just shook my head. The people behind me clapped.
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31. Good Riddance
A (really mean) ex told me that he would leave me if I didn’t lose ten pounds in the two weeks before his friend’s wedding. He was blown away when I said “okay” and walked away.
32. No, YOU’RE Dismissed
I was once getting fired from a really bad job by a really bad boss. I knew he was going to fire me after I finished the project because the moron actually hinted at it in a conversation with his superior when he thought I couldn’t hear. So he calls me into a room, and as he was about to start his monologue, my phone rang.
I excused myself without waiting for an answer and left the room to answer the call. It was a company I had previously had an interview with offering me the position. I accepted, got back in the office, and dealt him the most satisfying revenge. When I entered the room, I could see he was almost foaming. He was really expecting to destroy my soul by dismissing me from the job.
So we go in the room again and when he opens his mouth, I just stop him and say, "I know what you’re doing, could we make it quick? I have a really important meeting and I don't want to be late". He just threw the paper at me and left.
33. Getting Peppered
I had a man in his 40s call a 16-year-old girl I work with a stupid idiot because she forgot to put extra peppers on his sandwich. I was in an irritable mood that day, so I confronted him about it. I asked him if he had any children, he said yes. I asked him if he thought it would be appropriate for them to talk to a stranger (let alone a young girl) like that.
He said no, so I asked him, "What makes you so special then"? He looked very ashamed of himself and just walked out of the store without saying a word. I got some applause from one of the tables.
34. Making Light Of The Situation
My parents owned an automotive garage. One day, a guy comes in and says his headlights don’t work and it’s the switch. Dad checks it out and it isn’t the switch. The dude has four blown headlights. When the guy picked up the car, dad explains he just needed new headlamps, not a switch. Dude thanks him, pays and leaves. But that wasn’t the end of it. Not even close.
He comes back a little later complaining that dad didn’t do what he asked and he was ripped off. Dad explained again that it wasn’t his problem, but he persisted. They don’t want a fight, so my mom gave him his money back, but told him she needed to get the lights back. Dude says “Nah,” but he’ll come back. My mother is having none of that.
In the moment, she walks out and smashes all the lights with a hammer. She comes back in and sits down as the guy is yelling about calling the authorities. So mom dials 9-1-1 and hands him the phone. Officers show up and they tell him he got his money back, so the lights were mom’s property to do with as she pleased. It was so beautiful.
35. Which One Will You Choose?
A long time ago, I was working at a restaurant that was, to put it bluntly, absolutely freakin’ atrocious. The place was almost always quiet apart from the owner’s friends, who would make it their life’s mission to be incredibly rude to myself and the other staff members. Somehow, I stuck it out working there for six months.
The final straw came at Christmas, when I wanted to travel back home to spend time with my family (as my grandmother was sick at the time); and their response was, “You’ll just have to decide what’s more important, your job or your family”. I decided. I told them that this was the dumbest and most insulting question I had ever heard, and walked straight out the door.
36. Good Godiva, Man
My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes in her desk at work, but started noticing some of them missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the choco-thief in question. My wife replaced the good chocolate with these little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies.
The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives were gone. Mission accomplished. From that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again. And best of all, the thief couldn't get my wife in trouble because it would mean admitting that they took her food in the first place.
37. Not In My House
I'm a small-time landlord. When I was just getting into things, I made some bad mistakes. The neighbor of one of my properties is a very friendly guy and when I was doing renovations would constantly pop over to chat. It turns out his son and his girlfriend are looking for a place to live. Great! Saves me the trouble of having to hunt down a renter, I thought. I run a background check and there are some red flags but nothing they can't plausibly explain. I let them rent my property. Big. Mistake.
They never paid their rent on time and towards the end didn't pay up at all. They trashed the house. They ground cigarette butts into the carpet and etched the word "Booty" on the side of the tub. I ended up evicting them and getting a judgment against them. I figured I'd never collect and never hear from them.
Fast forward two years. The house is empty. I just had a tenant leave and I was about to start doing turnover. My phone goes off one day. It's my former tenant. His girlfriend left him, he's back living at home and he really wants a place to stay. "Not on your life".
38. Sucks For Them
I once worked for a shady company that sold and repaired expensive American vacuum cleaners. I was the service manager. I had been planning a six-week scuba diving trip with a friend for two years. They were well aware of this and said it was fine. When the time came close, I put in my application for six weeks leave. I was called into the husband/wife owners’ office and told that I could only take three weeks, even though I had saved up six weeks of days off with their permission.
I pointed this out but they were adamant that three weeks was the most they were prepared to authorize. I even tried to negotiate five weeks but that was firmly rejected. So I walked from the office, wrote my resignation letter and left. Had a great holiday diving the Great Barrier Reef. They rang me weekly for a solid three months offering all sorts of incentives to come back but by then I had landed a great government job.
39. Sold Out Of Love
Wife was pilfering money from the marriage, to the tune of about $1,000 per month. It had gone on for a few years before I figured it out. (I thought she was saving the money, she was really stashing it in her dad's accounts.) Not satisfied to simply stash away her own salary, she began to buy stuff on the joint charge card, then sell it on eBay.
I paid the card. I started the divorce without telling her. During this time, I took my name off the joint card without telling her and began using my own credit card. When the bills came in for that month, I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money and she could pay her own bills.
40. Karma Comes For Us All
I had a horrible group project teammate in college. He was so lazy and didn’t do any work, he just expected that the other people would cover everything and he'd coast by. It was so infuriating. But don't worry, I got my revenge. He applied for the company I worked for about a year after college. My bosses asked if I knew him. I said, with a huge smile on my face, “Yup, I know that guy. Whatever you do, don’t hire him”. It was the ultimate peer review revenge.
41. I Walk The Line
I was 18 years old and working at a movie theater concession stand on an extra busy day. My coworkers made themselves busy doing things that didn’t need to be done (like checking toilet paper or organizing candy) instead of helping me with a long line of customers that wrapped itself around the entire stand. One lady got extremely nasty with me because I didn’t butter the middle of her popcorn the way she had wanted me to. She was literally screaming at me for it.
I looked around and saw one of my coworkers just watching me and laughing as they pretended to clean the ticket booth window. That was the final straw. I logged out of the computer system, closed the cash register, walked out of the concession stand, slammed the door behind me, told the customer she was a jerk who didn’t need more butter, told my coworker to go screw himself, and walked right out of the theater—leaving the long and very confused line of customers completely unattended.
I never went back despite the fact that they were apparently willing to forgive me because this “wasn’t my usual behavior”.
42. Peaceful Protest
When my brother was in school, he was horrifically teased for being autistic. Even worse, his aggressor was the most entitled little brat I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. His father paid for boxing practice, karate lessons, and other martial arts. This made him think that he was the best at anything physical and he used it against others.
My brother isn't overly fond of sports, and prefers to read in the library. As the typical nerdy kid, he's a prime target. One day when the jerk had cornered my brother up against a wall, my brother finally decided that he wasn't just going to take it any more. But he strongly dislikes aggression, and thus would not be fighting back.
Instead, when the jerk tried to punch him...my brother ducked. Three broken fingers and a trip to the hospital later, the jerk’s father finds out what had been happening. All his extra classes and training were cancelled, and he had all of his electronics and games sold. Also, if he wanted to have a car, he would have to work for every penny himself.
43. Going Down In A Blaze Of Glory
I had an issue where our district manager was purposely not correcting my pay to reflect the raise I'd been promised, so after six weeks of him blowing me off I called corporate HR and they came down on him like the fires of Mount Doom. He drove to my store and tore into me in front of customers for "not being a team player" and going over his head.
Six months later, we're informed our store is closing and the employees can transfer to other stores. Oh, but not me, I was told I'd never be welcome in the company again because I "wasn't a team player" so I would just be laid off after the store closed... Then he made a huge mistake. He told me he also needed me to oversee shipping our product to other stores based on a list he had of what store gets what.
Yeah, none of those stores got what he wanted on that list. I spent three weeks shipping whatever to whoever, playing my own music over the store speakers, and telling customers about a whole bunch of exploitable loopholes in store policies and systems. What was he going to do? Fire me?
44. How About No?
I was in a wedding party and there was a brief lull in between scheduled parts and we were all just milling around waiting. The maid of honor, known for being obnoxiously bossy, starts barking out orders to every single person. As soon as she’s finished, the wedding planner who was standing behind her chimes in with '"nobody do any of that" and then told us to sit tight. It was great.
Public Domain Pictures
45. Cooking Up A Storm
First job ever. McDonald's inside a Walmart. It was a busy Saturday afternoon with a line going all the way out the door. The manager starts yelling at me to stop taking orders because she can't keep up with my pace. I was 15 years old at the time and therefore not old enough to work the grill, so I asked what I should do instead. Her answer was vicious.
She rudely told me that if I was too dumb to figure that out, then she didn't need me there. So I was like, "Yeah, I guess you've got this covered then," clocked out, tossed my hat on the ground, and strolled out the front door as she pleaded for me to come back—leaving her to deal with that long lineup on her own. I wish 31-year-old me had the nerve that 15-year-old me had!
46. It’s The Little Things
I work at a domestic violence shelter, and our ex-executive director was asked to resign because she had embezzled over 25 grand of our grant funding. She was a horrible garbage human, doing things to the employees that were the same things that clients are escaping from. I never did stick up for myself, because it was easier to let her curse and scream about thermostats and cat litter and be done.
She has been skirting the blame in our small town since she resigned and the other day sent a mass text out to all current and past employees once again passing the blame on to our current director and our board. That was the last straw. I had enough of this drama. I finally told her that she could politely "lose my number". It's just a small text, but that was literally my declaration of independence from her, and I have NEVER FELT MORE EMPOWERED IN MY LIFE.
47. Don’t Meet Your Heroes
I worked at a Toys R Us twice doing seasonal work around the big holidays, like Christmas and such. Anyway, you have to find ways to amuse yourself and keep from going totally insane with all the bratty kids and exasperated parents. So I did one pretty awful thing that I nonetheless have absolutely no remorse for.
I was scheduled to work the first shift on Black Friday, and they made me wear the Geoffrey the Giraffe costume. First rule is, don't talk. Dance, pose for photos, and keep your mouth shut. Basically, don't ruin it for the kids. But this particularly bratty kid kept punching me “down there” while I was posing with him for the photo. I was in the suit, but it still hurt. Wouldn't cut it out, so after the photo was taken, I got my revenge.
I knelt down, got my giraffe head at his eye level, and whispered, "Your parents told me not to say anything, but you were adopted". That little punk started wailing so loud, crying his eyes out. Best part was, the parents complained, but since I was in costume and they had just hired a bunch of new people, they had no idea who had done it.
48. Show Them Who’s Boss
I work for a pipeline company, one of our lines brings fuel into a refinery. We needed something changed out on our line, and needed it done ASAP. Timing was critical, because after a few days of not being about to deliver into the refinery, it would back up our system and shut down the WHOLE PIPELINE. Basically, it was a big problem.
The refinery guys were total jerks, and were obviously used to being in charge, and definitely didn't take orders from a young woman. For two days, I got to remind them that I FUEL YOUR REFINERY. Oh, you don't think you can get to this today? I hope you don't mind explaining this when our pipeline is down and your refinery shuts down...
Felt so good, man.
49. Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You
I was riding my bike to work one day and while I was crossing the street, a woman ran me over. She drove through the crosswalk, looking to turn right, and ran right into me. After I got bumped hard enough by her fender to take a spill and have some bruising all down my side, she stopped. But not to see if I was okay, oh no.
She only gave me an exasperated, "my bad" wave and continued to talk on her cell phone, ignoring me as I picked myself and my bike up. So I walked right up to her open window, grabbed her cell phone from her ear, and chucked it into a nearby parking lot as hard as I could. I swear that was the farthest I have thrown anything in my life.
She gaped at me in shock as I struggled back onto my bike and slowly rode off, fuming yet victorious.
50. The Bare Minimum
I worked in a movie theater, and an older man came to the box office to complain and ask for a refund for his movie one day. I don’t remember the reason, but he was furious and disgusted by the film, cursing under his breath. My co-worker gave him a refund, but the gentlemen still wasn’t satisfied. He said, “I need to talk to your manager”.
So my co-worker calls the manager. The man buffs and puffs as he waits, looks at my co-worker and then says, “Aren’t you even going to ask me why I’m upset”? My co-worker looks him right in the eye. The he says something absolutely brutal. “I make minimum wage, they don’t pay me to care, they pay me to sell tickets”.
This man exploded, and the manager had to diffuse the situation. My co-worker barely got in trouble. That guy never really did care.
51. No References Needed
When I was at work one day as a cashier, I overheard some customer shouting at the service desk about another one of our employees. He was spouting off about how we were terrible and how our workplace only hires idiots. My supervisor looked him right in the eye and destroyed this man's life. She asked if that meant he wanted an application.
52. Sort Out Your Priorities
I am 5'4" male who looks less muscular than I am. I was in line for priority boarding and it had just started when the woman behind me said "Excuse me, this is for priority boarding. You need to wait with everyone else". I ignored her and presented my boarding pass with my active duty ID. My only revenge was when the attendant said "thank you for your service," I turned to the woman behind me, grinned, and said "thanks"! Before boarding.
53. You’ve Got Mail
I worked at an awful private "school" with terrible management, and an even worse boss. I had been planning to take a summer vacation back home with my wife and kid for, oh, about 6 months. I'd gotten my direct supervisor's approval. I'd gotten a second supervisor's approval. All of this over email, and all directly CC'ed to the boss. Airlines were booked, stays planned.
A week and a half before takeoff, I get the worst email I could imagine. It's from the horrible boss saying that my request was "unreasonable" and saying I needed to rearrange/drastically shorten my trip. Fortunately, I had been hating it there for about 9 months at that point - it was, again, an absolute nightmare workplace - and had been interviewing at real schools for some time, and had just landed a new position.
It was extremely satisfying to link him every email approval of the vacation over the past 6 months to multiple supervisors, point out that he'd been CC'ed every single one of them, and tell him that not only was I not going to change my travel plans, but he could consider this correspondence my notice of resignation.
54. Paying The Price
My housemate defaulted on the rent and car payments that he owed me, so I booted him out. He tried to get back at me by intimidating my fiancée and trying to make her doubt our relationship and then tried to have me detained for assault. He had gone too far. So, I sicked my solicitor on him and he ended up begging me to give him some leniency because the debt was ruining his life.
"No".
He had to drop out of college to work full time to pay both me and his rent and messed up his relationship with his parents because they had to bail him out. Now when I kicked him out, I was going to let him get resettled before asking about the debt and maybe renegotiate. But he decided to make my fiancée cry. Ain't no one messes with my woman.
55. Pennies From Heaven
I occasionally deliver pizza as a part-time job. There is a customer who tends to pay with a big bag of change. I don't mean a bag full of quarters, I mean a bag full of dimes, nickels, and pennies. Since his meal typically costs about $20, the bag usually weighs several pounds. It is a total pain to count out all of the change.
Typically, drivers will just assume that he has the correct amount and leave. Usually, he has just enough or maybe a few cents over. I don't think it is an innocent thing either, as he usually gives the bag of change with a dirt-eating grin. It is such a pain that most of the drivers know his address by heart, and avoid going to his house if at all possible.
I was having a bad night, and by the luck of the draw I got this dude's house. I remembered reading a post involving someone paying in a checkout line with a bag of change, and I knew I could use a similar method to take my frustration out on this guy in the pettiest way possible. So I pulled up to his house and left the pizza in the car.
I rang the doorbell, and when he answered I saw the large bag of change in his hand. He asked where his pizza was and I said, "New policy, sir. Gotta count it out before we can give out the pizza". So, I sat down on his doorstep and started to count out all of the change. At one point, I even asked if he could turn on his porch light, because I was having a hard time seeing.
He ended up sitting there while I counted out the entire bag of change. He was a dollar over, so I started picking up pennies to give him his change back, and he said that I could keep the rest as a tip. When I gave him his pizza, he sheepishly told me sorry and then shut the door. To my knowledge he hasn't ordered pizza from us in a while.
56. Petty Power-Play Falls Flat
I had put in my two weeks notice at a job and they suddenly had me working bizarre split shifts when they found out that I was training for my new job around my previously set schedule. My schedule which had not changed in months. The schedule which was preventing me from finishing college. I finally had my fill and decided to leave. As I was leaving, one of the supervisors said I had to check in with a manager and I said, "Naw, I don't work here anymore".
57. Seniority Squabble
My job has a system based on seniority if you are doing the same job. For example: promotions are handed out to the people who've been there the longest, or if the job is overstaffed the seniors gets first dibs to leave. In the interview they ask if you are comfortable if a 20-year-old is your senior and can boss you around (assuming you are a 50-year-old), if you answer you have problem with it, they won't hire you...
So I'm 22 and this 45 year old was telling me what to do, I am his senior by two years. He was telling me how to do my job on his first month. He tried to throw the “I'm old enough to be your grandfather/dad” card. He told the supervisor that I was being disrespectful and rude and threatened to call HR. Yeah, he shouldn't have done that. Midway through his complaints, HR fired him.
58. Mom One, Jerk Boss Zero
After decades of working at a government service job, my mum finally got fed up with her managers one day and decided to retire. As soon as she informed them of this, they tried to screw her over on her payout amount because of an alleged error in their records from twenty years earlier. In other words, they claimed that they had been paying the wrong amount into her retirement fund after the rules had changed and forgot to update it or something.
Jerk Boss: "It can't be fixed. You would have to bring in your payslips for the whole 20 years to have the evidence to fix it". Mom: "No worries. I'll bring them in this afternoon if you'd like". Jerk Boss: "No, I mean all of them. Every single one". Mom: "Yep". Jerk Boss: "In chronological order". Mom: "Yes of course. I wouldn't keep my payslips in some other order, that wouldn't make any sense at all".
It hadn't even occurred to my mum that one would not keep all those documents in one place, and she never left the job so she just kept on filling up the box. That’s how you leave a lousy job in style!
59. Get What You Give
I was a manager for Circuit City. On my way to work, I was pulled over by an officer because my license plate light was out. When the office asked for my driver's license and asked if I was still living at the address that was listed, I told him that I had just moved. He asked how long ago. I said that it had been a couple of weeks. He wrote me a ticket for my light being out and for not changing my address on my license. What a jerk.
Later that same day, I see a customer arguing with one of my customer service associates about returning a printer that was 6 months past the return policy. As I approached the counter, I made eye contact with the guy. It was the same officer that wrote me a ticket. We locked eyes and I saw his immediate regret. He knew how this was going to go down. Could I have returned the printer? Yes. Was I going to? No.
60. Thawed And Ready to Go
I used to work as a refrigeration tech and had a job at the only employer in my county. They treated me terribly, cutting pay and benefits, giving us the bare essentials to do our jobs, and then complaining when it took us longer. Then another company opened up an office and started hiring a few of us. They offered me a job as a lead tech with a bunch of benefits.
These folks and I clicked and I knew we would get along. My old employer came to my house and begged me on a literal bended knee not to quit. They made this speech about how they would give me whatever I wanted. I looked this man who had treated me so badly and just said, "no, now get out of my house".
61. Ain’t Gonna Happen, Bud
I'm an ICU nurse, the last two nights I've been taking care of a large strong man going through withdrawals. It involves four-point restraints. This morning I was trying to put elbow pads on him and he swung at me, but of course, the restraints prevented this. He was furious as I just stood there and slow blinked at him.
62. Taught By Force
I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. Very annoying. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the professor told me "tough luck". Instead of just saying "no" the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and got the perfect revenge.
I began giving him edited versions. I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things, or just straight-up write stuff that made no sense. If he had even once bothered to crack the text, he would have figured out that I was just putting junk in willy-nilly, but that was apparently too much effort for him. He retook that class.
63. Vengeance With A Bow on Top
While I was crossing a busy downtown intersection, I saw a very impatient driver waiting to make a turn honked at a lady pushing a stroller. Despite the driver's jerk move, the lady actually had the right of way. The guy next to me straight-up went ahead, stopped directly in front of the car, then slowly bent down to re-tie his shoelaces in the middle of the intersection. Such a power move. The driver was so ticked but he couldn't do anything. Hahaha.
64. Cherish This Moment
I worked at a Dominos, and there was this old lady who ordered from us a lot and was always unpleasant. One day she calls and makes an order that she must make a lot because she knew exactly how much it was supposed to cost, down to the penny. I put her order in and tell her the price, and she starts getting upset because the order was two cents more than usual. She then accuses me of conspiring to take two cents from every customer.
At this point, I didn’t know what to do because she wouldn’t accept the order unless it was exactly how much she thought it should be and the computer doesn't let staff just remove two cents from an order, so I ask the manager and she just tells me to hang up. I was new at that time and I’m guessing this wasn’t the first time that she messed with the store. Hanging up on that nutjob felt amazing.
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65. Short But Oh So Sweet
My ultimate "you have no power here" moment will always be when the kid who picked on me in high school applied to work in my store. He didn't get the job.
66. They’ve Got You Numbered
I went to What-a-Burger and my friend and I each got our numbers and went to sit down. They brought my friend’s food and took my number. When I asked for my food several minutes later I was berated and accused of trying to get a free meal. I calmly tried to explain what happened and the manager was having none of it. So I took my full large drink and dropped in on the ground right in front of the register and left.
67. Family First
I coached gymnastics at a very highly competitive gym. One of my duties was to select and train the youngest talent for compulsory team training. Parents caught on to what I was doing when I pulled kids from recreation classes and got all nail biting excited, but they never confronted me if I didn't pursue their kid for higher training. Or, they didn't until I met one high powered exec mom.
She was furious that I didn't select her daughter. She started screaming at me in the lobby that I was blind, couldn't see Suzy's talent, her somersault (!) is better than all the other five-year-olds in class, we should be training her for free because did we know her soccer coach thinks she's a STAR. A STAR! I told her competitive gymnastics is a family commitment, and while Suzy is great, her family is what didn't make the cut. That shut her up real quick.
68. Technical Victory
A horrible former co-worker always claimed she worked way more hours than she actually did, and when she was at work she just browsed Facebook all day. The doctor/owner was very hands-off and just let her do whatever she wanted, despite me going to him with proof, so I decided to take revenge.
She was not computer-savvy at all, so I removed Internet Explorer from her desktop and installed an identical icon that, when clicked, would instantly restart the computer. It was so satisfying when she would forget and click it, losing anything that she was working on. She would always grumble and complain about the issues with her computer.
69. Café Society Girl
There was only one coffee shop on my campus, which operated out of the library building. It was always crowded. You pretty quickly learned that if you wanted coffee before class, you got there 20 minutes early, grabbed a newspaper, and took your time. It was always funny watching incoming freshmen crowd the line five minutes before their 8 am class and slowly filter out in despair.
Cue this little freshman girl walking up, assessing the line stretching out the door, and boldly deciding to just sorta...skip it. Now, the baristas were usually pretty cool with people skipping for simple things: Dropping a buck for a cookie, anything that didn't require interaction. Not this girl. She caught the barista's attention, while the previous customer was still paying, and went:"Hi, yea, can I get a latte please, like really quickly"?
"Umm, the line starts back there," replied the now slightly confused girl behind the counter. "But I have claaaaass" whined the freshman. There was an awkward pause before the barista responded with a brutal retort, "You are on a college. campus. Are you freaking serious?! Why do you think all these people are here?! Back of the line"!
"Oh" was the only thing the freshman girl thought to say. As she turned to look at a line full of people staring daggers back at her, she looked not upset or embarrassed, but sort of enraptured by this newfound understanding she's just been imparted. It's like for first time in her entire life, she realized that other people were in her way for reasons.
It was actually kind of beautiful to watch, like a baby deer learning to walk for the first time. Better late than never.
70. A Little Humble Pie
Back when I was a waitress, I worked at this BBQ joint that had really narrow, awkwardly arranged tables so I always had to lean a bit over to serve the food. Anyhow, there was this table with a really obnoxious 4-year-old who kept grabbing at everything: My hands, my clothes, the tray I was serving from. He even untied my apron and my pens and cash flew everywhere. This went all through the whole meal.
Meanwhile, the parents didn't do a thing about it. In fact, the dad said it served me right for taking a job in food service. Total jerks, all of them, and I knew I wasn't getting a decent tip. So towards the end of their meal, they order dessert—peanut butter silk pie, which is ooey-gooey sticky pie heaven. I knew just what to do.
I make sure to cover it in an extra mound of whipped cream and balance it precariously on the side of my tray, counter-balanced with a couple of soda refills for the parents. Sure enough, when I got to the table, the little jerk made a grab for the tray and everything conveniently capsized all over him and his parents.
They were covered in diet coke, whipped cream, and the stickiest peanut putter pie you can imagine. I looked appropriately shocked and then said "I am SO sorry. Guess that's what happens when you have kids". Even managed to make it back to the kitchen before I cracked up, along with most of our staff. Serves them right.
71. Blind Leaving The Blind
When I started at my job, they threw me in with no training. I did a lot of work outside my paid hours to bring my area up to snuff and get things done. I was rewarded with inheriting more old projects that everyone else couldn't be bothered to do. Over time, my boss became very reliant on me and would give me a hard time about taking any days off.
We would always have a meeting before or after I had a scheduled day off to shame me publicly for doing so because no one else could possibly do my job. I begged my boss and other coworkers to do training with me to solve the problem. They all refused. Over several years, I maybe got one or two to sit down but they obviously didn't care and had no intention of learning.
When I put in my 2-week notice, my boss decided she'd rather hire a personal assistant for herself instead of filling my position and redistribute my jobs between existing employees. She and the other employees still didn't take the time to train. Instead, my boss had an infuriating request.
She wanted me to write a manual on how to do everyone's jobs including my own with illustrations, plus wrap up all my own work within those 2 weeks. I told her no. I've done it 3 times already in the past for them and no one ever bothered to consult it. She then asked for all my contact information and told me she would have the office call and email me so I can walk them through everything or do it myself remotely from home after I've officially quit.
I stared at her good and hard before she finally added, "That's ok with you, isn't it"? And I flatly told her, "no". She did a cartoon style double-take and was completely baffled why I wasn't voluntarily working for them without pay after they refused to train or rehire. Even after I did say no, I did still receive a few personal emails and calls from one of my coworkers asking for help. I said "no" every single time.
72. Give A Little, Get A Little
I was working in a terrible environment. I would never say no because I enjoyed the challenge. However, when I pointed out my value and received a paltry increase, I decided to leave. I got a job offer that would basically double my salary and delivered my resignation letter. That's when everything went nuts.
A group of my bosses took me out to lunch as a sort of intervention and basically did what they did best - delivered the hard sell. I'm integral to the business, they'll open up a career advancement path for me if I'll just hang in there, yada yada yada. Then they made their counter-offer knowing full well how much my offer was for, and low-balled me like I couldn't do simple math.
I got pulled aside by just about every single higher-up over the next two weeks, and they all progressively sweetened the whole thing. I stood firm, and it was absolutely the easiest rejection of my life. I actually left that job with a sense of survivor's guilt about the people I left behind.
73. Gamer Rage Strikes Again
My friend has this entitled younger brother who acts like the world revolves around him. While his dad is stern with him, his mom babies this behavior, and he can get away scot-free with almost anything. He gets angry very easily, even at the slightest things. I was over at my friend’s house, and while we were downstairs, we heard a loud crash from his brother’s room.
It turns out he was playing Fortnite on his TV, and threw the controller into the glass table, which shattered. My friend called me later in the day over Discord and told me how after his dad came back, he grounded his brother for a month, and he wasn’t allowed to play video games or go over to a friend’s house. He had to pay for a new table with his allowance and had to do chores. He got what he deserved.
74. Unbridled Attempts
That was definitely the MOST satisfying no I've ever told. We had a co-worker who only worked one or two shifts a month but was notorious for trying to switch at the last possible moment. I usually got those hours as I was part time and had nothing else to do. My boss loved it when I volunteered to come in, so things were all right.
I booked off several days for a convention 3 hours away and made sure to do it 6 months before I'd have to go. The boss okayed it because it was so far in advance. She scheduled the problem co-worker to take a couple of those days. Up until the day before I had to leave, there wasn't a problem.
She called me during my last shift before my trip begging me to take her shifts as "something came up". I told her that I had planned this and paid a lot of money ahead of time that I couldn't get back. Boss took the call and told her too bad, come in or don't come back. I went on my trip the next day and everything was good.
Or, I should say that it would've been, had the coworker not been calling me constantly wondering where I was. She still thought I could come in for her and even deluded herself into thinking I'd said I would when I clearly said the opposite. This started at 8:30 that morning, when some of the other people in my room were still sleeping, and continued well past noon. In total, she called me I think ten times that day and sent me numerous texts with thousands of question marks and exclamation points asking me where I was.
I told her several times that I was on vacation - as planned! - and that I would not be coming in for her. She finally threatened to tell my boss, so I called her bluff and told her to go ahead, that the boss had okayed me to leave ages ago. I didn't hear from her for the rest of the day.
Then she called me again on day 2. I lost it. Once again, early in the AM. We were out at the rave the night before and exhausted. Even my mother who’s overbearing knew that she should wait to call me until later during the day when I wouldn't be a con-zombie. Not this woman. 8 AM she calls me, earlier then the day before. I pick up, groggily answer 'h'llo?' only for her to squawk "WHERE ARE YOU? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TO COVER FOR ME TODAY BECAUSE I HAVE A THING AT BLAH BLAH BLAH THAT I JUST MADE UP--" at the top of her lungs. I was tired, my feet were already hurting, my roommates were giving me the stink eye and I had enough.
"No, I'm not coming in for you. I wasn't going to yesterday, I never said I was. What I did say was that I was going on a vacation for several days and that I would be 2-3 hours away and therefore unable to cover for anyone. I told you that six months ago and continued to tell you for those entire six months. I told you the day before I left. I told you yesterday. The boss told you; the boss gave me the appropriate time off. I went to bed at three in the morning last night, and so did the five other people now listening to me explain this to you like you are a toddler. You have woken us all up. I have had enough. I am calling the boss. Work your shift".
I hung up and called the boss who was furious for being woken up on her day off and who had to deal with this woman yet again. She told me she'd handle it and call me back. I didn't get that call for a good half an hour, so I don't know how badly she got reamed out for certain. The boss assured me that it was done and that I should enjoy the rest of my vacation without work calls, which I did.
75. Slingshot
I used to work as a lifeguard. At one point, I had injured my shoulder and was in a sling, yet they forced me to come into work and threatened to fire me if I didn’t. I had to guard a pool while being unable to swim because, as I mentioned, MY ARM WAS IN A FREAKIN’ SLING. In response, I specifically did the pettiest thing I could possibly think of. I sent in my resignation very late at night, the evening before my morning shift.
Have fun finding a replacement, jerks!
76. A Story You’ll Never Forget
I used to work at a deli counter in a grocery store. My last straw was getting yelled at for something that I forgot to do. I can't even remember what it was anymore, but it was a very minor thing and it was the first time I had ever forgotten an instruction. I was also the sole reason why my department had still been open and they were working the heck out of me, so they could have been a little more patient and understanding the one time that I made a mistake.
I had been working 10-13 hour days, not getting any help during rushes. After the yelling, I just walked out. The deli was closed for at least a few months after I quit.
77. It’s All About Who You Know
I work for an anime convention. There is an incredible amount of drama that goes around; it is insane. A couple of years ago, I happen to be waiting for an elevator with two girls who are talking about my convention's future. It's Sunday; it could be a ten- or fifteen-minute wait. And one of them says, "Oh my god, I am soooo glad [convention] is moving back to the Hyatt next year"! We weren't. It wasn't big enough to hold us anymore. And it's always better to quash rumors before they have a chance to circulate too much.
I politely say, "Actually, it's going to be here again". I get these obnoxious, know-it-all looks from both of them. One of them goes, "No, it's not; I heard it from my friend on Security". Now it's a "I know someone"! game. But my boss is the owner of the convention - I know where it will be held. But I don't want to pull the "I know someone higher up than you" card; that's petty.
Instead I say, "Why don't you email in and settle this for us"? We've got the time, so she pulls out her phone, goes to our website, finds the contact page, and starts typing out an email. She hits send. A few seconds later, my phone beeps. I've got a new email! I open it, it's clearly from her. It says, "[Convention] is moving back to the Hyatt next year, right"?
I type back, "No," and hit send. Most satisfying 'No' by a long shot.
78. The First Million Is Always The Hardest
This kid I knew won a cool million off a scratch ticket when he was 19. Acted like a big shot. Arrogantly buying rounds of drinks for entire bars…didn't do anything for 20 years. Then he got the last check. Suddenly, he was an alcoholic with no savings, no assets, and no skills. He's now in and out of hospitals for drinking stuff and mental breakdowns.
Lost his paper-hat job, his girlfriend, everything.
79. Falling Like Dominoes
I reported a coworker for harassing a minor. My manager fired me for making the accusation against her friend. She got fired, and then the district manager got fired when he too was caught in a bathroom with a minor. I got my job back :-)
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80. Revenge Is a Dish Best Served...Cheap?
Not me, but a guy I worked with 10 years ago. I worked with a guy who really stuck it to his ex-wife. When I met him he was working in a sporting goods store making 8 dollars an hour. He was not really like the other retail monkeys. He was older, well-groomed, well-spoken, clearly educated, all of that stuff.
One night after work he gets into his car, and I couldn't help but notice that it was a very very nice newish Jaguar. I asked him how he could afford it and he explained it to me: He had been an SVP at a well-known fortune 50 company, pulling in 300k with bonuses and stock options. He was married but the marriage fell apart and in the divorce, she demanded that she get the house and 40% of his wages.
He and his lawyer somehow managed to get her to agree to let him keep the house in exchange for 75% of his pay. As soon as she took the settlement he quit his job and looked for a minimum-wage job. He said to me that "She gets 75% of nearly nothing now". He had other money stashed away, so he didn't even need the job and he had the house and its equity as well.
Also, no kids, so there was no child support. Just alimony. She was furious of course, and tried to re-sue him but failed at least once and when she claimed that the settlement was not keeping her in the lifestyle she was accustomed to, he simply told the judge that the divorce was hurtful to him and he could no longer do his old job as a result.
At least at that time, she did not manage to get out of the deal. Not sure how it all ended. But I thought it was brilliant if not crazy-level spiteful. He was a good employee too...good with customers, showed up on time, no absenteeism or anything like that. He claimed he loved each payday because it reminded him how little she was getting.
81. It’s The Small Victories
I am a waitress. One day, I walk right up to this customer's table, and before I can even say hello and say my name, I am greeted with "I want the Reuben with fries. I want some ranch to dip them in too, but I'm not going to pay that ridiculous $.50 charge. My server charged me last time, and I haven't been back for more than a month"! So I did exactly what she asked.
Reuben, fries, and ranch... at an inflated cost of $.75 due to us making the ranch now instead of buying it. It was worth not getting her tip.
82. Sold To The Highest Bidders
Mitch got everything he wanted. Granted, he was smart and ambitious, but was also petulant and snobby. The combination made him virtually hated by everyone. Our 3rd-grade class would get monopoly-esque money for an auction of toys at the end of the year. If you were bad, you had to pay money, but if you were a little sycophant, like Mitch, you were filthy rich.
At the end of the year, Mitch surveyed all the toys and calculated how many "brownie points" it would take to swipe all the best stuff. One by one, Mitch swiped the best toys, always bidding perfectly. At the end, Mitch had enough for the most coveted toy on the table: the Chia Pet. Brent had the second most money and timidly started the bidding.
Mitch toyed with him and gradually raised the price until Brent had to go all in. Mitch raised the bid by a small margin and then Susan, who almost had a nerf gun, gave her sizeable pile to Brent and Brent raised. Mitch panicked and counted his money for a higher bid, but it was already too late. All the people he had screwed suddenly turned the auction into a popularity contest and Brent delivered the final hit.
Mitch freaked the heck out and had the most satisfying meltdown. If he had just tried to get a few things, no one would have wanted to screw him, but by leaving so many people with so much worthless cash, he was truly hoisted by his own petard. Screw Mitch, lol.
83. Bridezilla, Meet Mia
This is one of my favorite “screw it” stories. I used to work at a country club. There was a girl, let’s call her Mia, who had worked there for three or four years before me. Mia was told she was to replace the wedding manger immediately when she started, but had YET to be given the job after all that time. She confided in me that she was done and ready to quit and this would be her last wedding.
I told her to do what was best for her. The country club hosted a lot of weddings and we would always rotate the girls who would take care of the bride and anything she needed. I did it four or five times and only had one bride who was slightly demanding, but poor Mia had the worst luck and always got the bridezillas.
Mia was one of the NICEST people I ever met, by the way. So I was in the lobby setting up for cocktail hour. The hall to my left had two doors, a closet and the bridal suite. Mia and the bride were in the hall and I heard the bride start yelling at Mia about water. They were standing in the hall so I watched the whole thing go down.
Bride: “I ASKED FOR COLD WATER! THIS WATER IS ROOM TEMPERATURE! CANT YOU DO THE ONE THING IM ASKING YOU TO DO”? Mia: “Ma’am you asked for a bowl of ice and a pitcher of room temperature water. You asked to put the ice in yourself. You didn’t want me to touch it”. Bride: “WATER IS COLD! EVEN ROOM TEMPERATURE WATER ISN'T THAT WARM! IM THE BRIDE! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY! THAT IS WHY YOU ARE HERE ISN'T IT!? TO SERVE ME”! The next part was so good, it’s unforgettable.
Mia: (smiles and clears her throat) “Ma’am, I have gotten you water three times now I’m sorry it is not to your liking, but you know what’s not to my liking? YOU, YOU FREAKING JERK! YOUR DRESS IS HIDEOUS! YOUR WEDDING IS HIDEOUS! PURPLE AND PALE GREEN!? WHAT ARE YOU?! BARNEY?! YOU LOOK LIKE BARNEY IN THAT DRESS!! SCREW YOU! I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE, I DON’T NEED THIS FROM YOU BARNEY”!
She then storms to the office, hands over her name tag and fob, and leaves the bride in tears. Mia got a better job at a college in North Carolina and after I told everyone what the bride did to Mia, no one else at our country club would work with her.
84. At Ease, Soldier
Got out of the Army and joined the Air Force National Guard in my home state. 20 minutes after leaving my new base for the first time, I receive a phone call from a guy introducing himself as a sergeant and saying that my name had been pulled from the reserve pool to deploy to Iraq in three months. I kindly informed him that: 1) I had just returned from deployment before getting out and was guaranteed more than three months stateside, and 2) I had enlisted with the air guard and was therefore exempt.
He got irritated, raised his tone of voice and said “well you better get that paperwork to me ASAP because my system says you're going”. My reply shut his attitude down immediately. I said, it’s not my job to update your system for you. I then gave him the name of the organization I was now affiliated with, the city and state it was in, my recruiter’s name, rank and personal phone number. I concluded with "Now you have several different ways to contact who you need to in order to get your system updated," and then hung up on him.
85. By Popular Vote
High school. We were in history class, and I really had to go to the bathroom. A girl was already out and we were only allowed to leave one at a time. Fine. However, this girl often goes to the bathroom then just hangs out and is gone for like 30 minutes. So, after 20 minutes I had to really go. I asked to use the bathroom again. DENIED.
Teacher said someone was out already. I said she has been out for almost the entire class, I need to go. Someone texts the girl, she appears. Looks ticked. Yells at me in the hall. I didn't have to wait long to get a satisfying revenge. See, she was trying to become our homeroom class president. Not really a serious position, but it was leadership for her college applications, and the "debate" was that day.
Our class was about 30 kids. Two people were running: that girl and another. They said their two-minute speeches. At the point where we cast our votes, I had a little group of my friends in the class vote for a third party—a guy she hated. He was elected and she lost a line in her college resume to a guy who didn't even want the spot.
86. Those Who Can’t Do, Delegate
I used to work at a bakery and was constantly berated by my manager. She would give all the tasks she didn’t want to do to me, so I was literally doing her job for her while getting paid a little over half her wage. She had been there for five years and no one recognized her as a poor worker because I made her look so good.
One day, I wasn’t feeling great and she tried to hand me a thick stack of orders to double check, confirm, and file (which was strictly her job) while I was already in the middle of something. So I didn’t say a single thing. She stood there awkwardly for a minute before putting them down next to me, saying “thanks,” and walking away.
I was the closing leader that night, and never touched the stack. The next day, she’s reamed out by the district manager for not only not doing her job, but also leaving crucial customer info (credit card numbers and the like) out in plain view. Kept her job, but her mascara was runny as heck for the next few days. Taught her a lesson.
87. A Serving Of Superiority
When I was in high school, I dated a guy who repeatedly cheated on me with his ex. I found out after we'd broken up, and I told him off and broke off contact. A few years later, I'd finished college and started working at a publishing company where I often get free tickets to cultural events in town. My boss gave me tickets to the opera and also tickets to the little VIP events where they serve free food and wine at intermission and after the show.
The first time I'd seen the girl my ex cheated with was at the little VIP intermission gathering. I was sitting there munching on hors d'oeuvres and having a glass of vino when I saw her. She was clearing tables with the catering crew. She made eye contact for one second and then immediately turned away and was obviously avoiding me for the rest of the night. It was perfect.
88. Crossing the Line
I had a lady yell at me when I worked as a customer service manager for a big retail store. She then went on to tell me how my mom didn’t raise me right and should have done better. My mom passed on a few weeks prior, so I then told her, thanks ma’am but she did a great job and recently passed. I then immediately told her to leave or the authorities would be called and she would be criminally trespassing. She left.
89. Think Fast!
I was on the bus a year or 2 back and a kid and his mom were seated in front of me. The kid kept screeching about wanting to ''press the button'' (you press a button to notify the bus driver that you need to get off at the next stop) because he liked the beep it made. Every. Single. Bus stop. This little jerk screeched asking if he could press it yet. Finally his mom said he could press the button.
I pressed it. It only beeps for the first person to press it. The little brat cried.
90. He Who Smelt It, Shouldn’t Be Dealt It
I was working retail right after high school. Minimum wage job ($5.15/hour) as a stockman for a retail company. When I took the job, I thought “stockman” was only dealing with the merchandise from the truck to the floor. Turns out, it was a code word for "Everything the managers, cashiers and people on the floor don't do", including janitorial work.
It was one Saturday, we were busy, and someone trashed the men's room. Clogged the toilet, then pooped in it again, and flushed it in the only stall we had. The walls, they had to have taken an ink pen, broke the ballpoint off and let it ooze out all over the walls. It was disgusting. I was the only stockman on duty because the store cut everyone's hours.
So, my manager told me that I had to clean that restroom up real fast and get back into the stockroom and do the rest of my other duties that day. I took a survey of that destroyed restroom and told the manager (he was a jerk anyway), "No. I don't think we have the tools to fix that toilet and I'm not doing that with my hands and if you tell me to do so I will quit".
He fired me for refusing to clean it up. The next day his boss, the store's actual manager (the one who fired me was just a co-manager) told me that such cleanups aren't store staff but should have been a call to a plumber and that the guy who fired me didn't actually have the authority to fire me. Then he asked me to come back to work because I was the only stockman scheduled for the weekend and no one else was either answering the phone or wanting to come into work. I didn't go back.
91. Perfect Fencer
While I was in high school, I was the reigning city fencing champion in both the youth and adult tournaments. My high school decided to do a school-wide fencing unit for Phys. Ed. and the coach they brought in to teach all of the students was my actual coach. During my classes, my coach naturally brought me up to help demonstrate the various moves.
However, for some reason one of my classmates didn't understand that I wasn't chosen at random. He started talking about how I looked like I didn't know what I was doing, and how he could probably completely cream me in a duel. Now, he actually was pretty good for a guy who'd never fenced before, and at the first opportunity, he decided to have a go at me. It was about to go down.
I picked him apart, not giving up a single touch, and used the opportunity to practice my parry and ripostes. I admit I took a bit of sadistic pleasure in thoroughly beating him. Afterward, my coach made a point of congratulating the other guy for doing so well against the city champ, which changed his attitude considerably.
92. Unexpected Baller
I'm a very unassuming-looking guy. 5'8", 150 pounds, and not a tattoo to be found. But back in the day, I was pretty athletic and I could hang in games with fringe D1 or semi-pro guys. I can't emphasize how much I didn't look like it at all. Anyway, in college, while hanging out in someone's room, it came up that I played basketball a bit.
Out of nowhere, some dude I didn't know started running his mouth about how he could destroy me. He just wouldn't stop talking. I gave him every out until it basically became personally offensive. The other guys were a bit tired of this guy hanging around and they knew I could play, so we all trooped over to the gym, late in the winter, so we could settle things.
Here's a spoiler alert: I ended up winning 11-0. I'm not sure if we played after that, but I remember it was 11-0 because I made sure to not let the guy score. And I'm a pretty mellow guy—I would have laid off and let him score a couple when it was clear that I was better, but this guy was a real jerk, so I just clamped down on him start to finish. I blocked a ton of his shots.
He stopped hanging around nearly as much after that, so I was kind of a hero to the rest of the guys. I totally drove that snake out of our nation.
93. Caught In A Speed Bump
I was in the passing lane on the highway, slowly coming up on a couple of cars in the right lane. The speed limit was about to decrease ahead, and another vehicle came up behind me, going pretty fast. Instead of gassing it to get ahead of the traffic to my right, I slowed down and pulled into the right lane while the other car behind me was right on my tail.
Once I got into the right lane, the car floored it and passed me, honking their horn. The passenger's body was half out of the car window yelling at me and flipping me off as they passed. But they had no idea what hit them. It turned out that the car I pulled in behind was an unmarked state trooper who promptly pulled them over. Justice was served.
94. Just Rewards
Before we were married, I was out to dinner with my wife and her dad. At the end of dinner, my father-in-law offered to pay for the meal. My wife asked to get her leftovers boxed to take them home. Her father was being difficult and started in on her, saying, “Well, you'll just leave them in the fridge, then they'll just get thrown out, blah blah."
I told him, "Listen, it's not your fridge. Leave her alone.” He got mad and yelled, "Don't tell me how to raise my daughter!" I yelled back at him not to speak to her in his nasty tone. As a result, he threw the bill at me and said, "FINE! YOU PAY THEN," and stormed out. We were all mad at that point, and my wife said, “Why did you have to start something??"
I paid the bill and was waiting for the receipt, but we were waiting for quite some time. Tensions were rising. Her dad was waiting outside, building up steam. I asked the waiter, "Can I just get our bill and go?" They replied, "Oh no, sir, you have to wait for the manager.” That's when I learned the beautiful, satisfying truth.
It turned out they had a contest running where every bill was a winner or some prize or another. Usually, people would win a free drink or appetizer. However, we had just won the GRAND PRIZE that dinner—which was a trip for four to Florida. And here's the kicker: Whoever pays gets the prize. Because her dad stormed out like a child, I had won it.
95. Mustang Sting
It was nighttime, and it was raining really hard out. A guy driving a Mustang ran a red light and immediately got pulled over by a squad car. Over the loudspeaker, the officer ordered the driver to get out of the vehicle and put their hands on the roof of the car, which the guy did. Then, there was nothing. The officer didn’t get out of his car and didn’t go over to the vehicle.
Instead, the officer just left the driver of the Mustang sit there for about 30 seconds, allowing him to get soaked by the rain. After the guy was drenched, the officer got on the loudspeaker again and got him real good: "Next time you run a red light during a storm, don't do it right in front of an officer, idiot". Then, he just drove away.
96. Donut Mess With Me
The nurse in charge of our emergency department has been working there for 20 years. Our hospital is in a rough area, so she's seen it all. She has single-handedly tackled threatening patients with superhuman strength. But one day, she outdid herself. This day, a disheveled guy came in to be treated for assault, to be detained after his discharge.
He was giving everyone heck all night, and he almost made his nurse cry. The nurse-in-charge called from the nurse’s station to cut that out. He called her a "miserable, old, fat witch”. The nurse-in-charge picked up a chocolate donut from the nurse’s station and without breaking eye contact, started slowly chewing it in front of him. Then she called the officers to pick him up.
Flickr,Marco Verch Professional
97. This Teddy Bear Has Claws
I did think my father had it in him but, boy, did he ever snap. My father had two sisters and one brother. Father was always looking after them despite being the youngest of them. His brothers-in-law were spoiled and overspent everything, ending in debt. My father cleared them every time, trying to preserve the good name of my grandfather. My father's brother cheated my father out of his inheritance by taking money from his wallet while he was in the hospital taking care of my grandparents—he was there all on his own.
One day, the siblings tried to kick my mother out of my grandfather’s home because she didn't share her inheritance with them. My dad, who was usually a teddy bear, went livid. He canceled all cheques for payments he'd made for them the day prior. He took away the cars he gave them, blocked them from all properties, and disowned them in the newspaper. After a couple of weeks, the three of them left town with their families, hiding from people they owed money to.
Eventually, they fled the country. The sisters are somewhere in Canada, while the brother is a taxi driver in Australia.
98. Whoops
My dad divorced his harpy of a second wife. She was furious about not having her sugar daddy anymore, so she proceeded to buy all kinds of stuff, thinking she'd stick him with the credit card bill one last time. But there was just one problem with her plan: She was not happy to hear she was the only one on the account. My dad had taken his name off their cards a few weeks ago.
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99. Typical Karen
When I was a server I would always record my tables' orders. Even though my memory is good, my handwriting is bad so I didn’t want to take the risk of getting something wrong. My manager said it was ok and he even put a sign up stating that some of the staff may record your order for accuracy purposes. Seems normal, right?
At the beginning, I ask each person for their name before I take any drinks or food orders. One of the people at the table orders a steak well done, which is gross but whatever. Food comes and she said her steak was not medium rare like she wanted and I apologized and told her that she did order it well done. Here we go...
This sparked a big rant, lots of cussing, a call for the manager, etc. Again, I apologize and say let’s go to the tape. The look on her face when I played back the recording of “And Karen how would you like your steak”? was priceless. She tried to play off that it wasn’t her but nobody else ordered a steak at her table. Her friends just laughed at her.
100. What A Beautiful Sight
Over the course of six months, through countless phone calls to different union offices and the department of labor, I eventually got my boss fired for changing people's time-keeping information to sneak overtime from them. During those months I was treated like dirt by this guy, but I never actually did anything wrong so I couldn't be punished.
At one point, management—against contract rules—denied my time off request to be at my best friend’s wedding and my boss brought me into his office and threatened to fire me. At this point, I had called the northeast district business associate on him, and I will never forget the look on my boss’s face when he realized I knew he couldn't do anything to me.
