"I Don’t Even Work Here": Wild Mistaken Identity Stories
There are an alarming number of people in the world who can't tell the difference between a regular T-shirt and a Wal-mart uniform—and stories like this are proof. These people were minding their own business when they ended up in wild altercations. The clueless people who accosted them ignored them when they said "I don't even work here"—but at least they got these ridiculous stories out of it.
1. The Student Becomes The Teacher—Literally
This happened a few days ago. I work as a substitute teacher at various local high schools. I am 24 but I guess I look younger! I was walking through the hall at a school when this angry teacher approached me. He yelled: "Why aren't you in uniform?
And no phones during school"! I thought he was talking to a student, so I ignored him.
Then he goes, "Excuse me, don't ignore me". I couldn’t believe what happened next. He snatched my phone out of my hand! I said, “What the heck! Give that back, I’m not a student”. He tells me: "That’s detention for swearing at a teacher. You will get your phone back at the end of the day, but for now you will have to come down to the office and tell the principal about how disrespectful you are being".
I knew exactly what to do. I just thought it would be way funnier to let him complain to the principal, who I play netball with, and watch his reaction. This teacher was raging.
Saying I deserved to be suspended and that students always had their phones out, yadda yadda yadda. The principal and I were just trying not to laugh—before she told him I was a teacher too.
Then I got to say: "Now give me my phone back. Don't you have a class to teach? Because I do". I have never seen anyone go so red.
2. Lost And Found
So I work late and just about every night for the last few weeks at least, I stop by Walmart to get something for dinner. I usually get off around midnight and stop by on my way home.
Every time I'm at Walmart, barely anyone is there except for the night crew. Stocking up the store and doing their own thing. Now from what I have noticed, they don't have much of a uniform.
Many of them are in hoodies or jackets of different colors. Just to add some context. I showed up last night and I'm wearing a hoodie. I begin to walk up and down the aisles trying to figure out what I want for dinner.
I'm thinking pasta and walk past a few guys who are loading the shelves. All of a sudden, I start hearing this guy yelling.
This voice gets louder. "HEY! HEYYYY! Are you listening"? I turn to look to see what is going on and this guy approaches me. "You're late again. Don't think I haven't noticed you walking in the door after 12".
I begin to laugh, thinking this guy is joking around. Before I can even say anything he jumps on me. "You think this is funny? Your job must not be important to you. I want you to follow me to the office".
Now, I'm completely confused and start looking around like I'm on some hidden camera show. He starts to walk off and I turn around and go back to shopping for my meal. He comes back a minute later and starts to yell. "You want to be fired? Because if you don't come with me now, I will fire you"! I knew exactly what to say.
I start to laugh even harder, then ask him, "What's my name"? He gives me this puzzled look, so I asked him again, "What's my name? Do you even know who I am"?
He looks at the other guys in the aisle, who have stopped stocking the shelves at this point to watch this event unfold. He then looks back at me, trying to figure out what exactly to say back to me before his head explodes".
Good luck filing the paperwork to fire me, when you don't even know my name"! I continue to laugh at this whole stupid charade. I pick up some ingredients for spaghetti, trying to give this guy a clue.
He storms off and I look at the other guys in the aisle. "I'm sure he will figure out eventually. I don't work here".
They start laughing and I go on. I can't believe I lost the job I just found out I had in the same night!
3. A Bad Apple Spoils The Bunch
So I went to Aldi today on my lunch break from work. I was shopping for ingredients to make hard apple cider.
I found the only apple juice Aldi sold without preservatives and loaded up my cart with a dozen half-gallon bottles and kept them in their cardboard boxes so they would be easier to transport.
There were a few other items I needed to pick up so I pushed my cart through the store shopping for them.
A woman noticed the boxes of apple juice in my cart and asked where I had found them. I had nothing better to do, so I walked her over to the apple juice display where she thanked me. Another woman immediately came up to me and asked, "
You used to have these candy apples in the store but I can't find them. Where are they"?
I had no idea where they were so I said, "I'm sorry, I don't know—I don't work here". Her eyes narrowed and she responded, "What do you mean you don't work here? I just saw you help that other person".
Now, I am in a t-shirt and corduroy pants and don't look at all as if I would be working at this store. I could tell that this was not going to go well no matter what I said, but I attempted to be polite.
I said, "I'm sorry, ma'am. She asked me where I had found this apple juice so I showed her. I don't actually work here". Once again, she replied, "What do you mean you don't work here"?! I repeated, "I don't work here. I am a customer, like you".
She said, "Just tell me where the candy apples are"! At this point, it was getting weird. "I really don't know where the candy apples are. I don't work here".
"You don't know where anything is in this store"?! I said, "I know where the apple juice is". She yells, "WHERE ARE THE CANDY APPLES"?! I repeat, "Ma'am, I'm sorry I can't help you. I really don't work here". She keeps yelling, "
WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN"?! I’m really losing it but I say, "It means that I don't work at this store. I don't know where the candy apples are. I am a customer like you".
"THEN WHY ARE YOU STOCKING THE SHELVES"?! She indicated the boxes in my cart filled with apple juice. I say, "I am shopping, I am going to buy what is in my cart"... Nope. She yells, "NOBODY NEEDS THAT MUCH JUICE!
YOU WORK HERE AND YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHERE THE CANDY APPLES ARE"! At this point everyone around us had stopped and were staring.
An Aldi shelf stocker came over and said, "Ma'am, the candy apples were a seasonal item and I'm afraid we are sold out". For a moment, I just stood there in fear. The woman glared at the Aldi employee, and then me and said, indicating me, "WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME THAT"?! He says, "He doesn't work here, Ma'am". The woman then roared in exasperation, pushed her cart into an aisle display of canned food, knocking it over and screamed, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!! I AM NEVER COMING BACK"!
She stormed out of the store, fuming. The employee gave me wide-eyed look, which I returned, then I proceeded to checkout. I loaded the juice into the trunk of my car and hopped in the driver seat. I checked my mirrors before backing out. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I noticed that the candy apple lady was in the SUV to my left, sitting in her driver seat, sobbing.
I rolled down my window and waved to get her attention. She noticed me, waited about 15 seconds, then rolled down her window. "Are you OK, ma'am"? I asked. Through sobs and tears she told me, "
I said I would bring candy apples to my grandson's party". I asked her when the party was supposed to take place and she told me that night.
I told her that I had seen kits to make candy apples over at Safeway, and that if she made them now they should be ready by the time of the party.
Her eyes lit up and she looked at me and said, "Thank you". I said, "You're welcome". Then, I went back to work.
4. You Have The Right To Remain Confused
So I work as an armed guard for armed truck service. For those of you who don’t know, we are responsible for picking up money and checks from other businesses. (i.e. banks, stores, restaurants, etc.
) As part of my job is handling large amounts of cash I carry a piece in order to protect myself and the money.
Where I live, you have to have what’s called a concealed carry permit to carry around such a firearm outside of work hours, which I have.
So I am on my way home and have to stop at the store to pick up dinner for myself. The store I go to has employees that wear a blue polo and tan pants. My uniform is black pants and a red polo with the company’s name on it.
And as I had just gotten off work, I still have my name badge on and side arm in its holster on my hip.
Cue crazy lady. I’m browsing the freezer aisle and she stops me and starts to ask where such-and-such product is. She stops in her tracks as she sees my piece in its holster. Just stops talking and fast walks out of the aisle.
I just assume she realized I don’t work there and left to find someone who does. I go about my business and proceed up to the cashier line.
As I’m waiting to get up to check out, in comes a swarm of about eight law enforcement officers. They come straight to me with crazy lady behind shouting, “That’s him, that’s the guy with the gun”.
They point theirs at me and order my hands up. I drop what I have and comply. I state that I work for such-and-such company and that I have a permit for my side arm.
They lower and holster their own after the commotion and apologize for the confusion but said they got a call about a guy walking around the store waving a piece around. I say I’m sorry but since I have been here my piece has been holstered.
Never left the holster. They turn to the lady and ask if it’s true that I never took it out of the holster.
She yells that I’m lying and that I can’t have it in the store anyway. They of course go and check the security footage and see that I did nothing wrong and let me go on about my business and apologize again for the misunderstanding. But it’s what happened next that made the story truly unforgettable. They then turn around and handcuff the lady who called and told her she is being detained for misusing the 9-1-1 system and inciting panic.
