Some people think they can walk all over whoever they want. The sad thing is, a lot of the time, they're right. But not always. Sometimes, a total jerk will decide to mess with the exact wrong person. That's when they finally get what they deserve—and when it happens, it is so, so satisfying.
1. First-Class Pain In The Butt
We were on a flight from Miami to Bolivia as a family of five with three kids under 12. We’re getting on the flight, sitting down, when this entitled woman and her husband come up to my row. I’m sitting in the same row as my brother and sister. They say: “Excuse us, you’re in our seats”. All three of us have all been well versed in child travel by this time so we pull out our individual boarding passes and show her that we’re also assigned these seats.
They insist that we’re wrong and demand to see the passes. We don’t give them over. My dad comes over to see why strangers are talking to his children: “Excuse me, why are you talking to my kids”? “They’re in our seats, look”. My dad says: “That’s their assigned seat, they know how to read a boarding pass”. By this time, we have attracted the attention of the flight attendant.
She confirms that indeed, those seats had been double-booked. The couple are irate, demanding their assigned seats. The flight attendant leaves to go “see what I can do for you”. This whole time, the woman is making a big show of trying to store her bag in front of ours in the overhead bins and complaining loudly. The attendant returns and says: “Thank you so much for your patience. It was double booked, but it looks like we have enough seats in first-class available for your party. If you could please follow me”?
They sigh, relieved that finally SOMEONE will see reason. Well, the joke was on them. The flight attendant holds up her hand. “No sir, not you. If you three (looking at me and my siblings) will please join us up in first class, we’ll make sure you’re taken care of”. The lemon-sucking look on the woman’s face as we politely grabbed our bags and moved to the coziest laps of luxury our young selves had the fortune of lucking out on was unforgettable.
I remember the meal making me have a headache, but the reclining seats, warm blankets, and sleep masks sure helped with all that suffering.
2. Out Of The Flowerbed And Into The Fire
Because the groundhog had no shadow, spring came early, so I had decided to work on the garden strip that borders mine and Karen’s property. There's a fence between the garden and her house. While doing so, I get rid of some of MY daylilies that are on MY property. I finish, return to my house and continue my day, until I hear a shriek from the side of my house.
I rush over, because I'm scared someone got hurt, and Karen, who just got home from work, asks me why I got rid of HER lilies. I say that they were MY lilies, and that I was making space for tomatoes, cucumbers, and carrots. She then calls 9-1-1 because I had destroyed HER property. The authorities come and basically tell her to go inside and shut up, because it's pretty clear who's flowers they were.
But it didn’t end there. The next day she had a few too many. This put her anger over the edge about the loss of my lilies. She went, with wood and a firestarter, to my neighbor’s house on the opposite side. She then lit their bins on fire. This then spread to their porch, and before long their entire house was on fire.
I'm a light sleeper, and living in a cul-de-sac, was woken up by the orange haze floating through my windows. I called 9-1-1, the whole shebang, witness report and everything. I walked out of the house, with 9-1-1 still on the phone—and I couldn’t believe what happened next. The deranged neighbor fully confesses, all while they’re in earshot.
After a while and as the fire department shows up, she realizes her mistakes. One: she lit a house on fire, and two: she lit the wrong house on fire. She's being charged with arson and the like, and everyone got out. There’s a mother, father, and two kids who are high schoolers. It still feels surreal.
3. A Family Affair
I am a combat veteran and a school teacher at the time of this story, and my wife was a school teacher as well. So, I bought my first house 12 years ago. It was in a low-middle-class neighborhood with a lot of working-class families. My house had a pool in the backyard and my parents bought me and my wife a hot tub as a wedding/housewarming gift.
Two weeks after moving in, we came home to an unsettling sight. We found a stranger and six teenage kids swimming in our pool when we got home. We will call them Entitled Mom, the Entitled Daughter, the Entitled Son, and the others I assume to be their friends and/or boyfriend. The daughter was about 18 or 19 years old and her brother was about 17.
When we told them to get out and get off our property, the mother told me that the previous owner gave them permission to come over whenever they wanted to swim. I explained to her that I was the new owner and that I was not ok with it. I told her that not only do I not know them, but there is a liability for me if they got hurt. I couldn’t believe her response.
She yelled and faked cried, saying I was being a bad neighbor, selfish, and forcing her kids to sweat in the summer heat. She told me that if they got heatstroke, it was my fault for not letting them swim in my pool. I told her to get the heck off my property and never return. Fast forward two weeks. I had put up a "No Trespassing" sign on my property in multiple spots and had gotten to know many of the not-entitled neighbors.
They were great and told me to ignore the mom and her kids. They told us she was already badmouthing us, but no one ever believed her. This is when it took a strange turn. Now I start to notice when I wake up in the morning that there is evidence of people using my pool and hot tub at night when we are asleep or away. Like, I find cans and other stuff.
I figure it has to be the mother and/or her brats. So I install cameras on the grounds and start video-taping. Sure enough, I catch the daughter and a few others hanging out in my pool on Friday nights when my wife and I are out. I figure they must have been waiting for us to leave and then threw a mini-party or were quietly swimming while we slept.
So I discussed it with my wife. We decided to teach the mother and her brats a lesson. So the next Friday night, I park my car a street over and my wife does the same. We wait in the dark house to see if any of them come over. The daughter and I assume her boyfriend, the son and I assume his girlfriend, and four other teen couples come right over and start getting in my pool and hot tub.
I wait 45 minutes for them to get really into their fun. And let me tell you, it was getting hot and heavy out there; they were all undressed. I then spring my trap. I go out with my piece, pointed at the ground but at the ready. When I reach the pool, my wife flips on the backlights and I yell for them to freeze or I'll shoot. Meanwhile, my wife calls the authorities.
They all have the deer in the headlights look on their faces and not one of them tries to speak for a good minute. The daughter then starts to tell us that she has permission to be there and that we need to let them get dressed. I tell them that if they move towards me or their property, that I would consider them to be charging me or reaching for a weapon and I'd shoot.
They must have believed me because they froze. One girl begged me to give her her clothing. Not being a total jerk, I say that I will throw them all their clothing. But there was a twist. I then walk over to their piles of clothing, phones, and purses and throw EVERYTHING into the pool. They freak out trying to save their phones and other goods.
After ten minutes officers show up and they have the kids climb out of the pool wearing their soaked clothes and trying to shake their phones dry. I show the officers the videos from our cameras, the No Trespassing signs, and explain to them that I had told them and their mother they were persona non grata. The kids were detained for trespassing and a bunch of other charges.
The officers recommended that next time, I leave my piece in the safe and let them just come and get them. I told them that I thought they may attack my wife and had to "stand my ground." I proved that I never pointed it at them with the videos, so I couldn't be charged with anything. Then came the very best part. As the kids are being loaded into the cruisers, the mother shows up yelling at the officer, my wife, and me.
She demands they let them go and even tries to open the door on one of the cruisers. The officers threaten her with being detained if she doesn't back off and leave my wife and me alone. I later found out that the charges against the teens were reduced and they all got plea deals. They all got community service, fines, and were put on probation. We got a restraining order against the mother and her brats so they couldn't bother us again.
I then sent a bill to the mother for the cost of draining, disinfecting, and refilling my pool and having a professional cleaning service clean up the kids’ mess. The bill was for about $400. I had my parents’ attorney send it to her with a letter stating that if it was not paid in 30 days, then we would sue her for a larger amount. She sent a check to my attorney and thankfully it did not bounce.
About a year later, the entire entitled family moved away and we never heard from them again.
4. Pumpkin Spice Vengeance
I have a friend whose elaborate pumpkin display at the end of his driveway would be run over every year by the neighborhood jerk. My friend decided to put a stop to it. He withdrew a bunch of money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of cement. He filled that puppy up and made a really pretty display.
The idiot took the bait. He broke the axle of his car when he hit that pumpkin. Could not drive away. The cherry on top was when my friend then had his car towed.
5. Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes
When I was a kid I never cut my hair, no matter what I never cut my hair, so I had very long blonde hair. And as a kid, a lot of people would ask to touch it. And I was fine with it, as long as they had my permission. So when I was six, my mom took me to a grocery store to buy some things for dinner that night. We got to the store and my mom got the stuff she needed, but was missing the bread from the other side of the store.
She sent me to go get it since I was fast and small. When I got to the bread, I picked out the brand we would usually buy, and at the time I really liked baguettes and other types of bread. So when I saw the baguettes, I totally forgot that my mom was waiting for me and grabbed a loaf(?) and headed back to my mom. When I was heading back to my mom from the bread aisle, I felt someone pull on my hair. Not gently, no, they yanked it.
They pulled so hard I thought my hair what going to come out. And I cried so hard my mom heard me across the store. I turned around in shock. It turns out it was a kid about my age who wanted to touch my hair, so his MOM, and I say his 40-YEAR-OLD MOTHER, pulled my hair so her friggin' kid could touch it. My mom rushed over and told the lady to let go of me.
The conversation then went like this: “Let my daughter go”! “My child just wanted to touch her hair, she has very pretty hair”. Me: “She pulled on my hair, it hurts”! My mom: “You could've just asked! You can’t just pull a kid's hair, I can call 9-1-1 for assault”! Her: “You are harassing me, all I did was let my son touch her hair! I can call the authorities on you for harassing me and my child”!
My mom: “Firstly, I am not harassing you, you grabbed my child. And secondly, you can call the authorities. You will only be making things worse for yourself”. She was absolutely right. As it turns out, the entitled mom DID call the authorities and they took both our statements. The entitled mother had given an over-exaggerated and dramatic report, telling the officers, as we would find out later, that I had given consent for her kid to touch my hair and my mom had come out of nowhere and started harassing the entitled mother.
My mother had given the officers the actual report from her side. I had been asked to give a report, but I was too scared and tired from the experience to say much. They checked the security footage and saw what actually happened. In the end, she got what was coming to her. My mom decided to press charges and sued the entitled mom for assault.
She was sent away for six months and fined for providing a false report as the cherry on top!
6. A Restraining Order In The Making
I'm currently eight months pregnant with my first child. I work as a secretary on the inpatient ward of a hospital, second shift. I started working here when I was 19 to support myself through college. So, my coworkers are like family. When I was four months pregnant, I told my coworkers, who were happy for me. All except Patty. She didn't say anything.
After a while, she started being friendly with me asking about the baby, my health, and my plans for the future. I told her that my boyfriend and I were getting married and moving in together to be a family. Patty didn't like this for some reason, and started asking me about my opinions on adoption. I said NO, I'd never give my child up for adoption
For a few weeks, Patty gave me the silent treatment. Then one night, after visiting hours, a couple in their 40s showed up. told them that visiting hours were over and that they could see their family member tomorrow. What the woman told me made my blood run cold. She said, “Oh, we're here to see YOU! We're so excited to meet you and want to thank you for choosing us to give your baby to”!
I was dumbfounded and shocked—until the woman tried to touch my six months pregnant belly. I screamed so loud all of the nurses came running. The couple tried to explain to security, nurses, and me, that their sister-in-law told them that I was a young unwed mother desperately trying to give up my baby for adoption and choose them.
She said that their sister-in-law promised them my baby, since they have been suffering from infertility for years. I told them that I had no intentions of giving up my baby and to never come near me again. I also told them that I don't even know their sister-in-law, but they kept insisting that I did. The next night Patty comes charging up to my desk, screaming at me.
She’s yelling and asking how could I treat her brother and sister-in-law like garbage, after she helped me with my "mistake". I called security and Patty, her brother and sister-in-law are banned from coming near me or contacting me at work.
7. All This Over A Parking Space
I am a paramedic in a place that has some HOAs and apartment complexes. We hate responding to the apartment complexes because there is nothing but assigned parking and no-fire zones. Basically, if we can't find a space to fit in we have to block the road. My agency also uses first responder vehicles and ambulances. The first responder, as implied, usually arrives first so we do our best to leave room for the ambulance to fit in.
We get a call at the apartment complex. I am the first responder. As I pull up to the address by some miracle, there is a spot only two apartments away. Great, I can leave the road clear for the ambulance. As soon as I park, out comes this guy screaming I can't park there. I do the "are you serious” look and just say it’s a medical emergency.
He says he doesn't care, I can't park there. Keep in mind my vehicle has enough lights to make a Christmas tree jealous. I just grab my stuff, lock the vehicle, and keep going. He is screaming he is going to call the authorities, I tell him they are already on the way. They respond to medical emergencies. An officer gets there while I am in with the patient and tells him basically to pound salt.
The officer enters the apartment—and then this guy really goes full-blown hissy fit. He enters the apartment and comes into the room where I am treating the patient. He starts ranting and raving about how I have to move my vehicle. I look at the officer and say "get him outta here”. The officer then seals his fate. He asks the patient if she wants this person removed from the apartment and did she ever give consent for him to enter.
The patient's response: "Get him OUT, he's trespassing”. Boom, the all-clear. The cop gives him one last chance and tells him to leave or he will be detained. He doubles down, yelling: "I AM ON THE HOA BOARD, I CAN GO WHERE I PLEASE”. At this point, backup is called. The officer at least manhandles the guy out of the room. The ambulance arrives with PD backup and they get him out of the apartment so we can safely remove the patient.
Not entirely sure what happened next, as I was in the back of the ambulance, but when I got out one of the officers approached and said, "Sorry but we need another bus. We had to taze him". Policy for PD is if they taze someone, they have to be transported to the hospital by ambulance to the hospital, as the taser spikes have to be surgically removed due to the barbs on them.
They wait for the second ambulance and take him. I go back in service. I found out a few weeks later that he was charged with trespassing, assaulting an officer, resisting arrest, interference with government administration (AKA interfering with the scene of an emergency). All over a parking space that I would have been in for all of 20 minutes if he hadn't created problems.
I can only assume he took a plea deal, as I was never called to testify.
8. Karens Gonna Karen
My wife needed a few things from the grocery store and on this particular day I happened to be available and I offered to go for her. She works hard and does a lot, so I definitely felt it was necessary to do something for her so she could just relax for the day. I took my stepson with me so she could rest up and just take it easy. I thought it would give me time to spend with him for some bonding—but instead, we both got an afternoon we’ll never forget.
We completed all of the errands, which went smoothly, and then headed to the grocery store to finish up our day. My son, being a typical four-year-old, was full of energy running ahead of me laughing and speaking to everyone he comes across, which I generally don’t mind as long as he doesn’t hit anyone and stays within eye view. As I’m making my way down an aisle looking for canned corn, my son jogs to the end of it when an older lady is entering at the other end.
My son, being the sweet social butterfly he is, approached and exclaims an excited “Hi! Me four and me Ryan”! Bless his little heart. The lady looked down and says “Well hello there. You shouldn’t be running around unattended, let’s go find your parents”. I didn’t think anything of her statement because I assumed she just hadn’t seen me.
“Ryan! Come back here bud, please”! He excitedly runs back toward me and starts turning in circles because you know, he’s four lol. I’m still searching the shelves as the lady walks past me and stops behind me. Again I think nothing of it because it’s a grocery store and you have to share the aisles. I turn my basket around and start to walk toward the front cash registers when this lady literally blocks my path.
I say excuse me and try to walk around her and she moves her cart in front of me again. I honestly thought she was just getting confused and said excuse me once again and tried one more time to go around and she just blocks my path. The following conversation ensues. Me: “Um, sorry about that, we’ll get out of your way”. Lady: “Oh, I don’t think so! You’re not going anywhere with that child”!
Me: “You mean my son”? Lady: “That’s not your child! He’s white! And you’re Mexican. You probably didn’t even know his name until he said it to me”! Me: “Sure, whatever lady, can you just move? My wife is at home and anxiously awaiting for us”. Then, she upped the ante. She said: “Stop your lies. You’re not taking him anywhere, you pervert”!
This whole time my son is standing close to me holding my leg because he was honestly getting scared. I was getting angry because I hadn’t had much sleep and I have a short fuse anyway. Me: “As you can see he’s standing close to me because he trusts me and you’re scaring him so how about you buzz off”? Lady: “No! He’s scared because of you! He just doesn’t know how to express it yet”.
She looks at my son. Lady: “Come on now sweetie, I’m here to rescue you. Come with me”. Thankfully my son was able to communicate to her he wasn’t going anywhere with her. But she was having NONE of it. I still get mad when I think of what she did next. She literally grabbed my son and began to run. It caught me off guard because I honestly could not fathom what was actually happening.
My son starts screaming loudly because he was so scared and this lady is just like “Don’t worry sweetie he won’t hurt you I promise”! Suddenly I snap back into reality and I begin to chase after this crazy witch. While running through the store, I yell for people to stop her and that she’s kidnapping my son and thankfully a worker stops her before she makes the exit.
Lady: “Why are you stopping me? This Mexican here is trying to take my grandson”! My son literally is bawling his eyes out and extending his arms out calling for me. This lady was relentless and would not let go until my son even after he slapped her face multiple times. I laughed a little, not gonna lie. At this point, a manager shows up and asks what’s going on.
The lady spoke before me, saying: “This (pointing at me) pervert is kidnapping my grandson and I was just trying to escape”! I said: “That’s my son you freaking psycho. Now let him go”. The manager didn’t know what to believe. I don’t blame him, he was caught in a weird situation. So I pulled out my phone and showed him pictures of me and my son that dated a year or so back as proof. Her response was infuriating.
This lady still would not give up and accused me of faking them. Like how would you do that exactly? I’ll never know, but whatever. Sadly, there were two other ladies there taking the psycho’s side and said I was attempting to take my own son because there was no way we were family because of our different skin tones. One even called the authorities, which I was actually happy about because I knew they’d be able to review the security cameras.
Even still, I called my wife to see if she could come to the store to get this situation cleared up quicker. As soon I told her what was going on, she zoomed to the store. She got there about the same time as the officers. The crazy ladies were giving their statement to the officers when my wife walked in. As soon as she walked in, my son goes “Mama help”! My wife is a true mama bear and she immediately flew into a rage when she saw this lady holding my son.
She yelled: “Let him go NOW”! The lady said, “Sorry sweetie, I was just trying to protect him from this pervert over here”. Another one piped up, “Yeah we saw him kidnapping him but this lady saved him”! The cop looks at the lady and is confused. He asks: “I thought this was your grandson”? My wife said: “I have no idea who that lady is”.
She takes out her phone and shows the officer a picture of my mother-in-law. Finally, the lady fesses up. “Okay, I’m sorry he’s not my grandson but I was only trying to protect him from this dirty pervert over here”! The other lady said, “Yeah I witnessed the whole thing, he snatched that child and tried to run away with him but this lady stopped it”!
As if that wasn’t bad enough, there was another one. She said: “Yes I saw it too. He needs to be taken away. And you (pointing to my wife) should be thankful that this lady was here to save your son because you obviously just let him loose wherever”! My wife says: “Who are you talking about again”? All three crazy ladies pointed at me. My wife replies: “Oh you mean my husband”?!
The ladies were shocked. They said “Husband?!”?! My wife said, “Yeah who do you think called me and got me here so fast”?! I presented my ID to the officer and the manager and my wife did the same. We also each showed pictures of us on our phones to prove we were really a family. The cop nodded in approval and handed us our phones back and jotted down a few notes.
The three ladies for some reason still kept trying to say this was all fake and my wife was in on the kidnapping and said we needed to be detained. My wife lost it at this point and let off some colorful words I won’t repeat here but she definitely got her point across. Then the nail in the coffin came for the psycho trio. The office turned to the manager and asks: “Sir, do the cameras work here”? The manager says yes, and the officer asks to review them.
The three ladies' faces went pale. Like ghostly pale. The officer reviewed the outside camera as I pulled into the parking lot and saw me take my son out of my car and then as I went up and down the aisles and most importantly the instance the woman snatched up my son and began to run. Upon his return, he asks “Would you like to press charges”? The lady pipes up: “Yes I would”!
The officer’s reaction was brutal. He looked at her and said: “Why would I be asking you that question? Shut your mouth and sit down”. He turns to me and repeats the question. I said absolutely. Lady one was charged with attempted kidnapping, false imprisonment, providing a false report, and child endangerment. The other two were also charged with providing a false report as well.
To make matters worse for the first lady, my son bruises easily and she left some terrible spots on him from where she was grasping him—but he’s fine! This added a charge of child endagerment to her rap sheet. The officer will be following up with me in a few weeks.
9. Good Godiva, Man
My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes in her desk at work, but started noticing some of them missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the choco-thief in question.
My wife replaced the good chocolate with these little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies. The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives were gone. Mission accomplished. From that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again. I imagine the toilet trouble was a lesson learned.
10. Should’ve Laid Off The Bottle(s)
One day last week when I came home from work, I noticed my shed door was open and the padlock that I used to keep it shut was broken. And I had a LOT of bags full of soda cans in there. Me and my friends tend to drink a lot of soda, so I've built up a lot of cans over the course of about a year. And I was going to cash them in at the bottle drop soon, because I like big payouts. It's ten cents a can where I live after all.
But there was more than just my bags of cans missing from the shed too. They took my gardening shears, a steel rake, two shovels, a full two gallon gas can, a cheap power drill I got for like $5 used, an electric hedge trimmer, and a small electric chainsaw that was also used, and a machete. They didn't touch the lawn mower, weed whacker, extension cords, or the old radio I had in there.
No idea why they took what they did, but I guess they figured they could resell them or something. I checked my camera footage to see if I caught anything—and I made a disturbing discovery. There was my three nephews (ages 16, 15, and 14) breaking into my shed with one of their dad's large claw hammers. I recognized the hammer because it's bright yellow and black, and their dad has a bunch of them.
It only took them a few hits to smash that cheap lock. After they first broke into my shed, they took what they could by hand. And then they came back with some shopping. It took them a few trips to get all of the cans. And they didn't bother to even try and close the door when they were done. My sister and brother-in-law first denied their kids took anything from me.
So I went to their house and showed them the security footage from my cameras. I never told them I'd had cameras installed—and there’s a sad reason why. This wasn’t the first time my nephews robbed me. It started with food & snacks. And then moved on to DVDs and video games. Then pretty much anything they thought they could smuggle out after that.
Any time I made them return stuff they'd stolen from me, I was treated like the bad guy and then got the fakest apologies I've ever heard. And they never got in much trouble from their parents either. The final straw happened last year when my nephews broke into my house and took three six-packs of my favorite blood orange ale from my fridge.
But that’s not the worst part. They used my hidden spare key to get in, and also took a huge dump in one of my bathrooms and not only didn't flush, but also peed all over the floor. And I'm pretty sure it was intentional. The drinks they took were hidden in one of their bedrooms when I confronted my sister and brother-in-law about my nephews stealing it.
I was basically given an equivalent excuse to "Boys will be boys" when I wanted them punished. So I had the cameras put in and told no one. Which was a smart move. When my sister and brother-in-law saw the camera footage of my nephews stealing from me, they seemed furious. But they were actually madder that their boys skipped school to rob me.
They'd spent all day making repeated trips to the Bottle Drop and cashing the cans by machine. The bottle drop also pays by machine. So they just kept bringing the cans in till they cashed them all. And then they bought video games and junk food with the money. Said money actually amounted to nearly $200. With that and the destroyed padlock, I told my sister and brother-in-law that they now owed me $200.
My sister and brother-in-law went from being angry at their kids to making excuses for them, and then being angry at me for wanting that money back when I know they have three kids and a mortgage. I said it was either that or I go to the authorities and press charges. They told me to get out, and I said they have two days to decide how to pay me back before I go to the authorities.
I got back everything else my nephews took, machete and gas can included. Though they'd already used the gas for something. But over the next couple of days, my sister and brother-in-law were blowing up my phone with a ton of messages. Both verbal and text. At first they were calling me heartless because it was right after the holidays and they have three kids and a mortgage.
Then they started gaslighting me—and even threatening me. And all of this would go in a repeating cycle. My nephews chimed in from another cell phone and were sending me lots of messages of their own. Which were more fake apologies and gaslighting. My eldest nephew even sent me a picture of himself holding a soda can and giving me the middle finger.
So I guess they weren't taking my threats of going to the authorities seriously because "FAAAAMILY”!. When I last spoke with my sister and brother-in-law, they refused to negotiate any sort of method of repayment for what my nephews did. Even when I suggested they just sell the video games that were purchased with the money from the cans.
Then they had the audacity to say I'd actually tempted my nephews by having the cans in my shed to begin with. Oh yes. I'm the devil snake that tempted my nephews with a shed full of cans that just screamed "MONEY MONEY MONEY”! So that was it. I went to the station that morning and filed the report. Gave them a copy of the video footage of my nephews stealing from my shed.
I gave them the broken lock they smashed. Showed them all of the texts, which were screen-capped and also given as evidence. Heck, I even gave them a copy of the photo my eldest nephew sent me of him flipping me off. I did tell officers that I found it worrisome that my nephews had taken the machete. But they classified it as a tool. Especially since they took a lot of other actual tools. So fair enough on that, I suppose.
But my nephews were indeed caught and detained on Saturday. Officers came to their house and my sister and brother-in-law were forced to let them in because they had a warrant. Apparently, all three of my nephews went from being cocky little jerks to crying like babies when they were being put in cuffs. I know this because a neighbor I'm acquainted with that's sort of friends with my sister was there to see it.
It didn’t end there, though. Shortly after the arrest my sister and brother-in-law were blowing up my phone again. They weren't able to get their kids out till Monday morning. And now the boys are being charged with larceny, willful destruction of property/vandalism, and harassment. The authorities took this whole case pretty seriously as there have been complaints about my nephews for some time—but nothing was proven until now.
The past few months, bags of cans have actually been going missing all over the area. Don't know if it was my nephews or not. But they're likely suspects. And with word spreading of their arrest, let's hope other neighbors with security cameras come forward with more footage. My sister and brother-in-law showed up at my house too. I refused to open the door and told them that this all happened because they are enablers who refuse to hold their kids accountable for their actions.
That made them just scream and pound on my door more till I threatened to call 9-1-1 on them too. And since I've done it already, they know I mean it now. So they left without any more trouble. But they went back to blowing up my phone. I didn't block my sister or her husband. Instead I decided to just save all of the messages they send me because I've made the decision to take them to small claims court over this.
I don't really need or want the money, and have already replaced the destroyed padlock with a much better one. However, the kids aren't the only ones who need to be taught a lesson. In the end, I hope I put them in enough of a hole that they learn not to screw with me ever again. I also have the full support of my family on this. My parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
They're all supporting me in this because my nephews have stolen from them too. And after banning my nephews from my house, some of them did the same.
11. Don’t Try Me
I live in a town center above a shop with two lovely neighbors. I'm lucky enough to have off-street parking. Over the past few months, someone who lives in a neighboring block of flats has taken it upon himself to park in our spaces. Basically, he moved into a rental property knowing it had no parking and recently dropped $12k on a flashy car.
Yes, we've told him he can't park there but as three single women (46, 60, and 83 respectively) he has used being a large male to try to intimidate my two older neighbors. He won't directly speak to me but does leave aggressive notes on my car. But I still had no idea what he was really planning. A couple of weeks ago, I had a call from the authorities.
They were requesting me to go to my local station for an interview pertaining to damage to his car. Off I trundle to the station, only to be confronted with CCTV and photographic evidence. Turns out, he installed a camera pointing at our property without our knowledge. Sucks to be him, though, because his camera gives a full view into my bedroom and my neighbor’s bathroom—strike one for him.
It did show that I walked past his car with a wheelie bin, apparently scratching his car. They showed me photos of damage to his car. There was just one thing. I pointed out that these were on the opposite side to where I passed. No evidence of damage I supposedly did. I had photos of his undamaged car—strike two for him. In his statement, he said he had it in writing from the owner that he could park there, but couldn't produce the letter.
I had an email from the owner saying he had no permission—strike three for him. I went to the station with the expectation that I would end up with a conviction. I left the station with him having a formal warning for misuse of CCTV and giving a false statement. Couldn't have gone better for me and now he has to find somewhere else to park.
12. Good Riddance
I live in a 20-unit complex, but only half of us have assigned parking spaces, me being one of the lucky ones. My car space is right next to my front door and there is a sign that clearly states that the car space is allocated to my unit number. But this doesn't stop some of my neighbors or their guests from parking there. That was ok enough to live with, but then it got bad fast.
A new person had only recently moved in when he started parking in my spot, usually for most of the day and occasionally overnight. I confronted him and asked him to not park there, as he didn't have assigned parking and was required to park on the street. When this request was ignored, I went to the landlord who then sent him a letter.
When this too was ignored, I thought of a petty revenge plan. He would park there around the same time in the afternoon and when he would leave his car there overnight he would leave around noon the next day. He was entitled but predictable. When I was a kid, I read books about practical jokes like putting double-sided tape on the toilet seat or baby powder inside a powdered donut.
This book brought me hours of joy by pranking my friends and my well-deserved entitled mother. While thinking of my plan, one of those jokes came to mind. So I went shopping to find what I needed. A roll of industrial-strength double-sided tape and a huge roll of bubble wrap with the really big bubbles. Now all I had to do was wait until he left his car parked in my spot overnight.
It didn't take long. I asked another neighbor if he'd like to be my partner, and as soon as I told her what I was planning, she was all in. There are lights outside the unit complex at night, so we could see what we were doing. Even so, they aren't bright enough to expose us. Perfect. In the cover of moonlight, we put double-sided tape all over the back tires of his car. But we weren’t done.
We proceeded to stick the bubble wrap in multiple layers on the back of each wheel. We wedged even more bubble wrap between the back of the front wheels and the car so that when he reversed his car, there would be even more bubble wrap he'd be driving over. The back bumper of his car was hiding most of the bubble wrap so it was very unlikely that he would notice anything out of the ordinary.
I have surveillance cameras outside of my unit with a large monitor inside and one of the cameras points directly at the car park, so I had a direct view of his car. The next day I kept an eye out for him. Sure enough, around noon I saw him walking to his car. Brilliant! He started his car and as he reversed out of my car space, there was the loudest and most deafening banging sound I've ever heard.
The noise was so loud that I could hear it clear as day from inside my unit. His reaction was priceless. I heard him scream and saw him duck down, as if the sound was real. It took him a few minutes to get out of his car to investigate what made the noise. When he did, all I could hear was him shouting inaudible sentences with multiple swears thrown in for good measure.
The other neighbors came outside to see what was going on, as did I. ME: (faking concern) "OMG what happened?" NEIGHBOR: "Who the heck did this????!" ME: "I have no idea”. See, I'm in a wheelchair and couldn't possibly be capable of doing such a horrible thing. He spent the next few hours trying to get the bubble wrap off his tires.
Remember when I said the tape was industrial strength? I'd gone out of my way to find tape that would NOT come off easily. Eventually he got it off but for the next few days his car made that sound like when you get chewing gum stuck under your shoe. He never parked in my car space again.
13. When You Assume…You Know The Rest
Being someone that used to fly a lot, I constantly was upgraded to business class, first-class, or simply just upgraded seats using miles. Since the flight in question was a connection for me, I arrived and boarded later than most of the plane. As soon as I walked into the plane, I saw someone was sitting in my seat, since I had been upgraded.
Now, if you fly enough, someone sitting in your seat is not an uncommon occurrence. But this time, it was an encounter I’ll never forget. I said: “Excuse me, I believe you are in my seat”. The man in my seat does not even bother looking up at me, waves his hand dismissively at me, and says: “Let’s just switch seats so I can sit beside my wife”. I say, “Sure! What is your seat”?
He snickers and says a number. Now, I do not remember exactly what seat number he said, but it was the last row of the airplane. Aisle seat. Right by the bathroom. Yes, I have had to fly in those seats in the past. Remember, my assigned seat was in the first class/business class section. Now, I have switched seats with people innumerable times in my life without a second thought, even first-class seats—the look of someone getting to unexpectedly ride first class is priceless.
But the way this guy was behaving and what he was expecting—this was not one of those times. Me: “No. I am just going to sit in my assigned seat”. Now he finally looked at me. He says: “Well I want to sit by my wife so I am not moving”. I reply: “Well, if you want to sit by your wife, I am sure whoever is sitting way back there would be more than happy to switch seats way up here so you can sit back there with your wife”.
He didn’t like that at all, for what could he really say at that point without sounding like a jerk? He just stared at me. Now annoyed, I say: “Move”. He says: “I am not moving”. DING. Darn right, I pushed the call button. The flight attendant approaches: “Yes sir, how may I help”? I hand her my ticket and say that he is sitting in my seat.
She asks for his ticket, checks both tickets, sees his seat number, and gave him a look like, “Seriously”? She says: “Sir, you need to sit in your assigned seat”. He replies: “I want to sit beside my wife”. Well, I wasn’t missing a beat. I parroted my original statement about me being sure whoever was sitting back there beside him would be more than happy to switch seats and sit up here.
Boy oh boy, that obviously made him angry. The flight attendant looks at his wife and says “Ma’am, would you like to switch seats so you can sit by your husband”? His wife: “No”. The flight attendant continues in that all-too-familiar flight attendant voice that lets you know you have no choice: “Well sir, you have to sit in your assigned seat so please gather your things”.
What a sad and pathetic sight it was seeing this grown man act like a baby, gather his things and then sulk towards the back of the plane. Yes. His wife sat beside me that flight and didn’t join her husband in the back of the plane. No. We didn’t talk to or look at each other even once, which was perfectly fine with me. Imagine dismissively expecting someone to give up their first-class/business class seat to sit in the very last row of the airplane by the bathroom.
14. The Making Of A Legend
This goes back to nearly 45 years ago when I built my first house. The neighbor at the back was immediately angry that I bought two lots directly behind him and would not sell them to him or swap. His antics were beyond deranged. The dude would call the county inspectors and report my "violations" constantly. After we moved in the next spring, I began to regrade my property.
I also did things like plant grass and plant 20 trees, including six 5-feet blue spruce trees towards my property line, which I shared on the west with this neighbor. They were a good 10 feet in from the "agreed"-upon property line that HE was using. I spent two months doing all this, and one Saturday morning my neighbor and his wife were out and measuring their property and such.
I paid no notice until he knocked on my door and handed me what appeared to be a "bank survey" of his property that he had for 15 years. It indicated the location of property lines, his house and garage location, etc. He explained that my trees were on top of the "property line" and I need to move them. I kind of agreed with what he said based on his site survey and I proceeded to move them.
Then I looked closely at the survey. What I saw made me gasp. It also indicated the location of an abandoned alley we both had 1/2 possession of with dimensions off his garage. This clearly indicated not only was he claiming ALL of the alley, but a 20-foot strip along the entire back of my yard. Matter of fact, ALL the neighbors were claiming this and did so for years.
My house was the first one built on my side of the block. What makes this interesting? My neighbor had a huge strawberry bed (over 10 years old) along almost the entire backyard ON MY property. 500+ plants, all prime producers and HIS PRIDE AND JOY. I immediately got my own REAL survey done with steel pins driven and stamped hard copies of the site survey.
His bank survey was basically correct. But this was truly bad news for him. It meant that he and his neighbors really were freely stealing this strip of land across the entire block. 12 households in all. This is a small rural farming town (fewer than 800 people) and in all this dust up, I found out this neighbor is THE TOWN's big enormous jerk.
So I took my survey over to this guy and said, listen, no rush to move your plants (this was July) but you need to get them off my property in the next few months. He tore up the survey and threw it at me. Now it was game on. I worked second shift and commuted 25 miles to work. My wife would go out into our garden, which was a huge one, when she got home at night and do some work in it.
About three or four days later, she is out there and the rear neighbors are disrespecting her for all the trouble "us new people" were causing. She told me the next morning and I went to those neighbors (who all refused to talk) and left them copies of the REAL survey in their doors. A couple of days later I am at work and my wife calls me pretty upset.
The bad neighbor along with two of his neighbors screamed at my wife when she was in the garden in such a bad way that she was driven to tears. I told her I will be home in 45 minutes. I called my brother-in-law (a farmer, less than mile out of town) and explained the situation. He told me he can have his John Deere tractor with his tiller at my house at 6 pm.
I next called the country sheriff’s office to request a deputy to be at my house at 5:30, and then I called the chief and requested the same. I get home and minutes later, both officers show up. I handed them my survey and walked them to show them the steel pins. I asked them what property are the strawberry plants on? They say clearly on my property.
Then I asked them, it’s my property and I can do whatever, right? They said sure. Now, we have about 20 people mulling around, though not my bad neighbor who ran inside the house. He was not going to face me after how he spoke to my wife. Instead, he sent his wife to the door to order me off his property or he will call the authorities. I said, too late, I already did and you have 15 minutes to relocate as many of your plants as you can.
It was almost exactly 15 minutes later when my brother-in-law showed up, and now it’s getting fun. I showed my brother-in-law where to start tilling. Took him 30 minutes to completely grind up all the strawberry plants. The silence was awesome. The rear neighbors were shocked and I became a legend.
15. Laser Sharp Revenge
Once at a laser tag birthday party, there was a 12-13-year-old little jerk following people around and beaming them over and over. Every time the vest and lasergun would come back on, he'd go to town and shoot you multiple times. He'd follow the same players everywhere. He kept doing it to one of my friends and me, and even did it to my friend’s little brother despite multiple warnings.
After the second time telling him to stop, I checked him to the ground…and ripped a huge one right on his head. It was perfectly timed—but it got even better. He cried and told his parents I had been mean to him, but I just told him he was following us around and then tripped and fell. They bought it and apologized for their child. Awesome.
16. Turns Out Indentured Servitude Is Not OK
My wife and I had just immigrated back to the US and needed jobs and a place to stay. We thought we'd struck gold when a fabulously wealthy woman hired me as a groundskeeper and maintenance guy and my wife as a cook and maid for her elderly parents. The pay was low, but part of it involved being able to live rent-free in the second house on the estate.
The elderly couple was extremely senile, but still the sweetest old folks you can imagine, it was a really nice property so for a few months, everything was great. Then about three months in, my wife noticed the pantry—which was itself bigger than our living room—was not being re-stocked by the grocery delivery company that normally did these things.
We contacted our employer—and her reaction was bone-chilling. She flew into a rage that managing that sort of thing was our responsibility so she had canceled the delivery service without telling us. It became apparent that she fully expected us to notice and take care of it ourselves. When I asked her how she expected us to buy groceries for her parents when she didn't even tell us she had canceled the service, she became extremely irate.
Direct quote: "Then what do I sign a check to each of you every week for?!" Yeah. This woman earnestly thought we should be using our personal paychecks, which were NOT very big, to pay for her parent's upkeep. After much deliberation, she begrudgingly left us a credit card to go out and buy groceries for her parents, which added to our workload at no extra pay, but we didn't have anywhere else to stay and no other job lined up so we just dealt with it.
Well, another few months go by and she contacts us again, she wants us to sign something. The paperwork shows up and it's requests for medical documentation from an insurance company. The chick wants us to attach our timesheets to it, sign it, and send it back to the insurance company. Well, I read it and it becomes apparent she has elder-care insurance to pay for live-in nursing services and has told them we are nurses so she can try to get them to pay our wages.
I contact her and inform her that we have not provided medical care, are not licensed to, and will not fill out the paperwork. Cue the mother of all tantrums. Karen goes nuts screaming into the phone about how much she has done for us and we owe her, how she will report that we are neglecting her parents, and then call immigration on us and have us “sent back to where we came from”.
I don't think she ever realized I am a citizen and my wife immigrated legally. I tell her that what she is asking us to do is against the law, and that I'd rather get fired than get caught. I tell her she has 90 days to find a replacement for us and we will be moving out. Things devolve into her screaming about how much money she has and how she is besties with the authorities and has a bunch of expensive lawyers to sue me with.
I suggest she asks one of those lawyers how they feel about defending her for insurance fraud and hang up. My wife and I continue our services for the old folks while looking for a new place, because they were actually super nice and the situation wasn't their fault. They were also VERY senile, mistaking us for other people they knew, forgetting they had kids, etc. etc., so they can't be held accountable for their daughter's behavior as they lack any ability to intervene.
Then, instead of a paycheck, I get a bill for the last eight months of rent and a note that she isn't paying our wages until we "pay her back for everything we owe her. Plus interest." She had valued the rent of the second house provided in our contract at more than she paid us monthly, so we'd never actually be able to pay it off. Yeah.
This woman actually tried to make us into indentured servants. So, without responding I continue performing my duties. I studiously kept logs on our hours, and retained all the "receipts" for how much more we owed her. 90 days go by without a paycheck. We purchased groceries using the card she provided, which she added to our "debts."
We document EVERYTHING. That’s when we really began to enact our plan. About a week before the 90 day, we contact two government agencies. First, the state department of labor to report exploitation, second, adult protective services to inform them that an elderly couple that requires caretaking are going to no longer have caretakers and that their daughter has refused to provide it.
Then we call her and inform her she is going to be receiving some phone calls from these agencies shortly and should probably contact her attorney. There was about a 60-second silence on the phone, then this deranged laughter, and she hung up. Okay...not the response I expected but whatever, one more week, and we're gone.
Eight hours later she shows up in the driveway in a rental car. This woman bought a one-way plane ticket to come out to the estate and report us to the authorities for trespassing on the property. This, of course, doesn't work because we have a tenancy contract and if she wants us gone she has to utilize the official eviction process.
She then tries to claim we are aliens, which a quick glance in our wallets at our IDs by the authorities proves false. She is starting to shriek at them about if they know who she is or how expensive her lawyers are. The officers look that unique combination of irritated and amused. They advise her not to talk to us or attempt to enter or go near the guest house.
She moves in to their house that night and presumably takes over our duties. I would go out on the balcony every day for the week before I left to drink my coffee, and smile as I stared across the big, luxurious lawn to see her standing in the picture window, arms crossed, glaring at me. To make a long story short, the expensive lawyers she has convince her to pay our back wages with additional interest for violating state labor laws by withholding them.
17. Shifting The Focus
I work at a large chain grocery store in a well-to-do area. While many of our customers may look like typical Karens, most are actually really nice and amazing people. That being said, I was racking carts and I hear this lady on the phone behind me muttering: "I don’t know why they come to this country, they can barely even speak the language. I’m behind on right now who's probably a terrorist”!
I look in the window’s reflection and I can see that she's walking behind a young woman in a hijab who has a small child. The young woman just put her son in a cart and I can see that she looks like she's about to cry. So I decide, forget it…I'll take the hit for her. I spin around to Karen and shout: "Oi! I take bloody exception to that! Just because I’m Irish does NOT mean I am or ever was in the IRA”!
I look at both Karen and the young woman. Both were speechless and all Karen does is point at the young woman. So I continue, this time speaking to the young woman: "You saw that, didn’t you?! This lady just called me a bloody terrorist! I might speak Gaelige and wear a Catholic cross! I might even be from Ireland! And darn it I’m bloody proud! But I AM NOT A TERRORIST”!
At this point my manager walks over to see what all the fuss is about. I say: "This lady just called me a terrorist”! I turned to the young woman and asked: "You heard her call me that too, right"? My manager looks at the young woman and instantly catches on. He tells Karen that that kind of conduct is not okay in our store, no matter who it's directed at or why, and that she needs to leave.
Karen, still completely speechless, just turns around and walks out. I turn to the young woman and tell her: "I do apologize about the yelling ma'am, but I’m proud of who I am! If you need anything while you're shopping, just let me or one of my coworkers know”. The woman thanks me and pushes her cart away while sporting the biggest grin.
My manager then makes the comment "Entertainment tonight: $0. Teaching Karen a lesson about discrimination: $0. Seeing that young woman walking away sporting a grin like the Cheshire cat: priceless".
19. Don’t Mess With Me
This happened about five years ago when I moved into a wheelchair-friendly unit. I have parking, but one of the other tenants who doesn’t, James, would constantly park in my car space. Every time I confronted him about it, he claimed not to know anything, but he'd park there anyway. I informed the landlords about this and they sent out constant letters until he finally got the message.
But did he park on the street? Nope. He did something much worse. He started to park his car along the driveway, sometimes blocking my exit. To get out of my door I go down a ramp and then turn onto the driveway, but he would park his car and block my exit. There was no back exit so this was my only way to exit my place. I told the landlords about this and the council parking officer in hopes they could make him stop doing this.
I confronted him a few times and told him not to do this and warned him that his car might get damaged if I try to get my wheelchair around it. But did he listen? Nope. One glorious day when I needed to leave, I saw his car parked halfway across my exit. There was JUST enough room for me to get around, but I knew I would scrape the side of his car with the side of my power wheelchair if I tried to get around it.
I had two options: stay home and miss my appointments or try and get around his car. I went with option B. Before you have a go at me for damaging his car, it was an old beat-up tin can that already had some scratches on it. What's one more? When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. His car was still parked there! So I called a tow truck company and told them there was a car parked and blocking access to my home.
I don't like using my disability to my advantage but I'd had enough! The call went something like this: ME: "Ah, hello? Um, yes. I'm so sorry to b-b-bother you, but I'm in a w-w-wheelchair and I c-c-can't get into my house because there's a c-c-car parked there. It's my n-n-neighbor and he won't stop p-p-parking there. I n-n-need to get inside." "Oh my god, what?? What's the address? We'll be right there!"
10 minutes later, the tow truck arrived. He saw the car and me, stuck out in the driveway with tears (dramatized for effect) in my eyes. Not long before the driver was about to tow the car away, James came out screaming "WAIT!! WHAT AH YA DOIN??? THAT'S MY CARRR!!" The rest was him yelling inaudible sentences asking why his car was being towed and threatening to sue the tow truck company.
He moved away about two years ago, but in the remaining time he lived there, he parked his car on the street.
19. The Best Revenge Is Petty
My mother-in-law is very entitled. She visits and plops herself on the couch and expects us to wait on her hand and foot. The couch may as well be her throne. I had told my wife I had one rule for her visit: no news. I can't stand having the news on. It's nothing but things crafted to get you angry or afraid. My mother-in-law was informed of this multiple times.
However, she insists she can't live without knowing what is going on. As soon as we go to put my daughter to bed, I hear the news on. That’s when I decided to get petty revenge on her. My TV is controlled by Google Home. My phone is tied into the system so acts as a home unit. I tell it to turn off the TV. She puts the TV back on. I turn it off, she turns it back on. I then go into the FIOS app and block news channels.
She does something I didn't realize that could be done and had Google turn on CNN on YouTube, but she doesn't know the difference though between the TV and the YouTube feed so...cue pettier revenge. I use the app to pause the playback. My wife is now trying to laugh quietly. She waits a few minutes, has Google start it again and I immediately pause the playback so she again has a frozen screen.
She is screaming about how the TV is frozen, so I shout down it must be the storm we are having and the cable is down. It gave me such a warm fuzzy feeling.
20. Kiss Off
When I was in the seventh grade, the start-up my dad was a part of was failing miserably in no small part due to a straight-up crazy CEO. While at the CEO’s house, my dad observed the CEO's toddler daughter picking up a piece of dog poop and licking it. So he picked her up and told her to give her dad a big kiss.
21. A Little Humble Pie
Back when I was a waitress, I worked at this BBQ joint that had really narrow, awkwardly arranged tables so I always had to lean a bit over to serve the food. Anyhow, there was this table with a really obnoxious 4-year-old who kept grabbing at everything: My hands, my clothes, the tray I was serving from. He even untied my apron and my pens and cash flew everywhere. This went all through the whole meal.
Meanwhile, the parents didn't do a thing about it. In fact, the dad said it served me right for taking a job in food service. Total jerks, all of them, and I knew I wasn't getting a decent tip. So towards the end of their meal, they order dessert—peanut butter silk pie, which is ooey-gooey sticky pie heaven. I knew just what to do.
I make sure to cover it in an extra mound of whipped cream and balance it precariously on the side of my tray, counter-balanced with a couple of soda refills for the parents. Sure enough, when I got to the table, the little jerk made a grab for the tray and everything conveniently capsized all over him and his parents.
They were covered in diet coke, whipped cream, and the stickiest peanut putter pie you can imagine. I looked appropriately shocked and then said "I am SO sorry. Guess that's what happens when you have kids." Even managed to make it back to the kitchen before I cracked up, along with most of our staff. Serves them right.
22. Flying Too Close to the Sun
While teaching in Japan, one kid was just a little devil. He had no respect for me or the other students. I spoke with my office about this several times, because I felt he was a danger to the other students, but I was told it's Japanese culture to let their kids go wild during childhood because they would soon be under enormous stress once they hit junior high.
Well, this little brat was being particularly annoying one day, and actually shoves a little girl, who just falls face first to the floor and smashes her forehead against the ground. These students are only about four to five years old. When I saw what he'd done, I checked on the girl and saw she had a massive welt, at least the size of a golf ball, if not bigger, swelling up on her forehead.
I call my office to report the incident, while restraining the kid, who proceeds to dig his nails into my arm, which actually draws blood. All they say is try your best for the rest of the lesson and we can try to let the mom of the girl know what's happened. I knew I had to do something. Long story short, we end up drawing pictures at the end of class, and he decides to make a paper air plane instead.
He started to throw it around and was laughing and having a great time. This is when I ruined his day in the best way possible. I snatched it from him and crumpled the paper right there as he looked at me, then I threw it in the trash. The kid loses his mind and just cries uncontrollably for the last few minutes of class. No regrets.
23. Llorar a mares
I had a Spanish teacher, and in order to gain other students' sympathy, she would make fun of one of the students for the entire class. Of course, other students would sometimes laugh because the class was super boring so it was like a show. However, I HATED the whole thing. She would pick the students that didn't reply to her provocation, the low-profile type, and she would say "Oh, it's just a joke!"
One day, she chose the guy that never caused trouble for her next victim. She used him as an example to describe a homeless guy in a picture. After 10 (long) minutes, he stands up and leaves the classroom crying. And when she stops him before he leaves, he turns around the drops the mic. He says his dad passed the previous night and pushed her away.
Once the door closed behind him, she paused for a second, pretending to be crying, and mocked him saying, "My dad just passed cry cry, poor baby" Before I realized it, she had my Spanish book flying in her face, and I called her an "ugly witch." Yeah, yeah, my insult level isn't great in Spanish, but it got the job done!
24. Don’t Stop Believing
My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Furious, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree and twisted in the wrong direction!
Even more angry, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket, and was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.
25. Invasion of Privacy
I took my brother-in-law's landlord to small claims court (He's on SSI and I'm his conservator). We sued her for over $4,000 after she just decided she didn't like him and changed the locks on his apartment door. She also stuffed all of his belongings into trash bags and dragged them out to the curb. This was all done the day after she cashed his rent check.
It all started because she was letting herself into his apartment with no notice and was going through his stuff while he was gone. When I found out about this, I told him to let her know that was NOT okay. He did, and that's why she kicked him out. I'm very organized, and presented the judge with a folder containing photos, receipts, short videos on DVD and the sheriff call logs, as well as a concise timeline of events.
The landlord showed up with her son and countersued for the exact same amount we were suing them for. Claiming that the apartment was trashed, there were holes in the walls and they would have to repair everything before being able to rent again. During the hearing, the judge asked for evidence of the damage to the room.
The son whipped out his cell phone and showed a video panning and walking around the room. The video showed my BIL's apartment obviously still being lived in (his stuff was all still there) and no visible damage, but there were a lot of posters and things hung on the walls. When the judge looked at the video he asked, "Where is the damage?" The son replied, "You can't see it. It's behind all of the posters."
The judge frowned and looked at the video again, and then said, "Did you take this video when he was still living there at this time?" The son replied, "Yes." This was the clincher, the judge then asked, "Did you ask his permission to enter the apartment to take this video?" Silence. We were awarded the full amount.
26. Back off My Buns
There was an elementary school next to my high school, and some of the kids who went there were really messed up. They were like eight or 10, standing outside and being rude little jerks to everyone who walked past them. We were actually shocked with their vocabulary. Anyway, one day I was walking by, alone, eating some buns.
This one kid comes up to me with a smug look on his face and yells, "GIVE ME A BUN, YOU IDIOT!" The look on my face was must have been something like shock or disbelief as I replied, "No! Screw Off!" to him before I turned my back on the kid and started walking away to get to my next class on time. Big. Mistake.
I suddenly feel a slight push and weight added to my back. The kid was hanging on my back, pulling my hair and screaming "GIVE ME A BUN!" I felt like I had been jumped by an angry leper gnome. In my panic, the only thought I had in my head was "OH MY GOD! GET THIS OFF OF ME!” In some weird move worthy of WWE, I spun around quickly while straightening my back and loosened my backpack, which caused this little jerk to fly off me.
He spun around in the air and landed face-first on the concrete. He immediately started crying like the kid he was. I proceeded to walk over to him. His teary, fear-filled eyes stared up at me as I picked up my backpack. I turned my back on him again, picked up a new bun, and enjoyed the fading sound of that brat's crying as I walked away, eating my sweet bun.
27. Leaving His Mark
While teaching in China, I worked in a school where any kids who acted out got physically disciplined. I didn’t take part in that stuff, which worked for me—but it also meant I had to find other ways to punish them in order to get respect. One time, this kid was acting out and would just not listen to me, regardless of my normal go-to methods.
After the third time, I came up with the perfect solution. I placed the student in front of the class, and then asked each student in the class to come up and draw something on his face with a black pen. No remorse, he had it coming.
28. Falling Flat
Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic freaking lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don't know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces. So, after three bouts of this and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box.
I emptied the contents of the lunch box. Then I ran over them with my car. Just completely flattened it all. But that's not even the best part. I then carefully packed it back into his lunch box, and put it back for him to find. I felt bad at first, but it was well worth the effort. He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.
29. Don’t Stop the Party
I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently, often during the week. One day, my roommate who had to be awake early had enough and decided to pee on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party, he pulled the pan out, flipped it upside down to get a frozen disc of pee, then slid that disc under their door where it would soon melt on their fully carpeted entryway.
We woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there about who peed on the floor what was wrong with them. Wish I could say they toned down their parties, but they didn't and eventually got evicted.
30. An Unexpected Journey
When I was a kid, my younger brother and I would go for extra Mandarin lessons after school. Then we'd take the bus back. He would never press the bell for the bus to stop because he knew I'd freak out and press the bell rather than miss the stop. So, one day when he was sitting on the bus, but a row in front of me, I made sure to get off the stop before ours.
I laughed my butt off when I saw the bus miss not just our stop but disappear into the distance. Petty? Sure.
31. Cash and Carry
I occasionally deliver pizza as a part-time job. There is a customer who tends to pay with a big bag of change. I don't mean a bag full of quarters, I mean a bag full of dimes, nickels, and pennies. Since his meal typically costs about $20, the bag usually weighs several pounds. It is a total pain to count out all of the change, so typically drivers will just assume that he has the correct amount and leave.
Usually, he has just enough or maybe a few cents over. I don't think this is an innocent thing either, as he usually gives the bag of change with a big grin. It is such a pain that most of the drivers know his address by heart, and avoid going to his house if at all possible. So, I was having a bad night, and by the luck of the draw got this dude's house.
I remembered reading something involving someone paying in a checkout line with a bag of change, and I knew I could use a similar method to take my frustration out on this guy in the pettiest way possible. I pulled up to his house and left the pizza in the car. I rang the doorbell, and when he answered I saw the large bag of change in his hand that I knew would be there.
He asked where his pizza was, and I said, "New policy, sir. Gotta count it out before we can give out the pizza." So I sat down on his doorstep and started to count out all of the change. At one point, I even asked if he could turn on his porch light, because I was having a hard time seeing. He did end up sitting there while I counted out the entire bag of change, even though it took about ten minutes.
He ended up being about a dollar over, so I started picking up pennies to give him his change back, when he said that I could keep the rest as a tip. When I gave him his pizza, he sheepishly told me sorry and then shut the door. The whole situation was incredibly awkward, and to my knowledge he hasn't ordered pizza from us in a while.
32. Walking on Sunshine
My older brother once threw me into the ceiling and let me drop to the floor. So, for the next year or so, I would always wait until he would leave the room, and then I would go into his closet and pee in his shoes. I didn't tell him for around 20 years. When I finally did, he said "You little jerk! I could never figure out why my feet always smelled so bad!"
33. Family Feud
In grade school when I was about 11 years old, a guy on the school bus relentlessly teased my 9-year-old younger brother. For months, this jerk just wouldn't stop harassing him. I finally got sick of it, confronted him, and told him to knock it off. This didn't slow him down one bit. As soon as I got out of his face, the teasing and badgering continued. So I took it to the next level.
I casually hopped back into the same seat as the jerk and then I slammed his head into the window so hard that the window cracked. He didn't say a word, but I could see him quietly try to cover up his tears. With that done, I went back to my seat. He never messed with my brother again, nor did anybody else on that bus, come to think of it.
Normally I am not a physically aggressive person, but after seeing my little brother tormented every day, I had enough. I never felt bad for hurting the kid, since he had it coming. Still, I surprised myself that I actually did slam him, but I would do it again in a heartbeat to protect my little brother. You don’t mess with my family.
34. Reporting for Duty
My first high school boyfriend was not very good with grades, so he asked me to make him a fake report card to show his parents in order to avoid getting into trouble. He also cheated on me with my best friend and dumped me. He then promised to get back together with me if I forged the report card for him as originally planned.
I agreed to this arrangement, right up until the day when we were meant to get our report cards from school. I abruptly told him that I didn't do it. He got bashed by his dad when he got home for the string of Ds and Fs.
35. Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
I completed my studies in Asia. And as such there are some pretty big cultural differences. One day in class a lecturer who was known for being a little nuts walked into class in a particularly poor mood. As an example we had a student from China whose English was fairly underdeveloped, and he needed to look at the slideshow on his laptop to follow and take notes in his native language. He kicked him out of class because he had his laptop out while he was talking and when he tried to explain, the lecturer threatened to leave the class and file a report against us.
On this day he got upset with me because I mentioned to a nearby classmate that I needed a pen. He shouted at me, saying “You there! Are you having fun?! Do you think you could teach this class?! Come up here and teach! I dare you!” Little did he know I am a certified lecturer and have taught TESOL students young and old for three years. So I did. When I was done with his three page slideshow, I went and sat down in my place. He yelled a little more, then left the class.
36. Two Can Play at That Game
In a previous relationship of mine, my girlfriend cheated on me with some guy we both know. So, to get my revenge, I slept with that guy's girlfriend. We just did it to spite both of them. And it was totally worth it just for the chance to see their reactions when they found out.
37. Very Amusing
When I was about 13 years old, my family had saved up to take us to the Six Flags Over Georgia amusement park. It's about a two-hour drive away from our house, so we left early to get there as soon as it opened. That way, we wouldn't have to fight any crowds at the gate. As we pulled into the parking lot, we found a decent spot in an area that was already packed.
As we started to pull into the spot, a car of four 20-something-year-olds cut us off and took the spot. Ok, whatever we think. But no. To add insult to injury, the driver then got out and yelled, "What the heck are you gonna do about it, loser?" His buddies all had a good laugh and headed over to the gate. I could tell that my dad was steamed, but he kept his mouth shut.
We eventually found another spot and, as we were heading to the gate, my dad said he’d be right back and walked off. Fast forward to the end of the day. The park was closed and we were the last group of people making our way out. We hopped into the car and, lo and behold, as we were leaving the parking lot, we saw the car from earlier with four flat tires and four annoyed guys just sitting there.
My dad drives by them and, without missing a beat, rolls down the window and yells "What the heck are you gonna do about it, losers?" as we drive off into the sunset.
38. Losing Her Professionalism
One day I did something to upset my awful, seventh-grade English teacher. I am not really sure what it was, but man, she was mad. One day, she walked around handing back an assignment and when she got to me, she just looked at me, gave me an evil smile, and kept walking. Knowing I would get a zero if I didn't hand in the assignment, I raised my hand and said “excuse me, I didn’t get a paper.”
She just replied, “don’t talk to me.” I told her I needed a paper to do the assignment, but she just responded with the same words. I went off! I told her she was extremely unprofessional and disgraceful, and that I was going to the principal. I walked out and marched right down to the office. That's where I learned that I was far from the first to complain against this teacher. Surprise, surprise, she "resigned" at the end of the year. Good riddance.
39. A Classic Move
This was my best revenge. I went through an awful divorce. My ex-wife cheated on me, told lies about me, and all throughout the divorce I took the high road and was there for my kids while she disappeared off the face of the Earth. Her birthday was only a couple of weeks after the divorce was final. As the kids were young, I was a good guy and purchased several presents from the kids to her. But I got one special “gift” just from me.
Among the gifts, I bought a necklace with a big red “A” at the end. Her first name is Ann. I had the kids give that to her and she wore her scarlet letter all around town. Most people in our town knew what she had done, and some were even aware of the necklace. Yup, I made my adulterous ex-wife wear the scarlet letter.
40. Shop Till You Drop
While I was out shopping with a friend, there was this little brat running around in the store. His mom was nowhere to be found, and he was just running wild and knocking over stacks of shirts, screaming at the top of his lungs, just acting like a complete and total brat. This went on for at least 5 excruciating minutes, all during the time we're in the line to pay for our items.
Then, we see him running full speed towards us. My friend has had it with this little jerk, so she came up with an ingenious plan. The moment he hit us, she turns around with her newly purchased items and whacks the bag straight into him. The kid immediately starts screaming and crying. We hightailed it out of there, but I have no remorse whatsoever. Honestly, it felt great.
41. Car Trouble
I had a friend in high school who became a jerk during our senior year. There were a bunch of little things that added up to our friendship falling apart. At the worst point of it, I pooped on his car one night. Real simple, I just crawled up on the hood of his car and took a poop on his windshield. I just knew that he'd walk outside the next day and think, "What the heck is this?"
Fun fact: we're actually great friends again now. He still has no idea it was me.
42. Calling His Bluff
I worked in a laboratory for a while and we had this one coworker who was the type that had to one-up everyone and constantly brag about how fantastic he was. He particularly liked to tell us about how much he benches at the gym, but I could always tell he was exaggerating. So one day when he left early, I went over and tightened the lids on all his bottles.
Watching him have to go and ask colleagues to open his bottles for him after all those claims of having superhuman strength was hilarious.
43. If the Shoe Fits
I have spent most of my life being very frugal due to living well below the poverty line since I've been on my own. Coupled with really low self worth, I struggle to ever let myself buy nice things, even when I really want or need them. After completely wearing out a pair of five-year-old flip-flops, I "splurged" and bought myself a new pair...cute, simple, foam platform ones from Target. They were $12.
I felt guilty for days, and almost even returned them. After I got over the guilt, I loved these shoes. Fast forward a few weeks, my good friend's nine-year-old daughter realized that our feet were almost the same size, and started wearing my flip-flops around. I asked her several times to take them off, first nicely, and then firmly and with more force.
My friend yelled at her several times to take them off. The girl's step-father even stepped in and yelled at her several times to leave them alone and take them off. She didn't, and proceeded to trip, ripping the strap clean off of the shoe. I just got up, looked her straight in the eyes, and said, "I can't believe you did that. Thanks a lot."
I didn't talk to her for the rest of evening. I know it sounds so dumb, but I'm still upset about it. I was even all worked up to go buy a new pair, but because stores are dumb and for some reason start phasing out summer items before summer is even half over, the store was all sold out of those flip-flops by mid-June, with no intentions of restocking them. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to look that little girl in the eyes again without thinking "Screw you, you bratty little flip-flop wrecker."
44. A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words
I took screenshot photos from my wife's lover’s Facebook and sent them to the administration of the school he taught at. After all, posting pics of your student’s tests and then making fun of them is not cool at all. He was fired for it at the end of the year. After his dismissal, I divorced my wife and got her removed from her position at a daycare because it was a church-based facility with morality clauses for employment.
All it took was a conversation with the pastor, and she was phased out at the first available opportunity.
45. Don’t Meet Your Heroes
I worked at a Toys R Us twice doing seasonal work around the big holidays, like Christmas and such. Anyway, you have to find ways to amuse yourself and keep from going totally insane with all the bratty kids and exasperated parents. So I did one pretty awful thing that I nonetheless have absolutely no remorse for.
I was scheduled to work the first shift on Black Friday, and they made me wear the Geoffrey the Giraffe costume. First rule is, don't talk. Dance, pose for photos, and keep your mouth shut. Basically, don't ruin it for the kids. But this particularly bratty kid kept punching me “down there” while I was posing with him for the photo. I was in the suit, but it still hurt. Wouldn't cut it out, so after the photo was taken, I got my revenge.
I knelt down, got my giraffe head at his eye level, and whispered, "Your parents told me not to say anything, but you were adopted." That little punk started wailing so loud, crying his eyes out. Best part was, the parents complained, but since I was in costume and they had just hired a bunch of new people, they had no idea who had done it.
46. Justice Is Just Around the Corner
I used to lifeguard while in high school at a community pool with a big twisty water slide. There was always a guard at the slide for safety and what not, and one of the things we had to watch for were those kid's bathing suits with the built-in lifejacket. Due to the life jacket, inevitably the kids would end up hitting their heads pretty hard against the walls of the slide around the twists. Like, every time.
So one day, a boy wearing a lifejacket suit wants to go down the slide while I'm on duty. I told him that he wasn’t allowed due to the risk of injury. Five minutes later, the boy's mom comes up to me and starts yelling about how I wouldn't let her kid on the slide. So I calmly explain our policy due to past incidents, but she's having none of it.
The whole time, the kid was standing behind his mom with this smug look, like he knew he was going to get what he wants. So after a few minutes of this, I gave up and just said, "Fine go down the slide. Prove me wrong." Sure enough, as he's about halfway down, I hear two loud bangs as he gets thrown around in the slide.
As soon as he exits the slide, he starts crying. I, of course, would have administered first aid (give him an ice pack) because it's my job, but the mom just grabbed him, still crying, and left without making eye contact with anyone. I know it was probably more of the mom's fault than the kid's, but wiping that look off his face was incredibly gratifying.
47. Juvenile Delinquents
When I was about 8 years old, my 4-year-old sister broke a toy of mine. So, I convinced her to brush her teeth with mascara by saying that it was a special type of toothpaste. She did not enjoy it.
48. Scooby Doo Doo
My ex-girlfriend’s neighbor was always accusing her of not picking up after her dog. One day, my ex opens her front door and finds many piles of dog poo there on the step—obviously placed there by the neighbor. My ex then takes a bucket, puts all of the turds inside, fills the bucket with hot water, and walks over to the neighbor's house. When the neighbor answers the door, my ex throws the hot bucket of dog poop water right in the lady's face—and into her house. My ex was busted for assault. Worth it though.
49. By Popular Vote
High school. We were in history class, and I really had to go to the bathroom. A girl was already out and we were only allowed to leave one at a time. Fine. However, this girl often goes to the bathroom then just hangs out and is gone for like 30 minutes. So, after 20 minutes I had to really go. I asked to use the bathroom again. DENIED.
Teacher said someone was out already. I said she has been out for almost the entire class, I need to go. Someone texts the girl, she appears. Looks ticked. Yells at me in the hall. I didn't have to wait long to get a satisfying revenge. See, she was trying to become our homeroom class president. Not really a serious position, but it was leadership for her college applications, and the "debate" was that day.
Our class was about 30 kids. Two people were running: that girl and another. They said their two-minute speeches. At the point where we cast our votes, I had a little group of my friends in the class vote for a third party—a guy she hated. He was elected and she lost a line in her college resume to a guy who didn't even want the spot.
50. Don’t Lose Your Cool
My ex-boyfriend was a manager at a restaurant and would bring home tons of food in fancy coolers that belonged to the restaurant—and that he did not have permission to be taking home. After he cheated on me, I called the franchise owner and explained that I was moving and wanted to return all the coolers. He lost his job.
51. Picture Perfect
My then-high school girlfriend was a total jerk and wanted me to abandon all of my friends. She would always try to bring me down in any way she could. When I finally got fed up, I had my revenge by breaking up with her on photo day. As a result, she had to take her photos with mascara running all over her face. Two days later, I told her that I was sorry and that I wanted to get back together.
She liked having someone to walk all over, so of course, she said yes. But I wasn’t done yet. I then broke up with her again on retake day. Nailed it!
52. Drop Everything!
My friend got taken advantage of and abused by a frat boy about a decade ago at a well-known local university. Despite a ton of evidence against him, he was never busted, never expelled, and never had to face any sort of penalty for this. On top of that, he managed to blame the whole thing on my friend, claiming that she fabricated the allegations because he wouldn’t break up with his girlfriend for her. Pretty charming guy, right?
I put hot pepper extract into his eye drops for revenge.
53. Field Day Fun
In the second grade, there was a girl who got seriously angry because the teacher said she couldn't participate in Field Day. The teacher said that I couldn't either because I didn't put my name on the paper. I wanted to cry. Meanwhile, the other girl went with fury over sadness. It was an incredible sight to behold. This eight-year-old girl gave the teacher the middle finger, yelled out the F word, and called the teacher a witch.
I was shocked because I was only seven. She kept calling the teacher names, and we laughed so hard. The teacher stopped teaching and cried in front of the class. The principal was called, and she got kicked out of school. Field Day was canceled. The thing was that the teacher would always mess with the girl and the girl had enough.
54. Mr. Rugby
When I was in high school, we had this small, angry teacher that played rugby—or at least tried to—that was always belittling students to feel better about himself. One day we had physical education and our teacher couldn’t come, so the small and always moody teacher that played rugby came to replace her. The little teacher was trying to show off his rugby skills and made our class play some game where we had to tackle whoever had the ball.
We didn’t tackle hard enough so the little guy joined to tackle some students and show off his grandness. He was having fun being unstoppable and yelling at us if that was all we could do. I was quite mad, and I raged full speed at him. I was a freight train. Choo! Choo! The little teacher got tackled and smashed into the ground so hard. That was something our class laughed about all year.
55. Diaper up
We had a guy in our office take a dump in the bathroom every day after lunch, and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn't listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork, so five minutes before he went in, I took all the toilet paper.
That's right. I forced the man to live with a dirty butt.
56. Slaying the Cyclops
When I was a senior in high school, I had an AP English teacher that would grade people "based on how much she liked them." I had long hair and stretched earlobes, and she despised me even though I was an excellent student. She claimed that I didn’t turn in assignments on time to justify my grades, so I spoke with my guidance counsellor, and she investigated for me.
It turns out that she had sorted completed assignments into piles of "good" and "bad" and would arbitrarily grade the papers based on who she felt sucked up to her the most that day. I presented a long, detailed book report on The Odyssey, and she gave me a D. I told her "Screw you, this is the end of your career" and walked out.
She didn't realize that I had sent an identical copy to the guidance counsellor. She presented it to the school board, eventually got her fired, and the best part was she was also a drivers ed instructor and lost her job doing that as well. Apparently, I wasn't the first to speak up about her, but I was the one that put the nail in the coffin. It felt great.
57. Machine Half Empty
While working for a small machine shop, a customer kept stalling about paying for some work we did. He was supposed to pay the fee before getting his machine, but he insisted that he needed it right away and would pay the second half of the amount in a month. So, we cut his machine in half and said we'll give him the other half in a month or so.
58. A Punishment That Fits
My brother has always been one of those evil geniuses thinking ten steps ahead of everyone else. In kindergarten, he went to a fancy private school and used to get picked on a lot for wearing glasses. The one time he actually fought back in self-defense, he got sent to the principal's office and lost recess privileges for a week.
This was in January. He held onto that resentment all year long. Fast forward to the last day of school for that year. My brother consumed as many liquids as he possibly could, and then didn't use the bathroom all day. In the last hour of the day, he snuck into the principal's office and peed everywhere. We're talking on all four walls, on the floor, and even on the ceiling.
And that's how you get revenge in a totally epic way. That’s also how you get expelled from private school while you’re still in kindergarten…
59. Catching Up
My coworker often throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can't stand the smell of old ketchup that's been sitting out for a couple hours. I've asked her several times to stop. She just waits until I go to the bathroom, does it, and then hides my garbage can under my desk thinking I won't notice.
So now, every time she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There's 6 in there now, and the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn't noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.
60. Prank King Dethroned
Back when I was studying engineering, it occurred to me to try and find an app on my iPhone for those Panasonic projectors in lecture rooms. So, I got the app and it just let me connect to the one in the class without a password or anything. I have a friend who is one of those perpetual pranksters, so I knew just what to do with it.
I beam a picture of him onto the projector. The lecturer is just talking away and this goofy picture of my friend is on the screen. Lecturer does not realize yet. People in the lecture start waking up and giggling a bit. Now I use the pen function and draw a wiener on the picture, too. My friend was red in the face and trying to hide.
When the lecturer finally noticed, he totally called out my friend: "Michael, why is there a picture of you on the screen?" For a fleeting moment, I actually wrecked that dude.
61. How to Buy Love
My boyfriend's uncle and seven-year-old cousin live upstairs from us. His cousin has a tendency to be a little bratty girl. One day, I was holding her dog when she came over and yanked her from my arms. No more than 20 minutes later, I went out and bought some dog treats. Every day when I come home, I give the dog a treat. Now the dog waits by our door instead of hers.
62. Pity Puddle
When I was a kid, I had a bed wetting problem. I'm not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problems. At the time, however, it was humiliating. Even worse, my younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified. Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued.
So, I decided to level the playing field. The whole "hand in a cup of warm water" deal didn't work. So I stood over him as he slept one night and peed on him. The next morning, my mom thought we were both wetting the bed. After a few more times of "framing" my brother as a bed-wetter, he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.
63. Anonymous Tip
A young guy was constantly speeding through my neighborhood. He would get home from work around the same time every day and would always rip it down the street to his driveway. So, I called the city and had a cop come out and do radar exactly when he would be arriving.
He got a dangerous driving charge and stopped speeding around here.
64. Horrible Bosses
I used to work shifts many years ago, including regular night shifts. My boss was an unpleasant person, to say the least. He would leave his keys on top of his locker. One night I took a small file to work and filed down one or two teeth of his front door key. The next day, he was telling everyone about how he got home and his door lock was broken and he had to get a locksmith out.
Happened again a couple of months later. Then his car key got some treatment. I stopped after that, as I heard him mention it was getting suspicious that all these locks stopped working. But that’s not the best part. Unknown to me, other colleagues also disliked him. One night his locker disappeared entirely. Rumor has it that it's part of the foundations of an office block in London now.
65. Special Delivery!
In college, I lived with several guys in a suite. One dude liked to call me "chunky A.” Yes, I was chubby, and I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continuing to lose more. Still, at the time I was self-conscious about it and I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more. That was the final straw.
I proceeded to call up every infomercial I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, and information about adult bedwetting. He was not too impressed when the mail started coming in. He accused me of it, but I played innocent. And then I took it up a notch.
I kept it up for two years while he lived there in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off-campus place, so I found out where he lived. I then waited a couple of months and started the process all over again. Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail. It was probably the most savage thing I’ve ever done. I have no regrets.
66. Bowling Him Over
My two-year-old cousin was being a huge brat. He kept challenging all the adults to Wii Bowling and crushing them, which is cool, but he was just being really obnoxious about winning. The rest of the family was pretty oblivious, and actually found it cute. He's 12, so I have no problem with him being obnoxious to me, but I knew if he did that in the playground, he could potentially get his butt kicked.
He had some hearing problems when he was a baby, so he was in a special school to help him catch up, and I don't believe that school had normal recess—so he wouldn't learn about not being a jerk until it was too late. I didn't want him to enter normal high school and just think this could fly. So, I said, "Ooh, Wii Bowling? I'll play you." I scored a 264 to his 140, and I didn't say a word about it. I never taunted him, I just played and put the controller down. He wasn't so obnoxious after that.
67. Not Book Smart
I did this unintentionally, but when I saw the payoff, I had no regret whatsoever. I used to live with my two younger cousins. They were seven and four at the time. They always came into my room and messed it up, awful stuff like peeing on my shirt and tearing up my books. I couldn’t lock my room, because my aunt had an open-door policy in her home.
So I had to put my school bags and projects on the top of the shelf, which is about seven-feet high. Well, one day those brats come in, try to climb the bookshelf, and it ends up tipping and they fall off. They both had to get stitches.
68. Skate on by
I was working at a surf/skate shop when I was 18 in the late 1990s. A mom comes in, complains that her kid's skate shoes are showing wear on the toe…because the kid is actually using them. She yelled at her kid in front of us, and then demanded a full refund. I told her that the shoes are not indestructible, they just tend to last longer than most shoes.
She freaks and demands to see a manager. I turn around to walk to the back, and then turn around to face her, and say, "Yes, I am a manager. Can I help you?" The lady freaked the heck out, yelled at everyone, and stormed out. The best part was that I wasn't a manager, and my manager was watching the entire thing go down. He loved it.
69. Ice Cold
This happened about eight years ago, and I was 22 at the time. The ice cream truck guy in my neighborhood made an announcement that he had one Choco Taco left. I wasn't really wanting one, but upon hearing that announcement and being a sucker for the frozen confection, I decided to make a mad dash for the bright green truck.
The neighborhood brat obviously also heard the last call and was hustling to the truck. Haha little jerk, I'm older and faster than you. I passed him, laughing loudly as I could hear him pleading with me to let him get there first. Too darned bad. This is called Natural Selection, and I made it to the truck about half a block ahead of the kid. The ice cream truck gave me a funny look as I proudly pulled out my $2 and got my Choco Taco.
70. If the Shoe Fits
Being the youngest brother, I would only get hand-me-downs. My older brother rubbed it in my face that he got a brand new pair of PF Flyer shoes after The Sandlot came out. Every day, I would stuff the toe of the shoes with tissue paper, adding a little more each day, until he thought he outgrew them. Got slightly worn, PF Flyers, after about a month.
71. Keep Your Friends Close…
A girl on my softball team antagonized me and spread rumors about me to the team and coaches. We were competing for the same position. She was in my geometry class and tried to buddy up to me because I was good at geometry, and she wasn't. So for a while, I let her copy my homework, then one day I gave her all the wrong answers and turned in the right answers for myself.
72. Call on Me
When I was a kid, I attempted to call my aunt. For whatever reason, I accidentally dialed a 6 instead of a 3 and this man cursed me out for being a telemarketer. I was so stunned, I didn't even hang up initially. My petty revenge was giving the number to all my friends, and for about two weeks we called him every day at all hours.
73. Surprise Ending
My neighbor's dog poops in our yard all of the time. It wouldn't be a big deal, except he never cleans up after her. I finally had enough, so I decided to go with a classic. I put a flaming bag of his dog's poop on his porch, rang the bell, and hid in the bushes. When he answered the door, I finally got my revenge by having an affair with his wife for the last three and a half years.
74. Popping Off
When I was a kid, I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch "Handbook." It was full of kiddie experiments and stuff, and it was pretty fun. My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the "tricks" from the book. You fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, and put some tinfoil on top of the cup. It worked too well.
The kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil, but it takes a few days to "work." I put it right under her bed and then I completely forgot about it....until one night I woke up to my two sisters screaming like crazy. It had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.
75. 20/20 Vision
I got reviewed at work by a manager I had never met before. I had done everything I was always told to do, and more, but he still marked me low. I know it's because they wanted to avoid giving me a raise. He told me I didn't go the extra mile. I pointed out that I always do. His response? "Well, I never see you do it.”
I said, "Well, maybe if management actually paid attention, you'd have seen me." That got him to yell at me and mark me poorly for attitude. Later on, he came up to me and asked me if I could stay late. Given that I'd previously told him I didn't have anything else to do the next day, he probably thought I'd say yes.
I looked him in the eyes and said "Sorry, but I don't see that you guys need my help."
76. Cheaters Never Prosper
I knew a crazy kid in elementary school. Kid jumped across the table and tried to choke me out. I instigated it by saying he was "cuckoo for cocoa puffs" since that was the only thing that kid ever talked about and he was wearing a cocoa puffs shirt that day. Senior year of high school, turns out that kid was in my Design class.
I needed to get a C or better on the final. Over the year, I found out the kid was taking my work off my share drive and copying it. For the final, I purposely screwed up the drawing in my folder, but the kid didn't double check it. He turned it in and failed and had to go back and be a super senior. Too bad for you, my dude.
77. Pick Your Poison
I'm immune to poison ivy, so I was always uprooting it for my parents in our yard. We had about a full acre of it. One day, I happened to have left a whole pile of it in this concrete area behind our garage because I was too lazy to dispose of it properly and wanted to go fishing. I headed over to a fishing pond across this canal in my neighborhood.
I didn't always have a functioning bike, and the walk was only about a mile. On this particular day, as I was making my way over, a “big kid” who was probably about two or three years older than me happened to be passing by. He was a real jerk. He’d always do stuff like ride by me on his bike and act like he was gonna high-five me, but then just smack my face and ride off laughing.
Anyway, as he was passing by on his bike that day, he decided to pull that stunt again and I went back home feeling upset. I wanted revenge. I got my super soaker and was gonna shoot him if he messed with me again. Then I saw the poison ivy and got an evil idea. I poured it into a bucket with some water, stirred it all up good, then dumped the mixture into my super soaker.
I went back to the pond as soon as everything was ready. On the way back home, he came around and tried messing with me again. I hosed him down with my super soaker. He started freaking out and broke the super soaker, but man was it worth it! He had no idea what had hit him! From what I heard, he didn't go back to school for almost two weeks after that.
78. Cart Him, Boys
I work at a supermarket, and I once told a kid who was running around screaming that he had to go to “grocery jail.” He probably thought I was lying at the time, but nope, I certainly was not. I made him sit in a shopping cart lined with Limburger cheese next to me until his parents showed up. I think they were just happy to have him out of the way.
79. Dust in the Wind
There was this co-worker who had always been a jerk to me. I was sweeping the shop and had perfect access to a huge pile of dust, dirt, metallic scraps, rust, and various debris. I noticed that he was sitting right by a vent that a hole on my side of the room led right to. I slapped the broom across it.
It sprayed all over him and he never knew where it came from.
80. Out to Lunch
When we fell on some hard times many years ago, my wife took a pretty shady job at a local factory. The first two weeks she was there, she had her lunch stolen at least five or six times. Even open drinks. I was pretty furious. I would often grill for her or make her lunch, yet she was going hungry.
One night, I bought a big Gatorade and mixed in a box of women's laxatives, both red in color. We found out who the thief was.
81. Family Time
Back in high school, I dated a girl for six months. She then apparently decided it wasn't working out anymore and cheated on me with about six different guys before stealing my iPhone and wallet to buy illicit substances. I wanted to report her to the authorities like my parents had encouraged me to. However, to prevent me from doing so, her brother jumped me while I was walking home with his friends and busted open my lip pretty badly.
He threatened to hurt me if I reported him or his sister. This is south Florida, so I believed he really would do it. My dad eventually got a new job and we moved to a new city, but I was still upset about this whole situation. So, I did the next best thing to reporting them. I created two fake Facebook accounts of a random hot girl and guy, spent some time making them look legit with friends and all, and then added the brother on Facebook as the girl and my ex as the guy.
It wasn't too long before he started flirting "me" up and trying his best to impress this girl. On the other hand, having already courted my now ex, I knew exactly what to say to charm her to the point of falling in love with me. This is where it all begins to get fun. I started a text relationship between the brother and sister, with myself as the intermediate thanks to Google voice.
Both of them had fairly typical south Florida bodies, so nothing really gave anything away when I would send each of them the other’s revealing photos as the “new friends’ bodies.” I also did a fair amount of Photoshopping to remove identifiers in the room that may give the truth away. This went on for about a month and a half, totaling about 200 or so private photos between the two of them.
That’s when I decided to reveal the curtain and send a group of unedited pictures to each of them. Pictures that included key identifiers, including their faces and rooms. Oh holy moly, how things went down! They were both clearly very disturbed thinking that their sibling had tricked them into dirty texting for such a long time.
I only wish I had some way to have actually seen how they reacted. Friends who still lived in that area later told me that her brother moved in with his dad that week and that the siblings no longer spoke to one another. All in all, it took about four months for me to get my revenge, but it was absolutely amazing.
82. Tacky
A mean kid repeatedly knocked a binder out my best friend's hands every single day while we walked down the halls at school. I decided that he and I needed to get revenge. Now, this was in the era before "be nice" PSAs and whatnot, so we were really left to our own devices. We came up with a plan so devious that it would never fly nowadays.
I convinced my friend to stick thumb tacks through an entire side of his binder, turning it into an extremely dangerous spiked weapon. I also instructed him to just hold on extra tight while waiting for the jerk to come and do his thing. The jerk soon arrived and lacerated his hand pretty badly. After he slammed his hand down into it, my friend held on and yanked back.
The idiot didn't try that garbage again from that day forth.
83. Car Disservice
I took my 15-year-old nephew and his five friends to the movies at the mall. I overheard him talking about how I am his chauffeur and how I'll treat him to a Starbucks after the movie. So I parked my car in another parking lot and did not answer my phone. I just sat back and watched as my nephew looked for my car and me for about 30 minutes.
None of them had any money and by the time I answered him, they were all meek and subservient.
84. Fly by Night
My wife stayed up late binge watching Narcos the other night and woke me up by being really loud when she came to bed. I couldn't get back to sleep and I was super irritated about it. I mean, just be quiet when you come to bed. You don't have to "THIS IS SPARTA!!" kick the door open, turn on both lamps and the overhead, and then come to bed.
Anyway, I'm a commercial helicopter pilot, and I had a 6 AM flight that morning. So I decided to take a short detour and flew a few laps right over our bedroom to wake her up. When I landed, I had a text from her calling me a huge jerk. Vindication feels pretty sweet y'all. Though I’d like to say, sorry neighbors.
85. Semantics in the Court
I witnessed a pathologist win a case in court by destroying the defense's credibility. The question was over whether or not carbon monoxide inhalation could have caused certain signs in an individual, but the defense didn't study their chemistry very well and kept asking the pathologist whether "carbon dioxide" could have caused these signs.
After thoroughly frustrating the defense by answering his questions "incorrectly," the pathologist said very loudly, "OH I'm sorry, did you mean carbon monoxide? Because that's a completely different thing." Completely destroyed the defense's credibility in front of the jury. They were done after that. So, I guess the opposing counsel screwed himself by not picking up a book.
86. I Know You Are, But What Am I?
Every time I end up stuck in a checkout line with whiny, crying little children where the parents of said whiny little brat aren't doing a thing, I will calmly turn to the brat and repeat whatever they are crying about back at them, in the exact same tone, at full volume. "MOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY, I WANT IT I WANT IT IWANTITIWANTITIWANTITIWANTIT!!!!!"
That coming from a fully-grown woman and directed at a squalling brat will shut the kid up so fast, you wouldn't believe it. Of course, the entire checkout line then awkwardly avoids eye contact with me for the rest of the trip, but I have a smartphone so it's all good. And, bonus: now I don’t have to listen to any crying children. I'll call that a win.
87. Self-Defense
A few years back, I was the assistant manager at my karate studio. It was a slow, quiet day when in walked Paul, my old tormenter from public school. I wasn't sure it was him at first. It had been a long time, and it was hard to tell. I didn't say anything. Paul was interested in joining the dojo, so I showed him around, discussed pricing, etc.
At the end of the tour, Paul decided to join our dojo. We sat down in the office and he filled out the paperwork. When he wrote his name out on the application, I knew for sure that this was, indeed, my old enemy. The guy who used to torment me every single weekday. Who made me kneel in dog poop. That's when I came up with an ingenious plan.
I still didn't say anything until after he had pre-paid me for an entire year's membership. As I walked him to the door, I smiled. "I'm really looking forward to training with you," I said. "Thanks, me too," Paul said. I then said: "You don't recognize me, do you?" He replied: "No, should I?" I said: "Yes. We went to school together, grades three through eight. You bullied me every day, and made my life miserable. Can't wait to see you in class."
Paul went white, and walked out without saying another word. He never walked back in. He willingly threw away a year's membership payment, almost $500, rather than have to be in the same class with me. That was one of the single greatest moments of my life. Karma is a beautiful thing, even if it happens many years down the road.
88. It’s Payback Time
My roommate in college had only child syndrome and taped a piece of paper over her clock because she didn’t want to “share it with me.” Never mind that she couldn’t see the clock herself, but she would rather no one see the clock than share the clock with my eyes. So, from then on, I would take one sock from a set once a week.
It was slow enough that she didn’t realize it was me sabotaging her socks, but fast enough for her to be really annoyed and wondering that the heck was happening to all of her matching socks.
89. Ex-Communicated
Years ago, I had a girl cheat on me with her ex. I never told her I knew, but inevitably broke up a week or two later "mutually"... I knew full well she would return to her ex immediately. Well, she did. I was bitter, but held it together. Then a month later, by a complete stroke of luck, I ended up with the ex/new boyfriend’s phone number.
A female friend of mine wanted to help me and posed as his "side chick." She called and texted him every night for a week asking when he was going to screw her again, and saying she "can't wait to see him again when his girlfriend goes to work." I'd listen in to the calls, and every call we'd hear my ex in the background going crazy about it.
Sometimes she'd even answer the phone. My friend did a terrific job. After a week, we decided to up the ante. We drove by her house and his car was parked outside with the windows down. We put a pair of panties in the backseat. A few days later, I get a call from my ex, who had suddenly decided she wanted to return to me. Then I turned her down.
90. Diet Trouble
In 2003, my office got a new secretary and a new manager. The secretary, a thin blonde, was a vile she-devil. She wouldn't do anything the staff asked her to (i.e. find info, set up calls, get coffee for anyone who wasn't herself) and the manager wouldn't do anything about it. She was also extremely rude and terrible to all of us.
We joked that her job title was "Internet Quality Control" because she more or less just sent personal emails and played on Myspace all day. When she overheard this joke one time, she literally went running to the manager in tears. Then, one day, I got a rather large jar of candy as a gift and she just about single-handedly consumed half of it, which annoyed me pretty good.
Then, later that week, I brought in a dozen donuts and she ate half of them on her own. Upon putting the facts together, our web designer, editor, and I decided to fuel the fire in something we called "Operation: Butter-Up," where we would get our revenge by each bringing in large bags of candy to continuously fill up my jar as fast as she could empty it.
Over the course of three months, she put on twenty pounds. In a year's time, she was unrecognizable. Along with being a crank, she was an idiot and couldn't figure out how this had happened. Several times a week, we provided her sweets and snacks of every kind until her boyfriend dumped her. That milestone was about eight months into the project.
Pretty soon she had to get a whole new wardrobe. We lucked out because she was rather stupid, but we had more diabolical measures lined up if she stopped eating the candy. Those were mostly things along the lines of mixing in weight-gainer to the non-dairy creamer she was using, and tricks of that nature. That was in 2003.
91. Making Your Mark
One day, I'm biking my dog around my neighborhood. Some guy almost runs me over with his SUV while laughing and turning onto his driveway. I have to jump off my bike to avoid him. I get really angry and start punching and kicking his car like a lunatic. He gets scared and stays inside his car. I walk to the back of his vehicle, pull out my pocketknife, and put a huge gash along his back door with a huge grin on my face just to freak him out more.
I then go back to my bike with my dog waiting patiently because he's never seen me that mad, and we bike off together into the sunset.
92. Pigging Out
This one time, when I was about 15 or 16 years old, I was about to walk inside my building and had just placed the keys into the lock when, reflected in the door, I saw two girls walking by behind me. I could actually hear one of them say, as she pointed at me: "Let's talk to this guy." But then her friend said: "No, not him, he's ugly. Let's go."
I was really upset. The girl that actually wanted to talk to me was cute and everything, man. So, not only did her friend ruin a potential opportunity for me, but she also called me ugly. And that hurt! I walked upstairs, entered my apartment, and then walked over to the balcony to see if I could still spot the girls.
There they were; I could clearly see them standing right across the street, talking to each other. The friend was now being loud and obnoxious. That did it for me. I walked back into the kitchen, grabbed a slice of ham, and swoosh—I threw it at the girl. Direct hit. She had a total "What the heck?" look on her face, which made me smile.
In retrospect, that was a stupid thing to do and I wouldn't do it again, but at that moment, it felt great.
93. Fly Me to the Moon
My friend and I were fishing at a local creek one afternoon when his brother pulled up. Being the jerk that he normally was, he started throwing rocks in the creek to scare all the fish away. Then, he threw my friend's bike into the creek. We were only 13 years old at the time. My friend was crying and I felt so bad for him.
I jumped into the creek and got his bike out, then told him we would get back at his brother. About a month later, we were fishing again and it was the middle of summer. I told my friend that today was the day we would get his brother back. We caught a two-pound carp, threw it up on the side of the bank, and left it there until we were done fishing.
At the end of the night, we went back to his place. His brother's car was sitting on the street. We took the carp, sliced it open, and threw it under the driver's seat before rolling his windows up about a third of the way. The next morning, by the time we woke and left, I had forgotten all about what we had done.
Well, when I rode past the brother’s car on my way out, I noticed the window was kind of black. Then, I took a closer look and realized it was completely covered in flies. I actually got scared because I did not expect to see that. But by the time I got home, I was laughing in tears because his brother was always such a jerk to us.
Fast forward to baseball practice about three days later. My friend showed up with a black eye, but smiled at me when we made eye contact. Apparently, his brother had flipped out, ran into the house, and punched my friend in the face. His mom flipped out on his brother, and his brother was grounded for the rest of summer. His mom said that my friend would never do such a thing, so he played along and acted as if he had no idea.
Apparently, the smell never really left the car. We nicknamed his brother “Lord of the Flies.”
94. He’ll Be Watching You
I did a math test and, on the paper, you could ONLY mark your answer and had to do the calculations on another sheet. Long story short, my teacher lost my calculations paper and wouldn’t admit it. He said I didn’t hand it over, claiming that I cheated and calling me names. So, I went to the school supervisor and asked to take the test again, and she let me.
My teacher asked to look while I did the test, and he made it, immensely more difficult. Guess what!? I freaking aced it, right in front of him. He hated my guts for the rest of high school and I couldn’t care less.
95. The Dog Days of Science
When I was in eighth grade, I had a crazy science teacher who thought it was a good idea to bring her dogs to lessons in the science lab...even though two kids were allergic to dogs. The day before the last test of the year, she decided to give us an extra 16 pages of new material to learn by ourselves that would appear on the test. Needless to say, everyone lost their mind and started complaining. I wrote her an angry letter and by the end of the year she got fired.
96. A Hairy Situation
Okay, this one is pretty gross. Growing up in a house of only girls, personal space does not exist even a little bit. We used to bathe in front of each other, and even use the bathroom in front of each other. There are no boundaries, nothing was off limits. Even so, my younger sister was NOTORIOUS for shaving "down there" in the tub.
She was also notorious for not rinsing it out when she was done. Pubes. Everywhere. One day, she was taking a bath and I asked her to rinse when she was done, because I planned on taking a bath afterwards. She told me to screw off. So, I reached in my pants, snipped off a chunk of pubes, tossed them in the tub with her, and walked out.
97. Bro, You Can Tell Me Anything
Back in college, I was sitting in the library trying to work on an assignment. All was quiet for a while, until this one obnoxious guy came in and sat at a table near me. He proceeded to pull out his phone and have the loudest, most obnoxious conversation with one of his friends. Lots of "BRO, SERIOUSLY BRO?" and yadda yadda.
I was about to pack up my things and find somewhere else to work when the conversation turned to Netflix. The guy told his friend he should just use his account and proceeded to loudly state his email address and password for all in the room to hear. Obviously, this was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up.
So, I promptly logged into his Netflix account and navigated to the "LGBT" section and started adding the gayest movies I could find to the top of the queue. I like to think that both the guys ended up thinking the other one added the movies to the queue but were too shocked to ever say anything to each other.
98. Falling for You
I used to deliver pizza, and one time I had a delivery to a brownstone house with a small stoop. It was either Christmas or Thanksgiving week and we had snow/ice a couple of days beforehand. Well, I pull up, and there must have been some sort of family gathering at the house because there were a handful of people outside talking.
When I get out of the car, one of the people on the porch opened the door and yelled into whoever was supposed to come out and pay for the food. The woman came to the door as I was walking up the sidewalk. I was carrying a cut pie with a couple of bags filled with wings or whatever inside. I had a decent amount of food in my hands.
But as I was walking, I slipped on ice and fell onto the sidewalk while everyone was watching. The massive pizza fell facedown, box open, onto the icy sidewalk to the horror of the hungry onlookers. I remember being on the ground, in the process of getting up, picking the pizza up off the ground, and hearing this woman screaming at me.
She was so mad that I dropped her food. She didn't offer to help me up, she didn't ask if I was ok, she didn't apologize for having ice on her sidewalk, she just flipped out on me. So now I'm standing there with a mutilated pizza hearing this old woman ream me out in front of her family. I apologized as soon as I fell, but she didn't care. For at least 20-30 seconds she went in on me for dropping the pizza.
So I threw the pizza at her feet onto her porch and got into my car and left. I took her chicken wings with me so I had some sort of proof that I didn't deliver the food and I didn't get paid for it. I have a lot of stories from delivering, for some reason, this stuck with me for like ten years now.
99. You’ll Get a Kick Out of This One
Back in sixth grade, some kid at my school made a snide remark in class about my name, and the whole class laughed about it. I was extremely embarrassed. So when I saw him in the hallway carrying books the next day, I kicked the back of his knee as hard as I possibly could. He went crashing down head first onto the ground.
The sound of his teeth slamming into the hard floor still fills the spaces between my thoughts.
100. Selective Memory
My mom was a language teacher at my high school, and years after I had graduated, she called me kind of upset because a group of guys was trying to make her look dumb. The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish. They had a week or so to prepare it, then they had to perform it in front of the class.
When she called on them to do theirs, they said: "But we already did ours, we're not doing it again." She said, "You definitely didn't do it, I don't have any record of it here and I would remember it if you had." They simply refused to do it, insisting they already performed it and that it was her fault she didn't take notes or put their scores down.
She was in the middle of questioning herself when one of the good kids came and told her the truth. They hadn't really done it, and they had just been bragging about making her look stupid. They apparently even threatened the class if they said anything. Well, obviously my mom was appalled, but she came up with an amazing revenge plot.
My mom was really into yoga at the time and got a great idea while meditating. She went in the next day and said, "Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation and I do remember it, I don't know how I forgot!" She then went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, all their word choice flaws, everything. All made up. She failed them all on the project, and they couldn't do a thing about it without admitting they'd made it all up.
101. Simple Physics
I remember having to defend myself on a speeding accusation. I had footage of the dashcam, which clearly showed me not speeding. I was going 30 mph, but the officer claimed I was driving 50 mph. The dashcam footage showed him driving at 40 mph and catching up to me fairly quickly. That’s when he decided to pipe in and make a fool of himself.
He asked, "If you were really going 30, then why did I have to go 40 to catch up to you?” I responded, “Because in order to catch up to anything, you have to go faster than what you're following. If I was going 50, you would have never caught up to me while going 40.”
102. No Parking Zone
I lived in a duplex that shared one large driveway with another duplex. Parking could be tight, but all of us cooperated and made the best of it, except for one woman. She left a note on my car two days after my husband and I moved in, telling me not to park there because she didn’t like that I was "in front of her door."
I was at least 15 feet away from her house and that was the only spot I could park in without blocking anyone else. I left her a note back explaining this. She banged on my door at 11 PM and screamed at us, calling me the c-word, and demanding that I get rid of my car. We eventually shut the door on her. The nasty notes persisted and were ignored.
I confirmed with my landlord that this is where I should be parking and he said yes, ignore her. Then, she started barricading that part of the driveway, so that every day when I got home, I would have to get out of my car and move her stuff before I could park. This became a real pain in the neck when I broke my elbow.
She used her trash can, a pedestal with a birdcage on it, and a bench to block the driveway and I had to move all of them to park. I started just picking them up and gently moving them towards her porch. Then she came up with something else. She started putting Vaseline on them. I grabbed her trash can and got a gloppy handful of Vaseline. Sure enough, everything else was coated in it as well.
I decided to use my foot to push everything up against her house. Mind you, nothing was damaged or knocked over, just moved. She called law enforcement and reported that she saw me vandalizing her things by picking them up and throwing them into her house, kicking stuff over, and smashing them into the ground. The officer was angry.
He thought that I was the teenage girlfriend of the guy who lived there, not the adult leaseholder. So he pounded on the door yelling, "Sheriff's department! Come outside!" We went outside. He pointed to me and asked, "Are you the girlfriend!?" I resisted the urge to say something snarky in response to what I found to be a misogynistic and demeaning statement.
He went off on me saying, "Your behavior needs to stop right now, I don't know where you're from, but in [town] we do not tolerate this kind of disrespect blah blah blah!" Well, he didn’t know what he was in for. 15 minutes later, once we'd gotten a word in edgewise, he changed his tune pretty quick. He realized he'd been misled by our neighbor. We told him we were sorry he got dragged into a petty parking dispute.
He told us he's been dragged into stupider stuff and told us that if she puts up the barricades again, to call them instead of moving it ourselves, to protect ourselves from false allegations. In fact, he wanted us to call any time she does anything to harass us. She also received a mean letter from the landlord telling her to knock it off.
We got a mean note from her saying, "The reason I don't want you parking by my door is because you are trash! Your druggie psychopath girlfriend runs amok vandalizing! I want nothing to do with you," among other things. We called law enforcement and she got spoken to by them, and the landlord sent her another mean letter. Hopefully, that'll be the end of it.
103. Susan Snags Spanakopita And Succumbs To Shame
I used to work with this super-entitled woman once upon a time. Her name was Susan. Susan liked to get to the office way earlier than everyone else, but I didn't find out why that was until I'd worked there for a few months. She was the sort who liked to help herself to the snacks people had stashed in the communal fridge.
She'd also take individual sodas from the case my cubicle neighbor kept under her desk, and had a real thing for stealing either my chocolate or my good granola bars, depending on what I had stashed, right out of my desk drawer. But she got her comeuppance one year at the office Christmas potluck. We had a lady who did Greek cooking and was magnificent at it.
This particular year, she'd brought in an enormous tray of mini spanakopita, the spinach and feta cheese in phyllo dough. Each roughly the size of an Oreo cookie. Literally hundreds of these little beauties, stacked two high on the tray, just waiting to be devoured. And then along came Susan, with the Tupperware of Holding.
I kid you not, she scooped fully 1/4 of the contents of that tray into her Tupperware, looking around furtively to make sure no one would try to stop her. She brushed the phyllo crumbs from her fingers, popped the seal on her massive Tupperware, and turned smugly away from the buffet table...and every single person in the office was glaring at her, fit to set her permanently ablaze.
Our office manager was particularly salty, because she, dear reader, was the Greek chef who had provided these delicious morsels. She spoke, and it was with the voice of a vengeful Goddess. "SUSAN, WHAT IN THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Crickets. And then, the foot-tapping began. Tap. Tap. Tap. And the hand on the hip.
And finally, the FINGER OF DOOM did aim at Susan, Thief of Treats, Hoarder of Spanakopita. And Susan did meekly open her Tupperware, and return unto the tray roughly 90% of the 'pita. Thus was the Office Manager appeased, and thus was Susan forever sneak-shamed.
104. Leave It Well Enough Alone
For the past few months, I've suspected that my upstairs neighbor has been taking some of my mail. I buy a lot of things online like books and craft supplies and every now and then there's been small things that were meant to arrive on a certain day that never did. One day, I caught her wandering around my front door. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Oh, I was looking for something I think I dropped into your yard”.
I got surveillance cameras installed a while ago, which were not noticeable to my neighbors. The camera that's pointed at my front door isn't visible from the driveway. So here comes the trap. I purchased a few postage boxes to set up for her. The first one was a glitter trap. I set up the box to make sure she would get glitter to the face as soon as she opened it.
I packed it to make it look like a postage parcel, then sat it at my front door. 20 minutes later I saw her walking to my front door. She looked around then picked up the box and walked away. My only regret is that I didn't get to see her reaction when she got a face full of glitter. I haven't noticed any other mail going missing after that, but she will regret it if she does it again.
105. Hotel Havoc
I used to work as a front desk agent at a boutique hotel. A guy who was obviously very full of himself came in with an online reservation that he had booked at a shockingly cheap nightly rate. He proceeded to give me a hard time about EVERYTHING, from telling me he shouldn't have to give me his credit card info since he had prepaid his reservation, to telling me "Um yeah, I'm pretty sure I can find the elevators, I'm not stupid."
He was just being an all-around jerk. About 10 minutes after checking him in, he came down and demanded that we give him a bigger room with a king bed and a view, even though he had booked a standard queen bed online. I complied, as we had extra king beds available. 10 minutes later, he came down again to complain about the size of the room.
He told me, "I'm only going to give you one more chance to make me happy," and asked for the general manager. After much arguing between him and my manager, we ended up giving him our nicest suite AND free parking since we had "Given him trouble." He got all this for a way cheaper rate, like $40 per night! Oh, but he outdid himself.
Get this: He informed us shortly after the ordeal, while on his way out to dinner, that he was not even going to be in the room for the majority of his stay, as he was visiting friends and would be staying at their home. What the heck! So I made it my personal mission to make his life a living nightmare from that point on.
I reset his room keys every time I saw him leave the hotel—which was quite frequently, 3-4 times a day. It was particularly funny when he came back tired from a night out and had to come all the way down to the front desk to get his keys fixed. Needless to say, he was very frustrated by the end of his stay. I doubt he'll be staying with us again.
106. Going Out with a Bang
I did not like the overly condescending boss that I had at my last job. One day, while looking over my shoulder at my work as usual, he said: "Can I ask a stupid question?" Since it was my last week at that job anyway, I immediately came back and responded with: "You seem qualified!" I have to say I was pretty proud of myself!
107. What A Beautiful Sight
Over the course of six months, through countless phone calls to different union offices and the department of labor, I eventually got my boss fired for changing people's time-keeping information to take overtime from them. During those months I was treated like dirt by this guy, but I never actually did anything wrong so I couldn't be punished.
At one point, management—against contract rules—denied my time off request to be at my best friend’s wedding and my boss brought me into his office and threatened to fire me. At this point, I had called the northeast district business associate on him, and I will never forget the look on my boss’s face when he realized I knew he couldn't do anything to me.
Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17
