Lawyers' Worst "You're Screwed" Stories
Getting a lawyer is normally a good idea. However, a lawyer can’t always save people from themselves, or from human stupidity in general. Whether it's inside or outside the courtroom, some people just can’t help getting in trouble.
Case in point, these stories from Reddit Lawyers who had to watch as their clients screwed themselves over.
1. There's Always a But
This guy wanted custody over his children after a divorce, but his wife was accusing him of physical harassment. He was asked if he had ever laid his hands on his wife, and he straight-up said: "Yes, but only when she annoyed me".
I was ready to leave the courtroom and laugh.
2. The Devil Is in the Details
I was trying to get a restraining order for a woman in divorce court from her son’s father. She details a story where he grabbed her arm and slammed it on the tub, breaking her wrist. On cross examination, I asked the accused, her ex, if he ever broke my client's wrist on purpose. Then the true, awful story came out.
His response: “Oh yeah I did!" I'm jubilant....for two seconds. Then he continues. "She was nine months pregnant and about to do crack. I tried to grab her arm to get the pipe and protect my unborn son".
She left that detail out in her conversations with me.
3. Who Needs Probation Anyway?
The judge was giving a mass ruling for a group of people about their probation for driving under various influences. The judge asks the room, “Has anyone consumed or taken substances in the last 24 hours?”
One single dude proudly raises his hand—"I did some dope last night..." That single dude did not get probation.
4. Told You So
I was in court, and the case before ours was going on way longer than it should have. The defense lawyer calls for a motion to dismiss, claiming lack of evidence.
The judge says he will entertain said motion after lunch, hits his gavel, and says court will reconvene at 1 pm, court dismissed. The defendant stands up and says real loudly, "Told you I could get away with stealing that stuff!"
He thought his case had been dismissed.
