God-Awful Rich People
Look, we'd all love to be rich. Never worrying about money again? Sign me up. But that's just not how it works. Untold riches just aren't in the cards for most of us.
But don't worry, there's always a silver lining: We don't have to feel bad about laughing at these god-awful rich people. They'll be fine—they're rich!
1. Born to Spend
I had a classmate in college who was apparently some wealthy diva. Marries a guy whose parents were millionaires as well. Both eventually flunk out and tour the world on mommy and daddy’s account, soon getting married and have a child. They lived with his parents in a mansion at the time. It seemed like a dream, but it was actually a nightmare.
She gets tired of living with them and blackmails her mother-in-law to buy them a house or she will never see her grandchild again. His family refuses. Weeks of tantrums, Facebook and Twitter rants, eventually she moves out...
to her own parents’ vacation home...oh, but it turns out she was actually just getting started.
A few years go by, and she is about to get cut off. So she has a brilliant solution: She gets pregnant again then goes back on social media to complain about how her family would abandon a pregnant woman and her child.
Her parents crack and continue pouring money in. Husband’s family cracks and buys the home.
Now years down the line, I still see regular social media updates from her about overcoming adversity, triumphing over hardship, beating the odds, chasing your dream etc. etc. The married couple to this day has never worked or gotten a paycheck.
2. Disappear This Miss, Please
I may or may not have carried a heavily intoxicated girlfriend and a large amount of substances out of my boss's house (CEO of a very large company) while she was covered in her own filth so his wife wouldn't catch him as she arrived home from her sister's house a day early.
How did this happen, you ask?
My old boss regularly cheated on his wife with any number of women. Well, he calls me one day, because we are friends away from work, and asks me to come to his apartment ASAP.
I drive over there, and he's blitzed, and this chick is laying naked in her own filth mumbling about something. He says he has to shower and clean up because his wife is ten minutes away so please "Get that out of here."
I grab the girl and help her to her feet and cover her up with a t-shirt. As I'm walking her out, he yells for me to grab the party bag. The only bag is a Dopp kit. I grab it, jump in my car and drive off. This girl is blasted!
She doesn't know where she lives and is sure she's having a heart attack. So, I calm her down somewhat and reach in her purse and find her ID.
Luckily, she has her current address on it, and I take her home. I drive back to my house and pull into the driveway and remember the Dopp kit. I open it up and there's a LOT of illicit substances in there.
I got a steak dinner and a few beers later that week from the boss. Needless to say, I no longer work there.
3. Hold The Phone
I once worked in the cell phone department at a retail store, and we were supposed to sell a certain amount of phone insurance plans every day to meet our quota. There was this one woman who had just bought four of the latest iPhones for herself and her family. I offered her insurance plans. Her answer sent a chill down my spine.
This woman was so rich, she basically said there’s no point because she would just buy new phones if anything happened. This was in 2018, so four new top-of-the-line iPhones were about a grand each.
I tried to push the insurance plans a bit because $4,000 in sales with no insurance or add-ons would hurt my numbers and $4,000 is a huge investment.
So my pitch went along the lines of, “What would you do if the phone broke or you cracked the screen”? That's when it went from weird to terrifying. She got so irritated that she bought four more phones as replacements just to prove she didn’t need insurance. Then she proceeded to berate my selling skills and laughed in my face about being a broke college student working to pay tuition.
I guess she knew this because she must have been eavesdropping on my conversation with a co-worker. I wouldn’t have been upset about any of it up until this point. However, after I finished setting up one of her new phones, she took it to the next level. She went over to a non-carpeted section of the store and purposely dropped it, shattering the glass screen.
She then came up to me and told me to set up her new one. I felt really disrespected, but I had no choice. I couldn’t refuse the request of a customer who just spent $8,000 at our store.
4. Embrace The Suck
One of my army buddies was a trust fund baby. He actually only served so that he could have the line on his resume since he was planning to go the political route. I’m fine with that as I also served for a line on my resume.
However, the amount of care he put into his work was abysmally bad. He would often pay dudes $1,000 to take his duty.
Every few months, he had a brand new Mercedes, BMW, or other fancy European cars. I remember once he ran out of gas on base and just left his car there and went to the car rental place. He then drove the rented car off base to buy a new one.
Everyone on our team hated him. So much so that my team leader stuck him in a cave in the middle of Afghanistan.
This was just so he didn’t make fool of himself or get anyone hurt. Last I heard, he was working at the Pentagon. When I went there for work, I saw him and he looked like he was just a secretary.
Of course, he tried to make it seem like he was a bigger deal than he was. He literally had people saying, “Hey, guy” because no one cared to learn his name.
But, as I said, everything is for resume points. He doesn’t care about money. He cares about power.
He’s a narcissistic jerk whom I imagine will be a very successful politician someday soon because most politicians seem to have the exact personality as him.
