The person you love the most MIGHT be keeping the craziest secrets. Can we ever truly trust anyone?
1. Town Clown
My late husband was a clown, loved clowns, and went to clown gatherings. I played along and smiled and laughed and thought he was eccentric. He was the thing I loved most—but the clown thing was getting old. We had been together for 10 years before getting married and as we were beginning to plan our wedding, he seriously suggested that we have a zombie clown-themed wedding. I've never been so horrified.
Absolutely not, that was where the clown stuff needed to not overlap into my life. After a short time, we were able to come to an agreement on the theme. Unfortunately, about three months after we married, he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and passed within six weeks. While he was sick and in hospice, I hired an artist friend to paint a portrait of my husband in his clown makeup and the painting arrived the evening before he passed and he got to see it. I’d do anything to have my clown back now.
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2. There’s A Bee?!
He is terrified of bees/wasps. They are all "bees" to him. Completely terrified. Just the word "bee" will get him to start nervously looking around. If he was driving the car and a bee got in the window, I'd be afraid for my safety because there is a solid chance he'd accidentally crash. It's honestly a huge problem, and it scares me. He is very embarrassed about his fear though, he knows it's irrational. He can't seem to help it.
So, I have developed a sixth sense about the presence of bees. If we're outside and I see one buzzing around, I'll make sure I either stand in his way so he can't see it, or I'll make an excuse for him to go inside. I've found wasp's nests in and around our house, and I take them out while he's at work and then never say a word about it.
If a wasp comes around and he sees it, he'll run away, but then I'll hunt it down and kill it so when he comes back out, he can have the peace of mind of seeing its corpse (from a distance). He doesn't know that I've been on 24/7 bee patrol for him for the past three years. I'm afraid he'd feel humiliated if he knew, and maybe even get depressed about it. But I don't mind. They're just wasps and honeybees.
3. Can’t Sleep, Won’t Sleep
My girlfriend snores. Been with her 19 years and she snores EVERY night. Mostly I can get to sleep, and I sleep through it, but I KNOW I am not getting great sleep. I've asked her to see if we can do something about it, even suggested we do didgeridoo lessons together (the breathing technique does wonders for snoring and why not learn a weird instrument?).
She's never really bothered. Her snoring can manifest as sleep apnea, which besides just not being good, is a contributor to anxiety (which she has) so it'd be good for her too. So, we've recently moved. Two nights ago, the next-door neighbor’s dog was barking in the middle of the night and kept her up for an hour or two.
She kept mentioning it all day and kept telling me how tired she was. I gave some perfunctory sympathy but no more. If she'd known how I really felt, she'd be furious. Secretly, it was all I could do to not say "Welcome to EVERY NIGHT in my life".
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4. Read You Like A Book
I knew he was going to propose. The man is so easy to read, he’s my open book! I love that about him, he wears all his emotions on his face. He’ll plan a trip for my birthday months in advance but then be so excited and proud about surprising me that he has to tell me straight away or make me guess where we’re going.
He’s not so cracking at surprises, so he’s always SO proud of himself that he surprised me that one time, and that I had no idea! Except I did...I heard him talking to his grandad about the ring and saw the heart-shaped lump in his pocket, plus he’d been talking about marriage all the time thinking he was being sly.
I’ll take it to the grave, it honestly makes him so happy, and he’d be so disappointed with himself if he thought he’d given it away. God, I love that man.
5. Oh Deer
My wife has a beautiful heart. I jokingly call her a Disney princess because any animal that she comes across she has to talk to and greet. She has cried by seeing a raccoon's body on the side of the road before. At the time, I was working day shift and she was working a swing shift. I had a busy day, but I saw she sent me some pictures of a young doe that was eating in our front yard.
She seemed thrilled. I came home—and my blood ran cold. I saw the same deer...a total goner. On my darn porch. I felt like I started to hear “the first 48” theme playing as I realized I have six hours to get rid of this thing before my wife gets home and her world is shattered. I call my local city authorities thinking they wouldn’t want a rotting animal in the middle of town.
Turns out, they couldn’t care less. I called some local raptor shelters to see if they could take a state donation, but it turns out the deer business is booming and they didn’t have a need for donations at this time, especially in the next 6 hours. Frustrated, I call my dad to vent and get advice on what to do. His response is only a, “Hold on bud, I’ll be there in 15 minutes".
I go back inside to take care of the dogs and within the next 15 minutes, I see my dad back his huge truck into my back yard. He has the tailgate down and is knocking on my door with a pair of nitrile gloves on and another pair in hand for me. It was starting to get dark out, but we had that thing loaded up and found a special place to, uh, “dispose” of it.
We made it back with 20 minutes to spare before my wife got home. I haven’t told my wife because I think it would either break her heart, or creep her out at how efficiently my dad can dump a body. Anyway, wifey thinks her deer friend is alive and well, and totally not at the bottom of a ravine.
6. The Perfect Gift
One year for Christmas, she was trying to surprise me with something, but I hate surprises. I was out of a job at the time and didn't want anything extreme because I knew I couldn't return the favor. I told myself I wouldn't snoop, just ask a few questions and express that I didn't want anything big because we’re poor.
She decided to try and casually ask me if I was still interested in a concert for my favorite band, and I immediately knew. Her face gave it away. I knew she got tickets, but it was more. She got us meet and greet tickets, and I found out a few days later after her face kept giving it away. Christmas came and I was right. But I didn't need to act, I was really happy.
It was an amazing gift, and we had an amazing time. She was so proud of herself for pulling it off without telling me. I'll never tell her I knew, just because she was so happy.
7. Beads Buddy
I’m from south Louisiana and my dad is in a Mardi Gras Crew. Every year he’s on a float throwing beads. My husband has never been to Mardi Gras so his first time he was so excited, and it was at my dad’s parade. Normally people on the floats throw the “good beads” to kids or women that will flash them. But I had a genius plan. I told my husband that if you yell “throw me something mister!” loud enough the people on the float will give you the “good beads".
I told my dad and he told his float buddies, when their float came around my husband was screaming like a banshee “THROW ME SOMETHING MISTER!” My dad and his friend pelted my husband with their best beads. When we were leaving the parade my husband was flexing all his nice new beads and thinks Mardi Gras is the best thing ever.
Didn’t have the heart to tell him that I told my dad to do that. He just thinks that because he was so enthusiastic, he got all the good stuff.
8. Monsters-In-Law
I hate visiting his family, or when they come to visit. I hate it so freaking much. I know that it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but he loves his family, and they come up here a lot. When we go to visit for holidays, I just want to scream. I often will make up work excuses to not do things when they visit, but when we visit, I have no escape.
His father is a complete jerk, who has never accepted the fact that his son is marrying a man and treats me like a woman. My fiancé comes from a very traditional family. I get left behind with his sister and mother and his brother's wives/girlfriends all the time. I'm supposed to do Black Friday shopping with them. I'm supposed to wrap gifts with them. I'm so bad at wrapping gifts.
At holidays, I get relegated to all the "womanly" tasks. I'm left to do the cooking or expected to bring something already made. I'm expected to gossip with them. But I can't cook. I CAN'T COOK—like at all. His mom treats me the same way. My fiancé doesn't notice, and I could never tell him that I freaking hate his parents.
I'm going to be real here and forgive all the generalizations and assigning of gender roles, but his family depends on them, so for people who survive on maintaining gender roles: I'M NOT EVEN THAT GAY. I don't have a lisp, I've never cared about dressing well, and I don't mince. No, I don't hunt, no, I don't eat meat, yes, I have liberal-leaning opinions.
But for goodness sake, I'm a professional carpenter. Yes, I build scenery for theatre, but dang it, I get paid to weld on a daily basis. I have more carpentry experience than three generations of his family combined. I come home every day and I'm covered in sawdust and dirt. Forgive my masculinity assertion, but seriously. I'm tired of his family lumping me in with the hens just 'cause I'm gay.
9. Just A Friend With Benefits
Around a week after I met my current SO, I got a message from my old on-and-off friend with benefits: “Wanna grab a quick drink?” I knew what he really meant (“dtf?”) and I wasn't sure whether I was up for that. At this time, my current SO and I hadn't known each other that long and had only been on one or two dates.
We weren't exclusive, hadn't done any of the fooling around. I also wasn't looking for anything serious—in the autumn, I would be moving out of the country; I didn't really want to get too attached, and I saw our relationship pretty much as a fun summer fling. When we weren't hooking up, my FWB and I are fairly good friends.
I convinced myself there was nothing wrong in going, because I could just catch up with him and leave it at that. What's the harm in that? I knew I was fooling myself—but I didn't know how much I'd regret it. When we met up, he (my FWB) noticed I was a bit more reserved than usual, and I ended up telling him I was kind of dating someone. That's cool, he says, no pressure; we'll just have a drink and a chat, and then go our own separate ways.
Needless to say, that's not all what actually happened. Even though I know my SO and I hadn't agreed to be exclusive at the time, looking back on it, I feel kind of terrible. We ended up falling hard for each other, and I think it'd kinda break his heart if he knew. Nobody else knows, and I doubt that he'll ever find out but...but I'm just kicking myself internally for letting myself screw up the beginning of our otherwise wonderful relationship.
10. Missed Connections
Before dating my girlfriend, I was with a girl for something like eight years. I was certain we were going to marry and be together forever. But for some reason, I just felt like we weren't going to be able to make it work out with our lives going separate ways (with a job, college, and the long distance). I wanted it to, but I ended it because I thought it'd be best for us both.
It worked out well for both of us in that we did succeed more in life. But there's a dark secret hanging over both of us. My ex just got married a few weeks ago to second-place. I call him second-place because that's what he is, and she and I both know it. Prior to her getting married, we professed to each other that we still loved each other after I had a fight with my girlfriend.
My ex said (after getting married) that if I had asked for her back just then, she would have come running. I didn't, because I wanted to have integrity and not break up her relationship nor mine. I just wanted to make things work for everyone. It was the easiest way for all involved. My girlfriend and I’s fight has really put a wedge in our relationship for me, emotionally.
I'm not able to connect with her anywhere near where I was before. I feel like she's only a friend these days. I still feel that way was best, but every day I think about her and every day I know that if we found ourselves single again, we'd be back together. We were perfect for each other...the timing and distance just got in the way.
If my girlfriend knew this, she'd probably stab me in the face.
11. Lead Astray
I cheated on my wife when she wasn't looking at a family potluck. My wife and her sister put their peanut butter cupcakes side by side on the table and her sister makes crazy good cupcakes. My sister-in-law made peanut butter cupcakes with real peanut butter filling AND filled it with Reese's Peanut Butter chips. So good!
Meanwhile, my wife only put a tiny bit of peanut butter topping on hers with no PB filling. I kept making excuses to go back to the dessert table and scarf down my sis in laws cupcakes especially when little kids were near it to make it look like they were eating most of the cupcakes. Didn't even touch my wife's cupcakes.
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12. Scared Of Myself
My girlfriend, soon-to-be fiancé, has no idea of my extreme mental health struggle in the past, how I used to be medicated and even checked myself into a hospital when I was extremely suicidal from said medications. I’ve since been fine and haven’t had an issue of anxiety or depression in years BUT it still hurts me knowing my brain could be so dark.
When she talks about depression or anxiety she just doesn’t understand because she’s never had to deal with it. So, I’ve kept it to myself to not put my old burden on her. Maybe one day I’ll bring it up.
13. She Wants To Be Your Girlfriend
I try not to hide anything from him, but I can never come out and say that I don't like his best friend, who is also a woman. I know that she has feelings for him, but he will never realize it. Everyone can see it but him...and that kills me. He has many other friends that are women, and I've never minded that. It’s a problem.
14. My Fair Lady
I just started dating a sweet, intelligent, hilarious, super-dorky guy. He is Christian and (I think) quite conservative. His family is quite traditional too. He held on to his virginity for a while and is definitely not the kind of guy who sleeps around. He is perfect for me in every way. I don't want to screw this up.
I have no idea how to tell him I worked as a street walker for a while, and it's not something I can keep from him with a clear conscience if this goes anywhere. Pretty sure it could completely change his view on me.
15. Only The Nose Knows
I am heavily addicted to snorting drugs. When we first met, she found out, but at the time she was just a friend of a friend, I didn’t care how she felt about it. After a month or so we bumped into each other, and I asked her out. One of the first things she asked me on our first date was if I was sober or not. I lied and said I was clean.
We've been together for about nine months now and I've been using for three years. The main reason she wants me clean is because she doesn't want to find me in a ditch one day. She even kicked a pill popping friend out of her house when she offered me some. I love her and I don't want to lose her, and I should get clean for my own good but I just can't stop.
16. But Does She Know That He Knows?
I constantly check up on her texts and social media. I don't swipe her phone and read her stuff, but I check the bill to see who she's texting with, and when. I also found her private blog. When something is bugging her, she'll post sad gifs and quotes there. She doesn't know that I know about it, but I check it all the time, even when it's been months since her last update.
Earlier in our relationship, she was texting frequently with a dude out of state, and I think they got pretty serious. I was being a distant, incommunicable idiot, so I don't really blame her too much. Since working that stuff out, we've been great—but I keep tabs on who she's texting to make sure the dude respects her decision to work things out with me.
She used that blog to post a lot of dirt about him, so I think she'd be pretty upset to know that I've seen it all.
17. Let’s Talk About...
Intercourse has become awkward and crummy, and I feel like she's mostly at fault. It's like she never finishes, and I'm exhausted. We go at it for a while, but she doesn't really communicate. She tries to "organically" (without speaking) change momentum or angle, and a lot of the time it results in a position that's difficult or uncomfortable for me, so when I can't maintain it, she gets disinterested or annoyed.
She doesn't say anything, just keeps going until it's awkward as heck. She also seems to have lost interest in anything else in the bedroom, which is just freaking great because I've hit the age where stamina is a serious problem (until I lose some weight, at least).
18. These Are My Confessions
When I started dating her, I had no idea that she, her parents, and every other person she associates with are die-hard Christians. I didn't think blabbing about my atheism would be a proper way to really get to know her better, and I didn't know that she was so involved with her church (which is one of the one's that openly opposes gay marriage, along with a few more cringe-worthy opinions).
Now it's at the point where I don't want to tell her, but at the same time, I don't think that I can shrug off all the religious stuff anymore.
19. I Don’t Like My Friends
I know a long-term acquaintance who has cheated on his girlfriend of 5+ years. It's a shame he told me, because now I can't go out to meetups without feeling guilty and disgusted when I see her with him still. He's awful and doesn't deserve her, but she seemed like the type of person who would forgive his misdeeds after over five years of being with him. It's tearing me up inside.
I don't have an SO, but if I had one that looked and was fun like her, I wouldn't cheat on her...or anyone for that matter, it's not right to do stuff like that just to "see if you still got it" or some screwed up reason like that, there's no excuse for it. Break up with her after that, you jerk. Then again, I'm a bigger jerk for not telling her, but I'm sure she'll find out soon enough from someone else.
20. High School Drama
We both went to a relatively small high school (120 people in our class), and everybody knew everybody. She had a little crush on me freshman year, but I literally didn't even know she existed. My first memory of ever seeing her was sophomore year in math class and I remember thinking "Who is that girl? Is she new or is she just an upper-classman?"
I feel bad because I think I knew everybody in our freshman class except her. We ended up dating the summer after high school and four years later we're engaged so I don't think she can get too mad at me, but I'll still never tell her this because it might hurt her feelings a little bit.
21. The Antler Mystery
When my wife and I would go to her grandparents’ house, we would always look for antlers, she was and is bent on finding antlers, I've found a couple and her grandpa always found a few, but she had never found one. One Christmas we were over there, and she happened to find a pair of antlers. She was over the moon excited.
She brought them to me, and immediately I knew these were not sheds, I could see the saw marks at the base from where they had been cut off. Her grandpa, being a hunter had cut the antlers off a buck and knowing how bad she wanted to find some antlers had hidden them. I looked at him and he just winked at me.
He's since passed on, but I'll never tell that those were planted!
22. Ex Friends
My girl’s friends didn’t show up for her surprise birthday party, because they wanted to punish her for being late to one of their parties, years before. They told me they "didn’t have time to plan". They knew 4-5 MONTHS ahead of schedule, in a group chat that was made to plan the party itself; then they added, "Besides she was late to xxx party getting her nails done".
Karen, please, you let my girlfriend know about the party 2 days beforehand. She only knows whatever they told her. I can't be the one to tell her that her friends are that malicious and petty.
23. My Mama Don’t Like You And She Likes Everyone
My mom hated my ex (lets just call her Sarah) for how bad she hurt me when we broke up. My mom passed on about a week after seeing Sarah at the mall, and she gave Sarah dirty looks and a cold shoulder. Sarah and I saw each other soon after my mom passed, and she broke down and told me that based on their recent encounter, she was sure my mom hated her.
I lied to her and said, “No, she was just really sick at the end. She didn’t hate you". Sarah and I are still good friends to this day, and I will never tell her the truth that my mom hated her guts.
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24. Gumshoe
As a kid, I would have major panic attacks and would keep the cause of my fears to myself sometimes for years out of fear my parents would do something to endanger themselves or other people. I always felt depressed and miserable keeping things to myself. As an adult I have done everything I can to be open with my partner as much as possible.
Even when it was painful or scary. It has always worked out. With my biggest regrets and mistakes out of the way the only thing I believe I haven't told here was that a couple times when I was four years old, I nabbed a pack of Hubba Bubba tape from a checkout line in Giant Eagle. The only reason I haven't told her is that I forgot about that myself until this post.
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25. Guardian Brother
About eight years ago I discovered my wife's sister's reddit account accidentally. It was a variation of a username she'd used for AIM before, but with different numbers and no underscore (the numbers were a significant date to her though). There were too many coincidences in her posts for it not to be her. She was posting on the relationship advice subreddit. When I saw her posts, it broke my heart.
Her (now ex-) husband was abusive. We'd known something was off about him but couldn't really put our finger on it. I created another account that I only accessed from incognito mode to send her encouragement to leave, and to ask her family or friends (but kinda steered her towards us) for help. She didn't want to impose or be a burden on any of them (we'd just had a kid, and I make a bunch of money but we live well within our means so you wouldn't think this based on appearances, so it was an understandable concern).
I slowly, over several weeks and several different posts she made, convinced her that it's possible her family realizes something isn't quite right and would not consider it a burden to help her out. After their divorce I deleted that account. Nobody will ever know that the random internet stranger who was weirdly persistent in encouraging my sister-in-lw to reach out to her family for help and leave her abusive marriage was actually me.
26. Check Once, Check Twice
When going to the store one day my significant other asked me last second to take our 3-year-old daughter. I was already in the car, so my partner strapped her in. She was oddly quiet the whole car ride and I accidentally went in the store without her because of it. I remembered after being in the store only about 45 seconds but immediately left the store to get her.
I was so embarrassed someone would notice so I went to a completely different store. Now it scares the heck out of me and even when I KNOW I don’t have one of my kids, I always check behind me before getting out of the car. One of the worst feelings I’ve ever had and even now I get sick to my stomach thinking about it.
27. Doggone It
I didn’t actually find our dog, lost and alone, in a parking lot. I actually paid $70 to a couple smack addicts for her. He didn’t want a dog, and I knew these people wouldn’t take care of her. So, I made up a sob story that she had no one else and I just convinced him she should stay, rather than me finding her another home. He absolutely loves the little maniac now.
28. Wedding Blues
I really didn't like our wedding. He loved our wedding and often brags about how close to perfect it was, better than he ever thought, etc. He cherishes that memory, but I had a pretty terrible time. Part of it was because I had to put so much of it together, my friends and I, and he just showed up and enjoyed the party.
I ran every decision by him, of course, like what to eat or what kind of officiant to get, but when it came to ordering the food and finding and hiring the officiant, it was all me. I couldn't really enjoy it the same way because I felt so responsible for everything going OK and people enjoying it. But the biggest part of the issue is that I just remember it as a lonely experience.
It was very small as we wanted it, with just each of us having our four closest friends. But all my friends were locals I see all the time, and they were mostly preoccupied with entertaining their kids and otherwise enjoying themselves at just another event I hosted. He had his friends come in from all over the country, even one from Europe, and it was such a big happy reunion for him.
As I remember it, almost nobody talked to me at the wedding. Although I am sure there was more than I remember, I know nobody gave any toasts. I don't recall anyone even saying something as simple and acknowledging as "congratulations" or "what a lovely ceremony". And I definitely remember being bored out of my mind.
At one point the officiant (who stuck around for part of the reception), whom we barely knew, looked over at me alone and broke away from his conversations to come over to me just to make some idle conversation and keep me company. I also remember standing there looking at my phone, checking some sports scores, just to keep myself entertained and look like I had something to do. Looking back, it was absolutely horrible.
I would have loved it if we could have had a wedding that was an order of magnitude bigger so that I could have my friends and relatives who I haven't seen in ages and only get to see when we have excuses for events like that. I bragged about our $200 food bill for the whole event, having a friend take all the pictures, and my $50 dress, but I hate the thought now of how cheap and throw away our wedding kind of was.
What really drove it home for me was that a couple who came to our wedding got married about a year later with a very similar affair (though bigger). She even wore a dress similar to mine, and she said our wedding was an inspiration for her. That made me feel better about our wedding. I knew they were having another wedding later in the year where she lived, for her friends and relatives, and I assumed that would be a smaller event just to include those folks.
Later, I saw on Facebook that it was a real-deal beautiful wedding, with dancing, attendants, professional photographs, her looking utterly stunning in a gorgeous full-length gown, and dozens of amazing pictures. So, our wedding was the template for their "forget about it" wedding. She didn't even post any pictures of the smaller wedding at all. That's the part that really hurt.
I know people love small, inexpensive weddings here, and the idea is that anything else cheapens the love the event is meant to celebrate. But maybe, for some people, something can be too simple, too small, and maybe even too "intimate". I wanted to celebrate with my extended family and friends; not every single bloody one of them, but maybe 20 of them. I reduced the whole thing so much to its essence that it didn't feel like much of anything at all.
I don't want to spoil the wonderful memory for my husband, particularly since I labored so hard to make exactly that for him.
29. Just A Dent
I made a dent in our garage door one time while trying to park a little too close to it. It also left a huge scratch on the door and my car’s bumper. My husband never found out. He notices everything but for some reason he never noticed the bump on the garage door. We sold that house recently and I thought for sure he’d see it and I’d have to fess up but nope.
It’s been five years since that incident, and I think I’ll take that story with me to the grave.
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30. Hall Pass
My wife often tries to get me to tell her which female celebrities I have a "thing" for. She's being good-natured and fun when she asks. But she is already an insecure person. Even though my wife is gorgeous, I know that if she knew who my celebrity crush is, she would not be able to resist comparing herself to them.
If we ever watched a show or movie with the person in it, I know she would tease me for only watching it because of them, etc. I have told her that I appreciate that she says it's ok, and I don't mind knowing who her celebrity crushes are, but to protect her heart, I refuse to tell her mine. I don't ever want my wife thinking that there is someone else—especially not someone in particular—who I wish she was like instead of the beautiful person she already is.
31. Double Life
I had a YouTube channel that I don't really update anymore. It was growing pretty well but then I saw the end of the line for advertising revenue—by the last year I had record growth in terms of views and subscribers, but my bottom line was still the same. It ended up being too much work to keep up instead of, well, work.
It still was enough to keep us afloat while I was struggling to start my other business. We even had some excess to the point where YouTube revenue paid for family vacations. I still stream on Twitch from time to time, but more just for speedrunning, etc. She doesn't know about that either. It's just a hobby now and I make no revenue from it.
She knows I play games obviously, but she doesn't know to what extent I have shared my gameplay. I just don't feel like going into it. I don't have any friends that I'm still in touch with who play games so it's the closest I can get to sharing experiences with other gamers.
32. Heartbeat Going Crazy
My crazy heart issues that I saw the doctor for in high school ended up being horrific anxiety. In my defense I had no idea anxiety could do things to your body or brain at the time, I just thought my being nervous was because my heart was screwed up, not vice versa. I stopped hyperventilating to the point of passing out around age 17.
Around 19 found out the reasons why, but I've never specifically gone back and said, "Oh hey remember those palpitations I used to have? They were my dumb brain". If we ever have kids, I'll probably have to tell him in the course of medical history etc.
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33. Secret Super Hero
Before we started dating, we were coworkers as the same retail shop, we had become super good friends, and both had some interest in each other but never got the ball rolling on anything exclusive. Her father passed from a heart attack randomly in the middle of the night. She took the 3 paid days off our job gave us but she obviously needed more.
The new manager at the time was scrambling to cover the shifts but being a new guy no one came to help him out. I cared so much about my co-worker and loved the friendship we had. I ended up taking 90% of her shifts so she didn’t have to worry about that part of her life. Now we’re a couple months into dating and I still haven’t mentioned it to her. Not that it’s a secret or anything, it’s never come up in a conversation and I don’t tend to talk about her father all to much.
34. Urine Trouble
My ex-girlfriend had a few too many shots at a party and passed out on the couch. When I went to check her, I noticed she peed all over the couch. To avoid embarrassment, I filled up a bucket with water and threw it over her to disguise it as a prank (I'm that kind of boyfriend). To this day, she still has no idea.
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35. Cat-tastrophe
Several years ago one of our outside barn cats went missing, my wife's favorite. She was pretty upset. I had actually found the cat that morning. I discovered, to my horror, what had actually happened to it. The facts and circumstances leading to his demise would upset her tremendously. She still thinks to this day the cat was taken by a rogue coyote or something
In reality, she had incidentally backed over it in the darkness of morning when leaving for work. I've never been able to bring myself to tell her and never will. I felt awful for her. I even feel awful telling the internet about it now and it's been years!
36. You’ll Never Find It Now!
If my mom wants to hide literally anything from my dad, no matter what it is, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it. Doesn't matter if it's something like a package of Oreos, if my dad has to bend over to find it, he's never going to find it. I've tested it with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works. He'd be mad if he knew how many snacks we'd hidden from him simply because he doesn't bend over low enough to see it in the cabinet.
37. Storyteller
My ex-boyfriend used to read me chapters from whatever book he was reading at the time. It was usually me that initiated it, mostly because it felt so warm and intimate, but also because I knew he had dyslexia and dysgraphia as a child so it would give him a little boost of confidence. But this also meant he was actually really terrible at reading stories.
I’m talking pure monotone; it made any book extremely boring and I would cuddle up next to him so I could see it and read it in my head as he read. But I liked to think the good outweighed the bad, and I never told him!
38. Unique And Ubiquitous
My boyfriend got me a beautiful necklace for our one-year anniversary! It says love in a hundred languages when you shine a light through it, he was so excited to give it to me and so pleased he'd gotten me such a good, romantic present...the only problem was that my best friend had been given an identical necklace from her boyfriend on her birthday a week prior.
He had no way of knowing and was so happy to get me such a unique gift that my friend and I just co-ordinate, so we never wear them at the same time.
39. Can’t Handle The Tooth
He wanted to find a shark tooth so badly after I found one at the beach. So, I went and bought a small bottle of shark teeth from the gift shop, spread them out all over a strip of beach we were hanging at and marveled at every shark tooth he brought me. I can never tell him the truth.
40. Started From The Bottom
She’s not my girlfriend now, but she didn’t know the extent or details of my childhood struggles. She knew I grew up in the projects up until age 10, but I think because I never wore it like a badge of honor or carried myself in the stereotypical way of someone who would come from that environment, many people think I was unaffected.
I never bothered to share those details because I never wanted to make a sob story out of a situation that I was blessed to get out of and that many people are still currently in. But that living situation has taken a toll on me in various ways.
41. Level 10 Liar
I thoroughly HATE DnD. It bores me to tears. Yet I've orchestrated an elaborate lie that gives the illusion that I love it as much as he does, and once a month I have to spend 5 hours sitting through a session, bored to tears. I do this simply because it's one of the few hobbies in his life he gets to enjoy and I want him to have someone to play it with.
It's been going on for five years now, and I have no way out. It's OK though, the amount of joy I see he gets from playing it gives me comparable joy. So, I don't mind that much.
42. Haunted
I haven’t told my wife about my frequent suicidal ideation. I’m a really introverted person, and talking about things doesn't really help me. I live a blessed life for the most part, but in the last couple years I've become really jaded. I'm not suffering, more that I just don't see the point of continuing; everything is just grey. I took out a really good private life insurance policy a couple years ago, and it covers taking your own life.
My policy's clause and contestability provision is up, so they'll be taken care of for life. I took the last year as a sabbatical and I’ve spent it entirely with my wife and kids, just making memories and doing the things that I enjoy.
43. Caught One-Handed
I was born with only one hand. I have rheumatoid arthritis in the one hand I have, and I know it’s spreading. I have osteoarthritis in my lower back and scoliosis to the point where I am most likely going to need spine surgery. I’m only 31 years old. I can’t do this for another 50+ years. I am in such bad pain now and it’s only going to get worse.
I have thought of suicide, but I can’t do that to my husband and kids. I don’t want my husband to turn into a caregiver. I can’t envision not being able to take care of myself.
44. I’m Too Handsy For Your Shirt
My girlfriend’s mom has a love/hate relationship with black people. She was against our relationship when we first got together, and all her driving points kept resorting to my skin color. I'm a good dude so I've always dismissed comments like that. However, over time she made a lot of comments about me being handsome and then one night during a party, things got out of control.
My girlfriend’s whole family, including her dad who had just got out of prison, were present when Momma tripped and fell forward on me in her kitchen. She then proceeded to grab my crotch out of nowhere. My girlfriend’s prick of a stepdad was in the other room, so this was mad awkward. I had to play it off as just the big black dude catching the small white woman.
Her mom definitely got a handful of my nuts while my girlfriend’s whole family were wasted. I don't talk about it, but my girlfriend has said on many occasions she feels her mom would smash me if I weren't smashing her daughter. Can’t believe that she drunkenly grabbed my crotch after pretending to not be into black men most of her life.
45. My Fault
This isn't necessarily relationship-ending, but it's something that I think about almost on a daily basis. I met my wife when we were both sophomores in college. The night we met I knew I had very strong feelings for her. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, and I was pretty intimidated by her. We met at a bar that night and went back to her house with mutual friends (her roommate and my buddy).
I didn't try to pursue her strongly that night because I didn't want to push her away if I struck out. She lived in a house with six girls and this guy calls asking for directions (I thought to meet one of her roommates). I gave the guy directions to the house before I left with my buddy for the night. I didn't realize it, but I'd made a horrible mistake. Turns out, the guy was a creep from the bar and that had been trying to hook up with my now wife.
She thought I was going to do what most guys would've done—give him wrong/bad directions so he wouldn't show up. He ends up coming into the house and finding my wife in bed asleep. She woke up to him forcing himself on her. Because of me. And that's the story of how I met my wife. It haunts me almost every day.
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46. Mother Lover
I never told my wife that her mother once tried to sleep with me. It was early in our marriage when we were living with her to save money for our own place. Her marriage of 28 years had ended badly, and she was emotionally fragile. She was very tipsy and was absolutely horrified at what she had done when she sobered up.
I promised not to ever tell my wife and I never did, even when she and I were fighting near the end of our marriage. Some things are too cruel to do, even when you're trying to hurt each other.
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47. You, Me, And Dupree
I'm certain I'm the worst person posting on this thread. I basically have two boyfriends who both know who the other person is because they have both been exes before, but neither of them knows that I still talk to the other. See, one of them lives far away, but we made an agreement when I was broken up from my current legitimate boyfriend that we would get married at 31 or 32 years of age.
I got back together with my current boyfriend and never told him about that. I never broke it off with the previous guy because 32 is still five years off and I was head-over-heels in love with him in college. Thing is, that's not the worst part. I'm boy crazy. There is one (different) ex in particular that I would drop everyone for, but he's in no state to be in a relationship, but I still sleep with him every now and again.
I tell some guys I'm in an open relationship but I’m not really. Some are fine with that, and some aren't, but I'll take all the ones who don't care. I don't sleep around outside of my relationship often, but I have a serious lack of control when it comes to that one ex of mine. The boyfriend doesn't know I ever see him and I try to keep it infrequent.
Sometimes I tell myself I can wean off him. I don't know that I can. Worse, I don't know that I want to do so. I think I'm trying to make up for lost time. I never felt good enough to have any of the attractive guys when I was young, but now I know I can. I am horrible.
48. Two Extra
I really hate his kids. He has two from a previous relationship and we have one together. It is to the point where I wish he did not have full custody so we can raise our son alone. His daughter is 17 and his son is 14. His daughter is the nastiest person ever. She hardly showers or changes clothes. She steals my underwear and ruins them.
You know it is bad when you get them from the laundry and the crotch is black and stiff (after they have been through the wash). My boyfriend, his mother, and I have tried talking to her about it but nothing changes. We have to yell at her to keep her bedroom door closed because the stank is so bad. His son is just annoying. He is not mature for his age.
He still watches WWE (which is not a huge issue) but watches it while playing with action figures. The way he talks is like talking to a 5-year-old. I have tried to build a relationship with them but nothing has worked. I can only hope that as soon as they turn 18 they move out.
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49. We Were On A Break
About three and a half years ago, I thought my then-on-and-off boyfriend of five years and I were going to break up. In that time, I met up with my married ex-boyfriend who I thought was getting divorced (he'd just learned his wife cheated on him) and just so happened to hook up in his car. The ex later admitted that he'd planned it—I naively thought we were just going out for drinks and to chat, well, maybe fool around a bit, but I wasn't planning to hook up with him.
It happened anyway, but I didn't feel as bad as I could because I thought my boyfriend and I would be breaking up soon anyway. Since I thought my on-and-off-again boyfriend and I were breaking up, I told a bunch of people I banged my ex. But then, married ex-boyfriend conveniently decided that secretly screwing me in his car was enough revenge and he didn't need that divorce after all, and soon stopped talking to me again. But that was just the start of the nightmare.
After I realized the ex wasn't leaving wifeypoo after all, I became TERRIFIED that my boyfriend would find out I hooked up with my ex. Suddenly, staying with him became all-important. A couple years later, formerly on-and-off-boyfriend and I got married...Most of the wedding party (both his friends and mine) knew I'd cheated years before, but no one said anything to my husband.
I worry myself sick that he'll find out. Some of my friends have said that it was years ago and that they think my husband wouldn't be that upset if he found out now, but I think the fatal combo of (1) the ex in question (it's a guy I've always been borderline obsessed with), (2) that I kept the secret for so long and (3) that so many people know would throw my husband over the edge. I assume that if he ever finds out, the marriage is over...but I suspect that many people can't keep a secret forever.
Sooner or later, someone's going to say something, it's just a question of when. And the darkest secret of all? In hopes it'll entice my husband into sticking around, I cook him amazing meals and get intimate whenever he wants to (including catering to any kinky whim, no matter how not into it I am). He thinks I'm just a good wife...I'm actually just waiting for him to find out and get ready to dump me.
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