Wild Courtroom Drama
There's a reason why shows like Judge Judy and Law & Order are hits: Everyone loves a good courtroom drama. In real life, court is rarely as exciting as it is on TV...but every once in a while, a lawyer walks away with a story about courtroom drama that's so juicy, they just have to get online and share it.
1. Definitely Not An Expert Witness
A friend of mine works for the state’s lab (mostly working assault and DNA tests) and she’s frequently called as an expert witness to many trials in her jurisdiction. Once, she said she was called to be a witness for an aggravated assault case between a man and a girl. They are explaining some anatomical stuff, when the stupidest thing happens.
The judge—the JUDGE—makes them stop and go over the female anatomy because he had “never heard” of one of the parts. Yikes.
2. All In The Family
I'm a secretary for a firm, and I used to assist attorneys who practice Juvenile Dependency. We were funded by the county to defend indigent parents whose children were removed by CPS.
Anyway, one day a mother came to court with a tattoo that said something like “Screw CPS” on her neck, only it was a lot ruder than that, if you catch my drift.
Meanwhile, the father was on the witness stand being questioned. Attorney: How many substances do you use currently? Him: Well...Not as much as I'd like. [Face palm].
3. Shooting Himself In The Foot
I have seen dozens of parties completely destroy any chance they had of winning a case with one stupid statement or action. Fortunately, most of them have been the opposing parties and not my clients, but not all.
The best was a Domestic Restraining Order hearing I witnessed while I was waiting for my client's hearing to be called.
A wife had filed a restraining order against her husband, and the wife had retained an attorney while the husband elected to represent himself.
The wife testified first, and despite her attorney's best efforts, none of her testimony alleged that her husband had actually committed any real physical harm.
Basically, she had filed the restraining order because he called her a name while they were having a heated argument.
After he had finished asking her questions, the wife's attorney was clearly dejected, and it was obvious to everyone in the courtroom that the restraining order was about to be dismissed.
The judge's body language made it clear that she didn't believe there was anything to warrant a restraining order, but she asked the husband if he had any questions for the wife.
Meaning, he was being given the opportunity to cross-examine her. But karma came for him. The husband took this to mean could ask any question whatsoever that he wanted, so he immediately asked her if she had had an affair with some other guy. The wife answered no before her attorney was able to object, and this sent the husband into a rage.
He screamed insults and lunged toward the witness stand like he was going to attack her. Fortunately the bailiff tackled him before he could get there, and he was led away in handcuffs. Needless to say, the restraining order was granted.
But if the husband had just shut the heck up and not asked a single question, the court would absolutely have ruled in his favor.
4. Driving Me Crazy
It’s never a dull moment in court. I had a co-worker whose client declared, to a judge, that she didn’t see an issue with her husband driving after having been drinking, with their kids in the car. Her reason was mind-blowing. She said it was because when he was sober his driving was terrifying, but when he’d had a couple of drinks, his driving was better than her own.
To which the judge ordered her to take a substance test and last I heard she was positive for a whole lot of things ending in “etamine”.
