Most days, we’re all just trying to get things done with as little conflict as possible. But some people live their lives a little...differently. From crazy overreactions to ridiculous demands, cringe along to theses stories about people who were so entitled or so totally clueless that they made everyone say, “Are you actually serious?"
1. Just Passing Through
This woman and her family were taking up an entire bike path including the shoulder. Instead of cutting through them, I moved onto the shoulder and cheerily excused myself as I passed her. I didn’t touch her, and she didn’t really have to move, since I managed to squeeze by. Yet, while I was passing, she just started screaming at me.
What she didn’t expect was me coming to a screeching halt to ask her what her problem was. Her angry yelling promptly stopped and she hid behind her husband and desperately avoided eye contact with me. All that energy for what?
2. Pulling Your Leg
When I used to work at Disney World, there was this incident with this lady and her turkey leg. One day at 9 AM, a lady came into our Guest Services and demanded a refund on her turkey leg because it tasted weird. When we asked her for the details to process the refund, it turned out that she had bought it 3 days before and was carrying it in her bag ever since.
3. Getting into the Real Estate Game
An old roommate wanted me to start paying more in rent because he was trying to save up to buy himself a house. Unbelievable.
4. Do You Take IOUs?
While I was working one day, a woman claimed to have left her money at home after she ordered two sandwiches. They take about ten minutes to cook. I said that’s ok, when you come back, they will be ready. She said she wanted the sandwiches first and that she’d be right back after she and her daughter finished eating.
It would be really quick because they lived right around the corner. I said if you live right around the corner, you’ll be back before the sandwiches are done, but I can’t give you food before you pay. She lost it on me. It was wild. I don’t know how she thought she could get away without paying. She left with no food and didn’t come back.
5. Act Natural
There was a girl in my class who was so dumb that she would outwardly disrespect the professor all the time. This one time while the professor was talking, she started to whistle. He stopped class in disbelief and asked her why she was doing it and why she was being disruptive. She said it's a thing she does without even thinking, and then whistled again, and was like "see?!"
6. Cutting Lecture Short
I had a 400-level literature class with the unilaterally acknowledged scariest professor in the university. A girl started clipping her nails in the middle of lecture with little sprockets of nails flying off in every direction. We the other students started to make eye contact in an "are you seeing what I'm seeing" way.
When the whole class “eye-greed” that it was really messed up to do that during a lecture, no less, everyone burst into this shocked laughter. The scary professor ended up kicking us out but not before ignoring our explanation as to why we started laughing and then giving us a scolding to make your blood run cold.
7. Customer Experience Survey
I used to work at the register of my college campus store. For the most part, people came in to buy an energy drink, gum, or other small things like that, but we also carried other items like sweaters and even computers. People usually only bought an item or two, so there weren’t any shopping carts or baskets for customers.
One day, a woman, probably a student’s mom, came in and asked me for help reaching a sweater on the top shelf. After I grabbed it for her, I went to hand it over, but she motioned at me to hold on for it. For the next ten minutes, she walked around the store grabbing several items and then giving them to me to hold. She used me as her personal shopping cart. Luckily, I had a co-worker in the store on the same shift, so he was able to handle the register.
I was at the end of my rope—but this isn't even the worst part. At the end of this whole ridiculous ordeal, she got a message on her phone. She read it and said, "Oh, you know what? I actually have to go meet my son. I'll come back later to get the things I need." And then she left. Leaving me standing there with an armful of random stuff that I then needed to go put back one by one.
8. Swiper, No Swiping
While working the front desk of a hotel one day, a woman handed me her debit card for payment. With our software, we insert the card, and it takes a minute to process in the reader and load the number properly into the software. As I waited for the reader finish, I started to make her classic magnetic strip style key cards for her room.
Our key maker was an old machine that made plenty of loud beeps as you programmed the keys. And given its age, most times I would have to try 3 or more times to get a key to program correctly. I handed her card back along with two key cards, and she just screeches, "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!!???"
Baffled and confused, I just responded by saying, “Uh…pardon me?" To which this lady just repeatedly yelled, "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!!!??" Still very much confused, I explained, "Uh…I'm just giving you the keys to your room, Ma'am. All I need is a signature, and you're all good to go." Instead, she called 9-1-1.
I still had no idea what was going on. I tried to ask her what she was doing, and she just said, "I'm not saying another word to you until the authorities get here!! I KNOW MY RIGHTS!" I just sat there and said, “Okay…?” She then went outside the lobby and waited for officers to arrive. Some minutes later, she came back with one.
Then she pointed to me and yelled, "THAT'S HER! SHE'S THE ONE!" I was the only person working. Apparently, she thought I swiped her debit card more than once to charge her “thousands of dollars” when I was actually making her key cards. So, the officer came behind the desk and asked me to repeat the process.
When I repeated the same process that I did with the key card reader, the officer asked her if that was the noise she heard. She yelled, "YES!! YOU SEE!" He then informed her that that was the sound of the key card maker and not me swiping her debit card. She just stood there staring for a second before getting red in the face
She grabbed her belongings, left the keys and unsigned folio for the room with me, and stormed out while yelling, "I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS TREATMENT!!" She then called a few hours later about the single approval hold for the room that was put on her card and accused me of trying to "steal from her again."
9. Drop-Off Site
On multiple occasions, I’ve had mothers try to leave their kids with me because I’m in childcare. I literally have to stop telling moms I’m a nanny because I end up getting a strange baby plopped in my lap. The worst time was at a park where I was chilling and reading. A mother sat next to me on the bench with her baby.
We started chatting a little bit. I gave an obligatory coo to her baby and said, “Oh, your baby is such a cutie,” and other stuff like that. All of a sudden, this woman stood up, placed her baby on my lap leaving her diaper bag next to me, and said she’d be right back. She didn’t ask. She just put her baby in my lap and walked away.
10. Spray That to My Face
This one girl in my class loved to apply perfume whenever she could, despite the fact that the girl sitting next to her was very sensitive to fragrant smells. One day, she sprayed a whole bunch on herself, and the girl started having a coughing fit. She then had a migraine and was sent to the nurse’s office to calm down. When the teacher asked the girl why she did that, all she said was, "What's the big deal? It's not my fault."
11. Not That Kind of Dough
One day when I was at work, someone came to me and asked if I could break a one-hundred-dollar bill for her in pennies. I just looked at her for a second and then looked around me to make sure I was definitely not currently working in a bank. I was indeed still in the bakery where I worked and told her sorry.
12. Never a Fair Fight
A girl tried to fight me in a bar about twenty years ago. All I did was look at her funny unintentionally. I was going to the bar for a round of drinks and forgot the order. I happened to be looking at her when I was lost in thought. She challenged me outside. I couldn't believe it. I'm 6'1 220, and she was small.
Fortunately, I guess, the bouncer heard her yell her challenge to me and went to make her leave. Later, when we were leaving an hour later, she was still standing on the sidewalk and she wasn’t done. She ended up following me to my car pushing me and punching my back all the way there. It was all so very surreal.
13. Sniffing out the Imposter
A girl from my school pretended to be highly sensitive to fragrances for years. She would cough and choke until she was blue, vomit, faint, have to leave the room or go home early, have her asthma acting up, and overnight stays in the hospital. Anyone who recently used toothpaste or chewing gum couldn’t be around her.
Everyone was naturally very careful around her. But one shrewd cookie noticed some inconsistencies with one of her great performances. And one day, he sprayed a ridiculous amount of deodorant behind her out of her earshot and eyeline, and she didn’t so much as flinch. Everybody was absolutely enraged with her.
There had been a school-wide effort for years with everyone going to great lengths to avoid causing her any hurt or stress—it was every product and every scent, erasers, pens, soap, lotion, lip balm, detergent, perfume, cleaning products—so, naturally, every student and staff member was absolutely furious.
14. One Honk Only
I've been going to my local high school’s running track to jog and exercise since lockdown. Well, to park your car, you have to go through a driveway that’s marked with arrows as one way only. The exit’s on the other side of the parking lot. Soccer moms in town are notorious for parking their cars in this driveway.
Blocking the driveway makes it hard to get into the actual parking lot. As I pulled into the driveway, one of these women thought that it was a brilliant idea to put her car into reverse as I was entering. I couldn't swerve out of the way. There was an SUV parked right at the mouth of the entrance that took half the available space.
So, my reaction was to immediately honk my horn. I'll never forget what happened next. She then proceeded to panic, throw the car into drive, and run it into a small boulder that lined the driveway. It ripped the passenger side air deflector clean off. According to her, I was now that awful person that honks her horn for no reason.
15. Not Funny, Mate
When I walked into the apartment I shared with a friend, it was covered in vomit because her dog ate a pillow and had puked it up—two days earlier. The living room was covered in dog puke, and she had just sat there in the middle of it. She thought it was funny. I took out my phone and called a moving company on the spot. I arranged for the first appointment they had, packed all of my stuff and had it put in storage while I found a new place. That was my last roommate.
16. That’s Not Yours
It's been 3 years since, but when my sister’s mother-in-law opened up all her wedding gifts and packed them away while she was on honeymoon, I'm still mad thinking about it!
17. Try This on for Size
I have worked at Spirit Halloween every season for the past 5 years, and super shady things happen at Spirit Halloween all the time. So, I have endless stories to tell—but this is the craziest thing that ever happened to me. I was working the dressing room basically just regulating who goes in and taking costumes out of the bags to withhold accessories to prevent theft, etc.
This was my first year working there, so I was about 20. Just a couple days before Halloween, a girl around my age came to the dressing room with a typical college girl costume. She said something like, “Oh good. We’re about the same size! I’m in a rush, so I wouldn’t have time to find an associate to help me.”
I just kind of smiled and took the bag from her not knowing what that even meant. I unpacked the costume, leave the accessories, and put it in a basket to carry to the dressing room. She looked really confused, so I just asked her to follow me and I’d get her a dressing room. I really wish I was making this next part up.
This girl said to me, “Why would I go back there for you to change?” First, I was just like HUH???? I can’t even remember exactly how I responded because I was so confused, but it was something along the lines of “You try on the costume yourself, so you know how it fits you. An associate doesn’t do it for you.”
And this girl had the audacity to be MAD AT ME for saying that! Her response was basically, “Well, I don’t want to have to get out of my clothes and change into the costume, so it isn’t worth my time. That’s so unsanitary to have a bunch of people trying the costume on instead of you just doing it, so I don’t even want it anymore,” followed by her storming out.
18. Committed to the Act
My friend and I were around 14 and sneaked some of my dad's whiskey while my parents were out. We each had a few sips from the bottle, did the obligatory, "ahh it burns," and that was about it…at first. A few minutes later, my friend started to act really drunk. He was crashing into walls, falling down, slurring his speech.
I was thinking there was no way this kid was drunk because we only had like .25 ml of that whiskey. I didn't even feel anything except a little lingering burn in my throat. I knew he’d had to be faking it. He then started dry heaving, smashed a lamp, and then he went toward the TV like he was going to grab it.
I had to literally bearhug him while he fought like he was resisting arrest. He was foaming at the mouth and screaming. And wouldn't you know it, just like that, he "sobered up" and relaxed. So, in the span of five minutes, he got drunk of a sip of whiskey, wrecked my house, fought me like a wild animal, then sobered up.
19. Unbalanced Withstanding
I had a customer who hadn't paid their bill in 5 months and was in bad standing even before the everything went nuts. We actually agreed to waive her late payment fees of three months. This woman then had the audacity to DEMAND that we remove 75% of her bill and then demanded to speak to the CEO when we obviously refused.
20. Not Part of the Games
I worked at arcade/bowling alley combo that served food like a full restaurant. My position had me deliver the food and take the dirty dishes to the back. So, there was a group of 6 people bowling, and they ordered our sampler platter that had a little of everything from the appetizer menu. I brought the platter out to them and set it down.
Then I asked them if there was anything else that they needed. Without really looking, this woman said, “We’re good.” I started to turn around to leave, and this woman grabbed my arm and yanked me towards her like I was her kid, swore in my face, and then said, “Where are my chicken wings?” I was in disbelief, and I paused not really understanding what was happening.
I then looked at her and then at the platter. I told her, "They’re right there, ma’am, in the little basket on the platter.” She let go of me with a skeptical expression and said, “Hmm, ok,” as if she really didn’t believe the wings were really in there. If I didn’t hate working there and my shift was any farther from being over in 10 minutes, I would’ve spoken to a manager, but I didn’t care enough to stay to get it sorted and just wanted to leave.
21. Choose Your Poison
When I went out drinking with 4 of my friends from college and played never have I ever at a bar, a friend of mine, let’s call her B, knew something about me that I was very embarrassed about. B knew that it made me anxious even thinking about it, so naturally, she brings up this very specific thing in the game.
She then looks at me directly making it obvious for everyone at the table that I’ve in fact done this thing. But even though it hurt me, it wasn’t the worst part. It came afterwards, when another friend realized how uncomfortable I was, so she did something to keep the game going and move on from me. She did the same to B.
B flipped out in the middle of the bar, started yelling at my friend for being rude and exposing her to all of us, humiliating her, etc. This might not sound that irrational from her side, but the catch is that we all knew about B’s thing because she already told us and other classmates numerous times, whereas with mine, she was the only person who knew. Needless to say, we are no longer friends with B after that night.
22. All Dressed up for Nothing
I got called into the manager’s office and was offered the temporary clothing manager position. I didn't necessarily want a manager’s position, but I had basically been doing the job for months without the benefits, so I accepted it. I went onto the shop floor and was immediately greeted with "congrats" from colleagues.
A girl who works with me had recently become a duty manager. How she became a manager is beyond me. She then went and told my business to everyone including the fact that she had been offered the job first and turned it down, which is why it was offered to me. Everyone knew I was being offered the position before I did.
15 minutes later, another manager approaches me saying there's an issue with putting me in the system, but they're trying to rectify it. For the next 2 hours, I listened to the girl telling everyone and anyone how hard she is going to have it and that she will now have to cover the clothing department as well as her own department.
She told colleagues, friends, and customers who didn't even ask. She made my business known to everyone. Eventually, I was brought into the office and officially told that I wouldn't be the clothing manager. Apparently, my boss missed a deadline to put me on the system. The manager apologized profusely, and I went back out on the floor to hear the new DM telling my story yet again. Longest. Shift. Ever.
23. Firing Mr. Fudd
There was a new hire in the office who had no idea of what personal hygiene was—already not a great start. He was loud, obnoxious, and not even good at his job. Then one day, just outside the office during a break, he started talking to us about catching rabbits in traps. He was pointing to the fields around the building.
We laughed because for everything he said, not one of us took him seriously. When we went back inside, he headed straight to the cubicle of our office manager. She absolutely loved rabbits. Her cubicle was basically a shrine for rabbits and adorned with all kinds pictures and other items inspired by rabbits.
Some are her pets, and some are just rabbits that she thinks are cute. She has statues, rabbit pens and pencils; Nobody in their right mind would have asked this woman in this cubicle about going trapping rabbits. He did. I was surprised he made it to the end of the day. I was not surprised when he didn't return the day after.
24. That’s Definitely Worth It
I had a customer ask me how many ones I could give him if he gave me a $20. I told him $19 because I was charging a finder's fee. He told me that was a great deal and slapped down a $20. We were at a bank. I was his bank teller.
25. Cashier’s Check Outta Here
I work in a somewhat popular restaurant that’s fast-casual style, and it was my first shift as a line cook by myself. I had already worked in the kitchen and can do every position there, but it was my first time doing it by myself. It was a busy night for us, and we were short staffed. By the time we had slowed down, I was exhausted and hot.
I had been standing over 8 burners for about an hour and was taking my lunch. I sat in the office, and the AC was blasting, and it was well needed. My co-worker who was cashiering that day took her lunch 15 minutes after mine started. She saw me in the office and demanded I get out of “her spot.” I just looked at her.
She then told me being a cashier is harder than a line cook because she has to deal with the public. When I told her that I wasn’t moving she swore at me and then was awful the rest of the night. It took about everything in me not to slap her, but instead I told my coworkers who told the MOD, and soon after, she was fired for stealing.
26. Blond Boomerang
I worked for a big chain grocery store as bagger and cart wrangler. There was this one overweight blond woman who would come in all time and cause chaos to no end. One example of her ridiculous and unnecessary nonsense included buying a 15-pound turkey and complaining that it tasted bad and wanting to return it.
She presented a platter with an empty carcass except for one piece of meat on one bone. Another time, she bought a $37 plant, did not water it, showed up a year and a half later with the plant dead as a doornail, and demanded a refund. Then she bought a grill, used 10 gallons of gasoline as fuel, caused an understandable fire/explosion, came back with receipt and charred grill, and demanded a refund. I could go on.
This would be a weekly, if not bi-weekly, happening. It got to the point where many cashiers would see her enter the store, turn off their light, and leave. Now, when I say she made a fuss, I'm not talking about your normal "I want to speak to your manager" type deal. Oh no, she went beyond that and went even further.
She would rant and rave, throw herself on the floor, roll around, throw things, call the police, which I witnessed and kept count at 87 times, and pull out her cell phone filming herself being "victimized" to report us to the media. She was eventually banned from the store after years of this. I heard stories that she began terrorizing our neighbor branch 7 blocks down the road.
27. Can’t Picture It
“Um. You can’t be Middle Eastern. You don’t look Middle Eastern.” I unfortunately get this a lot. I usually say, “and what does every Middle Eastern person look like?” It usually makes them uncomfortable. For reference, I am pretty pale, freckled, blue eyed, and otherwise my face definitely looks like a Middle Eastern woman. Have you ever heard of the Crusades? My mom and grandmother are both full Middle Eastern and look similar.
28. No Kids Allowed
I was walking my dog who does not like children, and we were coming up on a woman and her small child. I could tell the kid was going to make a beeline for my dog, so I crossed to the other side of the street, so there wouldn’t be any issues. This lady incredulously yelled, “WHAT? My kid can’t pet your dog?”
She yelled this as if her kid was entitled to touch any dog she wanted. I said, “he’s not good with kids, sorry,” and she yelled back, “Whatever, loser.” I was stunned, honestly. I thought about that interaction the rest of the walk. But had I just let her kid come up to my dog, that kid probably would have gotten bitten.
29. May I Suggest Velcro?
I had a volunteer come up to me at the public library where I worked and demand that I tie her shoelace.
30. Needless to Say
A former friend told me about how they’d threatened to send people to hurt someone after a disagreement. The worst part was that they clearly expected me to find it cool and quirky. Needless to say, I didn’t.
31. Fried and Disappointed
One time, I ordered a chicken fried steak in a restaurant in which I was currently the only customer. It took an hour to get my food, and when I started eating, I realized that I had gotten chicken fried chicken. I called the waitress over and explained to her that I had ordered chicken fried steak, which she confirmed.
I then told her I had received chicken fried chicken. She stared blankly at me for about 10 seconds and said, "What? You don't like chicken?" I'm usually pretty quick on my feet with a witty comeback, but I was literally left speechless for a minute. I finally got the words out to explain to her WHY I wasn't happy with this mix-up but ended up just leaving. Needless to say, I have not been back.
32. Part of the Banned
I used to be the community admin for an online game about a decade ago, and there was a guy who was permabanned who kept making new accounts to protest his ban on the official forums and get people to try and rally behind him to unban him or put malicious links to scam people. Our GM staff was largely outsourced, so I did most of the forum moderation on my own.
He had obvious and telling posting habits and horrendous grammar, so it was usually easy to know if it was him. After a quick check of an IP address to verify, the account was usually banned and posts deleted where appropriate. Well, this dummy, one day, used a bunch of different accounts, even though I’m not sure why.
Banning was easy on my end, and he did all the logging in and out and made like 20 messages supporting himself. He made a long chain of posts with all of his accounts trying to deliberately bribe me out in the open to unban his account. It wasn’t even a private message. It was just straight up in a new thread offering me cash to do so.
For one, I started the job as a player and was recruited for my honesty and ethics as a whole in the community. It wasn't happening, and the cash was negligible in what I was being paid. Second, just exactly how dumb does someone have to be to think someone would accept a deal like that with everyone watching?
Did he think I would be so dumb to fall for something like that in blackmail by showing any sign of interest? I really couldn’t figure out what or why he was trying so hard, so I had the webmaster IP block him after that since he was using a static IP and left the thread open for posterity to prove the point.
33. Lasting Feelings
Once while we were married, my ex woke up one time while we were sleeping. She starting hitting me, and I mean hard for no apparent reason. I wake up due to the pain of being punched like crazy and think what is going? What happened? Did I accidentally stick it in while she was asleep? Nope. After about an hour of her being really angry, she finally told me that she had a dream that I slept with someone else, and she felt the need to beat me when she woke up.
34. Coming to a Mutual Agreement
When my ex and I were still together, her car broke down so I bought her one of her choice. I gave her a $20k limit for anything she wanted. She wanted something small and easy to drive with good storage space so she chose a brand-new Scion for $16.5k. We drove 4 hours to the next state to get one in the color that she wanted.
A few months later, she's leaving me. She's been cheating on me with a guy who was cheating on his wife to be with her. They were mutual cheaters, and she's leaving me for him. Well, here's this brand-new car. It was in my name. I was making the payments. And she's leaving me to go be with the mutual cheater.
I told her that she had two options regarding this car. She could either get a loan to purchase this car off me or I'm taking the car back. I'm not going to pay about $18,000 after interest for a car for her now. She wasn't happy about this. She was also using my old cell phone since she broke hers. I told her that I wanted my phone back, too.
After I got it back, I looked at what she left on it. She deleted the contact of her new cheater boy, but the text messages remained. I knew his number, so it was easy to see who she was talking to. She was saying to him that I was "driving her crazy" about this car and that I wouldn't just leave her alone about it. You think that you can leave me for the guy that you were cheating on me with and that I'm still going to pay for this brand-new car of your choice for you?
35. Perceived Intelligence
In high school, a person who I thought I knew to be reasonably intelligent, and had recently been accepted to UCLA, and later went on to be an attorney asked if, "assault was a new thing or had it been around a while?"
36. Bonding the Wrong Way
I visited my grandparents for the holidays in a northern part of the state. All of our family went together and stayed in their fairly large house for several days. The second day I was there, I tried to organize a family game for everyone to play since nobody seemed to be doing much of anything. Nobody wanted to play any of the games I suggested.
So, my husband and I pulled out our Magic the Gathering cards we had brought and started to play together. My mom approached me in the middle of a game and said, "I can't believe you brought a game like that to a family gathering. You two have isolated yourself from everyone else by choosing to play your nerd game instead of mingle with family."
Everyone else was just talking and watching TV, and we did end up getting my sister to join us for a game, so I don't know what her problem was. Later that same day, I got really tired from running around in the woods with a couple of my family members and decided to take a nap on the couch downstairs. My mom woke me up and looked concerned.
She asked me if I was feeling okay. I told her I was fine, just tired, and then she suddenly switched. "It's too bad you came all the way here not to spend any time with your family. We were putting together a game upstairs, and everyone was asking, 'where's Raven?' but we couldn't find you." So basically, she got mad at me for playing my own game with my husband when nobody was interested in hanging out with me, but later when I'm tired and trying to sleep, everyone decides to play a game together, and I'm at fault for not wanting to spend time with family?
37. Potentially Fatal Encounter
My mother-in-law said, "I didn't leave him in the car that long. Plus the windows were cracked!" the last time she was ever allowed to watch my oldest child. He was two, and it was 90°F. I was heavily pregnant and had to sit on my hands the next time I saw her because I wanted to cave in the Italian leather handbag that she calls a face.
38. Bizarre Expectations
Once, my dad screamed at me for roughly an hour and a half about how he doesn't care about me, how I mean nothing to him, and how I'm not his daughter. The very next day, he asked to borrow money for smokes and energy drinks.
39. Untimely Pest
I was five minutes early to service a home for pests, and the woman yelled at me for 2 minutes about how inconsiderate I was and then told me to wait in my truck. Her husband then pulled up, and asked what I was doing, and invited me in. She then continued to yell at me about how I shouldn't have come in because she said to wait until the appointed time.
Her husband apologized, and told me to just leave, and gave me 20$ cash. I called my boss and explained the whole situation, and we blocked all her account information.
40. Free Return and Exchanges
I worked at a guest service desk at a big chain store—think bullseye. A couple of years ago, around Christmas time, a woman came to the desk and complained about a string of lights not working properly. I told her that I could return it or exchange it for. She says she’ll grab a different one and come back. Perfect.
She came back half an hour later and started telling me how there were only two packages left. She complained about how the packaging wasn’t perfect. Then she looked me dead in the eyes and says, “What I’d really like you to do is give me this one for free.” I chuckled and said, “We’re not in the business of giving items away for free. The most I can do is 10% off for an imperfect package.” Needless to say, she returned both items.
41. Here She Comes
When I was working in retail, my coworkers and I suddenly heard a loud "boom," but we didn't think anything of it. Five minutes later, an older lady who’s in the store almost every day, maybe in her 50s-60s, came up to me and said, “I just drove into your building.” I looked at her, and right before I began to laugh out loud, I realized she actually did.
42. Mood Change
A man was regaling his fellow party-goers with his drunken jokes. He described being found as a newborn in a field after his teenage mother hid her pregnancy and gave birth at home. All he knew about her was that she was a Waffle House waitress. We sat there, enthralled, waiting for the punchline until we realized he'd moved from "life of the party" onto the "in vino veritas" stage of drunkenness.
43. Diluting Richness
A co-worker mentioned that she thought milk was too rich, so she poured herself a glass of water and added two of those little cups of non-dairy creamer. This was almost two years ago, and I still don't know what to think.
44. Stone’s Throw Away from Common Sense
I work as a server in a restaurant. We use little wooden trays as check presenters, and since it is an open-air restaurant, we weigh down the receipts with decorative stones that are like the shiny ones for the bottoms of fish tanks. I dropped a check for an older couple, and after a few minutes, I went back to get it.
The man said, "You should warn people that those rocks aren't chocolates! I could have broken a tooth!" I get a lot of older people who like to josh around with me, so I definitely thought he was kidding. He was not. He was actually mad at me because he had tried to eat the rock, and it was obviously my fault.
45. Playing Around
My now boyfriend and I were on our fifth date. We were out to lunch, and some toddler started throwing a screaming fit. My boyfriend and I looked at each other, and I said something along the lines of, "Kids are the best, aren't they?" Which is when he said, "Oh, I've been meaning to tell you. I have a daughter." We have similar humor styles, so I started giggling thinking he was teasing. He was not. So that was interesting.
46. Scot-free of Relativity
One Wednesday, a customer asked me why our produce section was so empty especially in terms of stuff like lettuce. I told him that it was because of extreme weather in Spain where we source most of our stuff from. He cut off my explanation with, "Why does it matter what's going on in Spain? We're in Scotland."
47. Ready for Anything
When I was 18, I went with my then-girlfriend from Florida where she lived with her aunt and uncle to Las Vegas to meet her parents. I found out that her dad and mom lived in separate houses right across the street from one another for whatever reason. It was strange—but definitely not the strangest thing that would happen that trip.
Her dad came over to her mom's house to meet me, and I couldn't help but notice he was dressed in a suit. I thought maybe he was just a fancy dresser. He kept asking me questions about my family and how I felt about his daughter. He seemed to like me, and we went through the trip on fairly pleasant terms, but nothing else happened of any note.
Once we got back home to Florida was when my girlfriend decided to tell me that her dad thought we were coming out to Vegas to get married, and he dressed up and put on his suit because he was planning on taking us to get married that day. She had to tell him that we had no intention of getting married in Vegas.
48. Butt End of the Conversation
My uncle asked my brother if he thought my other brother, who's gay, bleached his bum hole. My brother telling me the story said, "I kept waiting for him to start laughing or smile or anything, but he just stared at me with such a straight face. I was like 'Oh you're serious? I don't know, dude...' What was I supposed to say?"
49. We’re Open! Don’t Come In
On the first day of a new job, my boss was discussing standard office policies. He said, "And I'd like to point out that we have an open-door policy here." I thought that was cool and said, "Oh, great! So, if I have a problem, I can come to you?" He said, "No, I mean keep your office door open at all times." Oh.
50. No Eavesdropping Allowed
A couple sat down in the movie theater 15 minutes into the movie. The lady sat right beside me and was holding a full conversation at full volume with the man who was barely acknowledging her. I politely asked her to lower her voice as it was distracting. She stared forward for 2 minutes before leaning over, "maybe if you weren't listening to my conversation, you wouldn't be distracted." I was too livid to even respond, and then the movie was ruined.
51. Let’s Call a Square a Square
About a year into our marriage, my wife and I bought a dining table and chairs. It was our first “real” furniture! My wife was so happy, she posted pictures on Facebook and wanted her mom to look. Well, her mom commented on the phone that it was a nice “oval table.” Wife is immediately upset. "You didn't look," she says. "Yes I did!" her mom insists.
"It's not oval, it's rectangular." "No, it's an oval, I looked." Wife finally gets her mom to actually go look for real, and then it gets even worse. She drops this gem: "Well that's what I call it!" “Um, you call rectangles ovals?" This has become a running gag for us. Whenever we lose an argument, we always end it with, "Well, that's what I call it!"
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